Disclaimer: I don't own xxxHolic, as only CLAMP can produce such magnificence. Neither do I own Unwell, by Rob Thomas. I, SheherazadeSohma, only own the story.

A Different Side of Me

Second Act

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After a sleepless night, Watanuki went through the school day in a fog. It didn't go unnoticed by his two companions. Doumeki was on alert when, on the walk to school, the other boy noticeably flinched when Doumeki happened to step a bit too close. Himawari was worried at his obvious inattention, at how he barely said a word during class or all during lunch, but decided to be silent and leave her friend to his thoughts.

He was so out of it, Watanuki forgot (or perhaps purposefully forgot?) that Doumeki had archery practice and should have waited for him. Instead, he ended up walking straight home instead of to Yuuko's. Fortunately, when Watanuki arrived at his apartment, he found a letter tacked to his door, a missive from the witch informing him that she was giving him the day off. Normally, he would laugh with glee, then sink into a state of paranoia and suspicion, wondering just how he would be forced to repay her generosity. Now, he barely registered the letter's meaning and entered his home without a second glance.

The song project was due in English tomorrow.

Damn it.

Watanuki slumped down on the floor and rummaged through his school bag, pulling out the cds his English teacher had kindly lent him.

He was almost out the door, lunchboxes in hand, when a voice called to him.

"Watanuki-kun?"

He turned and saw Sinclair-sensei gesturing for him to step up to his desk. Sinclair-sensei was a spindly, slightly grizzled man with a pair of pince-nez and a slight beard. He had relocated from England years ago, and now taught young Japanese students his native tongue.

"I hear from Kunogi-chan that you are having a rather frustrating time finding a song?"

"Uh, yes, as a matter of fact I am, sensei."

"Well, I have a few cds, if you're not too picky." Sinclair-sensei dug out a handful of cds from his desk drawer. "There's nothing too—what's the word?—old-school or uncool from among these."

Watanuki summoned a smile. Sinclair-sensei was an endearing fellow, and he had no other ideas for songs.

"Thank you, Sinclair-sensei."

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Watanuki had combed through the cds, and finally (to his everlasting surprise) found a song that seemed made for him—and uncomfortably brought to mind his current situation. He could barely focus on finding metaphors, similes, and whatever else it was he was supposed to deduce. Instead he listened to his chosen music on repeat on the little cd player in the corner of his bedroom, lost in his thoughts and Yuuko's words.

"You've become a master at deceiving yourself…"

Before yesterday, Watanuki hadn't seriously thought you could deceive yourself. You could ignore something, but to literally hoodwink yourself? But now he had doubts.

If you were confused, he reasoned, and inexperienced with…certain aspects of human relationships…maybe something that hits most people in the face can just slip by you.

Yuuko-san said I've turned Doumeki into something he's not. If that's true, that means Doumeki isn't my foe. Being blind to what he truly is…He's my friend?

But 'foe' implied 'hatred'. And the true opposite of hatred is something more than friendship.

Watanuki sputtered and slammed his forehead onto the table he was working on. He couldn't even utter that embarrassing, horrifying word in his mind!

But if I really actually—insert embarrassing, horrifying word—him, despite him being a guy, and a moron, and, and...GAH, he's just Doumeki! And where does that leave Himawari-chan?

He adored Himawari Kunogi. He felt so cheerful and content when she was around. His respect and admiration for her only increased after the deadly window incident, when her horrible curse was revealed and she had attempted to cut ties with Watanuki to protect him.

But he never felt peaceful around Shizuka Doumeki. No, Doumeki could arouse violent feelings in him in a heartbeat. One smirk, one patronizing lift of an eyebrow, could send Watanuki into an emotional rage.

Was it because Doumeki could be brusque, insensitive, emotionless? Yes—or at least, it appeared that way to Watanuki. Hell, anyone would flip out at someone who always seemed like they didn't care.

"Doumeki shot an arrow through the mother spirit you cared for—he didn't want to lose you, even though he knew he might still lose you."

