A/N: Yo.

Lol, what an anticlimactic greeting. So, I actually wasn't expecting to update today, but thanks to a fellow student's screw up, I have a little more free time, therefore I can write!

I loved the great response I got from you guys for the last chapter! So I decided to indulge you and quit dragging on Bella's intense internal battle, hopefully you get what I mean. But really, you guys are the best! I love reviews! They are what's keeping me alive!

By the way, I created a Shadow of the Day Playlist, which is on my profile. The playlist includes the songs I used for the chapter titles, a few different songs I felt fit, and of course, the story's namesake, "Shadow of the Day" by Linkin Park! Note that the website I created the playlist on did not have every single song I needed, so I apologize in advance that a few of the chapter songs are missing.

Well, that's it from me! On with Chapter SEVENTEEN!!!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Bella! Please! Open the door! Just… talk to me. We need to talk about this." Edward banged on the door. I winced. Crap.

"Edward, please go away." I said, tears building up in my eyes. Finally he says he loves me, and I can't be with him. I bit my lip to stop myself from sobbing.

"Bella, don't do this!"

Tears poured down my cheeks as I banged the back of my head against the door.

What do I do now?

Chapter 17: These Words

It had been an hour.

An hour since I locked myself in the janitor's closet to hide from Edward. I was afraid, I was a coward. Edward had continued to bang on the door like a lunatic, begging me to come out, for quite a while. Eventually he ceased the banging but kept pleading with me to talk to him. I wanted to, but I couldn't.

I was truly pathetic.

It was only about ten minutes ago did he stop talking altogether. I wasn't sure if he was still outside or not, but I didn't want to take my chances. Then again, it wasn't like I could stay in here for the rest of my life. The janitor was bound to come around and I didn't think he'd appreciate finding me in his little closet. He'd probably be even less pleased if he learned that I planned to live in this closet until I died of starvation or lack of sun exposure, if that was possible, all so I wouldn't have to talk to my best friend/guy who just confessed he loved me.

Or… I could just take the risk that Edward was out there, tip toe out, thank our dear Lord in Heaven if he wasn't, and damn Him to the hot flames of Hell if Edward was. If he was out there, I would have to talk to him, sort this mess out, push him away, and then be miserable for the rest of my screwed up life.

I was really liking Option 1.

Looking back to what Edward had told me… I just couldn't believe it. He said he was in love with me, but my mind refused to grasp such a ridiculous concept.

I guess I was so used to Edward only feeling friendship/sibling-like affections for me that the idea of him romantically loving me was completely unbelievable. I used to dream of the day he would say those three words back to me, but it had never happened. I had lost hope.

Those three words. Three simple words that where so basic, yet held more meaning than any other words in the English vocabulary.

When had he fallen for me? When the hell did this happen? How the hell did this happen? Last time I checked, he was absolutely platonic towards me. Since when exactly did those feelings suddenly turn to love?

I let out a frustrated breath and flopped my head down onto my bent knees.

I knew I loved him back. That much was obvious. At first I was horrified that I had fallen in love with him again. I was appalled at what an idiot I was. How could I had been so careless? But then I realized that I wasn't careless at all. I just had a complete lack of self-knowledge.

I had loved Edward all along. I had never fallen out or stopped. My love was simply suppressed, waiting dormant inside of me, ready to burst forth upon the day I would meet with him again.

It had, and I hated myself for it.

My love for Edward only made things so much more painful. It would make everything I needed to do twice as hard and even worse would be how I might not be able to control myself. The fact that I had been waiting for the day he would love me back, would only double, if not triple, my yearning for him. I had to put my feelings in check. He was stubborn, but so was I.

After about twenty more minutes, I decided I had to come out. As much as Option 1 appealed to me, it would never work. If I was going to start living in the janitor's closet, I would need the basic essentials of human life. Unfortunately, things like a bed wouldn't fit in the little closet, so Option 1 was out.

It was now or never. Option 2, prepare yourself.

I quietly opened the door, feeling a tiny spark of relief that I was able to open it easily. That meant Edward wasn't leaning his weight on it.

But that didn't mean he wasn't there.

Opening the door fully, I creeped out of the closet. The hall was lit up with fluorescent lights, so I could clearly see that…

No one was there.

A huge wave of relief hit me as I confirmed with my eyes that Edward wasn't there; waiting for me, ready to pounce as soon as I emerged.

But at the same time I couldn't deny the smallest, most microscopic tinge of disappointment I felt that he wasn't there. Maybe he didn't love me as I thought. Or, at least, not as much as I loved him. Not enough to wait outside a janitor's closet for me. Not worth the discomfort of sitting on the floor, waiting.

