Day 3
Having a weak moment, I decide to call Alcide. I have to stop thinking about Eric but that dream I had just isn't helping. I already planned to pack my bag in the morning, march out to Pam and tell her I'm leaving and why. Except it's the middle of the night and I can't even think about sleeping, let alone what I need to do in the morning. So, I pick up my phone and dial Alcide's number. Before I remember the time difference the phone is ringing–he picks up on the second ring.
"Hello?" His raspy voice comes through the earpiece so low I strain to hear him.
"Shit, I'm sorry. I forgot about the time difference. This is Sookie, Sookie Stackhouse. I met you on the plane to New York?"
"Sookie? Hey. How could I ever forget meeting you?" He clears his throat. "I'm glad you called. Don't worry about the time. I'm usually awake at odd hours so you can call me whenever. How's your vacation been so far?"
"Not good. That's why I'm calling. I was hoping you could distract me a little."
"Really?" I can hear the smile in his voice. I like the thought of him smiling because of me.
"I ran into someone I never thought I'd see again and now I want to leave, but I haven't toured the city or done anything relaxing. I needed some cheering up and I thought of you. Do you think you could just talk to me for a bit, make me feel better?"
"I will do my best to do that but over the phone may be a little difficult. Did you want me to meet you somewhere? My next book isn't due for a while now and I'm halfway done. I can hop on the next plane and come see you." Wow! I don't even know what to say.
"Would you be willing do that for someone you've just met?"
"No, cher. Only for you. So, where are you exactly?"
"I'm in Stockholm, Sweden."
"How's the weather?"
"Nice, but it gets chilly at night. I'm sure you'd be fine considering you live in New York."
"That's good to know. How much longer you planning to be there?"
"Uh, just a few more days."
"I guess I better get a move on then. I'll call you with the details and see you when I land."
"I'm looking forward to it. And, Alcide?"
"Yes, Sookie?"
"Thank you."I can't believe that he's willing to jump on a plane to come see me and I'm almost ashamed to admit how happy I am that he is. He may be just what the doctor ordered.
After talking with Alcide last night I'm looking forward to seeing him today. I haven't made any effort to get out of bed yet and I'm afraid to face Eric. Who am I kidding? I'm afraid to face Pam, too. I have no idea how to start our much needed conversation but I'll figure it out.
Eric ignores me at breakfast. He barely looks up at me to say hello over his coffee mug. I wonder what's gotten into him. Maybe I hurt his feelings last night. I didn't mean to; I just can't betray Pam. I've packed my bag and set it by the bedroom door. Once I build up the nerve I'm going to tell her about us. She'll have to be understanding about this situation because I haven't acted on any impulses–aside from giving in to his kiss–but that wasn't my doing. He kissed me. Forget that I wanted him to kiss me, he kissed me. Not the other way around.
"Morning guys. Um, Pam. I need to talk to you. In private." Eric looks up at me then.
"Shit Sook, whatever you want to say to me you can say in front of Eric. He's cool."
"Uh, okay then. I've decided to leave. I can't stay here with you any longer."
"What's going on? Why are you leaving when you just got here?" She turns to face me giving me her undivided attention.
"I know it's just that, I need to tell you–"
"She's leaving because of me."
"What the fuck did you do now, Eric?"
"Nothing, Pam. Sookie and I know each other. We met last year." Thanks for speaking up Eric. I'd lost my nerve.
"Well that's not really a big deal. I wish you would have told me that two days ago but… wait, why didn't you tell me at the airport? You two pretended that you didn't know each other for my sake?"
"Because we fucked Pam. You couldn't expect Sookie to come right out and tell you that now could you?"
"Eric!" I wish I had known he was going to say that. I wanted to break it to Pam gently.
"No, Sookie. She needs to know everything. There's no point in pussyfooting around."
"Sookie? What is he talking about?"
"When we came here last year, for vacation… He's Leif." Her eyes kind of glazed over as she took in my words. "I didn't talk to you about it then because I was embarrassed and pissed at you for ditching me. I'd never done anything like that before and I just couldn't tell you. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? You're sorry? Is that all you can say?"
