Hi everyone! I know it's been a while. I just wanted to post this before I went on my trip. This chapter is a bit long (I think I got carried away) but I hope you enjoy it.
Also, thank you so much for your reviews they mean the world to me, they really do.
I'd like to hear what you think about this one as well :)
The Audition
"Ems did you see my..."
Emily held up a hot pink leopard print bra to Katie's face, who grabs it without saying a word.
Her family was leaving in the afternoon and already the house felt empty.
A sudden sadness tugs at the pit of her stomach when she realized she was actually going to miss them, then she felt her heart sink when she came to the conclusion that she was going to miss Katie the most.
Her sister had nearly cleaned out their closet, and kept her side of the bedroom neat for once. Earlier Emily saw her trying to wrestle her fourth suitcase shut.
Katie looks at her uneasily, "Try not to mess up while I'm away, yeah?"
Emily hugs her and promises to call, and Katie mumbles something unintelligible into her hair. When they pull apart, Katie looks away and sniffles, quickly making up an excuse about something being caught in her eye. Emily just smiles. She didn't dare point out Katie's tears because her sister may be a lot of things, bitchy, trashy... a bit tacky at times, but Katie never ever did corny.
Five hours later Emily found herself being dragged into a noisy club by an overeager Cook, who threatened to carry her there if she didn't cooperate.
"I don't know Cook, I should just—"
"Come on babes, it'll be fun. " He reassured her with a toothy grin, as they weaved through the swarm of people and made a bee-line towards the bar. "Drinks on me yeah?"
The smell of stale cigarettes hung in the air as Cook passes her a beer and clinks their bottles together. Emily tilts her head slightly; perhaps one drink wouldn't hurt.
"To your freedom Emilio," he says light-heartedly before disappearing into the dance floor. Emily sighed and tried to process what was happening. In a sea of people she realized that for the first time she was on her own.
Tomorrow was a new day; a new beginning.
"Fuck!" Naomi cursed, though there was no one there. "Fucking fuck!"
There was an endless, ever growing list of reasons why she should just move away. Just grab her clothes, stuff them in a hold all and move to some remote village half way across the globe. Any place was better than here. Seriously.
Today was no different. She was sorting out her clothes, folding them carefully when she realized her shirts looked smaller, that somehow they had shrunk.
"Mum! MUM!"
"What is it love?" Gina Campbell's sugary voice echoed in the hallway. Naomi gives her mother a death stare as soon as she enters the room.
One of the disadvantages of living in a madhouse is that other people keep offering to do things for you and ultimately fuck it up. This week it was Billy from across the hall who offered to do the laundry. And Gina said yes despite the fact that he was probably the most unqualified person in the world to do such a thing, considering that the only thing he ever wears around the house were headphones.
"Oh dear," she gave Naomi one of those apologetic looks, the kind which simultaneously said she couldn't do anything about it. She walked over to the bed and gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead. Naomi would never admit this, but it was one of the few things that her mother did which made her feel better.
She hands Naomi a large Manila envelope. "Somebody left this for you."
Emily winced as she padded down the stairs at 8 in the morning, barefoot, with heavy eyes, and her hair hastily tied back into a messy ponytail. It was early... far too early for someone to be at the door, knocking.
She was met by a flash of blue and blonde and for a second Emily wondered if she was still sleeping because this sort of thing— the girl of her dreams showing up at her doorstep unannounced— well, it doesn't really happen to people like her.
"Hi." Naomi smiled, standing with her arms crossed and looking at her expectantly. She was wearing a red denim overall skirt, which was half undone, and a white printed t-shirt, which was a bit too snug.
The outfit showed off her long legs, and curves which were usually hidden amongst the sea oversized shirts and loud print leggings that she regularly wore to college. It looked good on her, despite the fact that it would probably look ridiculous on anyone else.
"You look hot."
"Pardon?"
"Warm! I meant... warm."
Emily blushed bright red, but then again it was kind of innocent... it was summer after all. She cracked the door open a little further so Naomi could step inside.
"Do you want something to drink? Since you're um..."
"Warm?"
Emily gave a nervous laugh and made her way into the kitchen before she made an even bigger fool of herself.
A few minutes later Naomi was sitting by the kitchen table looking quite unsure what to do. She took in her new surroundings. It was quite nice here, peaceful, a stark contrast to her hippy-infested home. She gives a sigh before rummaging through her things.