But he did care. Every single time Watanuki found a golden hawk's eye flashing at him in the mirror next to his natural blue one, he was confronted with the evidence that Doumeki gave a damn about him.

I wish he didn't. Then I wouldn't have to feel this way. I wouldn't have to look at myself.

But he had to, or Yuuko's words would come to pass—and when was the last time Yuuko had been wrong?

"If you do not get past these self-imposed obstacles, the scarlet ribbon will fray…"

One's red ribbon can be tied to only one other person.

"…and break."

But if you tug hard enough, the ribbon unties…or your partner lets go.

Throughout the night, he reasoned and argued aloud and in his head, trying to evade, but always hitting stone walls that forced him to retrace his steps back to the one desire that kept ringing in his head:

Don't let go.

Watanuki's mismatched eyes wouldn't close until, just before drifting off, he saw the sky was tinged gold and blood red. He sank into slumber, dreaming of golden hawk eyes and scarlet ribbons.

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He didn't say one solitary syllable to Doumeki on the walk to school. And Doumeki decided not to comment on the weary, dark raccoon circles marking his eyes. Before they separated to head to their respective classrooms, Watanuki hissed, "See if you can sneak out of class towards the end of third period."

Doumeki looked slightly taken aback, but nodded nonetheless.

About fifteen minutes before third period closed, Doumeki's hand climbed the air.

His small, gray-haired teacher's jaw actually dropped. Shizuka Doumeki was going to ask a question? If she didn't make him stand up to recite in class, she would have suspected him a mute.

"I need to use the facilities, sensei."

She didn't think to tell him to wait until class was dismissed, instead stuttering, "O-Oh well, ah, sure. Go ahead!"

She was so startled she neglected to note that when her student left, he turned and walked in the opposite direction of the restrooms.

Doumeki leaned against the wall next to Watanuki and Himawari's classroom. The class was clapping at Himawari's just-finished presentation as she motioned for Watanuki to come and take her place up front.

When Watanuki stood at the head of the class, waiting for Himawari to finish fiddling with the cd player, he glanced out the slightly open doorway. Sure enough, he spied Doumeki's calm face staring back at him, swallowed hard, and nodded shortly.

"Watanuki-kun." Sinclair-sensei motioned at him. "Your lyrics please, and explanatory paper. Underlined the similes and metaphors in blue ink, I trust, and the other notes in green? Excellent. Just pop your song in and relax."

Gray eyes scanned Watanuki's lyrics. "Now what song…? Oh, I haven't heard this one in a while! Class, we will be listening to Unwell, by the artist Rob Thomas."

Doumeki fought down any anxiety he might have about just what Watanuki wanted to show him and forced himself to a state of calm. He would find out what his friend was up to soon enough.

Watanuki rested against the chalkboard as the music player whirled, discreetly (he hoped) eyeing the archer at the door.

All day

Staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me


Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be


I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away


I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be

The music faded off into silence. The only sound left was the click of Watanuki pressing the stop button.

Outside, Doumeki honestly felt a bit dizzy. Midway through the song, he had shifted completely out of Watanuki's line of sight and pressed his forehead against wall next to the door, a rare sign of weakness.

The song fit Watanuki perfectly, and he had wanted Doumeki to hear it. Did he dare try to read between the lines?

"A powerful song, Watanuki-kun," Sinclair-sensei commented softly. "In your opinion, what does the song mean?"

No one would ever know the willpower it took to keep his eyes from sliding to the door. "It's a plea, basically. The person in the song hears…and probably sees…things…but he's not crazy, he's really not. But everyone else thinks he is, so he's an outcast, and it's getting to him, and sometimes he—"

Watanuki stopped.

Clenched his fists.

He couldn't let his voice run out of control.

"Sometimes he feels he will finally go crazy. Just…snap. So he pleads with the people close to him…or maybe it's just one certain person…"

He kept his gaze fixed on a red pushpin on the bulletin board on the back wall. But he still felt hawk eyes drilling holes in the side of his head, and felt his face warm.

