Another one I need to keep up with; another chapter here. Let me know if you're still reading!

Chapter Fifteen: Confidence

It really wasn't his fault; everything had moved at warped speed. No one could blame him…so why then did he feel so guilty? Greg shook his head, his concentration blurred as he glanced over the files spread out on the table. He knew why; yet it was as though an alter personality lived inside him, arguing that he shouldn't care. Try as he might, Greg couldn't just pretend it hadn't happened.

Damen wasn't a bad man; rather someone who had made a few ill choices. Still he had only been doing what he had promised when he first made his vows to the woman he loved. The same vows Greg had wanted to make to Sara. 'In sickness and in health.' He knew the phrases well enough, had recited them over in his head enough times. If Greg had been in Damen's position, if Sara had been dying…Greg knew he would have done something similar.

The pair was already strapped financially for cash; Greg knew the woes of money and the lack of it. Knew how difficult it was to pay off medical bills and keep up with all of the other demands in life. Damen had only been doing what he felt was right, even when he had been in the wrong. Now the man was about to lose his job; and the heavy feeling in Greg's stomach only got worse.

At the scene things had been too complicated to think about; too much had been happening, and Brass had been none too happy to answer his call. The detective hadn't been the first person Greg wanted to call, but he got a busy signal with Grissom, and Hell would have to freeze over first before he called Ecklie. And by all means, Brass was technically Damen's supervisor, so the news would have to be relayed to the man first.

Damen had tried to feign innocence, but Brass was a veteran in grilling suspects, and it wasn't long before the older man broke under the pressure. Greg had no choice but to return to the lab with them. Brass wasn't going to leave him out a scene without backup, and it made matters worse knowing that he was supposed to be on probation courtesy of Ecklie. Brass had tried to question him as well concerning that matter, but Greg wouldn't answer beyond informing the detective that it had been Grissom's doing. No doubt the man would discuss this incident with his supervisor. Greg had been left with the paperwork on the case while Damen was sent straight to Ecklie's office.

Now Greg had plenty of time to think over what had happened. Damen had been right; what had been done was already done; Greg had just made things worse by opening his mouth. What would have happened if he had said nothing? Greg knew the truth; nothing would have happened. Now Damen would most likely be fired, left without pay, without a job, and his wife would suffer for it. Greg would have held his job either way, even if it wasn't on the best of terms.

He let out a sigh, trying to bring his focus and attention back to what was happening at the moment. Near him Nick cleared his voice, distracting him before he was able to delve into his thoughts once more. "Stop worrying about it."

"I'm not worried," Greg lied through his teeth. Angry? Yes. Upset and betrayed…and guilty, yes to all of those as well. But worried? Okay, so maybe he was worried. Worried about what would happen, not only to him when Ecklie found out he had been at a scene unattended, but to Damen as well. Greg wanted to blame him for everything, but inside he felt for the man, and for some reason couldn't bring himself to hate the detective.

"You haven't finished any of your work," Nick reminded him. "This overtime is already killing me and I'm not staying behind to do your stuff. Ecklie and Grissom will take care of Damen, so stop worrying about it."

"I shouldn't have brought it up." His voice was quiet, Greg having almost whispered the thought.

"What?"

Greg cringed; he knew that Nick wouldn't understand, heck, even he could barely understand. Slowly he shook his head, trying to brush it off. Yet the Texan wouldn't let it go so easily.

"You do realize that man is the reason why you're in so much trouble? Greg, he was going to let you take the fall for everything."

"I'm aware of that, Nick," Greg answered tersely, beginning to fill out the forms for the first time that night. "But I wasn't even supposed to be out at that scene; and he did confess, which shows that he's remorseful."

"Don't tell me you're trying to rationalize for him."

"I'm not," Greg shook his head, swallowing. "Just...what is this going to change?"

"They know for sure that it wasn't you who went to the media."

"What does it matter?" he queried, watching the other man. "No one believed me when I denied it the first time."

"I knew," Nick responded quietly, meeting his gaze. "And I know there are others around here that believed you as well."

Others…he let out a sigh. Sara didn't believe him, and Greg was certain Grissom had a hard time believing it as well, concerning the tone of voice he had last used with the level one CSI. Yet there wasn't much use in bringing it up; Nick would surely deny it, arguing with him even more. The last thing he needed was more arguments; he had enough of those lately.

"You're good at what you do, Greg. You don't have to take the fall for others. Damen made his choice; now he has to live up to the consequences."

He knew Nick was just being kind. Greg knew the truth, knew that he still struggled a lot, a combination of memory issues from the accident, and the nervousness that still surrounded him in several instances. Maybe he was good once, but here…now…no, that was a different story. Still he smiled, nodding to the other man. There was no need to confide in him about pointless worries.

"And that being said, I think it's time for both of us to head out for the night," Nick commented, closing his own files. "We could both benefit from some sleep."

Greg nodded, fighting off a yawn at the suggestion. Out of everyone here it was Nick who had the best idea of how tired he actually was. The Texan had kept the known quarrel quiet, hadn't said anything when the questions came up to Greg's whereabouts that night. Sara had called the lab looking for him earlier and Greg had lied through his teeth, saying he had crashed at Nick's. It was partially true after all, just not the entire truth.

Still he hung behind, packing up the stuff slowly as Nick left the room. For several long moments he paused there, watching the hallways. Certain that the man was not returning, Greg sat back down, opening the nearest file at hand.

Greg never had planned on returning home…to the hotel that was. Their place was still a crime scene; Catherine and Warrick were working on it as fast as they could to clear it. But even then Greg wouldn't feel comfortable returning home. Not only had the place been broken into, but Greg knew he would have to face Sara sooner or later. He wasn't ready for that.

