Burn After Reading Chapter 4, a harry potter fanfic

Two minutes after Remus' letter

YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!?!?

YOU !#"£ %£&#*

I'M GOING TO KILL YOU SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY BLACK.

Love Lily

Sorry!

I'll fix it, just please don't kill me- James won't like it much.

S x

Moony you prat,

You told her. I told you not to tell her. Now she's going to kill me. Slowly AND painfully. I hope you're happy now wolf boy.

Help?!

Padfoot

Padfoot,

Where are you? We're a little bit worried that you didn't come back to the dormitory yesterday. Are you alive? Please say that you are. I'm worried. You're not on the map or anything. Please write back. Surely Lily hasn't killed you yet? She's too good a prefect. Right?

Moony

From a secret location, at a time far too early to be up on a Sunday

Moony,

Word to the wise werewolf, I was in hiding. Evans knows which one my bed is. She could have tried to kill me in my sleep so I decided to go to that vanishing room we found last month. Best night sleep of my life. I'm so hungry now though.

See you at breakfast,

Padfoot

Breakfast

Black,

You are blatantly the arrogant git that I took you for in first year. Next time I tell you to do something, DO IT. Clear? Good.

I suppose it isn't really your fault. I mean it was me that trusted you with something so sensitive. I couldn't tell you what came over me; perhaps it was those spiked chocolates you sent me. Hmmm….

Don't worry; I'm not actually going to kill you. Yet.

But that's only because, despite your ridiculous mistake, James doesn't know. I'll just have to think of an interesting punishment for your inevitable stupidity.

I'd watch your back if I was you Sirius. Burn after reading, I suggest you actually do it this time!

Enjoy your meal

L. Evans

Remus,

Good Merlin, what do I say to you?

I had no idea that you had such little respect for other people's privacy Mr Lupin. Although on some strange level I'm quite relieved that you discovered my secret.

A secret that I hope will stay just that: secret. I'm sure that, after reading my letters to Black, you are aware of the threat I made concerning his genitals should he tell anybody. I'm afraid that that promise also applies to you.

Burn after reading

Respectfully yours

Lily

P.S. I can't be seen talking to Sirius Black! Owls are just going to have to do.

Passing notes: Charms

Padfoot,

Was that your stomach?!

Moony

Yep. I didn't eat breakfast just incase Evans had spiked it. You read her letter.

I think she's calmed down a bit now, you should be safe at lunch.

I'm soooooo hungry!

Only 10 minutes until lunch :)

But I'm hungry now!

Shut up Padfoot, Flitwick's watching.

How can I shut up? We're passing notes

The marauders sat down eagerly at the Gryffindor table. Sirius piled his lunch onto his plate generously, determined to make up for the meal he had missed that morning. He grabbed his spoon aiming to finish his soup as quickly as possible when and owl dropped a letter into it with a huge SPLASH! Wiping the hot liquid from his face he ripped open the letter:

Just a letter to remind you to watch yourself. But you don't need togo out of your way to avoid me, Sirius.

Enjoy your soup

Sirius raided his eyebrows and surveyed the spoon that had almost touched his lips critically. It didn't look dangerous, on the contrary it both looked and smelt as delicious as always. But it was batter to be safe than sorry.

"She's bluffing right?" Sirius asked passing the note to Remus.

"Unless she wants you to believe that she's bluffing" he countered, his brow furrowing in concern.

"Better give the soup a miss today then. I only really wanted the bread anyway"

He picked up the roll that lay next to his bowl, biting off a large chunk.

"Bleugh!" he mumbled through a mouthful of food.

"What is it?" Remus exclaimed, examining the food for traces of poison.

"Tastes awful"

"Let me try a bit" Remus popped a small piece into his mouth, swallowing the foul tasting substance quickly. The marauders may have been rebellious, but they all at least had the manners not to spit food out at the table.

"Weird" he murmured turning to look at Sirius.

The sure look of horror that overcame both their faces was enough to tell each other that something weird was most definitely occurring. Huge, bulging boils were bubbling up on their faces. Sirius' beloved hair was beginning to stick up on end, a shocking pink replacing its usual raven black. Remus' nose was now double its usual size, a gigantic orange handlebar moustache protruding from his upper lip. They stared at each other for a moment, not even noticing the shocked laughter that had erupted from the rest of the great hall. It only took them a moment to gather their resolve once more, their collective shock, amusement and anger allowing them to only speak one word:

"Evans!"

My beautiful Marauders,

I hope you've both learnt a valuable lesson today. I don't mean the fact that Remus really doesn't suit orange.

And you said that I'd never pull a prank. You underestimate me Black.

I'm beginning to see what James sees in you. Remus says that he isn't talking to you anymore by the way. It's only because his nose still hasn't shrunk back properly.

Tell him that I'm sorry. That wasn't supposed to affect him. Although it was amusing. I've missed pranking. BAR

Lil

Lils,

Wait you've done this before?!

Shocked and appalled you hypocrite.

I've attatched something to make our "correspondance", your word not mine, a little less obvious.

Love

Sirius

A/N: Finally a way to spare those poor owls before the RSPCA arrest me for cruelty to animals.

Sorry it's taken so long to update guys, sixth form is manic! Promise to fit in some more writing time intomy week. As long as you let me know you want it of course ;) Hope you're enjoying so far. Thanks to all of those who have reviewed (I love you all) and to D. Taggert for the story alert. You all make my day!