Closing the door behind me, I quietly walked down the hall towards the elevators. I was grateful I didn't have to walk by Edward's dorm room in order to get there. I was almost positive he was there and if he heard me walking by…

I just wanted to get into my dorm room and eat a tub of ice cream. I wished with all my heart that Rose and Alice could have been with me. I needed a girl's night full of junk food, sweat pants, and chick flicks.

But they weren't.

I had never felt so alone before in my life.

When I got to my dorm room door I didn't bother to take out my key. I never remembered to lock the door anyway (foreshadowing…).

I looked at my watch. 4:07 PM. How was time going by so slow? It had felt like years had gone by, but in reality, it was still Saturday. Just one day since Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett had left to go skiing. So much had happened in just one day.

I entered the apartment, planning to just order some Chinese for an early dinner when I stopped short.

There was barely any light in the room since the curtains were closed, but I could make the outline of a figure standing next to the couch, as if it was sitting there and had stood up as soon as I opened the door.

It was a man's figure.

My very first thought was that of Phil and my mind immediately went into panic mode. My breathing became more laboured as I stared frozen at the figure. Holy crap, he found me. Phil was here. He was going to kill me and then hide my body away. I wasn't going to live.

No! I didn't want to die. But he said if I told anyone he would kill me and everyone I loved. Well, I did tell someone, but how did he find out so fast? Oh God, did he already get Edward?!

The man started advancing towards me and a scream was bubbling through my lips, but before I could let loose, the man ran the rest of the way to me, so fast I could barely blink, and pressed a cool hand over my mouth, pushing me against the wall next to the door.

As soon as he got close and his hand came in contact with my skin I knew it wasn't Phil.

It was Edward.

I could smell his honey sweet scent and felt the usual electric shock when his hand covered my mouth. What's more, he was close enough that I could clearly see his face. Unless Phil had gotten plastic surgery to make himself look like Edward, a kid he didn't even know, this wasn't him.

I breathed out in relief that it wasn't a psychotic man in my room, but my best friend.

Actually, back track there. This was just as bad if not worse. Edward never gave up on me. He came to my room to wait for me. This meant it was confrontation time. This meant it was alienate-myself-from-Edward time. Oh boy.

Edward still had his hand over my mouth, his other hand was at my shoulder. Once reassured that I wasn't going to scream 'Rapist!', he let go of me and took a small step back. I didn't say anything.

"I came here," he whispered. No shit Sherlock! I thought sarcastically, but kept silent, staring at him. I was preparing myself for what needed to be said.

He continued, "I knew you wouldn't come out of there if I stayed waiting for you right outside, so I came here. You'd had to come back here eventually," he paused. "Bella, I…"

"Edward, I have an idea of what you're going to say, so please, don't say it," I said quietly, cutting him off.

"I don't care. I'm going to say what I need to, Bella," he said, determination entering his velvety voice.

I sighed, I should have known there was going to be no easy way to do this. It also wasn't helping that my heart was practically beating his name. My throat throbbed painfully with the words I had to say, but desperately didn't want to. Seeing him here, so perfect and so intensely staring at me, only weakened my resolve. I needed to do this quickly. I would be strong.

I walked more into the room until I was standing in front of the couch. I didn't know exactly why I chose to stand there, but I guess it was so I would have something to catch me after this was done and I would be in pain.

I wished, instead, it would be someone catching me, but that was impossible.

Edward's life and safety came first. I wasn't going to risk his life by entering a relationship with him just to satisfy my own selfish wants, needs. I loved him too much.

I felt tears prickle my eyes and I desperately tried to blink them back as I crossed my arms over my chest. Of course, Edward was observant, and noticed my watery eyes right away.

"Bella…" he whispered, reaching over and gently wiping a tear from my cheek that I didn't even know had fallen. He then used the same hand to cup my cheek. It took every ounce of strength in me not to lean into his touch.

"Edward, please stop," I said. "You, me… we can't." I couldn't trust myself to speak in complete sentences. My voice would crack.

"Bella… I love you," Edward said, his voice was pleading for me to listen. I almost threw in the towel when he said that. His voice held so much conviction in it that I found it hard not to believe him. But I was still hesitant to. How could he just go from feeling friendship to feeling love? Even after he rejected me once. It was just so incredulous.

"No, Edward," I said, my voice shaking ever so slightly. "You don't love me, not the way I want you to. You refused me once, you said you only saw me as a friend. It couldn't have changed so quickly." I shook my head.

"That's because it never changed," he said, staring intently into my eyes. I looked at him confused. If his feelings never changed, then they must have still been platonic. Then why was he talking about love?

"I've always loved you, Bella," he explained. But that just confused me more. If he always loved me, then why did he tell me otherwise before?