"What's in that thing anyway?" Emily asked eyeing Naomi's oversized bag, "Small children or something?"
"Yes Emily, they're all very well-trained. Won't speak until I give them permission." Naomi said sarcastically, a smile playing across her lips. She seemed rather distracted as she fished through the contents of her bag. "Here."
Emily looks at her confused; it looked like a copy of the script. "Effy said to go over these," Naomi explained, "dropped them off this morning."
There were changes, so many bloody changes that Effy's made to the script that it was hard to keep up. Emily carefully studied the lines to get a better picture of everything, when half way through skimming something makes her lose her balance... and she was sitting down.
"All right?"
"Yeah I'm fine." She coughs to cover her discomfort but it comes off so forced that it sounds ridiculous.
"Okay, what's wrong?" Naomi asks while turning a page.
"Nothing."
"Em..." the nickname rolls out of her tongue before she could help it. She almost panics just then, but stops herself when she sees Emily relax. "Tell me."
Emily moved closer to make sure no one would hear. It makes Naomi smile because they were the only two people there. "It's just that I— I've never done this before."
Emily's words land in a whisper on a patch of skin somewhere between Naomi's neck and earlobe. It makes her heart race a little— well okay, a lot.
"I've never kissed anyone... you know... on stage."
"Oh," Naomi managed despite the feeling that something was lodged in her throat. Emily's words made her mouth go dry.
She leafs through the pages frantically to look for the scene, not quite grasping what was going on. And then there it was: Page 16 paragraph 4. Emily was going to kiss Josh Fulton.
Naomi didn't have a problem with him personally— didn't even bother learning his name until now. From what she could remember he was a very put together kind of guy— quiet, cute in that boy-next- door kind of way. Everyone liked him. Well almost everyone, since she officially started hating him three seconds ago.
The thought of him touching Emily's face, running his fingers through her hair, his lips grazing hers... It hits her like a sharp knife to the gut, twisting her insides ever so slowly. It hurt... No, it was fucking painful.
"I have to go," she said abruptly, already swinging her bag over her shoulder and clearing her things off the table.
"But we're not even through with the first scene."
"We can just pick things up tomorrow or something." She said hurriedly, refusing to meet Emily's confused gaze.
"Oh, okay." Emily gets up and helps her. When they were done she gives Naomi a weak smile, before she inched closer to hand over the rest of her things.
"Here," Emily's eyes were wide, filled with so much warmth and need, it was almost suffocating. Naomi could have sworn she meant to leave just then, but somehow found that she couldn't. She remained very still; it was the best she could do given that she was practically shaking on the spot. She watched as in one fluid motion Emily took a step forward, closing the space between them, before standing on her tiptoes until their faces were less than a few inches apart. Naomi didn't even get a chance to blink before Emily's chest pressed lightly against her own, those brown eyes slowly looking up as if to ask for permission.
She could feel her heart hammering, knew Emily could now feel it too. There was a pause, and then a sigh, and then there were lips upon hers, so warm they make her eyes close and her pulse race a million fold. She always thought she would fight against it; always imagined that she'd have more sense of control. But honestly, this was everything she hoped it would be.
At night Emily lies in bed, feeling so extremely happy she couldn't sleep. She watches as the shadows dance on her bedroom walls, and listens to the faint sounds coming from outside her house. Snippets of Naomi flash through her mind, her hair, her eyes, her lips, and the sensation of having them pressed against hers. It was all so promising somehow.
Laying there in the darkness with no one to disturb her, Emily pictures their future together: She would bring Naomi fresh cut flowers everyday in the summer; would run her fingers through Naomi's hair as she read, and in the evenings after a very long day they would fall asleep together in each other's arms...
It was a small cast, so Effy decided to have the read-throughs at her house. On the walk over Naomi thought of Emily, trying to decide what she was going to do next. Yes, she had kissed her once and for the longest time it was all she wanted. Curiosity satisfied. And that was all.
She grows more assured with every step she took, figures that perhaps she had blown this whole attraction thing out of proportion. When she walked in, she saw Emily sitting cross-legged on the couch. At that moment Naomi knew that she had not.
They talked politely to each other, much like strangers would. Naomi sits beside her and spends at least fifteen trying to rationalize that it was the sensible thing to do.
