A/N: Salut! Just to let you know, I posted the first chapter of my new story, Life ain't been no Crystal Stair, a couple of days ago, so please, please, PLEASE go check it out and drop in a review. I will be posting the second chapter extra soon. Probably tomorrow or later tonight. Whenever I feel like it I guess. As I'm sure you've already figured out, with two stories to take of now, I won't be updating so often anymore. Probably around once or twice a week, same goes for my other story.

I was going to update this story yesterday, but I was pretty exhausted from working all week and seeing the Twilight Movie! I went after school was done with my friend and of course it was a packed theatre. We didn't get the best seats, but they were decent. I will explain my thoughts on the movie at the end of this chapter. Don't worry, if you haven't seen the movie yet, there will be NO SPOILERS.

I have nothing else to say…. So on with Chapter THIRTEEN!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Bella was no doubt my soul-mate, she made me feel complete and deliciously whole.

But… I had hurt her so much in the past and present that she couldn't possibly love me anymore. I didn't deserve her. She was far too good to me. Yet, I loved her too much to let her go. I knew it was selfish, but I needed this angel to be mine, even if I didn't deserve her.

So, should I be selfish and try to fight for Bella, or should I do what's right and leave her alone?

Chapter 13: Old School – BPOV

It was New Year's Eve.

Correction: It was New Year's Eve and we were at the Cullen's house. I was pretty much starting to believe the world absolutely loathed me.

Ever since my little meltdown, things had had been doubly awkward between Edward and I. I knew that showing him that moment of weakness in me was a mistake and I hoped he wasn't under the false implication that everything was alright between us now. I had let my guard down that time, and I wasn't planning on doing it again. It was an accident, and nothing could come out of it. Both of our lives' depended on it.

Ever since Charlie told me that the police were suspecting some other dude, not Phil, I had become twice as paranoid as before. I knew that Phil would be trying three times as hard to get me to keep my mouth shut now that he was seemingly in the clear. Every time I was alone, or sometimes when I wasn't even alone, I would find myself glancing over my shoulder or darting my eyes nervously around me, as if he were watching me. I'm sure if he actually were watching me he'd send me some kind of form of communication, like a text message or email or something, to let me know. Just to freak me out and make sure I shut the hell up (hint, hint… just some foreshadowing).

Since he had comforted me, I truly did trust Edward. I knew he would never intentionally hurt me, even after all that had happened between us. Even then, when he first started dating Tanya, he never meant to hurt me. I trusted him with my life. There was no doubt in my mind that if I told him the truth about Phil that he would be supporting, even though he would probably be insistent on telling the police. No, the problem wasn't that I didn't trust Edward.

I just didn't trust myself, at least not around him. When I was around him, I said too much. I lost my word filter, involuntarily dropped my guard and showed my vulnerability.

This was a very bad thing. I was still confused on exactly what made me react like this whenever I was around Edward, but whatever it was, I wasn't going to let myself find out.

I knew I was hurting Edward by doing this. I knew he was probably expecting me to trust him and be closer to him after I broke down. I pretty much did the opposite of the latter, and it made me feel immensely guilty. I didn't want to hurt him, how could I? But it didn't change things. Yet it always seemed that when I wanted to stay away, fate would put us back together again.

Now it was New Year's Eve and Esme invited Charlie and I to spend it with her and the rest of the Cullen bunch. Rose was in Port Angeles spending it with her family, much to her annoyance. Since Esme and Carlisle saw us Swans as family, they tried to include us in all their family "togetherness" times. Hallmark commercial anyone?

So, here I was, in the living room of the Cullen mansion, holding a glass of coke, since I wasn't old enough to drink champagne like all the adults, watching the TV, waiting for them to drop that gigantic and probably environmentally unhealthy, ball in New York. At least, I was trying to watch. I could feel Edward's eyes on me and hear Emmett whining about missing Rose in my right ear and Alice's own gloom about missing Jasper in my left. This was the most perfect New Year's Eve ever. Really.

