A/N: So I hope that wasn't too much drama and angst in the last chapter. Sorry I took a while to update, and if your lucky chapter 5 will be up today too! YAY! Oh and this chapter isn't going to be too long. I promise, it's more of a filler chapter, to take a small break from the drama I hope… OKAY ON WITH THE STORY! … wait! There might be some MINOR Cargan slash xD

XxX

Chapter 4: Regret

KATIE POV

"Kendall! No…" I shouted. Maybe if I was loud enough he would hear me, and come back to life.

"It's okay baby, I love you, our love is okay now. We don't have to hide anymore." What was he talking about, 'anymore'? I just found out he loved me today.

"No! Stop! You killed my brother! What the fuck is wrong with you! How could you do that?" I spat.

"Katie, I'm so, so sorry. I love you… Doesn't that matter?"

"What? Doesn't it matter? What is wrong with you? I'm going to go tell Carlos and Logan!" I got up quickly and headed for the door.

Before I grabbed the doorknob he pulled me down to the floor.

"Ah! James!"

I stopped screaming as my face went stone cold.

He did this on purpose. He pulled me down, only so that I could be face to face with…Kendall.

I reached out to touch his face. It was cold, to cold. He was expressionless, except for his frown of pain. Nobody should suffer before they die.

Everyone deserves a peaceful death. Why did James have to break that one simple rule?

"Now you listen here baby, your not going to tell them anything! Your going to keep quiet and pretend like nothing happened! Got it?" He shouted in my face.

"Okay. I- I won't say anything. I swear." I was crying so hard. James had a firm hold on my hair, and was pushing my face towards Kendall's.

My body began to shiver from the coldness that Kendall's chest was emitting. I couldn't stop myself from thinking that his heart wasn't pounding in my ear. I couldn't stop myself from thinking that his chest was rock hard.

"Good!" James proclaimed. "So how about you and I go back in the apartment, and go to sleep. Tomorrow morning, well… we just wait and see." He added.

"Okay, come on. Let's go." My voice sounded so weak… so fearful. Kendall. He was never fearful. I cant even remember a time when he was scared of anything. Knights don't work that way. We're strong people. Kendall always used to tell me that.

And now I feel terrible. Speaking of my brother in past tense. He was just alive and well a few hours ago. What had driven James so close to the edge?

We walked back into the apartment before he went off to his room, hoping not to wake Carlos up. I whispered back a goodnight, when he told me that he loved me.

I decided not sleep in my own bed, since I didn't think I can handle being in there alone. Whenever I had nightmares, even at this age, Kendall…he always sang to me. His voice melted my troubles away, until I dozed off into an uneasy sleep.

But why didn't I seem as affected of my big brother dying? Was it because James did it? Or was is because I still love the man that killed my brother?

XxX

I don't know how much longer I had stayed up and thought about all the things I had seen that day. So much had happened, and I had no idea how to process it all.

I didn't want to open my eyes. It felt wrong to see another day, when Kendall couldn't even move, as he lay dead in the supply closet. The supply closet. Three feet from the apartment door.

I had to go see him. I couldn't let last night be the last time I ever saw him. It doesn't feel right.

As I began to drift off to sleep, I was completely awakened by Carlos and Logan's bickering. I swear they are really like little kids sometimes.

I slowly opened my eyes, and saw Carlos and Logan standing near the bathroom door. Both of them only in boxers… I never realized how toned Logan was also…

No! No. I can't think of my other big brothers this way… But wait. Why were they both standing by the bathroom door, only wearing boxers… Wow.

"Hey, Logie? Where do you think Kendall is?" Carlos asked.

"I don't know. Maybe he went out early." Logan added like he didn't care.

"Maybe he stayed over at Jo's and did some stuff!"

"Some stuff?" He restated sarcastically.

"Yeah you know!" Carlos practically shouted.

"Um, no. Actually I don't."

"Oh my god, Logie! You know! The…bang boom…" He whispered.

"The bang bo-… Carlos?"