"…To stay with him. Even if it means putting up with his bouts of insanity. Because there's so much more to him than what anyone can see."

The teacher smiled gently. "And why did you choose this song? Does it bear any significance to you?"

Watanuki paused.

"Not really," he said. "Just thought it was a good song. Some other people might get it, though."

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The bell rang, students filtered out, and bento boxes were pried open in the bright autumn sun. Only three teens were left inside the building, and one was more than happy to leave the other two to their own devices.

"Watanuki-kun? Do you mind if I take my bento right now? I need to go ask Inoue-sensei a question on our geometry homework."

He pulled out her bento, then paused. "…We had geometry homework?"

"Um, it's extra-credit!" Himawari snatched the food and skipped out the door. "Enjoy your lunch to the fullest, Watanuki-kun!"

Watanuki's eyes took on a knowing look. She knows something's up.

"Oi."

And there he was, one arm braced against the doorframe.

"The name's not 'Oi'." He fiddled aimlessly with the two remaining bento boxes.

"That was pretty slick," Doumeki's voice rumbled quietly. A part of him was silently pleased at how Watanuki subtly tensed when he strode into the room, ambling over to him.

"Yes, it was a pretty good presentation," Watanuki replied carelessly as made to glide by the archer, "since I didn't have to talk much."

"No." Doumeki caught his elbow; he dipped his head, spoke next to the smaller teen's ear: "I'm talking about how that was the most private public confession anyone could pull off."

Watanuki trembled as he always did when he was especially pissed. Doumeki braced himself, ready to act like a brick wall once Watanuki snapped and proceeded to pummel him away.

To his everlasting surprise, Watanuki's claw-like hand sunk into his collar and yanked, bringing them nose to nose, heterochromatic glare to hawk-like stare.

"I hope you got the message, dumbass, because I don't care to repeat myself!" he spat. "I refuse to say anything more! Either you accept my overture or reject it!"

Doumeki stared in shock for what felt like a century. Then…his eyes turned soft, his mouth slightly curled.

Chu.

With a resounding bang against the tiles, the bento hit the floor.

Watanuki's eyes slid in and out of focus, his glasses smudged and slightly askew.

"Y-y-y-y-youuuuuu!!"

He flung himself back, nearly flipping up and over a desk.

"A verbal reply was what I wanted, you lascivious moron!!"

Doumeki lightly brushed his fingertips across his lips—and grinned.

Oh God.

"I'm not a very verbal person," he said simply. "And I don't mind repeating myself. Come back here and I'll tell you my answer again."

"NO WAY IN HELL!" Watanuki clapped a hand across his mouth and scrambled to get past the hawk that had abruptly turned into a wolf.

The wolf caught him, and after a brief tussle, latched onto his shoulders.

"Kimihiro!"

He froze.

"I accept." Warm arms wrapped around him; gentle breath ruffled his hair. "Idiot, I accept."

Doumeki heard a muffled comment before Watanuki buried his nose at the archer's neck.

"What?"

"…I wanted you to call me Watanuki. I never gave permission to be called Kimihiro."

"You can call me Shizuka."

"It'll be a cold day in hell before I call you Shizuka!"

Chu.

"GODAMMIT!"

"You just called me Shizuka, stupid. Besides, I didn't think I'd get a second kiss so soon, but I guess anything can happen."

"I loathe you, you idio—mmmm…."

A warm glow lit up in Doumeki's chest.

Third time's the charm.

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Sheherazade's Blah Blah Blah

Hello! Thanks for reading (and hopefully reviewing) the second act of A Different Side of Me. And thanks so much for all the reviews of the first part! I hope to write more xxxHolic stories since people seem to like my work so far in this category.

I know I said this was a two-shot, but there are a few finishing details that I felt would be more appropriately placed in an epilogue, so that's what I'll work on tomorrow. Please look forward to it.

I hope you enjoyed the second act. Thanks again!