Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

A/N: Just remember my little disclaimer about not knowing shit when it comes to the medical field! (Stands up and claps for doctors)

CHAPTER: 3

Alex continued to apply pressure to a motionless Goren, when she heard the paramedics come down the hallway.

"In here! Hurry!" She yelled.

She heard them, their sounds became louder and louder as they edged closer to their destination. Alex started to feel restless, but even worse, helpless. There was nothing she could do but sit and wait. At this very moment, Alex felt more powerless than she ever had in her entire life and it was killing her. This was worse then when her husband, Joe, died. This situation, with Bobby, was different. By the time she arrived at the hospital, Joe was already dead, but Bobby, Bobby was still alive. He was still with her. There was still hope and she desperately held onto it. She had to.

When the paramedics reached the door, they roughly pushed on it to gain further access. Bobby was more away from the door since he now lied on the ground, so it didn't take much effort on their part to gain access to him.

They started working on him immediately. There were three of them and one of the paramedics bent down next to Alex and replaced his hands over his wound where Alex had been applying pressure.

When her hands slipped off of Bobby's body, she felt unsettled. She was now standing there, watching him. Them…working on him. Bobby still wasn't moving and she whimpered in return. If it wasn't for the fact that she heard one of the paramedics announce that he had a weak pulse and that they needed to move fast, she would've thought for sure he was dead. He looked extinct already and her stomach clenched at the revelation.

"Gunshot wound to the chest." She absently muttered as her eyes continued to look at Bobby's lifeless form.

One of the paramedics only nodded in response. She felt stupid for saying it, she figured they already knew that, but it was the only thing she could think of to say. What the hell was she suppose to say? "Gunshot wound to the chest, and oh, by the way, he did this to himself." Yeah right.

In the short time working on Bobby, the three male paramedics swiftly checked his pulse, temporarily bandaged him up, put an oxygen mask on him and hooked him up to an IV. Promptly strapping him to the gurney, they made their way out of his apartment and turn down the hall; heading towards the nearest elevator.

Alex started to follow them when she froze mid-step. She gaped down towards her feet at the object that lie on the ground. After inspecting it a few seconds, she bent down and picked it up. It was Bobby's marred badge that was now lying in her palm. She never noticed it before now and she furrowed her eyes brows as she quizzically looked at it. Glancing down the hallway to see them making their way to the elevator, she shoved it in her pocket along with his cell phone that lie on the ground, and jogged to catch up with them; after quickly pulling out her spare key and locking the door.

Alex swiftly reached up and grabbed onto one of Bobby's hands that hung limp off the side. That's when she noticed it; up close and personal for the first time. She had seen it before, briefly in the hospital when he lay asleep, but when she went to get a better look, to softly rub her thumb over it; he had woken up and pulled away.

His wrists.

The marred, raw marks that formed around both wrists and ankles from those bastards back at Tates. It looked horrible…painful. She knew they'd leave scares and the constant reminder of what he went through every time he looked down at them. It made her cringe in response.

As they exited the elevator, she continued to hold onto his hand, grasping it, wishing that she could bring life back into it.

When had it gotten this bad, Bobby? Why didn't you come and talk to me? You know I'm always here for you! She pleaded and screamed inside as she rubbed her fingers softly over his damaged wrist. She was a nervous wreck.

She couldn't help but feel some sort of guilt in this whole charade. She knew he'd been through a lot in the past year, hell his whole life, and when he went undercover, unauthorized, she knew there would be drastic repercussions to follow; not only physically, but mentally as well.

As they made their way outside his building, people were gathered from numerous apartments around; most of them from Bobby's building. She figured they had heard the gun go off or the commotion outside. It sure wasn't one of the quietest things to have happened.

Most of them primarily had a sympathetic look in their eyes from what she could gather through the darkness, and Alex only looked at them briefly and nodded. There was nothing she could say to them and for the first time since her husband's murder, she felt her whole body fill up with that same, all too familiar bitterness once again. She felt like a grieving wife again, only this time, Bobby wasn't her husband. Aching consumed her like it did with, Joe. She loved this man, Bobby Goren, just as much, if not more in some respects, than her husband. She came to respect Bobby and she loved him for everything that he was; both good and bad. They had a deep connection that she wasn't even sure of, only felt, and she was afraid she was going to lose that. Afraid she was going to lose him.

She climbed into the ambulance without even asking. They only looked at her and she glared back. She wasn't one to be messed with right now and they sensed it.

On the way to the hospital, the paramedics asked her numerous medical questions about him; all in which she could answer. As she responded to their questions, he hand never left Bobby's. She always had some part of her hand touching his body at all times. For now, it was her only connection to him and she couldn't lose that.