"I just hadn't realized until now," Oh.

Edward took my hand in his and it felt so good, I couldn't bring myself to pull it away. His green eyes shone with sincerity and tenderness. I couldn't believe it.

He loved me.

But this just made everything so much more complicated.

I pulled my hand out of his grasp and his eyes became hurt. I hated that I was the source of that hurt, but it was better this way.

"Edward, I already told you, we can't," I said, hating how my voice sounded so weak and sad. "It's too dangerous and I can't risk losing you. It's bad enough that you know about Phil, but being with me is ten times worse."

"I don't care," Edward said firmly.

"But I do."

His eyes turned desperate as he said, "Please, Bella, let me try. Let me prove myself to you."

"Edward, no," my voice cracking. "Please don't make this harder than it already is. Right now, this can't happen. You can't have just realized you love me and come here, expecting a relationship. I asked for you once, and you said no." I was starting to change tactics. Being angry was so much easier than being calm and firm.

"I know, and I didn't just realize now. I've known for… a little while now. And I know that I don't deserve it, that you've asked for me before and I refused, but I was a fool then. I didn't know what I do now." He held my face gently, but firmly, in his hands. I couldn't look away.

"How do I know you won't hurt me again?" My voice had raised an octave and another tear fell down my cheek. This was so hard, and not to mention that I was telling the truth in my last statement. He may say he loves me now, but what about later? He refused me once, who's to say he wouldn't do it again? If he was so blunt to have only realized his love now, then I couldn't expect it to be as strong as the love I had for him. I didn't think I'd be able to survive another blow from him, literally.

Edward closed his eyes and slowly moved his hands upwards, so that they remained on the sides of my face, but his fingers entangled with my hair. He laid his forehead against mine. My breathing become slightly erratic at his very close proximity and my heart started to beat faster. He opened his eyes to look at me, his gaze held so much longing, it made me weak in the knees.

Edward disentangled one hand from my hair and reached down, picking up one of my own hands. Never breaking eye contact, he gently placed my hand on his chest, against his heart. To my complete surprise, it was beating at the same jagged, fast beat that mine was. Was it possible he…?

"This is how I know I will never hurt you again. I know I've hurt you so many times in the past and I'm so sorry. I've messed up, screwed up, and ruined things in the past, but I'm ready to make it better again. I need you to give me another chance. Can't you feel my heart? Can't you feel how much I love you?"

I could. I could feel how much he loved me. Although I never could believe that it was as much as I loved him, I knew he spoke the truth.

I looked into his eyes, searching. I saw longing, I saw apprehension, I saw pleading, I saw love. All these emotions mixed together, swimming in his emerald orbs, made me question my decision. Was I making the right choice? Was it really better that I push Edward away? That I stay away from him to protect him?

What was I thinking? Of course it was.

I broke away from him, backing away so the backs of my legs hit the front of the couch. I shook my head at him and my eyes started filling with tears at what I was about to say.

"No, Edward. How many times do I have to say that?"

"And how many times do I have to tell you that we can try?"

"We can't try. It isn't safe. I can't risk your life, Edward. You're too important. If I let myself be with you, it will only lead to heartbreak and danger. You could get hurt, or worse," I choked. "I couldn't do that to you. Both of us will just end up becoming hurt. The risk is too great."

"I already said I don't care about the risk," Edward said pleadingly, "let Phil come and be this danger. I can protect both you and me. I won't let anything hurt us."

Was he crazy?!

"I said no! You may think you can protect yourself, but you can't! How many times do I have to tell you no before you get it? You can't just come out of no where, at a time where I'm suffering, tell me you love me, and then expect us to be all dandy. You know as well as I do that this is dangerous and you're not making it any easier!" Tears were streaming down my face as I angrily said this. I was running low on will power and I needed to get him to leave me alone before I completely lost control and jumped back into his arms. I know I wanted to. So badly.

Edward looked so broken and desperate, it brought more tears to my eyes. It killed me how I was hurting him too, but he would get over me. He had to.

"Bella, no! We were meant to be together, and you know that! I can't describe it, but you fit into me, like a missing puzzle piece. I've never felt like this before towards anyone, and I know that it's meant to last. And I can't just leave you unprotected, while I go off and be safe! If you're going to be in danger, then I'm going to be right there with you. Bella, I love you! Please grasp that I do!" I was mortified to see a single tear role down Edward's cheek. He was begging me now. He wanted to be with me that bad.

I could see his point, but the thought of risking Edward's life for my own selfish needs was sickening. Hearing his speech broke my heart, but unfortunately didn't change my mind. It only showed how his tie to me needed to be cut off. He was already to attached.