"I don't know what else to say, Pam. I am sorry. I need you to know that if I could change things I would. But I can't."
"You've been my best friend since I can remember and all you can say is you're sorry? You are a sorry bitch if ever I met one."
"Pam! That's uncalled for. Sookie isn't telling you this to hurt you."
"Fuck you Eric! Don't you talk to me about what's uncalled for. I should have known. I should have known something was up. The way you two have been acting around one another and all the quiet, brooding bullshit you've been doing lately." He's been brooding?
"Pam, I'm really sorry. I know you're upset but you have to understand why I didn't say anything."
"No, I don't understand. Why don't you enlighten me?"
"I never thought I'd see Leif, er, Eric again. I mean, I met him before you two got together and it was just a meaningless fling. We had fun for a week–"
"No, you fucked for a week. Big difference."
"Okay. Yes, we had sex. But there was no way for me to know he's who you were dating now. All you told me about your boyfriend was you thought he was the one and you wanted my seal of approval. You never went into detail about him."
"Can you blame me? I should have seen this coming. He's hot, you're hot, and I've left you two alone here more than once. I guess it was only a matter of time. Forget the fact that you knew each other before; it's obvious that you are attracted to one another. You are interested in her right, Eric? Isn't that why you've been distant, why you turned me down last night?" I shake my head at him begging him not to answer.
"Yes. I still have feelings for Sookie." He looks me dead in the eye. I am so fucked.
"Still? You mean after a year you still have feelings for her?" Pam seems pretty pissed and rightly so. I can't even look at her.
"Yes."
"I didn't know. Pam you have to believe that I didn't know. If I knew who he was, do you honestly think I would have come here? I definitely wouldn't have stayed here with the two of you. I'm only telling you this now because I want to make things right between us. We're not supposed to have secrets and I've been keeping a big one. I'm so sorry."
"Shut up. Can you shut up and stop telling me how sorry you are. I don't want to hear another word from your mouth. Just get out. GET OUT!" I go back to my room to grab my bag and head to the front door to leave. I don't want Pam to be any more upset than she is now.
"Pam, aren't you being a little harsh?"
"You get the fuck out too you fucker! How could you do this to me?"
"Do WHAT to you? I haven't done anything!"
"Oh, you think I haven't seen the googly eyes you make at Sookie? I'm not blind, Eric. I'm used to women ogling you but, I've caught you staring at Sookie. Just get the fuck out before I cut your balls off and serve them to you on a silver platter!"
The last thing I hear as the door slams shut behind me is a glass shattering against the wall. I'm so lost in my thoughts I don't hear the door to Pam's apartment open and close again.
"Sookie! Sookie, wait. Please?" I push the elevator button repeatedly, hoping it will show up before Eric gets to me. No such luck. I keep my back to him as I reply.
"Eric, I don't think this is such a good idea. I shouldn't be talking to you, not after… We've hurt Pam enough."
"Pam will be fine. She's not as innocent as you think. Once she calms down you should call her and talk to her again. You haven't done anything wrong and she'll see that. You don't have anything to worry about. Me on the other hand…"
"I'm sorry I came here."
"I'm not. I wish you would have come back sooner. Actually, I wish you would have never left. Things would be so different between us now. I wanted to tell you then how I felt Sookie, how I feel now. I've tried to fight it but I can't. I want to be with you. Where are you going? I still have my flat. You can stay with me if you want to."
"THAT is definitely not a good idea. I can stay at a hotel."
"Is that all you have to say to me? Did you not hear anything else I said?"
"I did, Eric but it doesn't matter. Besides, I'm meeting someone."
"You're meeting someone. Who?" He looks really angry. I shouldn't have said anything.
"It's really none of your business–"
"Alcide?"
"How could you know that?" He says something under his breath in Swedish, which I guarantee is an onslaught of profanities.
"I overheard you talking about him with Pam. You can't be serious? You just met this guy now you're what…? Do you like him? Are you planning on fucking and leaving him without a word too?" The elevator arrives but Eric moves in front of the door. "I'm sorry Sookie. I shouldn't have said that."
