HARRY POTTER AND EVERYTHING RELATING TO THAT MAGICAL UNIVERSE BELONG TO JK ROWLING, WARNER BROS, BLOOMSBURY BOOKS ETC. AND I AM VERY LUCKY TO BE ALLOWED TO PLAY WITH IT ALL.

A Shaggy Dog Story

The breeze blowing through the rafters wafting loose straw around, the clouds beyond the window pane and the rain drumming onto it, the blankets wrapped over the sickly Hippogryph and the mud drying on Remus' trouser-legs made the room look like autumn. But it was June.

"How's he doing?" the werewolf asked from the doorway.

Sirius looked up. He was sitting against the wall to the left of the door, hunched over. His hair was wild, matted in places, his stubble long and the bags under his eyes deep.

"Better, I think. Just got the last poultice on. Got to wait for another half hour to make sure that's worked." Sirius directed his friend's attention to Buckbeak's leg, which was bandaged with faded black silk, round which a green paste seeped.

Remus came into the room and sat down on the floor to the right of the door. He pushed it closed to examine his former lover.

"You been in here all day?" he asked.

Sirius nodded. "Since it happened in the early hours."

"Know who did it?"

"Got my suspicions. Let's just say I'll be giving the House Elf a direct order not to harm any Magical Creatures in my care."

The door opened a crack and a blue-haired Tonks stuck her head through. She saw Sirius first and sighed with relief.

"Here you are!" she exclaimed. "Wotcher Cuz! Would you say you were safe, sound and in the house?"

"Er. Yeah. Hi Nymphi!"

"Call me that again and I won't be able to report back that you're in one piece!"

"Who's checking up on him?" Remus asked.

Tonks turned quickly, blushed deeply and her hair colour drained down to tawny brown with grey streaks.

"Wotcher Remus! Didn't know you were … er Snape. Don't know why. Better let him know." She retreated swiftly, closing the door over her own foot as she went.

"Somebody's got a crush," Sirius muttered.

"Who has? What's Severus up to do you think?"

"Tonks has. And since when have you called Professor Slimeball by his first name? You fancy him now?"

"Fuck off and grow up!" Remus said in a gentle, friendly way. "That who your cousin likes?"

Sirius didn't answer, just muttered, "Idiot!"

"How much longer you hanging out in here? It stinks."

"Didn't ask you to move in."

"Just thought we could hang out for a couple of minutes. I've got a meeting with the Aurors in the kitchen as soon as Shacklebolt shows up. Better up here than watching Alastor pacing and muttering."

Sirius crawled quietly over to Buckbeak and eased back the edge of a bandage. He resumed his position against the wall before commenting, "Nearly healed. Another quarter of an hour maybe."

They sat in easy silence for a while before Sirius interrupted it by asking, "Have you heard this one? Man walks into a bar …"

"Ouch!" Remus sniggered at his own joke.

"Not that one. There's a dog there, licking his balls and the …"

"'If you give him a bone I expect he'll let you.' Yeah, I heard it. That's an old one. Here's another old one, you'll like this. This one's right up your street - What does a man get when he marries his mistress?"

"Go on, then, what does a man get when he marries his mistress?"

"A vacancy!" Remus guffawed.

Sirius didn't. He threw dirty straw at Remus, who avoided it neatly. The door opened again.

"You still here? Oh, you've got company." Bill glared at Lupin, who glared back.

"Just checking on everything. As you're too busy." Remus sneered.

"Well, there are three Aurors cluttering up our kitchen and I think it was you they were swearing about, at least I don't know any other useless, lazy werewolves …"

Remus rose with dignity and brushed the straw off his robes, "Had a good day at the bank did you, Weasley? Mind the numbers don't bite you." He swept past and out of the door.

Bill shouted after him, "Keep your nose clean, Lupin. Don't want anything flying out of it!" Then he closed the door firmly and asked, "How's the patient?"

"Nearly there. Taken all day, though. Can't you be nice to Remus?"

Bill crouched down beside Sirius, sliding one arm round his waist and stroking his neck with the other hand.