I put my hand over my mouth, the tears kept coming. "I'm sorry," I whispered. Edward's eyes filled with agony and misery. I felt myself die a little more inside with every passing second. It was truly tearing myself apart having to do this.

But I would die a thousand times in order to spare Edward from getting hurt.

"Just tell me one thing," he said quietly, his voice strangled. "I promise I won't bother you anymore if you don't, but…"

I waited, dreading what he was going to say.

"Do you love me anymore? I know you once said you did, and it's perfectly understandable if you don't feel that way anymore. I was such a stupid jackass then, after all. But I need to know. Do you love me anymore?"

There was silence. I knew the answer and I wanted to tell him the truth and let him know that I never stopped, but it wouldn't demonstrate a clean break.

It was better this way. "No."

My voice shook and I looked away from his eyes when I said it. I tried to disguise the lie as best I could, but it wasn't working. Edward grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him again. He searched my brown eyes with his green ones. I tried to mask my feelings from practically pouring from my eyes.

"You're lying," he said simply. It wasn't cocky or confidant, but like he was stating a fact, which he was.

"No, I'm not." I wasn't going down without a fight.

"You are. I can see it in your eyes. You're lying." He was seriously pushing my buttons. Take the hint and leave!

"I'm not lying!" I pretty much shouted.

"Yes, you are!" he said right back, he wasn't shouting, but I could clearly hear the frustration in his voice. "Tell me the truth; Do. You. Love. Me?"

I was silently fuming at him. It didn't matter how much I adored him; Edward could still push me the wrong way. I may have been lying, but that clearly meant I didn't want him there. Most guys would have left me alone by now!

I knew my burst of frustration and anger was unreasonable and out of line, but I didn't really care at the moment.

"Of course I love you, you ass! I never stopped! It's breaking my heart having to push you away, but I love you too much to risk your safety so I can be happy! I'm not that kind of girl, Edward, so, yes! Are you happy now? I love you! I'm in love with you! Always have been, always will be!" I shouted at him.

Shouldn't have said that, but it was too late to take it back. I let my emotions take the best of me, and I shouldn't have made such a huge slip up. I made too many slip ups around Edward. That was what the problem with him was; I was too in love with him to think clearly.

I couldn't take it back. It was out. In the open.

Might as well finish it.

"I love you," I whispered, confirming the answer to his question. His eyes lit up and burned intensely. But that's all I got to see before his lips were on mine.

It was better than the first kiss. This one held so much love and adoration. I could feel it as Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, one hand on my back, pulling me closer. I found myself closing my eyes and kissing him back. It was a sweet, gentle kiss, but it held more meaning and emotion than any other action in the world. It conveyed so many messages; that he cared about me, that he wanted to be with me. But the most powerful one of all was that he loved me.

And this time, I truly and completely believed him.

I entangled my fingers in his perfect bronze mess and for the first time since I left Forks two years ago, I was breathing.

And, damn, breathing had never felt so good.

Feeling dizzy, I broke away first. Both of us had laboured breathing. Edward pulled me so his chest, resting his chin on top of my head.

"You can't deny that," he breathed. "Did that convince you? Did that convince you that I love you, that everything will be alright?"

I wanted to say no, but my will power had pretty much dissolved as soon as our lips touched. My mind was filled with nothing but feelings and images of Edward and I together. I could see nor feel anything else. I knew he was right. Everything would be fine. Here, in his arms, I never felt more safe and secure.

The only thing that seemed to matter was that Edward loved me and I loved him. All my plans and resolved were trashed along with the fear.

I nodded. "I see now. I understand," I said.

Edward pulled back to look at my face and looked at me for a few seconds. Searching my face for any signs of lying or hesitation. There were none.

Smiling his crooked grin so brightly that it lit up the whole room, Edward bent his head down and nuzzled my neck. Holding me to him even tighter.

"Thank you," he whispered, before bringing up his head and pressing our lips together.

I hoped desperately that I wouldn't regret my decision. My decision to be with Edward.

But things just don't work out like that.

A/N: Hit or Miss?

Man, it took me FOREVER to type that! I kept backspacing stuff I typed and rewriting parts. I'm still not satisfied with it, but since when am I ever satisfied with my own writing? However, I hope YOU are happy with how it turned out. I gave you what you wanted people! Some good Cullen-lovin'!

Just a reminder to check out the Shadow of the Day Playlist that includes most of the songs from the chapter titles (since the site didn't have all the chapter songs available, I could only put most down. A few are missing), a few different songs I felt fit, and of course, the story's namesake, "Shadow of the Day" by Linkin Park!!!

So, tell me what you thought in a REVIEW!!!

Peace out.