HARRY POTTER AND EVERYTHING RELATING TO THAT MAGICAL UNIVERSE BELONG TO JK ROWLING, WARNER BROS, BLOOMSBURY BOOKS ETC. AND I AM VERY LUCKY TO BE ALLOWED TO PLAY WITH IT ALL.

For remuslives23. Forgive me.

The Dog in the Manger

He walked off the moor into the pub. Conversation stopped. Every face turned in his direction. Silence. Regardless, he took the few steps to the bar. The locals leaning against it moved aside. The Slaughtered Lamb was a dangerous pub for strangers.

He ordered a pint of bitter. He wouldn't be able to drink it all, but ordering a half here was tantamount to putting on full drag and asking to be beaten to a pulp against the quiz machine.

"Is Len around?" he asked the barman as he took his change.

The youth did not answer him, but his question caused a murmur among the regulars. He shifted round to face the room, supping his ale, resting his back against the bar. The locals turned their faces away from him, quietly resuming their conversations. He drank, feeling self-conscious, trying desperately not to show it.

The beer wasn't too bad but he was in no mood to appreciate it. He wasn't here to prepare a report for the Campaign for Real Ale. Maybe he should have used that as his cover, he could try that in future. Although he felt nauseous already and wanted to keep a clear head, he belatedly realised that leaving any of his beer was going to be taken as an insult.

It was windy and wet outside, but he decided to head for the beer garden anyway. He'd seen it on the way in and it was no more than a couple of tables in the car park. As he walked out of the only door he heard the chatter behind him relax and get louder.

He sat on the wet wood, feeling his trousers soak through. Just as he was wondering whether he could get away with pouring the bitter out onto the ground without getting caught, a young woman slipped onto the seat next to him and sniffed deeply. She had the hood of her anorak up and angled her face away from him.

"You're looking for Lenny?" she asked.

"That's right."

"Your name?"

"Lupin. Remus Lupin. And you?"

"You can call me Jenny Agutter," she answered with a sticky smoker's laugh.

"Lenny around then?"

"No."

"Do you know where he is, or how I can get hold of him?"

"No." She stood up to leave.

"Will you tell him I was asking after him?"

"Aye. I'll tell him there was one of us in," she said, walking back into the bar.

Remus left his pint on the table, walked out into the rain and Apparated to Grimmauld Place. He wasn't looking forward to the meeting because he didn't really have anything to report. The werewolves were understandably cagey. He wasn't even sure that he wanted to be let into their pack, their gang, whatever it was. Bunch of sadistic psychopaths. But somebody had to do it and he was the only member of the Order who smelled right.

He was looking forward to seeing Sirius, though, to staying on for a drink afterwards. He needed sleep, but he wanted the company. He ached to be with someone who understood him. For years he'd been the last Marauder and it had been lonely: James and Peter dead and Sirius imprisoned. He hadn't been able to face making new friends, confronting the decision of when and whether to trust someone enough to tell them the truth.

Mad-Eye Moody was standing on the step above him when he appeared.

"Hell do you think you're doing?" he growled. "Could have splinched us both. You Apparate to the Square!"

"Sorry!" Remus was just too knackered so he hadn't bothered.

Moody leaned right into his face, spittle spraying off him and hissed, "Constant Vigilance!"

And it was just his eye that was supposed to be mad, was it?

Luckily Arthur opened the door then and they crept inside, careful not to wake the portraits, weaving round the umbrella stand. Remus whispered a charm to dry himself off.

Remus walked down into the kitchen. There were quite a few members sitting at the long table already. That sweet girl Auror was sitting with Shacklebolt and Emmeline Vance. Moody limped over to them. Molly and her eldest were sorting out pots of tea and coffee over by the range. And there was Sirius, on his own at the far end of the table, leaning back in his chair. Remus walked up to him and sat down.

"Ah, Moony!" Sirius tore his attention away from something and slapped his friend on the shoulder. He looked unreasonably pleased with himself.

"Pads! How's it going?" Remus relaxed and waited for the usual moan about being stuck indoors and not being able to do anything. He had days when he'd gladly take that option, but all in all, he'd rather be out in the field, stressed and scared, than imprisoned and bored here.

"Not too bad, you?"

That was a surprise. Remus looked up to examine the face he knew so well, but it was turned away from him again, intent on something else in the room. Remus looked round, too. Molly had cleaned things up in here and the gas lamps were bright, the range warm, the faces friendly. Was that enough to account for Sirius' sudden sunny mood?

"Erm, could be better. Nasty lot, Werewolves."

Mundungus shuffled in. Molly looked disapprovingly at him. Sirius seemed to be looking in her direction.

Sirius laughed, "Worse than you?"

"I'll tell you about it later. Am I all right to stay on for a drink after?"

"Probably." Sirius moved his head. It wasn't Molly he'd been looking at. He followed the Weasley son's movement round the table.

Probably? What did that mean? Remus looked at the young man, too. Bill, that was his name.

"Remember being that young?" he asked.

"Not really," Padfoot drawled, "when I was twenty-four I was in Azkaban."

Remus was flustered, "I suppose I meant younger than that, then. Remember when we were younger than that? I miss being young." Sirius said nothing, so Remus added, "Don't you?" He wasn't used to Sirius doing all that smiling. He knew he ought to be happy for his friend, his best friend, but instead he was unnerved.

Sirius ignored his question and instead asked, "Lovely, isn't he?"

Oh Hecuba! He'd got a crush. He was going to get his hopes up and get his heart broken and be even more unbearably miserable than before.

