Disclaimer: I do not own the potter-verse. I make no money from this story, etc, etc.

Chapter Six

At lunch Anne returned to the Slytherin table with a wonderful surprise.

"Isn't he the most horrific thing you've ever seen?!" she cooed.

"What is it?"

"A Peruvian Viper! Oh, I knew Daddy loved me," continued Anne with a smile. "He knows I can't stand snakes."

"Uh, congratulations?" said Goyle.

"In what demented part of the world is that supposed to make sense?" asked Blaise.

"She was obviously born under an opposites star," supplied Luna.

"What are you doing here?" Blaise asked her. "I thought you locked yourself in the dungeon."

Luna sighed morosely. "I did. But then I realized my calculations were off and the locusts wouldn't be coming for another one hundred and thirteen years."

"Thank goodness," said Crabbe.

Hearing Crabbe's statement, Blaise looked at him in horror.

"No," he said, "you couldn't have—you're not—what's that in your ear?"

Crabbe fingered his new stud.

"You like it? Luna did it for me. I wanted a carrot at first, but she convinced me that turnips were more my style."

"Nooooooooooooooo!" screamed Blaise. "My roommate's been brainwashed into a Luna groupie!"

"Oh, it's not so bad," said Dumbledore coming up behind him and patting him on the shoulder. "The girl has rather good fashion sense." Dumbledore gave him a final fatherly pat before walking away while fingering his own new earring.

"Sorry I'm late," said Draco as he sat at the table. "What's wrong with Zabini?"

"He doesn't like Crabbe's new earring."

"Oh," said Draco with a strange look on his face. "Earring. Riiiiiiiight. So, Anne, what's new with you?"

"Daddy sent me a Peruvian Viper!"

Draco grinned grimly. "This day just keeps getting better and better," he said.

"Oh, I know!" said Anne happily. "It started out horrible enough, I'll admit, but potions was a dream and now this! I'm only sorry that my new present seems to like eating my furry friends. Well, I'll have him cured of that in no time."

"How are you going to do that?" asked Pansy.

"Oh, I can speak to snakes."

"Excuse me. Did I hear you say you could speak to snakes?"

Anne turned around and there was Harry from the train.

"Oh there you are, Harry," said Anne. "I knew you would turn up eventually, since you're friends with Luna and all."

"What do you want, Pothead?" sneered Draco. "This is a private party."

"Is it alright if I speak with your snake?" asked Harry, completely ignoring Draco for once in his life.

"Of course," said Anne, who was, by coincidence, also ignoring Draco.

"Hello," said Harry in parseltongue. "I'm Harry. What's your name?"

"Shashwat," hissed Anne's viper as it swayed gently from its perch draped over Anne's shoulder.

"That's a mouthful," said Harry. "Can I call you Wat?"

"No," said Shashwat, "you may not shorten my name in any way, shape or form."

"Oh," said Harry, taken aback. "Does you name have a special meaning?"

"The one who named me said it means everlasting, but it matters not to me. I care not about such things."

"My daddy picked his name," interrupted Anne. "He has horrid taste. I told Shashwat he could pick another name if he wants, but he really doesn't give a damn."

Without realizing it, Harry continued talking to Anne in parseltongue instead of English. The pair of them were getting very strange looks from the others at the table.

"Why don't you pick out a different name then?" asked Harry.

"Oh, I couldn't do that," hissed Anne. "It would hurt Daddy's feelings."

"I've allowed humans to name me once; I will not allow my name to be changed at will," hissed Shashwat sternly.

"I hadn't thought of that," said Harry. "Did you have a different name before?"

"Yes," said Shashwat. "I was called, 'Snake'."

"Oh," said Harry, taken aback once again.

"Animals don't come up with individual names the way humans do," explained Anne. "They don't need to because they don't rely as heavily on visual cues to differentiate each other as humans do. They rely more on smell."

"I didn't know that," said Harry, "but I've never had a pet before I got my owl and I can't talk to her."

"It really is too bad, isn't it?" said Anne. "I wish I could talk to all animals and not just snakes, don't you?"

"Er, I hadn't thought of it before."

"You don't think much, do you?" observed Shashwat.

"Hush, Shashwat," said Anne.

Harry blushed in embarrassment before remembering that nobody else could tell what they were saying.

"Anne, we have class," said Luna.

"Oh, right," Anne said. "It was nice talking to you, Harry."

A month later and Dumbledore was holding an urgent meeting in his office.

"Insane, you say?" asked Flitwick worriedly.

"I'm afraid so," said Dumbledore sadly. "Unfortunately, this means we must replace not only our Herbology teacher, but also the head of Hufflepuff house."

"Obviously," sneered Snape.

"But are the healers at St. Mungo's absolutely certain?" asked McGonagall.

"Quite," answered Dumbledore. "Though they surmise she may recover if she keeps her distance from a certain—person."

"Hellion, you mean," said Snape.

"That's no way to speak of Miss Smith."

"I'll speak of her as I choose," insisted Snape. "She's caused utter chaos amongst my Slytherins."

"And her hygiene is a problem," complained Flitwick.

"Perhaps a letter to her parents is in order?" suggested Dumbledore.

"Who are her parents?" asked McGonagall.

"I don't know," murmured Dumbledore thoughtfully while stroking his beard.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" demanded Snape. "Where is her paperwork? Surely you received it; it's required for admittance."

"Oh yes, we received paperwork," said Dumbledore, "including her academic history, placement scores, allergies, that sort of thing, but her parent's names were left blank."

"Well, she didn't appear out of thin air," huffed McGonagall.

"And she receives constant correspondence," added Snape, "even during classes." He sniffed loudly, offended by the audacity. "Someone must be writing her."

"I suppose we could ask her?" suggested Flitwick.

Three heads swiveled to stare at Snape. He drew himself up angrily.

"Why am I always given the unpleasant tasks?" he spat. "This is a job for her head of house."

"She has none," reminded Dumbledore, "and she seems to have a peculiar affinity for your house."

"What about Ravenclaw?" growled Snape. "Her first friend was that Lovegood chit, don't forget."

"She has friends in all houses," said McGonagall, "except her own."

"I wonder why that is?" sneered Snape, "perhaps it's because she doesn't belong there."

"Yes, she has been quite ostracized by the other Hufflepuff students," commented McGonagall. "Perhaps she would be better off in a different house."

Snape looked horrified. "You're not suggesting—"

"You're the one who brought it up," said McGonagall primly.

"Please," interrupted Dumbledore. "Let's do this one thing at a time, shall we? Now, the first thing to do is find out who her parents are. From there, we'll discuss, with her parents, what needs to be done to ensure that Miss Smith has the best experience possible at Hogwarts."

"Fine," spat Snape, standing up and drawing his robes about him. "I'll speak to Miss Smith as soon as possible."

"Thank you, Severus," said the Headmaster pleasantly. "Have a cookie, before you leave?"

Snape paused. "Chocolate-chocolate-chip?"

"Of course!"

"I'd rather eat my own hand!" exclaimed Snape and he flung himself out of the headmaster's office in a flurry of robes.