Pam POV

I cannot believe my ears. Eric is the 'Leif' Sookie told me about last year? I can't help myself. I explode and yell the most hurtful things possible at Sookie. I want her to feel the pain that I feel. I want her to… stay.

I think about what I said to her and know for certain I didn't mean any of it. I love Sookie and didn't want to hurt her, although I know that I have. I'm upset. Why would she keep such a thing from me? I thought we were closer than that. The more I think about it the more I realize she was trying to protect and keep from hurting me. She cares about our friendship and didn't want to do anything to jeopardize it. I understand that now, but shit!

"All right, Pam. You need to fess up. What the fuck is going on with you?"

Well I hadn't expected Eric to burst back into the apartment like he did but I'd had a few moments to think about things. I realize I overreacted with Sookie and I need to apologize. She just doesn't… she couldn't know how I feel and wouldn't know because I haven't told her.

"Why, whatever do you mean, Leif?"

"Don't play coy with me. Why did you flip out on Sookie like that? She's your best friend who you do nothing but speak well of, and now you throw her out of your apartment without even talking to her first? Talk about not wanting to ruin your relationship. She's really hurt over this Pam and you need to fix it."

"I can't fix it. I'll only make things worse." He has no idea.

"Then you need to tell me what to do so I can fix it. It's clear to me now we're not right for each other. I never thought we were soul mates but I after today I find that I'm still in love with Sookie. You know the first time we met, I thought you were her. You reminded me of her a little, and I thought if I couldn't have her I would take the next best thing."

"Wow, Eric. That's real nice. Would you like to make me feel even more like shit?"

"I'm sorry, Pam. I'm just being honest with you. I'm not in love with you. I love you, more like a friend, but romantically, no. It's been fun being with you but you've been weird for the past few months. I thought moving in with you would help but it hasn't. I can't live like this anymore and I need to know what's going on. Why don't you start with the truth? Are you cheating on me?"

How to answer that loaded question? Well, there's the truth, which I'm not too keen on telling him. I can lie but I'd have to come up with something quickly or I can stretch the truth. I think long and hard before I answer because what I tell Eric will change things for the both of us. And I guess, Sookie too.

"Eric, it's not that simple. I don't consider what I've been doing cheating. Yes, I've not been completely honest with you but there isn't another guy. I have been seeing someone when I tell you I'm working for my father."

"Felicia?"

"Yes. What made you guess Felicia?"

"You said it was not another guy and she always seems to call you for your father. I had an idea that you weren't rushing off to help your father like you said you were."

"No, I wasn't. I was meeting with Felicia. She's helping me with a bit of research."

"Research? What kind of research?"

"See, that's where it gets tricky. Once I tell you, I think it'll open your mind to a few things and I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for you to have that information yet."

"Cut the shit, Pamela! Just tell me already."

"If I tell you then Sookie–"

"Wait? What does this have to do with Sookie?"

"It has everything to do with Sookie. That's the point." I try to avert his eyes but his gaze follows my every move.

"Are you telling me you're gay?"

"No! I'm not gay. I'm just, um, possibly in love with my best friend." He laughs. Long and loud. I'm seriously thinking about kicking him in the balls but I wouldn't want to cause any permanent damage.

"Well fuck me! Pam, if you're in love with Sookie, don't you think that makes you gay?"

"No, because I don't want to fuck every woman I see, just Sookie. And I don't want to fuck her. I'd just like to be intimate with her, love her. I still want to fuck you, though. You're rather good if I can say that without inflating your ego too much."

"Honestly, I did not see that coming."

"How could you? Why would you? You hardly listened when I'd talk to you about her. I know how smart you think you are, but I could tell you were ignoring me. Maybe if you'd listened more closely we wouldn't be in this situation now."

"Oh, really? You think you can put this on me? I don't think so. This is all on you. Does Sookie have any idea?"

"Of course not, you ass. If she knew…"

"If she knew, you two wouldn't be friends, would you? You wouldn't be able to keep the same relationship with her knowing that you want more and she doesn't."

"I don't know that. I don't know how she will react and I'm sure we can still be friends."

