December 2 – It Gets Worse

We got a letter last week, addressed to the family as a whole. The village leaders were examining it for any trace of where Hinata has gone, and it's a treasure trove of information, since it actually is from her. Her "last letter home," in fact. She's either dead or a prisoner now.

Just that news sent Hiashi over the edge. He died in his sleep last night, making this kind of hard for me to be writing down. The head of our little family, for the time being, is Hanabi, and she's not thrilled at all to be in that position. She wants to switch power with us, so she's the lesser and we're the greater...but that isn't going to fly. Hiashi wouldn't have wanted me within a hundred feet of his pedestal, and Neji doesn't have the ability to control the clan.

Poor little Hanabi. She was hoping so badly that her dad would survive long enough to train a proper heir, and that didn't happen. Instead, she's in charge and, right now, she's got to plan out her father's funeral. The village would normally want to get involved, but there's a war outside of the gates, and if we focus on mourning more than protecting, we'll all die.

Right now, I don't really think dying would be a good thing. There's too much for me to live for.

December 31 – Beauty at Midnight

He wants me up until midnight, to ring in our first new year together. I think he's crazy. I have not stayed up late in nearly a month, and that late has never worked for me. Why does he think I'll do it now, when I'm not feeling good and there's fighting and war and horrible, horrible things happening right outside our house?

Oh, right. Because I love him.

Hanabi isn't even here, and she said she would convince him to let me sleep. She had to do leader-like things, and in her anger, she completely forgot to even talk to him about it. Do I blame her? No. But I resent her for not being here.

And now he's telling me I need to get up and help him with something. I'm sorry. I refuse to get out of my chair until he tells me what he wants me to do. I'm asking that right now. There's not much I'm good for, so it has to be easy.

What? Is he serious? He's letting me go to sleep right this minute, and he'll just wake me up later when it's closer to midnight. He's "okay with being alone" for a few hours, even though he'll probably just be watching me sleep like he has done every night.

He's paranoid that, if he's not with me, then something will go horribly wrong and he'll lose me. I try to convince him otherwise, but...I'm not sure how.

February 19– Friends

Ino is here visiting. She's changed so much since the last time I saw her, and it's not physical changes. She's just a different woman now. The horrors of this war have struck her hard. And, even though I've been really sheltered from them, they're starting to hit me pretty badly too.

Sakura's dead.

Let that sink in just a bit.

Her last belongings are now in my possession.

So many people I was at least once friends with are now gone. Hinata hasn't been heard from since we got that letter. Kiba was murdered about a month ago, while he was protecting the villagers in Suna. And now Sakura's gone.

I don't really know what to do anymore. I can't believe that this is happening. It was just last year that life was perfect. Last summer. I was happy in my new life. Now, I wish I was back in that bad place I used to be. There, I didn't have friends like this. I didn't feel this attached to people. I didn't feel the loss of someone this badly.

Hanabi is telling me she'll always be here for me. Ino swears on her life that she's not leaving the village again until this war is settled. I don't want them to give up their freedoms and fun in order to keep me tied to sanity, but...but...it feels good to know they'll be here.

As for Neji, he can't promise he won't be sent on missions again, but he's trying to make me believe he'll try his damn hardest to stay here. I definitely don't want him sacrificing his position in the village for me, his pathetic little wife.

But he will regardless of what I say, so I guess it doesn't matter if I want him here or not.

That's why I love that man.

It's also why I love Hanabi and Ino.

They're caring enough to know we need to stick together, regardless of what we give up for it.

March 20 – One Year

I can't believe I'm actually writing this.

It's been one hell of a year.

A year ago, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to realize I was engaged to who I thought was my worst enemy. Today, I sit next to him, with him reading every word I write down on this page.

We were too stubborn to call off the engagement, so we ended up going through with the wedding, on May first. Our lives were as close to perfect as they could (and would!) get. We were living together for a few weeks before the wedding, so we were used to each other. And we were building an addition to the house, so we could have our own place.

Then things started happening.

Hiashi got sick, Hinata became restless, Hanabi was acting like any girl her age would, and we were the outsiders. When Hanabi started being nicer to me, I knew something was up.

I just wish it hadn't ended up being that I was pregnant. Because I could have honestly done without becoming a useless piece of society, sitting around being moody and annoying and a burden on everyone else.

But that's not even the bad part. While I was coming to terms with the fact that I was carrying the future generation of this family, Hinata went missing and Hiashi died. That put Hanabi in the position of power, until my baby is old enough to take over.

Meanwhile, outside the village walls, a war is raging and I've lost many of my friends to it. They're fighting to keep the people like me safe. I can never thank them enough.

But now it's a year after that wild night.

I'm no longer the twenty-two year old nuisance I once was. I'm a twenty-three year old woman who's soon to be a mother. I'm much happier now than I ever was before the night.

I just wish I was still almost perfect.