Chapter five: The truth
When Asteria turned eleven months old, Lillypaw knew it she had to tell her about her father. Asteria was almost an adult and growing up into a beautiful queen. She kept her long glossy mane groomed and her claws were smooth and shiny. She was strong and confident, but she was not happy. She was bored with the uneventful life of the country and longed to explore the world. Soon she would leave and start her own life, but Lillypaw felt she at least owed her the truth before she left.
One dusk, when Asteria returned with a gorgeous pheasant for dinner, Lillypaw called her to her side.
"I owe you the truth Asteria," Lillypaw coughed, " You are a growing Queen and I know you can tell this place is not home. You find the country boring for a reason, sweetie. The truth is that I was born in the city, in a Junkyard; that is why you long for the environment of frenzy and excitement, it is in your blood. The Junkyard in the city truly is my home and yours. Asteria, you are old enough now to fully understand why I had to leave."
Asteria's eyes widened.
"You mean?" she said, tentatively.
"Yes," Lillypaw nodded, "It's time you learned about your father."
While slowly eating their dinner, Lillypaw told Asteria all about Tugger, about their friendship as kittens, how she grew to fall in love with him, about the Jellicle ball when they where adults and afterwards when Tugger showed his true colors.
Asteria was livid.
"How could he just toss you aside like fish bones?" she asked.
"I don't know sweetie," Lillypaw moaned, "I thought he was my best friend." She began to cry weakly.
"Don't cry mom," Asteria whispered, nuzzling Lillypaw gently, "So he was the reason you left?"
"Yes, I couldn't bear to see him another moment, so I ran as far as I could. Then a few weeks later I discovered I was pregnant. When I went into labor, you were the only one who survived, for the lack of care I had given myself damaged the other unborn kittens."
Asteria sat motionless for a few moments, then slowly turned to her mother.
"I'm going back," she said, "Tugger doesn't even know he has a daughter. He needs to be reminded of the love he threw aside."
Lillypaw smiled. "When will you be going sweetie?"
Asteria frowned.
"We are leaving tomorrow"
Lillypaw shook her head. "I won't be joining you."
Asteria's eyes widened.
"Mom, what are you talking about?"
Lillypaw sighed deeply. "I can't come."
"Why not?" Asteria protested, sounding truly kittenish.
Lillypaw let out a wheezy cough. "Asteria, my wild dash when I left the junkyard strained my lungs severely and weakened my heart and now the only reason I am alive is that you provide me with food for if I tried to hunt, I would die. I am only two years old, but my health is that of a twenty-year-old cat. The strain on my body is slowly killing me; I don't know how much longer I have left."
Asteria burst into tears, burying her face into her mother's chest.
"Don't cry Asteria," Lillypaw soothed, "I will go quietly in my sleep; dying from lack of food is the least painful way to go to Heavyside."
"No mom," Asteria sniffed, rubbing her eyes, "I won't let you die from starvation. I will stay with you until you've left me."
"Don't be foolish," Lillypaw coughed, harder this time, "You must find shelter with the Jellicles before winter comes."
"That is months off, I will not leave you to suffer alone."
Lillypaw smiled and wrapped her arms around her daughter.
"If you insist, my beautiful queen, I won't stop you, but . . ." Lillypaw got up slowly and picked up a small object from a ledge in the den, "I do want you to wear this." With a piece of severely worn string, she strung the spike from Tugger's collar around Asteria's neck.
"This was on your father's collar; it fell off the night of the Jellicle ball. I want you to keep it with you."
Asteria looked at it and smiled.
"It is pretty," she grinned.
Lillypaw nuzzled Asteria, but turned away as another fit of coughing hit her like a brick. Asteria wrapped her arm around her mother as her body slowly stopped quaking. Lillypaw looked up weakly at the newly starry sky and her eyes slowly filled with tears again. When she spoke again, her voice was practically non-existent.
"When you do find Tugger," she croaked, "Tell him he was the only tom I ever loved."
"I will mom," Asteria promised, "Now lets get some sleep." She led her mother into the most sheltered spot in the den, using her body to block the night chill. Yet Lillypaw shivered and Asteria pressed her body into her.
"I love you Asteria," Lillypaw murmured.
Asteria licked the side of her mothers face.
"I love you too mom. Now get some sleep, you will feel better in the morning."