Yet it wasn't just for personal reasons he was staying. The quiet comments about his work, or the lack of it had begun to grind on his nerves. He didn't blame the others for being angry, knowing full well how much work he had actually missed. If it hadn't been for Grissom, well, it was safe to say he wouldn't have a job. So in turn, Greg had figured he could make some of that up. He had pulled plenty of doubles before, and felt confident that he could pull a triple without much complication.

Part of her wanted to see him; another part did not. Sara knew she had to right the wrongs she had made; the final comment she had uttered had been more than way out of line. That was what she had been trying to avoid; she wanted to separate from Greg, not damage his self-esteem. Even that seemed fragile at times.

But there was no sign of him when she made her way to the lab. Worry was not something that accompanied her. She knew that Greg was fine, at least physically. She needed to talk to him, to let him know she did not mean what she had said, but at the same time she did not want to confuse him. She did not want to lead him on to think that everything was fine between them. After all, she was trying to break up with him. Quickly she pressed a hand to her forehead, sitting down in one of the chairs that surrounded the table. This was starting to get way too complicated.

"Migraine?"

She barely looked up as the voice filled the room, wincing instead. Yeah, she had a migraine, one that was self-induced. Sara nodded instead for her answer, her eyes still closed. "I'm fine."

"You know, I have something that might take care of it," Jaysen commented, "not exactly legal, not yet, but they work."

"Street drugs?" Sara questioned, opening her eyes then. "You're taking street drugs?"

"They're not street drugs," he hushed her quietly, taking a seat near her. "They're…experimental, kind of like one of those trial clinics. Do you want one or not?"

"Not," Sara answered quickly, frowning at him. She couldn't take medication even if she wanted to, and despite that the last thing she was going to put in her body was some form of drug she had no idea of what it was.

"What happened to you by the way?"

The bruise that lined his face was fresh, no more than a couple days old and the man winced as he reached up and fingered it. But quickly he shook his head, masking the slight pain that had accompanied the motion. "Lucky shot; taking a suspect out the other day. It's nothing."

"Tough guy," she commented dryly.

"Not as easy as it looks," he returned, folding his arms as he slouched in the chair. "Bet you haven't taken anyone down, pretty girl like you. Probably don't like to get your fingers dirty."

"I do carry a gun."

"So do I," he shot back, grinning now. "How many suspects have you taken down?"

It was an irritating question, one that she couldn't rightly answer. Her job did not entitle her to do such things, yet it hadn't always stopped her from trying. Those times she had gotten in trouble from it as well. Instead she just smiled, earning a chuckle from the man.

"So you haven't then?"

"Didn't say that," she clarified, "just not supposed to."

"But you have, and you would…wouldn't you?"

"What do you mean?"

Jaysen let out a sigh, pulling off his baseball cap for a moment before slipping it back on, backwards this time. "I don't know, let's say you were in a situation where you had no choice; either yourself or someone else. Would you be able to do it?"

"Kill someone?" Sara asked.

"Shocking, I know," he nodded, "but this is just theoretical. Don't feel bad for answering. It's one of the questions I got back in Sacramento before I came out here."

Quickly she shook her head, a frown crossing her face. Killing someone was quite different than taking a suspect down. Taking a life…no, she couldn't do that. And yet, the more she thought about it, the more she realized what her true feelings were. There had been times when she felt like killing, killing those responsible for what had happened to Greg. But they had just been feelings; she hadn't acted on them.

"Depends on the situation, I guess," she muttered quietly, the emotions still toiling inside of her.

"Good answer," Jaysen nodded to her with a smile. "An answer of no would be arrogant, promoting the fact that you believed nothing would ever happen to you. An answer of yes would be overdrawn; a potential that you would kill needlessly. You could make a good detective, you know."

She laughed, "I'm a scientist. I'm no different than you; I only follow evidence instead of people. Evidence doesn't lie, people do."

"They do," he agreed. "Sort of like how you lie when you claim there's nothing wrong."

It caught her off guard, she had to admit, but somehow she was able to control her reaction. Inside her heart skipped a beat, but her voice was clear as she asked. "What do you mean?"

"You're right; I follow people; so I can tell when they're lying. You said earlier that you're fine; that's not true."

Maybe he was a physic, or maybe he had heard the talk around the lab. It wouldn't have been hard for the man to hear that she was having issues with Greg. Their past was no secret, and yet it wasn't as though the others went about bringing up the instances without any thought. Still there were the records, and the newspaper clippings. Jaysen could learn a lot about them shortly if he wished, but Sara knew the man had little reason.

But as he watched her more, Sara disregarded those thoughts. It could be anything, she realized. Her loss in weight; weight that she was starting to gain back now as the nauseating feelings died, or the fact that she always looked so worn and drawn. He could be asking because he worried, or it could be due to the fact of her constant distraction.

Personally she had been surprised that none of the others had asked after her yet, but again she was convinced otherwise. The others knew of her temperamental moods, and the ability to bite someone's head off if they pried too much. Jaysen, however, wouldn't have known, which would prompt his asking in the first place.

And that…that was a good thing. She met his gaze slowly, her heart pounding in her chest. Could she tell him? She pondered it for a moment, relishing in the fact that she could finally tell someone else, knowing that she would no longer be carrying this burden alone/herself. The truth was that Jaysen was detached enough to look at it as a case, view it as someone from the outside. He was someone from the outside. He didn't know the history, hadn't been there through everything that she and Greg had gone through. If she truly wanted an outsider's opinion…then Jaysen would be the perfect candidate…wouldn't he?

"Can we go for a walk?" She asked slowly, keeping her voice low. "There are some things I want to ask you…but it can't be here."

TBC