Author's note- Enjoy.
Thanks to Warui, my continually wondrous beta :)
Disclaimer.
The front seat of the cruiser wasn't the place I wished I was at this moment, but it was better than the back.
"I can't believe you know Jake!" Chief Swan's face was crinkled into a jovial smile; he talked about Jacob like a son. "What a small world!"
I was just happy that he was more into the fact that I knew Billy Black's son than the actuality that I had been driving over the speed limit and without a license. "Totally." Unfortunately, that was all I could muster. This ride had been longer than any I had ever taken to the Rez, but then again, I hadn't taken the route in many cop cars…they change your whole perspective. I wondered how mad Chance would be when she had to go pick up the car tomorrow. It was something that I chose not to imagine.
As we approached the small, red house Chief Swan turned towards me, his brown eyes kind. "Now, you promise me that it's okay that I leave you here?" I nodded; it'd be better than facing Quil. "And Billy will make sure that you get whatever needs to happen done to you so that you understand not to drive until you get your license…and when you do, that you do not speed again?" I nodded again. "And you'll give the boy a big hug for me?"
I shook my head again and smiled, "a huge one."
The Chief blew out a long breath. "He probably could use one," he murmured quietly.
I pretended that I didn't hear that and scooted out of the car, into the rain. I pounded my fist on the door barely for the first time before it flew open. Billy sat in his chair, rolling his eyes when he saw me. He leaned into the doorframe, glancing behind me, and waved to the car that was pulling away.
"Thanks, Charlie!" He called huskily, receiving a swift wave of the hand in return. "She's in here, Jake," he shouted down the hall. Had Jacob been waiting? I began to dread confronting him. Billy look backed at me and winked. "I'm glad you got picked up by a good fella, kiddo. Pretty girls like you shouldn't run around getting arrested this late at night."
"I didn't mean to," I admitted, burrowing into the broken-in couch, suddenly exhausted. "I'm just glad Charlie seemed to like you guys so much."
Billy grinned weakly, sadly, "yes, we're old friends." I waited for more. But it never came. Billy sat for a moment, staring into space, before he rolled away towards the kitchen.
I heard Jacob finally open the door from his room. "It's nice to see you in one piece, C."
"How could you expect otherwise?" I joked. "Have you really so little faith in me?"
He laughed. "I feel bad for you once Quil gets here."
I felt my tongue swell up and a cold sweat break over my neck. "He's not coming."
"Oh, yes he is," Jake challenged, raising one eyebrow in cockiness.
I narrowed mine, remembering how they communicated when…changed. "You didn't." My voice was low.
He only hummed in response as something crashed through the back door.
"Claire Sage Hill!" His voice was loud enough to make the knick knacks against the walls shake. "What the hell were you thinking?!"
The silent treatment was my route of action. After all, I wasn't grown up enough to love. So I didn't have to act like I was going to acknowledge him in a grown-up sort of manner. If I was going to be treated like a child then I was going to act like one.
His bare chest was shining with rain and his hair was soaked as he stormed in front of me, sporting only a wet pair of sweats. "You can't just run out like that and disappear for an hour and a half!" His yelling was making my ears ring. "What if you had gotten in an accident? Or run off the road in the rain!" His eyes were wide with bridled fury. "You don't even have a license!"
I turned my eyes down and ran through bars of a song in my head, focusing on anything but him.
"You aren't even fucking listening to me!" He screamed, running his hands through the sopping pile of hair on his head.
I jostled out of the cushions and sped towards the front door. The cold rain pelted against my skin, stinging.
"There's no car out there, Claire!" Quil called.
My heart was flying in my chest, enraged. A thick heat beat in my head, making my vision red. How dare he tell me what I could and could not do! I didn't hurt anyone. I didn't hurt myself. What did he care what happened to me? He didn't care enough to show me his love so who was to say that it existed at all?
I could hear his footsteps shadow mine through the gravel. "Where are you going?!"
Home, idiot. Where else?
I didn't answer.
"Claire!" He sprinted ahead of me and impeded my progress with the palms of his hands. I could barely look up at him through the rain.
"Don't touch me," I snapped, recoiling from the hot mitts on my shoulders. So much for the silent treatment.
"Please, listen to me," he begged.
"I don't want to listen to you, Quil!" I spat. "I get it! Okay? I get this whole thing!" The raindrops and tears that had gathered on my eyelashes made it impossible for me to look up at him.
"Get what?" His voice was soft and it broke my heart, regardless of how much I wished it wouldn't.
"I understand the fact that you don't…" I choked on the word, "want me like that."
"N—no, C, y—you…" he began to refute.
"Don't say anything," I told him. My voice was wavering, my throat aching as the pain in my heart leaked into other parts of my body. I pivoted around him and pushed into the walls of precipitation, happy that my tears wouldn't show.
The ground didn't seem solid beneath my feet, I felt like I was slipping and my ankles were rolling. I stumbled my way through the darkness, sucking in jagged breaths of air between sobs.