"That's none of your business. And hurtful and mean."
"It is my business when I think I'm… You know what; I promised myself I wouldn't do this. I've spoken my piece. I was going to back off and leave you alone but–"
"You should… leave me alone, I mean. I don't want to hurt Pam anymore than I already have–than we already have. She's my best friend and I need her more than I need you." I said what I thought would hurt him to push him away. I push the elevator call button again.
"You don't feel anything for me? Even after that kiss?"
"How can I? How can I even think about being with you when I know how much pain it would cause Pam?"
He grabs my shoulders pulling me to him and kisses me hard on the mouth. His kiss is full of passion and desire and lust. I try my hardest not to kiss him back. I can't give in, I won't give in. He breaks the kiss for a much needed breath and leans his forehead against mine. Being this close to him is so hard. I know I'm doing the right thing and I need to walk away now before it's too late.
"What if this wasn't causing her pain? What if she wasn't as hurt as you think she is? Would that make a difference?"
"Eric, I can't even think about this right now, and where the fuck is the elevator?"
"Are you in that much of a hurry to get away from me?" He laughs to lighten the mood.
"Yes. I mean, no… I mean, I don't know." I let out a deep sigh. All this waiting on the elevator has made me consider taking the stairs. Eric reaches up to run his thumb across my cheek and I step back avoiding his touch. If I let him touch me again I know I'll give in and I just can't.
"When you put it that way… I can't let you walk away again. Sookie, I…"
"Look Eric, maybe you're right and I shouldn't have left the way I did. Maybe things would be different now, but this is where we are and this is what I have to do. I'm sorry. Goodbye." And just like that, I resolve to walk out of his life. Again.
I turn on my heel and run to the stairwell, the near silent swish of the closing door the only sound I hear. I rush to get down the stairs before the first tear threatening to spill over my lashes makes its way down my cheek. I brush the salty moisture away with the back of my hand vowing to never shed another tear over Eric Northman. He has feelings for me and I may have feeling for him too. I just don't know how I feel about anything anymore. I hate being so confused and I really can't wait until Alcide gets here.
Seeing Alcide for the first time in days was just… he awakens something in me. I know he can help me forget about the one who shall not be named. I need to forget about him although just thinking about not saying his name makes me weak in the knees.
I look up and smile as the familiar face rouses me from my pity party. Those beautiful green eyes are sparkling at me. He smiles and I remember why I like him so much. Unh… I can't wait to run my fingers through his hair. He must have been just as nervous to see me again because his dark locks look wildly tousled. It's a very good look on him. I guess he hasn't shave since I last saw him because he has the beginnings of a beard. It gives him a bit of a distinguished look. I like it. I like it a lot. I must not have noticed before but he has the cutest little dimples when he smiles. I know why I didn't notice, he'd never been this close to me before now.
"Well hello, Miss Stackhouse. It's so good to see you again." He pulls me in for a hug and I inhale deeply as he squeezes me. God does he smell incredible.
"Yeah, um, you… too." He smiles at me again, revealing those gorgeous white teeth of his. I'm going to die right where I stand.
"So, what should we do today? I didn't have anything planned but spending time with you, so whatever you want to do, I'm all for it."
"Um, how about dinner? I'm really hungry. Unless you want to nap first then we could go out. I know the flight was long and you have to be tired."
"No, I'll manage. I'm used to staying up late hours. I'm a writer, remember? Sometimes an idea hits me in the middle of the night and I have to put it down on paper. I usually don't go back to sleep if I'm on a roll. Plus, I got a little shut eye on the plane." He winks at me and I swear my heart stops. His gesture reminds me of Eric and I mentally smack myself.
"I'd really like to get out of Stockholm so maybe we can go to Gothenburg. It's on the west coast of Sweden and we can get there by train. There are quite a few things to do there and I've looked into other places we can go. What do you think?"
"A train ride would be nice. We can talk and get to know each a little more." I nod and have to keep myself from jumping up and down like a kid who's going to Disney World.