The read-through went fairly well, though it wouldn't have really made much of a difference to Naomi given how distracted she was the entire time. Having Emily in such close proximity made her mind drift to other things. She often zoned out as the actors delivered their lines, only paying attention once it was her turn to speak or Emily's.
It wasn't the kiss that bothered her. It was the loss of self-control. Around Emily Naomi fears that maybe she had lost it for good.
Later Effy congratulated them, giving the cast corrections which she sandwiched in between praises. Naomi wrote them down on the margins of her script, trying her hardest to push away the thoughts that bothered her.
She had been attracted to other people before, but up until this point it had always been sort of optional. She could either choose to realize it or not, turn it on and off if she wanted depending on the convenience of the situation. But for some reason she couldn't shake this feeling away... whatever it was.
In the days that followed they do not talk to each other at all. It's not that they didn't want to; it's just that they didn't know how.
During their next run-through Naomi made sure that she sat as far from away from Emily as possible. She wanted to read the script in peace, concentrate for once without her heart threatening to jump out of her chest every time Emily so much as looked at her.
Sometimes though their eyes would meet in between reading lines and for an infinitesimal second Naomi forgets to breathe.
It didn't take long before the realization hits her: she wasn't the only one who had eyes for Emily. She wouldn't have minded if her competition was a homely, frog faced, unattractive cow, but unfortunately none of these applied to Emily's understudy, Alexa.
The girl was quick witted and funny, and so blatantly touchy-feely around Emily that it made Naomi's blood simmer. It seemed harmless in the beginning. The two of them would sit together, talk, maybe even joke around. But then there were times when Alexa's stare would linger too long on Emily's lips, or moments wherein she'd sit so close to Emily that it reeked of desperation.
Naomi let these moments pass, but never seemed to be able to let them go.
One night when they were milling around the kitchen taking a break, Alexa took Emily's hand and pulled her towards the couch. Her thigh rested sloppily on top of Emily's; it lasted for over an hour... not that Naomi was counting or anything. Occasionally she would sneak in a glance at them, counting the ways she could get rid of Alexa, all of which involved pushing her off a cliff or something.
Naomi leaned heavily against the wall, pretending to go over lines she's memorized ages ago. She mumbles some words, furrows her brows, turns the pages from time to time. She was convincing. Almost.
At one point she saw Alexa lean in and whisper something into Emily's ear, her finger gliding down the side of my Emily's neck. Naomi flinched, she felt like hurling.
"Taking it hard I see." She turns around to see Effy beside her, an amused expression on her face.
"Excuse me?"
Effy shrugs, tilts her head a little and shifts her eyes towards Emily's general direction. She smiles. She knows.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Naomi manages to say evenly, and just like that Effy lets it go. It baffles her for a second before she realizes that Effy was walking away with a bigger, even more satisfied grin on her face.
It was as if she couldn't light a cigarette fast enough. As soon as Effy had dismissed them, she rushed outside, not even bothering to say good bye to anyone. She desperately dug in her pockets for a lighter. She lit the tip and inhaled greedily, before breathing puffs of smoke into the cool night air.
The thing about Naomi was she liked to build walls. In fact she couldn't remember a time where she didn't have any, couldn't think recall a moment where she had been vulnerable or exposed. It was just her nature to place layer after layer, brick over figurative brick. If she could, she would live in a deserted island; maybe even build a fortress, or a moat to keep the sharks at bay.
Seeing Emily with someone else... well, it felt like the most natural thing to do.
"What's wrong?"
Naomi spins around, almost dropping her cigarette, "Just leave me alone Emily." she says and begins to walk past her, taking long strides.
Emily tries to double her pace but it was no use. She decides in the end to break into a sprint just to keep up with Naomi.
"Naomi?" she says a little out of breath. She tries to grab Naomi's wrist, but catches her sleeve instead. "Talk to me. Please don't walk away."
"I have to go—"
"Would you just... fucking look at me?"
Naomi sighs dramatically and rolls her eyes before facing Emily. "What?"
"Do you hate me or something?" Emily asks point blank. It was a cold night and she suddenly grew aware of freezing air which filled her lungs. She thinks for a moment of taking Naomi's hands in hers, just hold them long enough to reassure her, but decides against it at the last minute, choosing instead to shove them into her coat pockets.
