Seeping Venom

"I love you," he whispered, his bright golden eyes glowing with sincerity as he clasped my hand in his.

"No!" I gasped sarcastically, shaking his hand off irritably, "Really?! I didn't understand the first twenty-eight times you've told me."

I wanted to swallow the words back, but that was impossible, even for a vampire. Edward drew back, the hurt in his eyes nearly spewing over his thick lashes as tears. But I knew better. I knew that tears were beyond the reach of a cold, demonic, bloodthirsty animal like –

No! I screamed within the confines of my mind, secretly glad that Edward couldn't hear me, Stop! Why are you even THINKING about thinking like this?

"Bella…" he began tentatively, "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine!" I snapped at him, infuriated by his perfect little frown.

"You've been acting a little…distant lately."

I sighed, reluctantly allowing myself to inhale Edward's distinctively intoxicating scent. There were times when humanity seemed like a distant paradise, just beyond the reach of my perfect, pale fingers. I wanted nothing more than to be the clumsy Bella. I wanted nothing more than to get away from it all – the perfection, the strength, the speed, the strength, the toxic venom that was creeping into my mind like a poison, devouring my sanity like a ravenous beast. Bella Cullen was not meant to be a vampire.

Renesmee was the only think that kept me from tearing myself to bits. Nessie and the human part of me that was still trapped in her. I loved her more than anything in the world, except maybe Edward. If only he were human. If only we were normal husband and wife, with an equally normal child who had experienced twenty years of childhood, instead of seven.

It irked me that these thoughts could sweep my mind in a millisecond, leaving my enough time to answer Edward, repeating myself with an, "I'm fine."

"I should have known better," he whispered miserably, "From the moment that I met you, I should have walked away and saved Bella Swan."

"Bella Cullen," I corrected him quietly, burying myself into him.

Upstairs, Renesmee's breathing quickened, and she whimpered softly.

"What is it?" I prodded Edward.

"Just a dream," he stated bluntly, as his eyes glazed over for a moment.

"Edward," I began hesitantly, "Where are Jasper and Emmett?"

"Watching football…" he turned to me curiously.

"Well…it's been a while since you spent some time with them. Maybe you should go hang out for a while…?"

Hurt and disappointment flashed across his face. I wanted to slap myself. The dismissive tone in my voice was all too audible, but I knew that I needed a few hours to clear my head, if I had any hope to of retaining a shred of sanity.

Edward rushed out of our cottage hastily. Groaning, I trudged up the stairs and lay on the bed next to Nessie, even though I wasn't tired, and I never would be.

I had to set my priorities straight. Did I love Edward?

Yes, I thought confidently, pushing the matter away.

Oh do you? The venomous little tendril of thought wound it self around my head, nearly suffocating me.

Yes. YES. YES! I screamed back at the implication, what right do you have to question my commitment to Edward?

And is that why you sent him away after so nonchalantly stabbing misery into his heart? Because you LOVE him??

Pause. I could not think of an answer to that.

I sighed. Life was a little unclear right now. But we would pull through. My Edward and me.