I understood why they missed them though. The New Year was for lovers. On midnight, couples were supposed to exchange their first kiss of a brand new year. The only united couple in the entire house that night, even though most of the people there were involved in a relationship, was Carlisle and Esme. So I guess the rest of us were supposed to just clink our glasses together and act freakishly happy when the ball did drop while we secretly mourned the absence of our significant others or, in my case, the lack of a significant other to mourn.

"Bella, I miss Rosie…" Emmett said for the thousandth time that night. I was seriously getting irritated. If you couldn't already tell, I wasn't in the best of moods that night.

"And I miss my non-existent boyfriend, okay?" I snapped. I saw Edward twitch at that. I didn't know exactly why, but he had been giving me funny looks since Christmas, and it was seriously bugging me. I was very close to simply going up to him and demanding to know why he was being such a weirdo. But of course, that would be crossing my invisible boundaries, so it was out of the question.

"Jeez, Bella. You don't have to be so snappish." Emmett said in mock offense.

I sighed and took another sip of my coke. I would have rather been at home, quietly celebrating New Year's with Charlie, but Charlie practically worshipped the Cullens, so there was no way he would've said no when they invited us over.

"Aw, it's okay Em." Alice said in her Emmett-pitying voice. "I know how you feel." She crawled over me and into Emmett's lap, like a little girl to her daddy, or in this case, her big brother.

"Aw, sibling love", I said sarcastically.

"Why are you such a grouch tonight Bells? Feel the love!" Alice said.

I shrugged, "A number of pointless reasons," pointless, ha! "Are you sure nothing's in the coke? It's sure making me feisty."

"Only one more minute kids!" Esme said excitedly. We all turned our attention towards the TV.

I decided that I couldn't take anymore of the hopeless lovesick puppies still clinging to each other beside me, so I stood up facing the television. I felt someone come up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to be met with the brilliant green of Edward's eyes.

"Got any New Year's resolutions, Bella?" he asked with genuine curiousity.

Oh yeah. Stuff like not dying, staying away from you, not dying, and… well, nothing else.

I shrugged. "A couple. What about you?" I asked politely, turning my head back to the TV screen.

I could hear the tenderness in his voice when he said, "Same. A couple." I quickly glanced back at him to see him looking at me with that weird emotion in his eyes again. It was so intense and strong that I almost fell down from the pressure of it. My thoughts became muddled as I broke the contact and looked back at the TV. He just kept making me more and more confused.

That's when the room and TV started counting down. I quickly joined in for the sheer heck of it.

"10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" Everyone cheered as the ball dropped and the crowds of people were screaming in joy.

Esme and Carlisle exchanged a brief but loving kiss as the rest of us clinked glasses and said a few more "Happy New Year" greetings. All of the sudden there was someone's lips pressing against my cheek in a quick kiss. I whirled around to see Edward who was smiling smugly.

"What was that?" I asked blankly, still surprised.

"Just giving you your New Year's kiss" he answered, his eyes sparkling. I blushed bright red before turning my head away to hug Alice.

She was bouncing up and down and squealing Happy New Year every two seconds. I laughed a little as she wrapped her entire skinny body around me.

"I saw what Edward just did, by the way," Alice whispered in my ear. "It's fate…" she trailed off as I glared at her. She only giggled before disentangling herself and taking out her cell phone to call Jasper. Emmett was already booming his undying love to Rosalie through his own phone.

Someone on TV started singing "Auld Lang Syne" as I niftily ignored Edward for the rest of the night.

Except… the burning on my cheek wouldn't go away.

* * *

We all got back to Seattle University the Thursday before classes started again (I can't remember if I said they were going to start school again the day after New Year's, and I'm too lazy to check. So if I did, pretend I said the Monday after New Year's). Except it wasn't going to be staying like that. Classes didn't start until Monday, so Jasper was taking Alice away on some romantic ski resort thing trip for the weekend to make up for the fact they were separate from each other the whole holidays. Apparently he did the same thing last year too.

Of course when Rose heard of their plans, she started dropping hints to Emmett that she too wanted to go with him, and he eventually made the same plans. So in other words, everyone except for Edward and I were going skiing for the weekend. They were leaving Friday at noon.