Naomi looks at her steadily, her expression completely unreadable. Emily focuses on her eyes which looked almost green beneath the orange street lights, "Don't take it personally, I hate everyone."
"First of all, that's not really an answer, and second that's not even possible... hating everybody."
Naomi gave a little scoff. It felt like a challenge and she certainly wasn't one to lose. "Well let's see... I hate my mum, and all the wanking tossers who live with us. I hate Effy and the way she thinks she knows everything. Christ, I even hate the man who brings in the post and that damn woman who lives across the street from..."
Emily kisses her mid-sentence, in part just to shut her up and also because she wanted to prove a point. Her lips curled slightly as she felt Naomi's lips ease into hers.
When the read-throughs were over, the actual rehearsals were scheduled to take place twice a week, every week for the rest of the summer.
The first rehearsal was gruelling. Midway through they found themselves slumped against each other, shoulder to shoulder, exhausted. It had been a long five hours and the break was well-deserved.
Naomi rested her head on Emily's shoulder, noticeably tired from all the runs Effy was asking them to do.
"You smell like peaches today..."
"What?"
Emily gives her a shy smile. "Your hair smells like peaches."
"Are you making fun of me?"
"No... no... It smells... nice."
Naomi winks at her. Later they kiss in an empty storage closet.
The days they shared in between were spent in complete randomness. Nothing was ever planned. It was easy, laid back, casual. No one was ever pushed or cornered into any sort of commitment, but they met every single day anyway.
Some days were spent in the park, their bodies sprawled on an old blanket, just talking and watching the sky. In the calm that surrounded them they would lay with their shoulders pressed together, and launch into a never ending debate about what animal the cloud which hung above them resembled best. In one particular instance Emily insisted on a porcupine, when Naomi was sure it looked like a parrot.
Other times the two of them would walk together aimlessly, before settling on a hill somewhere to have lunch. Emily usually brought the sandwiches, and Naomi would always bring the wine. Up high and away from prying eyes, they would just spend hours reading, holding hands and then kissing, forgetting about the world completely because they have built their own.
That summer Emily found a part time job in a quaint little bookstore. It didn't pay much, but the work was easy— just watching the place for a few hours, three days a week. She had always loved books, especially the old ones. To her they held a certain charm that new books didn't have.
On a whim she bought Naomi a copy of The Great Gatsby. She wrapped it herself and added a bright red ribbon. Naomi read it over and over again until the spine was battered and the pages were dog eared. Today she read it while keeping Emily company.
"I have the feeling she's in love with you..." she said while stretching out on the grass in Emily's backyard.
"Who?" Emily looked at her quizzically. She was busy inspecting one of the flower patches which have wilted, drooping miserably, and its petals threatening to brown if she didn't do anything about it.
"Alexa." Naomi looks at her and couldn't help but break into a smile. Emily's hands were hidden in ridiculously oversized gardening gloves and her legs were curled underneath her. She looked tiny, like a very attractive garden gnome.
"Don't be absurd," Emily said dismissively, rolling her eyes and turning her attention back to what she was doing.
"I'm serious. She was all over you during rehearsals..."
"She was probably just being friendly."
"Right!" Naomi snapped hotly and went back to reading her book.
There was a long awkward silence before Emily realized what was going on. "Hold on, you're jealous?"
Naomi glared at her, "We'll aren't you a little full of yourself."
"You are!" Emily said playfully, her brown eyes growing wide. For once everything about Naomi gave her away; from the softened expression on her face to the way she shrugged miserably, looking defeated. She glances at Emily feebly, and then shifts her eyes hastily to the ground.
"Oh shut up."
Later they found themselves in Emily's bed. The sun had nearly gone and the room was bathed in a vibrant orange hue.
"What are we doing?" Naomi asked so quietly that Emily almost thinks it was her imagination. The answer was so obvious that it makes her giggle with Naomi still on top of her.
"Kissing."
It wasn't as simple that. But they weren't ready to discuss things, not just yet. Neither of them was prepared to burst the quiet little bubble they were floating in. Naomi just sighs and buries her nose into Emily's shoulder before she plants a soft kiss on her cheek.
"You know what I mean."
It takes a second before Emily finally understands that something was wrong, that Naomi wasn't just doing this to be thoughtful, or funny, or even sarcastic. For once she was being completely unguarded, wanting Emily to do the same.