"Let's not be delusional, Pam. She met some guy on the plane ride here. I don't think she would have told you about that if she wanted you."

"Fuck you, Northman!"

"Yeah, now I get why you want to." He laughs.

He's such an asshole. I don't know why I even bother… well, yes I do. I picked him because he's a blue eyed blonde. Not exactly the shade of blue that catches the light just right and creates the cutest twinkle in Sookie's eyes, but close–and they have the same hair color. The moment I saw him I knew that he would be able to help me get over my crush. It really is a crush. I mean I think it is. I didn't always look at Sookie in that way. She was–she is my friend, my best friend.

The first time I met Sookie was in high school. I'd just moved to Louisiana with my mother. My father remained in London due to business obligations, so I had the option of staying with him or going with my mother. I obviously chose the latter and am all the happier for it. I would not have met Sookie had I stayed with my father. Now that he's relocated to Stockholm, I thought I would spend time with him. My mother and I have grown apart over the years and I really can't deal with her shit anymore. It helped that Sookie and I came here for vacation so that I could get a feel for the place. I loved it the moment I stepped foot on Swedish soil.

Life in Louisiana would have been boring had I not met Sookie. We connected almost instantly and became fast friends. She lived with her Gran which afforded us lots of girl time. We never had to worry about boys rushing in to our slumber parties or breaking up our dance sessions. Yes, things were good until I began to take notice of Sookie's blossoming body.

The few times we went swimming together I caught myself ogling her in her bikini but I thought that was normal. Doesn't everyone check out their friends, make comparisons at the differences in body parts? I think my feelings changed the first time I saw her naked and became aroused by her bountiful bosom. I'd never wanted to touch a woman's breasts as much as I did in that moment. I thought of all the ways I could run my tongue over her dusty rose colored nipples, making them perk up with each flick of my tongue and nip of my teeth. I'd pay special attention to her soft, creamy smooth skin as I ran my hands down her sides and over her hips. I pictured myself kissing down her body to the triangle of golden curls just above her mound. I would look up at her and she'd spread her legs for me, giving me permission to taste her.

But I knew Sookie didn't look at me that way when she started dating that asshole Bobby. What the hell kind of name is Bobby Joe Burnham anyway? BJ Burnham we used to call him. Could she have picked anyone more hickish than him? He was such an asshole that he made you call him Bobby Joe when you talked to him. Who does that? He'd get pissed if you just called him Bobby or BJ. I hated his guts but not as much as the second guy she dated. Quinn. Ugh! No, he was a guy that had no business dating Sookie. The simple fact that he shaved his head should have told her something. He was so fucking conceited. All he did was talk about himself. Just thinking about his purple eyes makes me want to vomit. And the annoying way he used to call her 'babe.'

She would not listen to my warnings about him, but then again she never listens to me when it comes to men. I only pretended to be happy about this asshole Alcide she met on the plane. I mean really, what kind of guy picks up a woman on a plane? She couldn't run away from him so she had to be polite during their flight. But she seemed genuinely excited about him. That worries me but not as much as her previous relationship with Eric.

As I look Eric over I recall her telling me about 'Leif' on our flight home. I thought she was in love with him. I didn't understand how she could be in love with a guy she'd just met and spent a week with. I have heard of love at first sight but that shit can't be real. Can it? She went on and on about him so much that I finally told her to just go back and find him. She knew where he lived, why the heck not? Though, I didn't want her to go. I only said it because I thought it would make her happy. Of course, she didn't try to find him and I smiled to myself when she told me it was a lost cause. She had run out on him and didn't think he'd want to see her again anyway. I played my part and made sure she had my shoulder to cry on. I cradled her gently in my arms, inhaling her lovely floral scent. I was so fucked.

That week we had gotten back I wanted to tell her about my feelings for her. I knew she wouldn't reciprocate but at least she would know. That was when I'd found Leif's number in her purse. I panicked and shoved it into my pocket before she could see. I realize now that if she had found his number we would be in a completely different predicament. So instead of confessing all to her, I worked to help her get over Eric. It didn't take long before she had immersed herself in her work and had almost completely forgotten about him.