"Yep?"

"You mean sex? Like why didn't you just say sex? We all know Jo wants it! I mean, do you see the way she stares in his eyes? I bet they didn't even go see a movie! They probably went to go fuck in her apartment. And I know that sex at our age is wrong. Especially since Kendall is an ex man whore, he probably doesn't have any condoms on him. Oh and, it's obvious that Jo is still a virgin, considering the way that she walks with her legs close together. And Kendall? We all know he's not! Watch! I bet today when we see Jo, she's going to be sitting all funny. Cause you know, Kendall is just that big…" Logan trailed off all in one breath.

"Wait… Logan, how do you know Kendall is… well big?" Carlos questioned.

I couldn't help but chuckle at what Logan had just gotten himself into.

Logan stared back at Carlos. Shit! He thought. It was only one night.

"Uh, Logie…?"

"What? Oh, um he told me… last time. Um at… Bleep blap bloop!"

"Mhm sure thing Logan!" Carlos joked.

With the awkwardness still in the room, James burst through the front door.

When did he even leave? And what was he doing?

"Hey James!" Carlos greeted.

"Hi." He said in a venomous tone. Carlos and Logan gave each other awkward looks before they went off into their own rooms to get dressed.

I wondered what was going on with James. Did he realize what he did was wrong?

JAMES POV

I slammed the door when I walked in. What have I done? To Mrs. Knight. To Katie. Carlos, Logan. What about Jo? She would be crushed.

"Hi." I heard Carlos say. I could care less what anyone had to say to me right now. I needed to come to my senses. But I loved Katie so much.

Why is my love for her so strong. I killed my best friend, my life long brother. He is gone. And never coming back.

What would anyone think if they found out I did it? Would they hate me forever?

"Hi." I replied, a little more mean than I would have liked too. I walked over to the kitchen and fell into a bar stool, and rested my face in my hands.

I heard Logan and Carlos walk back to their rooms, and I knew that I was alone with Katie. Could I even handle that right now? I was unstable, she was unstable… and it's all my fault.

My deep thought came to an end when I felt someone tap my shoulder. I kept my face in my hands, ashamed to look up.

"James?" Katie sounded worried. But why? She should hate me right now.

"What?" It was muffled as I spoke into my palms.

"Please look at me." She said as she took a seat next to me… in Kendall's old bar stool.

I lifted my head and dropped my hands onto the countertop. She looked in my eyes with hate.

"James, I want to talk about what you did. Do you realize how much it hurts to even be alive right now? My brother is … dead." She whispered the last part not to alarm Carlos or Logan.

"Katie, I know. I don't know what happened. And I can never take back what I did! I killed someone… He was my best friend. He was your big brother. I was just so mad. I told him that I loved you when he came home. He didn't want to accept it. I told him I would never do anything to hurt you. And now look what I've done! I can't believe it! I don't even know what to do, Katie. I'm so scared." I felt tears begin to sting in my eyes. That was how I really felt. I regretted every minute of last night. I'm not a murderer. I loved Kendall, he was the brother I never had. And now he's dead because I stabbed him.

"You know how bad I want to believe you. But I wish what you just said was enough. I don't know if I can ever trust you again." She said, tears trying to spill out of her own eyes.

"I'm sorry Katie. I really am. I just… I love you. And I understand if you don't love me. I mean, how could you? What I did was stupid! Go ahead and kill me if you want! I don't care anymore…"

"James don't say that. I don't want to kill you. You were a real bitch! And you still are! And if this is too harsh well I'm sorry! But I can't deal with it. He's never… coming back. Do you understand that?"

"I do… I do understand. Can I just ask you one thing?" I hesitated.

"What." She said harshly.

"Did you ever love me? I mean, even though I told you yesterday… was there ever a spark." I moved closer to her. "Even when we kissed the first time?"

Truth is Katie felt a gigantic spark. She loved every minute of it. Everything about the moment had felt right to her, and she wished that it could've lasted forever. James wished the same.