"Don't you like it?" Emily prods, as they lay there with their bodies pressed together.
Naomi can hear Emily's breathing, can feel her body rise and fall with every intake of breath.
"I do," she concedes her fingers absently tracing lines across Emily's arm. "But I'm not— like— I'm not..."
"It's okay." Emily frowns, unable to hide her disappointment.
She tries not to seem so pleased when later Naomi looks up and slowly kisses it away.
The past few nights Emily had been nothing but edgy and restless, too flighty to get a proper night's rest— it was as if she needed to be held down before sleep took over her entirely.
There was a voice that dwelled inside her head and refused to go away. It haunted her whether she was sitting in silence, or moving through a noisy crowd, drilling the same incessant sense of insecurity into her mind. She was going to lose Naomi it said... she was going to lose her soon.
Suddenly a terrible feeling washed over her: she was an experiment, a temporary whim that Naomi will eventually grow tired of.
It was enough to make her feel like the joke was on her. Here she was, falling uncontrollably, and Naomi wasn't even sure if she'd take the leap. Emily begins to resent her for being so wonderful all this time. If Naomi hadn't been, perhaps they wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.
"You're gay?" Naomi's alcohol induced words floated through the air. The question came out of nowhere. One minute they were huddled together on the couch watching reruns of Doctor Who, and the next Naomi just decides to blurt it out. It was quite easy really, but it causes Emily Fitch to sputter uncontrollably.
"Well, I... I mean..."
"A simple yes or no will do," Naomi interrupted. She shifted her body slightly so that they were now facing each other.
"Then yes, I think I am." Emily said with such confidence and surprisingly little hesitation that it comes off sounding more like an introduction than anything, "And you?"
"I'm not quite sure..." Naomi let the words drag on, not exactly ready to give a real answer.
"So you don't know yet?" Emily asked with a hint of a smirk, her brown eyes growing wide, a hint of mischief swimming in them.
"Well no, I guess."
"Would you like to find out?" she continued, still smirking.
"How, exactly?"
"Simple. Would you like to take the test?"
For some reason Naomi's heart began pounding madly inside her chest, and she wasn't sure whether it was out of fear or excitement. For a second she wonders if Emily had gone mad.
There was a short pause before she finally managed to find the words.
"Fuck it... fine I will." she said, raising the bottle of vodka she was holding to Emily as if to congratulate her for successfully wearing her down.
Emily eyes what Naomi was wearing: a skirt cut a few inches above the knee, her top loose, with a wide neck. It tended to slide towards one shoulder, exposing her collarbone. It causes Emily to swallow, hard. "Well, I'm going to kiss you... obviously, and all you have to do is tell me is whether you like it or not. Easy."
"On the lips?" Naomi asked.
"Well, we've done that already haven't we? So I was thinking..." Emily inched forward; she met Naomi's eyes for a second before leaning into her neck. Naomi felt Emily's warm breath dance across her skin and the soft touch of her lips glide against the side of her neck, just above the shoulder. She was overcome by a wave of something... lightning, fire, electricity... coursing through her body. She was starting to think this game had gone out of hand, too much even for her to handle.
"Ems, we should—"
Her voice caught in her throat as soon as Emily placed a hand on her thigh to keep herself steady. She was about to protest again when instead a soft gasp escaped her lips. Emily had placed a second light kiss slightly higher on her neck, below her ear. It made her tremble, arms locked at her sides unable to move. A feeling of helplessness washed over her, she was no longer in control.
The heat from Emily's body, the intoxicating scent of her shampoo, and the tenderness of her lips— all of it made her body feel incredibly warm before it was followed by a nervous, tingly cold.
Emily pulled away from her neck and returned seconds later on the opposite side, kissing Naomi's skin a third time. She felt Emily's hair brush against her cheek and the soft whisper of her breath near her ear. She squeezes her eyes shut, her breathing now ragged from the mixture of shock and pleasure she was experiencing from such a small, simple act.
Just as she thought she could take no more, Emily stops. She raises her head back up and took a long sweeping glance at Naomi, still maintaining the closeness between them.
"Well," she began, in a slightly huskier voice, "did you like it?"
Naomi staggered a little; feeling like her limbs had now turned into jelly. She tried desperately to calm her herself down. She racked her mind for the appropriate response.
"I... I..."
Emily grins, "A simple yes or no will do."