As you've probably realized, I was dreading this weekend.

Rosalie was a flurry of activity, whizzing around the dorm room, packing things for the trip. I was lying down on my side on my bed, watching her. When she started packing very lacey, sexy lingerie, I rolled over to my other side. I didn't even want to imagine what she was going to do with those.

My thoughts wandered to those of Edward.

I knew with just the two of us, he wouldn't have anyone to distract him from hanging out with me, thus, he would probably want to do stuff together. Friend stuff. Jeez, wasn't the guy, like, super popular? I had seen him outside of class; he had girls drooling over him and guys wishing they were him, although Edward always stayed unaffected by it. But still… couldn't he find someone else to hang with? I already knew the answer: no.

That only meant I would have to be extra cautious this weekend.

"So, Bella…" Alice said as her face popped up suddenly in my line of vision. I jumped.

"Holy, Alice. Don't scare me like that," I said sternly. "Since when did you get here?"

"Just now," she shrugged, "It's just going to be you and Edward all weekend Bella. Excited?"

"Why the hell would I be excited?" I asked, a little annoyed again. I felt like my moods were erratic, the littlest things would irritate me.

She shrugged again and said, "I would tell you, but I think it's better if you figure it out for yourself." She looked at me knowingly as if expecting me to go "Ohhhh. I totally know what you mean. Don't worry, I got it all covered." As if.

"Still don't know what your talking about." I said in an offhand manner. Alice only rolled her eyes before asking Rosalie if she should bring her pink ski boots or her red. Alice's statement puzzled me, but I quickly pushed it away. Alice was unpredictable and delusional. She had no idea of what she was talking about. Sure she was almost always right when it came to what would happen in the future, but not this time. Whatever she was implying, it was wrong.

* * *

Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose left the next day at exactly noon. Alice hated when things weren't done precisely, so they weren't allowed to drive away at 11:59, nooooooo, it had to be 12:00. I loved her, but if she was this picky now, I wondered how Jasper would deal with her if she became his wife. I shuddered to think of how she act if she were pregnant. Raging hormones and all.

Edward and I both saw them off. I hugged all four of them, wishing them a good trip and that I'd be fine here all alone. Well, not totally alone because Edward, but I hoped he would stay away.

"Are you sure you're going to be fine?" Rose asked me quietly so the others wouldn't hear. "You know, at night."

Ah, she was referring to my nightmares. I still had them every night, of course. It touched me to know Rose was actually concerned about me and not just relieved she would be able to sleep the whole night through without waking up to my screaming.

I gave her a reassuring smile. "I'll be fine. Now just go have fun."

She only looked at me uncertainly before getting into the passenger side of Emmett's jeep while Alice and Jasper climbed into the back.

"Bye! And Bella, don't forget to wear the pretty outfits I left for you! If you don't, I will take every piece of clothing you own that I didn't buy for you, and burn them in a bonfire." Alice said the first half in a teasing manner, but the threat she made was dead serious. She sounded lethal. I gulped and nodded.

Edward snickered at the expression on my face and said, "She's not joking you know. She's done it before."

Was that even legal?

As soon as they drove off, Edward turned to me.

"So… is there anything you want to do?" Just as I expected. He was expecting to spend the weekend with me. Hmm, how was I to put it lightly…

Gee, Edward. I'd love to do something with you. Really. But I can't because you are currently a danger to your own life and mine. So I think you should just keep your distance. N'est pas?

Ah haha, not gonna happen.

"Umm, actually I have a couple of things due on Monday so I was thinking about finishing them off. Sorry." I said politely, but in a detached tone. It was a lie; I had already finished all my assignments. I wasn't one to procrastinate.

Edward raised one of his dark eyebrows skeptically. I hated how he could see right through me. It almost creeped me out. Sometimes, when he was looking at me with those emerald eyes, I felt like he was looking right through me and into my soul.

Wow, that last sentence sounded corny and something straight from a fantasy novel.

"You aren't done yet?" Edward asked.

"Nope. So, I'm going to go work now. Sorry."