He didn't want me.
He didn't want to be with me.
He didn't want what I wanted.
The pain was so consuming that I was nearly numb. It had been a repetitive, sharp sting in the back of my throat, a strong heaving in my stomach. My feet dragged against the mud and rocks beneath me, holding the weight of a broken heart. And then my eyes welled up with tears. But after that there wasn't much that I could feel at all. I think that it hurt so badly that my body did all it could to ignore it, which meant distracting itself.
But those distractions came in the form of memories of Quil. His beautiful face flashed across my mind, breaking me down until I was sure there couldn't be anything left inside of me.
It was a terrible feeling to know that you weren't wanted, to feel that in some way you had failed them. The past ran through my head as I picked through all of our fights and other disagreements, trying to see where and when I had pushed him too far.
The freezing rock in my chest had a cruel name—disowned. There wasn't any other way to describe the fact that someone didn't want you anymore. And no matter how much you still wanted them…needed them…cried for them, they didn't want you in the same way or quite possibly…they didn't want you at all.
Heartbreak is a deceiving word. When someone hurts your heart, it isn't specific to that one organ. The heart pumps its pain throughout the entire body, each beat crucifying the sector of veins and arteries that it forces blood through.
The agony makes your knees weak enough to collapse and sends rolling bouts of nausea through your digestive tract until it seems that the only way you could possibly remain standing is by the grace of God.
I luckily happened to have one behind me when the harm finally drew enough from me to make me collapse.
The concrete arms locked around me and I rolled into their heat, not caring that he didn't love me the way I wanted him to for this short second. I could feel the rain abate from my face as he covered me as much as he could with his chest.
He strode through a door, slamming it behind us. Before I knew what had happened I was back on the ground—on carpet, I noticed a second later. But even that stability didn't last long.
My breath got lost as his hot body crashed into mine, pinning me airlessly against the wall. His lips were crazed and desperate against mine; soft but strong. My body responded quicker than my mind could. My legs wrapped around his waist, tensing against the muscles of his hips. My arms were strung around his neck, pulling him closer against me.
His hands snuck beneath my wet shirt, crossing behind me and peeling the thin piece of fabric from my skin. My bare chest was slick against his, the heat of his body making my skin eager for its touch.
He put his arms under my butt, securing me to him as he separated from the wall and tripped a few steps backwards, rolling us onto a bed. His bed, I realized.
His hands grazed over the sensitive skin of my stomach, which tingled on contact. A tight knot balled in my stomach, a familiar one. He gasped gently as I arched against him, the high points of my chest skimming the firm skin of his.
He coaxed me into a straddle position as he sat up and took my lips greedily with his again. His huge hands roved over the tense muscles in my back and trailed down the bones of my spine, stopping at the hem of my jeans and drawing a tender circle around my waist.
"Claire," he moaned softly.
The desire in my chest fluctuated, pressing my chest harder against his as I raised my hips. He took a sharp breath at the movement of the hips against his, grabbing my pelvic bones with his hands. I kept my lips locked with his, yielding to each dip of his tongue. The muscles that lined the insides of my legs quivered underneath the skin, building a tension in them that I had never felt before.
The hands persuaded my hips slowly up and down against him, allowing me to feel the heat and strength of him. His breathing was disjointed and his lips couldn't stay in complete contact with mine as he gasped and moaned my name.
My heart was pounding so hard in my chest that I was scared that it would fall out. It had been the fastest rebound that it had probably ever experienced.
Our bodies were hot as he held me against him. His entire body was trembling.
"Are you cold?" I asked.
"No," he said.
"What's wrong?"
"I love you too much," he said sincerely, the words tickling my ear as he whispered them. "That's what's wrong with me."
I caved into his embrace, allowing my lips to glide over his burning skin as I leaned into his shoulder. He lay down onto the mattress, covering us with a cold sheet. We were silent for a long time, something that was never unusual for us.
After all of the pain, I expected my head to be reeling from what had just happened…even though it hadn't been everything I had hoped for…but maybe that was to come? I couldn't allow myself to think of such things.
But my mind wasn't racing. It was quiet. As if his touch had quieted the racket of all the pain.
His long arm fell over my side and pulled me into the crescent of his silhouette. "Claire?"
"Yes?"
"I don't know how I let you think that I didn't…" he struggled with the word, "want you. But I need you to know that there isn't anything that I want more."
I flipped to face him and wiggled up until my face was even with his, and then I placed my lips softly against his. "Okay."
"I can't imagine my life without you," he said, his eyes were warm and inviting and I had to resist slipping into them. "And would never want to."
I nestled my chin into the crook of his neck and breathed deeply, allowing his comforting smell to pull me closer to him. "Me either."
"And Claire?"
I was barely awake. "Hm?"
"On your birthday," he began. "You can have anything you want."
I smiled feebly against his skin, "But I want you."
He was silent for an extended second and then answered. "I know."
Author's note- Leave your thoughts :)