Here I've harbored my feelings for her and have grown bitter. I yelled at her like a crazy woman because I was upset with myself. I wanted to tell her then that I loved her but I couldn't do it. I didn't know if I did love her or was just infatuated with her. Sookie has a way about her that just makes you fall for her so fast. She's beautiful and sweet and funny. She doesn't see herself for the great catch that she is but she is truly amazing.

I can see now why Eric couldn't stop staring at her. I didn't let it bother me because I'm used to it. Wherever we go Sookie gets a lot of attention. Actually, we both do. We just shirk it off as guys being the horny bastards they are and laugh in their faces. With Eric, I could see more there. He wasn't looking at her rack like most guys do; he looked at her eyes, like he was searching for something. That right there should have alerted me to the situation but I was too busy thinking about making my confession to Sookie.

Eric clears his throat bringing me from my reverie. I look up at him not knowing what to do next.

"So, Pam you still haven't explained yourself. What have you and Felicia been up to?"

"Oh, that. Well, as I said she was helping me with research. Felicia is quite the expert at eating pussy. She was giving me lessons."

"What? Are you serious? What the fuck, Pam? Did you honestly think Sookie would let you…? You did, didn't you? You sick little puppy… " He shakes his head at me in mock disbelief.

"Fuck you, Eric you fucking fuck! I had a plan thank you very much and it would have been fine had you not fucked it up."

"Oh no… you cannot blame this on me. And what was this brilliant plan of yours? Get her drunk then molest her while she's in a drunken stupor?" He raises one eyebrow at me. I hate when he does that it. It's so annoying.

"NO! Well… no. Getting her drunk was part of it but I wouldn't molest her. I think she would be more open to what I had to say if her inhibitions were out the window. It's probably how you got her into bed the first time."

"I don't have to get a woman drunk to get her to sleep with me. We were completely sober and enjoyed every minute of it. I hate to break it to you Pam but Sookie likes men. Even if your little "plan" did work, I can guarantee it would only be a onetime thing. You do realize how that would affect your friendship? Do you think she would be able to look at you the same after? I can tell you didn't think this through. Listen, why don't you just call her up and talk to her. That way you'll get it off your chest and she will know how you feel. You know, I just realized I should be more upset with you after finding this out. You've been sneaking around behind my back getting lessons in oral when I would have happily taught you whatever you wanted to know."

"Eww, Eric, no. You're good but Felicia's better. I think you're right though. I should call her, apologize and tell her how I feel. So, I guess this means what for us? I know you'll want to move out but you don't have to. I'd still like your company."

"Oh. I don't think that will work out. I still want to be with Sookie. I just want to make sure you'd be okay with that. I don't want you to be upset with her if she wants to be with me, too. To be fair, we knew each other first. It just so happens that you and I found one another. You care about Sookie's happiness, right?"

"Of course I do. Can I have some time to think about it? Maybe after I've talked to her first?"

"Sure. I don't think we came into this relationship with any intentions of hurting each other but we both wanted a replacement for Sookie. That's really fucked up when you think about it." We both laugh.

"It is, but we both know what we want."

"And its Sookie," we say in unison.

I can't stay mad at Eric, no matter how much I want to. I hold up my phone to show him that I'm dialing Sookie. She answers and I apologize profusely. I think she has forgiven me and I want to tell her that I love her before I waste anymore time. She surprises me when she says she won't be coming back to the apartment, and before I know it Eric's taken off. I'm sure he heard me say where she was and took off to go after her. I can't say that I blame him. I do value our friendship over everything and I would much rather she be happy with Eric and still be my friend than any of the alternatives. What am I saying? Fuck that. I'll wait until she returns and I'll tell her everything and then I'll give her the best orgasm of her life. Who knows, maybe she'll be open to exploring a closer relationship with me. A girl can dream.

A/N: Just want to give a little shout out to my helpers on this chapter. CassandraMello and hearttorn loved this over for me. I appreciate the input and thank you for helping me straighten this chapter out. I hope you all enjoyed it and you can tell me all about it when you leave a review. xoxo