He only nodded, letting me go without further argument. He looked disappointed and I immediately felt guilty. Before I could stop myself, I said, "But I'll come over to your room later, okay?"

His face noticeably brightened, "Sure, we can watch a couple of movies."

I just nodded before hurrying away. Now why did I go and say that?! He just kept making me say things spontaneously before I could even think. I hated how guilt always made me give in to people. I needed to toughen up.

There was no point in canceling. It would only make me feel more guilty and then cause me to say something stupid like "Hey, turn that frown upside down! We can spend the entire day together tomorrow!" So not what I needed.

When I got to my dorm room, I picked up a copy of Jane Eyre to read again. It would pass the time until I needed to make an appearance at Edward's. Ugh.

After a couple hours worth of reading, my eyes started to feel droopy and my vision more blurry. I was obviously sleepy, but I didn't want to close my eyes in fear of the nightmare, so I quickly got up to make some coffee. Some very strong coffee.

I decided I was going to go to Edward's in the evening. Six Maybe. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 2:30, so I still had some time to kill and mentally prepare for spending the evening with Edward.

* * *

I made it to Edward's room, about to knock before I changed my mind and scampered off, when I heard people talking from inside. One voice was obviously Edward's, judging from the fact it was his residence and that no one else could have such a velvet, musical voice. The other voice was one that I could never forget too. Tanya.

A jealous fire coursed through me as I heard her voice through the thin door. I felt like the time Edward first introduced her to me. Why was she there? Did they get back together? No, that couldn't be it. Edward didn't want anything to do with her ever since she cheated on him.

But the more prudent question in my mind was why was I so jealous? I thought I had gotten over him. I did get over him… didn't I?

I shook my head free of these thoughts as I debated going back or knocking on the door. I was able to make out their conversation.

"How many times do I have to say 'no' before you get the message, Tanya?" I heard Edward say angrily. I couldn't deny the surge of relief I felt knowing that he didn't want her there, or anywhere.

"Oh, Edward, you don't mean that." Tanya replied flirtatiously.

"I do. Now for the last time, leave." The door then swung open to reveal Edward in all his Adonis glory, holding it open for Tanya to walk out. He wasn't looking at me, but at Tanya. I couldn't help but notice how handsome he still looked even when angry.

My jaw dropped in disgusted surprise when I saw Tanya. She was dressed in some cheetah print bra and panties that barely were able to keep her assets from bursting. A silk robe was lying by her feet which were in cowboy boots. Something told me she came to Edward's room to try and seduce him into sleeping with her. I dunno, just a hunch.

When he heard my quiet gasp, Edward whipped his head to me, his eyes going wide with surprise.

"Bella! This isn't what it looks like, I swear!" he quickly pleaded. I wondered why he was saying that in the first place. It wasn't like I was his girlfriend.

Tanya only giggled before smiling at me smugly. She quickly put back on her robe and walked out the door. As she passed Edward, she said, "Bye Edward. I had a really good time with you. We should do it again sometime." Edward merely looked horrified and angry.

Slamming the door after she left, he turned again to me.

"Bella, I swear that I'm not going out with her anymore. I am completely done with her."

He looked so distressed that I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He looked down at it as if it were the hand of an extra terrestrial. ET phone home, I thought dryly. Now if only the tip of my finger could glow…

"It's alright Edward," I said, "I heard the jist of things through the door. Besides, if you were back together with Tanya, I wouldn't matter to me," Lie. "You're free to date who you want. I'm not in any place to interfere."

He looked away, mumbling something under his breath too low for me to catch. I pretended not to hear.

Edward ordered pizza. We sat and ate as we watched some stupid, yet still entertaining, comedy movies. Edward started snickering in the middle of The Benchwarmers and I knew it wasn't because of the scene.

I wasn't going to ask at first. I pretended like I didn't hear him, but soon curiousity overcame the resolution for distance and I said, "What?"

Edward looked at me grinning, his eyes sparkling. "I was just remembering how you used to play baseball. Back at our old school in Forks. You were just like these kids."