"He is out of your league, Padfoot."

"You would think, wouldn't you?" And Sirius kept on grinning.

No! Remus snatched up Sirius' hand and looked at his fingernails before dropping it onto the table in disgust. His intestines twisted painfully.

"Molly's son? Are you suicidal?" he hissed, getting closer to Sirius to keep their conversation private.

Finally his fellow Marauder looked at him instead of watching his conquest. He said, "I'm not scared of Molly Weasley. And he's a grown man. It's none of her business."

"You know he's got a girlfriend?" Remus hadn't meant that to sound so vicious. He'd been trying for concerned but that clenching in his guts had deformed his voice.

Sirius just shrugged.

"Sirius, this is mad. It's dangerous. You have to stop it!" It was taking all of Remus' control to resist the desire to shout angrily. He tensed his throat and his face to avoid drawing attention to their argument.

Sirius, however, just relaxed back in his seat and whispered, "What's the matter? You changed your mind?"

"No." Circumstances hadn't improved. It was the wrong time. It was dangerous. They both had too many other things to worry about.

"Good. 'Cos you're too late."

But when circumstances improved, when things got better, he had hoped, well assumed, but if this boy was going to be around, then … Remus' thoughts petered out into bitter incoherence.

Albus Dumbledore entered the room and all chatter ceased. Most of the places were now taken. There was a general straightening of backs and leaning forward. Dumbledore sat in a central seat and - what do you know? - the beautiful Bill sat next to him.

"Good evening to you all," Dumbledore began and bestowed a good twinkle on everyone before getting down to hard business. Parchment fluttered from a pile before him and a sheet landed in front of each of them.

"Reports from Hagrid on the state of play with the giants. Nothing from Severus this time, but some interesting developments there. Tonks, what have you got on Thicknesse for us?"

Tonks had lots of information on her allocated Death Eater and then several other members gave full reports on theirs. Remus started to feel like he had forgotten to do his Transfiguration homework and was about to be asked for it. Arthur gave a full update on the shift patterns of the employees in the Department of Mysteries.

Dumbledore turned his full blue twinkle on Remus. Every other head turned to face him.

Remus stuttered, "I … it's … there's … It's very difficult. I still haven't managed to speak to any pack members. There are rumours. But nothing we hadn't heard before."

Albus was too considerate to show his disappointment, but several other people looked thoroughly let down.

"We need to know what Greyback's plans are!" Moody growled.

"Remus is aware of that Alastor. He can only do what can be done," Dumbledore answered kindly, making Remus feel like a complete failure.

The headmaster then turned to his right. "And the goblins, Bill? Any progress there?"

Oh, and the boy wonder only pulled out a scroll as long as his arm and proceeded to copy it to everyone there, saying, "I have actually. Finally made a contact. He's called Babwinde and he's on the Muggle Liaison desk. I've got information on historical grievances in the report, some ideas of what we might be able to offer them to bring them round, names of prominent goblins in the various factions and also a rumour about a secret Dark goblin society."

Everyone nodded and looked impressed. Everyone except Remus who felt sick and ground his teeth.

"You all right?" Sirius asked in a low voice.

Remus swallowed, sat up, tried to compose himself. For the rest of the meeting, though, he kept catching himself looking daggers over at Molly and Arthur's eldest and had to contain growls.

Most of the members left quickly once it was all over, but the Weasleys stayed to wash up and tidy. Eventually Arthur bade everyone goodnight and trudged off for a stint of guard duty at the Ministry. Remus waited patiently for Molly to take her son home with her so he could have his old friend to himself.

He still felt sick. He was tired and run-down but this sickness was something else. He was angry, he told himself, because it was dangerous to have secrets inside the Order. They were jeopardising everyone's safety. They were probably tipping the odds in favour of a Voldemort victory. Just for a bit of nooky. He was quite sure that that was what was upsetting him. He was going to talk Sirius out of this madness.

He realised that Molly was looking at him, had been looking at him with concern for some time.

"You don't look well, Remus," she cooed.

"He looks awful!" Sirius barked. Thanks, mate. That's how to make someone feel better!

"Are you eating properly?" Molly asked.

"I'm fine. Just tired," he mumbled.

"Where are you staying now?" Molly asked, "Are they feeding you properly?"

"I'm on my own. It's OK. I had to sleep out a few nights. Tip offs. They never showed up, though." He was rambling now.

Molly tutted. "I don't like to think of you being on your own in this state. Have you got any proper food in? Will you come back to us for supper?"

And sit across the table from golden boy? Not likely.

"That's kind, Molly, but I just want to get to bed now. I promise to eat something first."

"I'm not sure he should be Apparating himself," Bill piped up. Remus glared at him. "Mum, why don't you Side-Along him home? You can make sure he has a good meal that way. Dad's out all night and I can sort myself out. You'll be worrying otherwise. You know what you're like."

The last thing Remus wanted now was Molly fussing over him. Merlin! She'd probably tuck him in bed and read him a bedtime story! He wouldn't put it past her to spoon feed him wholesome soup in his jim-jams. Very convenient for the lovers, of course, getting rid of her and him in one movement so they could get on with … whatever. Remus didn't want to think about that.

"That's decided then. Pass me that basket, will you, Bill? I've got some bits and pieces in there I can use for a nice soup. Good night Sirius. I'll see you at home later, Bill. Come along Remus. You take my other arm …" Molly directed and Remus could see no way of escape.

Why couldn't the bloody woman see the filthy smirks spreading over the faces of the other two men? And how did she miss the wink Sirius gave Remus just before they Apparated away?