"Been thinking about you all day," he murmured, pressing his nose into the hollow under Sirius' cheekbone. He slid his hand down to the waistband of his man's jeans and started to tug at the buttonhole.

"No temper tantrum from Fleur to distract you?" Sirius asked acidly, but stroked Bill's thigh at the same time.

Nibbling at Sirius' earlobe as he spoke, Bill muttered, "They've transferred her to Toronto." He worked the button out and started to slowly lower the zip. His other hand tugged the shirt loose and caressed warm skin. "Rignaff said I was too valuable a worker to be distracted by some hysterical woman a couple of times a week." Bill ducked his head down and yanked down the front of Sirius' trousers in one movement.

"Hey! Hey!" Sirius protested half-heartedly, "There's an innocent animal in here."

Then he stopped protesting and moaned as Bill took his entire length into his mouth and sucked hard. Sirius arched into the sensation. He hardened rapidly inside the warm, moist, insistent pressure.

Bill pulled down the tight denim even further to fit Sirius' balls into his hand. His tongue worked patterns over the growing flesh in his mouth.

"This what you've been thinking about all day?" Sirius asked, panting.

"Mmmmhmmm," Bill concurred in a hum, the vibrations of his voice shooting through the nerve-endings of his lover's body.

Buckbeak snorted a warning they ignored and then the door to the room burst open.

"Bill, you have to come now! Oh, shit! Your bedroom's only next door." Remus squeaked.

"Not now," Sirius grunted, wrapping his fingers into smooth red hair.

"Harry's at the Department of Mysteries!" Remus insisted and the blow-job was instantly forgotten. Bill sprang to his feet and Sirius struggled up, adjusting his jeans. "He and some pals - including Ron and Ginny -" Remus directed at Bill "seem to think they're rescuing you -" directed at Sirius. "Death Eaters on their way there. We need Order members."

Sirius and Bill reached for their wands.

"Not you Sirius! You wait here. Albus is due in a few minutes, you need to explain to him …"

"Are you mad?" Sirius bellowed, thumping the wall. Plaster showered down his arm as he shouted, "He's my Godson! You think I'm going to stay here …"

"Yes, you are! Come on Bill, there's no time!" Remus started to bound down the stairs.

Sirius tried to follow.

"No!" Remus screamed back, "You stay here! You're Harry's weakness. Bill! Now!"

"One minute!" Bill called after him, using all his strength to stop his lover.

Lupin swore and continued bounding down the stairs.

Bill turned to face Sirius, holding him still by the shoulders. "You stay here. Wait for Albus."

"You are fucking joking!" Sirius spat.

"You could put Harry in more danger!" Bill tried. "He's only there cos he cares about you …"

"That's cos he's family! We're all the family we've got! I'm not leaving him to Death Eaters …"

"Don't you trust me? What's yours is mine. Trust me!" Bill enunciated slowly, staring into the fathomless grey eyes he loved. "Just a few minutes, talk to Albus, get your orders. I have to go now. Don't follow."

"Why can't I …?" Sirius whined pathetically.

"You're a target. They'll get you to get at Harry. I'm not risking losing you now."

"Be careful!" Sirius whispered, his body still straining against Bill's hands.

"Of course. I'm coming back to you. If you're a good boy and do what you're told I'll give you the best blowjob in the world!" He let go and stepped warily away from the gaunt body.

Sirius stayed where he was. Bill pecked a quick kiss onto his cheek and headed off down the stairs, waking portraits on the way. A couple of them called encouragements, the rest insulted his parentage, sexuality, lineage or political allegiance. Sirius took a couple of steps forward, but only as far as the railing at the top of the staircase. His surge of adrenalin was spent. Resentfully, regretfully, he restrained himself. He leaned over and watched the red ponytail and strong wand arm of his man flashing in and out of view as he raced down to the Floo in the kitchen.

"What sort of an incentive is that?" He shouted down the stairwell. "I get one of those every day!"

THE END

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Author's note: There you go! Save the Animagus, save the world! Hope you're not too disappointed with the deviation from canon at the end.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for reading this. I really appreciate all the reviews. I'd like to wish everybody a Slashy Christmas and a Smutty New Year!