I blushed because it was true. I was horrible at baseball. Actually, I was horrible at pretty much every sport except for swimming. And that was only because you didn't need hand-eye coordination for it.

Regardless, I was still offended that Edward was getting a good laugh out of this.

"Yeah, well not everyone could be a super jock like you." I snapped.

This only made him even more amused.

"You're only jealous, Bella. Remember how I would beat you in everything?"

I scowled. He had beat me in everything. He not only was better at sports than I was, but he was also better in the classroom. My grades were good, but his were perfect. Damn him and his perfectness.

"That was high school," I snorted, "The most insane years of our lives. It's different now. You may not be the best at everything anymore." I then lost my teasing tone. "We've grown up."

Edward furrowed his eyebrows, looking serious too. "You're right. We're different," he murmured, more to himself than to me. He wasn't even looking at me anymore.

We were both lost in our reminiscing thoughts, I'm sure, wishing we could back to those days where everything was so much less complicated. It had been years since those days back in Forks. Until now, I really hadn't let myself go back to that time. It was too painful. But now, I felt not only pain, but longing. Longing for those crazy classes and wild weekends.

I wasn't sure about Edward, but I knew that I had grown up. After everything that happened in Phoenix, I knew that I was forced out of being a kid anymore. It happened so fast. I wasn't happy anymore. These days, I only felt better by hiding myself. I would never get back what I gave away.

I heard Edward murmur something that sounded like, "How in the hell we get here…"

I ignored his quiet comment for the third time that night and continued to watch the movie. Chatting lightly to Edward. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that feeling so comfortable and being to friendly with him was wrong, but my feelings for him wouldn't allow me to stop.

Sometime late into the night - or was it the early morning? - We fell asleep side by side, but not touching, thank goodness, on the floor of his dorm room. It felt good to be so close to Edward, even if we weren't exactly in any physical contact.

That was the first night in a long time that I didn't have any nightmares.

A/N: Hit or Miss?

Sorry if it disappointed you because Edward and Bella didn't get together. Well, tough. In my opinion, if they got together right after he first discovered he loves her, it would be moving too fast and unrealistically.

SO, my thoughts on the TWILIGHT MOVIE were this (don't worry, there are NO SPOILERS in case you haven't seen it yet): the movie was definitely not anywhere near the same standard as the book, but I wasn't expecting it to be. It's almost impossible for the movie version of a book be as good as the original. I don't think the movie was awesome or excellent, but it wasn't bad. A fair attempt at capturing the story on screen, even though they changed the scenes a little too much for my liking. I thought it was going to be bad, so I was pleasantly surprised. Although there were some odd moments, like when Edward first smells Bella. I'm sorry, but I laughed. It looked like a cross between pre-vomiting and the face you make when someone farted and you smelt it (sorry if that qualifies as a spoiler for you). The whole theatre laughed.

Some people are criticizing Kristen Stewart for stuttering her lines. She does at a few parts, put I think that when she did, it was appropriate. Like when she(Bella) was panicking. Besides, isn't Edward supposed to "dazzle" her into incoherency? Others are saying her voice is too deep. Well, if you read the first chapter of Midnight Sun, her voice is described by Edward as deep, so deal with it. I'm a little disappointed on how Jasper's ability was never described though.

Although some will disagree, I thought Robert and Kristen acted out Edward and Bella's romance pretty well. The aspects of their relationship were there: Edward's hesitance of getting close to her, Bella's nervousness, etc. Sure, it was a bit rushed, but they had to fit it into a two hour time frame, so I think they did an okay job when it same to that aspect. In terms of special affects, I didn't like it. Especially the sparkling. I felt it was poorly done, but I guess that's the best they could do since I heard they had a low budget compared to other fantasy movies.

So overall, I say it was good. Not spectacular, but not bad. I wouldn't go buy the DVD for it, but would definitely go see it again if someone wanted me to. Since Summit officially announced today that New Moon is definitely being put into production, I'm anxious to see it. It will obviously need more money because of the werewolves, and I'm hoping that it will be good.

Anyway, PM me if you want to discuss/debate the movie or better yet, leave your opinion in a REVIEW! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace out.