"I…I did. There was a huge spark. But now… you cant expect me to love you. Friend, lover, … brother. You broke my heart, and many others. But yes, James. Is that what you want to hear? I've always had a thing for you. Happy?"

"No, I'm not happy. I've hurt you. I've hurt everyone… I've hurt Kendall…" Tears fell freely from my eyes now. I closed my eyes to try to make the pain go away. But nothing happened. Visions filled my head from last night.

I remembered Kendall coming home, happy after his date was over. Getting mad at me. Then screaming his last few breaths while I stabbed him to death. It was a painful sight. Blood was everywhere. I remembered dragging Katie to the floor, making her stare at hr dead brother. How did things get messed up so badly?

I heard Katie sigh, as she looked down, which snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Katie?" I broke the silence.

She sighed again before speaking up. "You killed my brother, and I still love you…" It was barely above a whisper, but I heard every word perfectly. The last part had me on cloud nine. She said she loved me. No matter the situation… she loved me, or still does.

She looked into my eyes when she saw tears fill in them. I couldn't help but cry at a moment like this. Giving the circumstances, everything was perfect for the time being.

I opened my arms and put them around her small frame, pulling her into a tight hug. To my surprise, she didn't try to break free. Instead she sobbed into my shoulder. I rested my chin on her forehead.

We sat there for a few more minutes, until she pulled away and looked at my face. It was hard seeing her like this. Eyes red and puffy, cheeks tear stained, brokenhearted… She looked into my eyes once more, before cupping my cheeks, pulling my head towards hers, and pressing a gentle kiss against my lips.

Why is she kissing me? She called me a bitch. She said she hated me! What was going on?

I felt myself continuing the gentle kiss, even though I knew it was wrong at a time like this. I let my hands travel to her sides, wrapping my arms around her waist. Her hands moved back towards my neck, as the kiss became more intense.

Before anything got too far, I pulled away, pretending to catch my breath. She looked at me with pleading eyes. Katie wanted to go further. What had gotten into her in the past few minutes?

I couldn't bring myself to go any further right now. At least not yet… She would have to wait for any of that to happen.

I saw her begin to lean forward, but immediately stopped when Carlos and Logan both walked out of their bedrooms simultaneously. Each guy did a double take at the awkwardness that filled the room.

"Well… we're going to go catch a movie." Carlos said.

Wait… Carlos and Logan going to a movie… on a Sunday afternoon… together? What?

"Yeah, so we'll be back later." Logan added.

"Oh, okay. See you later." I said quietly.

"Uh, James… If you see Kendall…" My heart immediately sunk. "…Tell him the Camille wanted to double date tonight. Me, her, Kendall, Jo. We might go to Olive Garden." Logan flashed a grin.

"Sure thing, buddy. Have fun at the movies!"

"Bye James, Katie. See you later!" They both said as they walked out.

XxX

CARLOS POV

Something seemed to be wrong with James. I couldn't figure it out though. Oh well, I'm sure he's fine.

Logan and I walked out of apartment 2J, as we headed towards the lobby.

"Olive Garden?" I said sarcastically.

"Yeah, is there a problem? It's a nice restaurant." Logan defended.

"It's so… gay. Fun Burger is way better, just saying."

Logan laughed at my theories. As we passed the supply closet, I stopped in my tracks when I got a chill down my spine.

"What is it?" Logan asked.

"I don't know. Just got like a creepy chill up my spine… Ever get one of those?" I saw him shake his head.

"Hey, Logan?" I added.

"Yeah Carlitos?"

"What's that smell? It smells like dead people… Gross!" I said in disgust.

"Hmm, it's probably Buddha Bob… Come on, let's go."

XxX

A/N: So that was way longer than I anticipated… And it had way more drama and angst than I wanted… But I actually like it! MY FAVORITE PART TO WRITE WAS THE CARGAN HALF SLASH! Hahaa! You know you liked it!

Chapter 5 should be up tomorrow… :p YAY!

OH YEAH… Review?