His only luggage is a small carryall so we head out to catch a cab to the Stockholm Central Station. It's a huge, beautiful building and I would love to look around but I'm afraid that we'll run into Eric or Pam. Why I'm so paranoid, I don't know. There's no reason either of them would be here. I need to calm down. We buy our tickets to Gothenburg and grab two seats to wait for our train.
I call Gran to let her know about my change of plans and to catch up since I haven't spoken to her in a day or two. She tells me that she thinks I'm doing the right thing and that I should enjoy the rest of my vacation. She's handling the bakery fairly well on her own and thinks I should take a few extra days since I've had such a rough time. I think on it as I hang up and then my phone rings. I'm not sure who would be calling but I answer it since it's already in my hand. I don't check the Caller ID. Big mistake.
"Sookie. Please don't hang up."
"Are you calling to yell at me some more, Pam? I thought you said all you wanted to me earlier today." Alcide looks over at me with concern and I wave him off. I throw on a little smile so that he doesn't worry.
"Please, Sookie. I'm calling to apologize. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. You and Eric were in the past. I should have known he was the Leif you told me about. It didn't click until after I had time to think about it. Can we just get past this? Where are you? Come back to the apartment." She sounds sincere.
"I'm at the train station, Pam. I'm not coming back."
"The train station! Where are you going? Why are you taking the train?"
"Alcide's come to visit and we're going to Gothenburg. Besides, Eric's still there isn't he?" The phone goes silent. "Pam?" Damn! Why did I just tell her where I'm going?
"Yeah, I'm still here. Eric was just here but he seems to have left. You have to come back Sookie. We need to talk."
"I don't know, Pam. I want to talk to you to hash things out but I can't stay with you if Eric's there. I just can't."
"I get it. I'll make sure he isn't here. As a matter of fact, I think we're calling it quits. I don't want to lose you, Sookie. You're my best friend and nothing can come between us. Yes, I almost let a guy come between us but he's not who I need in my life. I need you, Sookie." Alcide nudges me to let me know our train will be boarding soon.
"I don't want to lose you either, Pammy. You know I wouldn't have done anything right? I would never betray you like that."
"I know. Look, there's something I really need to tell you Sookie." I didn't catch her last sentence as Alcide picked up our bags and held his hand out to me.
"Listen, we'll talk when I get back. Gran said that I can take a few extra days so maybe I'll come see you then. Okay?"
"Sure, it can wait until you get back. Thanks for giving me a chance. I love you, Sookie."
"I love you too. I'll call you when I can."
Alcide and I move closer to our platform to wait for the train. We sit on a small bench and spend the remaining time talking about his flight and the guy who sat next to him talking his ear off about oral hygiene. He was a dentist. I laugh and remind him that our first flight together could have turned out the same way. Alcide rests his arm on the back of the bench, his fingers playing with a lock of my hair.
"There's no way I wouldn't have listened to anything you had to say." I blush at his words.
"You're just being sweet. Um, I know we haven't discussed sleeping arrangements…" He holds his hand up in a stop gesture.
"I was planning on getting my own room, wherever we end up. I don't want to pressure you into anything, Sookie. We just met and I want you to be comfortable with me."
"I am comfortable with you and I appreciate you thinking about my feelings. I'm really looking forward to touring the city…" I stop mid-sentence because I can't help but feel something's off.
I get this nagging feeling to turn around and look behind me. I didn't want to but I can't shake the feeling that I'm being watched. Alcide looks at me waiting for me to continue my thought. I reluctantly turn around, peering over my shoulder to see Eric. He's standing about ten feet away from us (gorgeous as ever in a navy v-neck sweater and dark jeans), and he does not look happy.
A/N: To my lovely reader howyoudsdoin, I took your advice and had Eric make the confession to Pam and here is Alcide as you requested. Thank you to frlarsson who is my Sweden expert. Thank you to all of you who alert and favorite this story. I appreciate it more than you know. I love the reviews and please keep them coming. I answer them all and they keep me writing. To my lovie hearttorn, thanks for being my second set of eyes. I reworked this after sending it to my beta so any mistakes are my own.