As they pulled up to the hospital, she briefly pulled his hand up to her mouth and kissed his knuckles before they pulled him out of the ambulance. She walked by his side as long as she could before she was stopped by two nurses in front of wide double doors that lead into the operating room.

I love you, Bobby. Come back to me… She pleaded as she leaned up against the wall with her face buried in her hands.

When Alex finally gathered herself, she went back to the waiting room and pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. She knew she had to, but she dreaded doing it. Reluctantly, she dialed Captain Ross' number. Quickly mumbling that Detective Goren was shot and what hospital they were at, she closed the phone before he was able to ask any questions. She knew Ross would have many questions for her; she just wasn't ready to answer them right now.

Alex Eames sat there and waited. Forty five minutes later, a very confused Ross walked into the room. He was dressed in regular everyday clothing since it was late and she had called him at his home.

"What the hell happened?" He asked, taking a seat next to Alex.

She just stared down, arms resting on her legs as she gazed at her hands which were coated in dried blood. She honestly wasn't sure herself. After examining his badge more closely, she noticed that the dent was made from, what looked to be a bullet. The rest of the pieces she tried to put back together, and had to some degree, she just wasn't sure what was truth and fiction.

Here it goes…all hell is going to break loose.

Sighing heavily, Alex stiffened as she pulled out Bobby's badge from her coat pocket and handed it to Ross.

Ross looked down in his hand and his eyes widened. "Who's is this?" He asked confused. He was afraid she was turning in her badge. Quitting and throwing it all away.

"It's, Bobby's."

"Why is it dented?" He slowly asked, only slightly relieved.

"I—I think it's from a bullet. What I think may have happened is that, Bobby shot at it for whatever reason and the bullet ricocheted back and hit him in the chest."

Sure, that sounds about right. She mused. But still…why?

Ross thought about it for a moment and then spoke up. "Why the hell would he—"

"I don't know." She exclaimed, cutting Ross off. "I just don't know."

"So…he—he shot himself?" Alex nodded.

"I—I guess so. Depends on what way you look at it. Not directly from what I saw." She lied. "I'm not completely sure of anything yet and I won't be until I talk to him."

I hope I get the chance to.

A single tear fell down her cheek. Ross reached up and rubbed her arm.

"He'll be ok. It's, Goren. He has to be ok." She only nodded and hoped that he would be, but she also knew he wasn't made of steel.

She tried to think of something to say but couldn't say anymore. She sure in the hell wasn't going to tell Ross that, Bobby didn't want to live. It would only make things worse; if that were possible.

Alex managed to get cleaned up a bit and resumed her place in the waiting area with Ross. Four hours later a doctor came out in scrubs and headed towards them. Both Alex and Ross stood up simultaneously as the doctor approached them; stopping a few feet in front of them.

Sensing the inability for Alex to gather her words, Ross spoke up. "How is he?"

"He's lucky…" The middle-aged doctor stated. "He's alive and stable. His heart stopped once for about a minute before surgery, but we were able to restart it. He made it through surgery as best as could be expected given the circumstances. The bullet penetrated his left lung, which caused a large pneumothorax, but we were able to remove the bullet and repair the lung. He's lost a substantial amount of blood but we've been giving him blood transfusions. We think he should be fine but…another few minutes and—" The doctor drifted off. He knew there was no need to finish his statement.

"Will he be ok?" Alex finally spoke up.

"As of now, he's still critical. There is no full guarantee in this field, but I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. He's in a coma, but his body is healing fine, better than can be expected given the exigency. He was in bad shape when they first brought him in, but he's doing well now. All we can do now is wait and see. That's the million dollar question: Will he wake up? If he does, he should be fine, but he's been out of it the entire time he's been in here and after losing him for about a minute, along with the blood loss, I'm not 100 percent positive right now."

Ross and Alex both nodded in understanding.

"Can we see him?" Alex questioned.

"Of course, right this way." The doctor led them to Bobby's room. "I've found that the more visitors and voices a patient hears, the more likely it is for them to pull through." He said as he nodded towards the door.

Alex was the first one to walk into his room. It shocked her to see Bobby lying there like that. It felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. He was still, so still. It frightened her. He looked deathlike. The Bobby Goren she knew could never sit or lie so tranquil. He looked…at peace, surprisingly enough. The only sounds that plagued the room were the unsettling sounds of medical instruments which always seemed to frighten, Alex.

"The ventilator?" She choked out.

The doctor sensed her disturbance and tried to re-assure her as best as he could. "Intubation was required in his condition." He nodded towards Bobby. "He can't fully breathe on his own…the ventilator is to help him. We need to let his lung heal, but I'm confident that when he does wake up, he'll be able to breath on his own. Until then, he needs the assistance. It will be touch and go until he decides to wake up but when he does, I'd forecast a 100 percent recovery."

