Chapter four: Growing up
Lillypaw tried to be a good mother for her kitten, but it wasn't easy raising a kitten when you are only a little older than one yourself. Asteria needed to be fed every six hours, but a lot of the time, Lillypaw didn't have enough milk for her. This meant she had to leave her for short periods of time to try and find food. If she was lucky, she would return with food in her belly, so Asteria could drink her fill of milk. But a lot of the time, they both sat in the den, their bellies aching with hunger and Lillypaw would hold Asteria tightly, whispering how sorry she was that this had to happen.
When she was two weeks old, Asteria finally opened her eyes, reveling their shade of deep blue. She also began to totter around the dugout, testing her paws. Lillypaw couldn't have been prouder, but she knew in the back of her mind that things were going to get harder.
* * *
Time seemed to pass quickly for Lillypaw. In no time at all, her little queen was three months old and developing a real personality.
"Mommy," she said one day, "Take me hunting with you."
"Not today sweetie," Lillypaw sighed.
"But moooooooomy," Asteria wailed, "You promised!"
"I said maybe," Lillypaw rubbed her forehead, "But I don't think you are quite ready to come with me yet."
"Yes I am!" Asteria batted at her mom's face, "Please mommy, I'll be good. I swear on the everlasting cat."
"Oh alright," Lillypaw gave in, "But one complain about how tired you are and you won't be coming again."
"Yay!" Asteria leapt out of the dugout and stretched in the afternoon sunlight.
"Mommy," Asteria asked as Lillypaw made her own slower way out of the dugout, "What makes the sun shine?"
"I don't know sweetie," Lillypaw sighed, scratching the back of her ear.
"What are clouds made of?" Asteria persisted, chasing a shadow made by one.
"Water, I think."
"Then why do they float?"
"Magic," Lillypaw mumbled.
"Wow!"
"Now you have to be quiet, Asteria," Lillypaw coaxed her, "You don't want to scare away your dinner, do you?"
Asteria nodded her head rapidly, a goofy smile on her face.
"Very funny," Lillypaw gave her a gentle cuff on the head. She smiled to herself. That goofy smile of hers she had inherited from her father.
"Look Asteria, over there."
Crouching on a raised bit of earth was young rabbit, nibbling away at some buttercups. Lillypaw's mouth watered and she began slinking towards it. Asteria copied her mother, but then her wild mane got caught in some thorns. She tugged her head sharply and she came loose with a loud snapping noise. The rabbit looked up, nose twitching, ears erect. Lillypaw gave her daughter a stern look. Asteria blushed and looked down at her paws.
The rabbit settled back down again, ears still cocked as percussion. Lillypaw started to creep forward again when suddenly she stepped on a piece of dry grass, making a crackling sound.
The rabbit bolted and Lillypaw flew after it. She was gaining on it when her chest suddenly protested. She stopped coughing, trying to breath, while the rabbit flew toward the small shadow of its burrow. Lillypaw moaned, but suddenly a black and gray streak flew past her. Asteria leapt in the air and tackled the rabbit to the ground. Fur flew as she wrestled with the rabbit, giggling the whole time.
"Its neck, its neck!" Lillypaw wheezed.
With a crack, the neck was broken and Asteria stood proudly over her first kill.
"Are you proud of me mommy?" Asteria asked, licking some blood off her paw.
"Very," Lillypaw walked slowly toward her daughter, who had started to gnaw on one of the legs.
"Are you alright mommy?" Asteria asked, concerned.
"My chest just hurts a bit sweetie," Lillypaw tried to reassured her, taking one of the front legs to leave the best for Asteria. She chewed slowly, savoring the taste of the still warm flesh, but still grimacing from the hard thumping of her heart.
They devoured every inch of the rabbit, Asteria even going so far as to gnaw the bones to suck the marrow.
"You have quite an appetite, my little queen," Lillypaw forced a grin, "Keep eating like that your tummy will be touching the ground."
"It will not!" Asteria pouted, rubbing the remains of the dinner from her face with the back of her paw.
"Yes it will,"
"It will not!"
"Yes it will, I'll prove it to you," Lillypaw stood above her daughter, "You see this part . . ." she gently poked the side of her belly. Asteria giggled. "It will soon be so big, you won't be able to feel when I do this." She began tickling Asteria's belly.
