"I get it now, Izaya. I won't at all force you into marrying me."
"I'm taking a shower."
"I'll be waiting."
As much as Shizuo wanted to join him, he knew that it would make matters more complicated. Izaya stood under the jet of hot water for a long time. He needed this interval to collect his thoughts alone. Sparring with Shizuo had tired Izaya more than he thought. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the tiles, imagining his life without Shizuo. It seemed rather bleak.
"Just for the record, I don't want a public ceremony of any kind and I'll write the vows myself."
Shizuo got up. Izaya ambled to the bed in his fluffy white bath robe.
"Izaya, you're saying that-"
"That I don't want to terminate this relationship. And I don't want anyone to snatch you away. So I guess I'll just have to marry you."
"Really?"
"In my own terms. You know what happens when people get married. The sex goes down the drain. And rest assured, Shizu-chan: I will not let that happen. Is that understood?"
Shizuo nodded. He felt elated as if a burden had been lifted from him and sent him floating on thin air. But just like walking in the air he was afraid of crashing down into reality.
"You really don't have to worry about that. I can never get enough of doing you. But are you sure?"
"Don't mistake me for a bashful bride. I won't cook for you, I won't wash or tidy your clothes, I won't be your housewife anymore than I'll bear your children."
Shizuo chuckled.
"Trust me, I know. I wouldn't expect you to do any of that. Even if you were a girl."
"Good. As long as you are aware of that."
"I'm aware that I love you."
Shizuo hugged him and kept his arms around Izaya.
"Don't go taking me for granted now. Married couples do that too often."
"I won't. I know how popular you are with girls. But I'll make it so that I'm all you need."
"Big words, Shizu-chan. Big words."
"Not just words."
Shizuo led him to bed, hands linked.
"Oh my, it looks like we're about to skip down a flower strewn meadow and straight into the sunlight, hand in hand."
"I like this better."
Shizuo kissed him softly.
"You're the sap of us two. I want personalized rings."
"Don't you already have loads of them?"
"I mean wedding rings."
"I'm not too sure I can afford that."
"Too bad for you, husband dear."
"Guess I'll have to start saving."
"Don't be silly. I told you already, no idiotic old fashioned ideas like 'I'm the man of the couple so I got to provide and bring home the bacon'. I'm the one who wants rings so I'll pay for them."
"How about we do it fifty fifty?"
"Done. You've got yourself a deal. I'll get them and you can pay your share later, bit by bit. But the rings must match. Which means you're in a pinch if I go for a big jewel engraved ring. 'bukuro will go wild!"
"Then let it go wild. I want everyone to know that we're together for good. So next time some bitch asks me for your phone number I can tell her to get lost because we belong together."
"Does that actually happen?"
Shizuo nodded darkly.
"Yes. I hate it."
"Hmm…you know, girls ask for your phone number all the time."
Shizuo started.
"Really? What do you tell them?"
"That you're gay and that you kill girls."
"I never thought too much about being gay and whatnot. And I don't kill girls…or anyone…"
Izaya chuckled.
"That's not the point! I just want them to stay away from you."
"That's a cute, in a way. But why say that I kill people?"
"Because otherwise they'd be all 'gay? Kya!'."
"Weird people."
"But don't get the wrong idea here. I am aware that being unfaithful has nothing to do with having a lot of suitors. If you don't want to cheat then you don't cheat. It's that simple."
Shizuo kissed Izaya's hand.
"Yeah, I know."
"Gee…you're so chivalrous all of a sudden."
"Dunno what that is."
Izaya tsked.
"It means that you'll be opening doors for me, pulling chairs, and placing your coat in muddy puddles for me to walk over."
"Why would I do that? You got arms and eyes, it's not like you can't open doors for yourself and you just need to walk around puddles."