After the doctor left, Alex grabbed a chair that was at the foot of the bed and pulled it up next to Bobby. She cautiously reached for his right hand and held it in hers. A few seconds later, she placed her right hand on top of his, enveloping his large hand in her two smaller ones. She knew she shouldn't be crossing those boundaries, especially in front of their captain, but she didn't care.

Fuck protocol right now.

"He'll be ok, Alex." Ross said, trying once again to reassure her. He noticed Alex holding Bobby's hand but didn't think anything of it. It didn't matter right now. "If you need anything, please let me know." He paused. "I'm not sure what to do…or report—"

"Sir, please don't tell anyone about this." She turned to him. "He doesn't need anymore shit going around about him…about 'Crazy Goren.'" She dipped her head down as she mumbled the last few words. "I know its protocol to report…this but…but if it is reported and this incident is investigated further, he'll lose everything and because of that…it would kill him."

Ross looked back and forth, his eyes shifting from her to the still man lying on the bed and then nodded. He understood what she meant. He knew that Bobby was a good detective, one of the best, and although he did deserve some of his 'Crazy Goren' reputation, not all of it was warranted. He's a great detective and does whatever it takes to get the job done.

"It's ok, Alex. I know you're not telling me the whole story, but I don't think I want to know. I don't think you even know the whole story. I know you know what's best for Bobby and I trust you to handle this. I trust that you will be taking care of him and helping him through this. I will keep this from going on his record as best as I can. I was never here. I trust you'll find out what really did happen?" She nodded. "I'll do the best I can to keep it away from the Chief of D's. As of now, you're both on a month of vacation leave. I've already been hassled enough about not making you take time off, so this will be the perfect time to make you take it. Ok?"

Alex was stunned by the support that Ross was giving her…both of them. She wanted to run up and place a hand over his head to see if he was sick. Or perhaps check his finger prints and make sure it was him, but she didn't have the energy. The funny thought that came to her mind was already long gone.

"Y—yes sir. Thank you." She paused. "I will…I will take care of him. Thank you so much." She smiled though it didn't show through the tears. Both of them knew that she had no intention of leaving Bobby alone.

You're stuck with me, Goren. I won't leave you…I'll be right by your side the entire way.

After Ross left, Alex stood up from the chair and sat on the side of the bed. She took her right hand and gradually reached up to stroke Bobby's face. She smiled at the five o'clock shadow that was already starting to appear.

"Bobby, I know you can hear me." She whispered. "I'm not letting you leave me…and I'm not leaving you. I'm not giving up on you." She paused to gather her words and her true feelings for him. "I'll never give up on you, Robert Goren. You can't leave me. You mean too much to me. God, why, Bobby? Why did you do this? Please, Bobby, please wake up." She pleaded.

She continued to wonder if it was an accident. She found herself replaying the incident over in her head and the possible scenarios that could have occurred, but she only ended up with a headache in return and without and real answers.

Why would he fire his gun at his badge? Was it really just an accident? No, no, it couldn't have been an accident, not after he told me to just, 'let him die.' She sobbed once more. She had to find out from Bobby what really happened.

It felt like a nightmare. A bad delusion. Her worst fear was coming true; losing her partner, her best friend and the person she loved and adored. She knew he was…well, she didn't want to say a disturbed man, but she new he was internally scarred for life. So much shit had occurred in his life. Every time she saw him answer his cell phone, a phone call from Carmel Ridge, his facial expressions were too much to watch. It ruined his whole day and her heart clinched for this man.

Though she never told him, she was relieved after his mother passed away. She knew that it would be difficult for him and that he would be upset and close himself off to her even more so than before, if that were possible, but she hoped that afterwards, he would begin to heal. She hoped that he'd realize that it was for the best and he would be able to move on with his life once and for all.

She never really blamed him for not talking to anyone about his problems. She knew he was fed up with the rumors, the hate that people seemed to direct towards him; even though he never verbalize his resentment towards people.

I wish people would fucking realize the true man that, Bobby Goren is! She screamed inside. Who wouldn't hurt if all the rumors were directed at you? Crazy Goren! She shook her head.

He was such a kind, gentle soul and no matter how many times he pushed her away, she would never leave him. Not completely. No matter how many times he built a wall around himself to keep her out, she had always been apart of him and always would be. Bobby had permanently claimed a piece of her heart whether he knew it or not…whether he wanted it or not.

Alex slowly got off the bed and resumed her seat next to his bed; never letting go of his hand. She leaned back exhausted and tried to get comfortable in the chair as best as she could. She decided to try and get some sleep, some much needed sleep.

An hour or so later, an uneasy, restless sleep overcame her.

Silence.

A/N: So, what did you think of this chapter? You guys still out there? (Taps on screen).

-Snyder-