"Mommy stop it!" Asteria laughed, squirming and wriggling with glee, which of course only resulted in more tickling.
For several minutes, mother and daughter wrestled around in the field, giggling until their sides ached. Then Lillypaw felt her chest clench again.
"Okay sweetie, that's enough,"
Asteria pouted, narrowing her eyes and wrinkling her nose.
"Don't start Asteria!" Lillypaw said with unnecessary harshness. Asteria's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap, but it is getting late and you need a bath before bed tonight."
Asteria still looked slightly put off at her mother's harshness, but followed her back towards the dugout, kicking at the dirt on the ground. Lillypaw nuzzled her daughter's head and Asteria smiled. The sun was setting now and Lillypaw could feel the cool of the evening blow through her fur. The bush next to her suddenly shook and Lillypaw tensed. The pungent odor that followed told her it was a fox.
"Don't move!" Lillypaw whispered, crouching low to the ground. Asteria mimicked her, curiosity and fear fixed on her face.
A deep orange male fox slunk out of the bush, scanning the area tentatively. Not noticing Lillypaw or Asteria, he uttered a short bark and a slender vixen joined him, followed by four pups. The male nudged the pups ahead of him and they scampered toward the direction of, obviously, an unseen den. He then licked the vixen on the cheek before the two of them followed the pups out of sight.
After she was sure the fox family was gone, Lillypaw began walking again, ears pricked for the slightest hint of danger. Asteria padded next to her and Lillypaw noticed her face was set in a deeply thoughtful expression. But she left her to her thoughts for they had just reached the dugout.
Lillypaw let Asteria clamber into her lap and began to clean the dirt off her black and gray coat. It was not an easy task; Asteria was reasonably well behaved, because she was tired, but her wild mane attracted everything into in and it was almost impossible to get all the dirt out off it. "How in Heavyside did Tugger manage to get his mane looking perfect?" Lillypaw thought, prying a thorn with great difficulty from Asteria's mane.
"Owwie!" Asteria squealed.
"I'm sorry Asteria," Lillypaw sighed, "But this mane is sometimes more of a curse than a blessing."
The sun had set by the time Asteria had been cleaned tip to tail. Asteria gave a huge yawn.
"I know one little queen who's ready for bed," Lillypaw smiled, gently lifting her up.
"I'm not sleepy," Asteria groaned, rubbing her eyes.
"Yes you are," Lillypaw laid her down in the dugout and curled around her, with difficulty for there was not that much space in the dugout anymore. Asteria curled herself up into a ball, holding onto her long silky tail like a human child would hold a blanket. Lillypaw closed her eyes and let a small yawn escape her lips.
"Mommy?"
"Yes sweetie?" Lillypaw murmured, eyes still shut.
"Where's my Daddy?"
Lillypaw's eyes shot open.
"What?"
"Where is my Daddy?" Asteria repeated, looking up at her mother with pure innocence in her eyes, "Those foxes had a daddy. Where's mine?"
Lillypaw was baffled; she had no idea what to say. "Asteria, your father was my best friend, but after a dance and a night of fun, he realized he preferred getting attention and tail from a dozen queens than just one?" Thinking quickly, Lillypaw knew what she had to say.
"Asteria," she started, taking in a deep gulp of air, "You do have a daddy, but he isn't with us because some events happened that made it impossible for him to see you. I don't think you are ready to hear about it yet."
Asteria stared at her mother; Lillypaw held her breath.
"Okay," Asteria closed her eyes and purred deeply as she fell into a doze.
Lillypaw chuckled to herself, but a deep ache was stirring not only in her chest now, but also in her heart. Quietly, so as not to disturb Asteria, she sat up and swept away a patch of dirt on the floor of the dugout. There lay the spike from Tugger's collar. She picked it up and pressed it to her chest. She truly missed home, but she just couldn't find it in her heart to forgive and forget.
She placed the spike near her head and closed her eyes, trying to sleep, but it was nearly impossible. She held Asteria in her arms, thinking of the junkyard and trying not to cry out from the thumping pain in her chest. But at that moment she made a promise, not to herself, but for her daughter.
"This will not be your life forever, my sweet little queen; someday you will go back and live in the world of the Jellicles."