Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!
CHAPTER: 4
You can't quit until you try
You can't live until you die
An hour or so later, Alex awoke frightfully. Her brows were dripping in beads of sweat and she could feel her heart racing. She had a nightmare…a nightmare about, Bobby. She was so close to reaching him, his and her hands were both stretched out to grasp each others, but he was too far away. He fell. His eyes showing her shock and disappointment that she could not save him. Then he was gone. Swallowed by the darkness as she silently screamed.
You can't learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie
As her sobs grew, Alex could no longer control herself. She looked at her sleeping partners face and shook at she thought of having to live the rest of her life without him.
She suddenly felt sick.
Alex hastily pushed herself out of the chair and ran into the bathroom. She threw up what little contents remained in her stomach. As she thought about the possibility of loosing Bobby, she threw up once more, only to dry heave.
She was re-living the worst day of her life over again. The problem she was struggling to comprehend was the fact that he did this to himself. She couldn't help but think back to his life; the little she truly knew about it. The little he told her. She wondered what his childhood was like. Hell. She knew it wasn't pleasant but look how well he turned out.
And then for him to want to throw it all away! Goddamn him for making me feel this way!
"Fuck you, Bobby…FUCK YOU!" And as the last word slipped off of her tongue, echoing throughout the chilled bathroom, she found herself pleading for forgiveness. She slid onto the ground, pulled her knees up to her chest and wept. She didn't care that she sat on the floor in a filthy hospital bathroom. It didn't even cross her mind.
Alex cried, begged, and pleaded for everything to be ok. She was angry at him, but she found herself loving him even more.
You can't breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you're the joke
There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive
Bobby caged the world off from himself. She often wondered how lonely he really was. She found herself trembling even more so than before as she realized that her life was just as lonely. The only true people she had, besides Bobby, though she knew he would not admit to being that factor in a part of her life, were her family; and Bobby didn't even have that. Alex's bled tears for this man. He was so much to her, meant so much to her; though she had never told him.
She continued to cry as she came back into the room and headed straight to his bed. Cautiously, she embraced him. He lay there still, so gentle yet so sorrowful and ragged. Even in a coma, he looked fragile, lost and distant; solitary perhaps. He looked like he was continuously fading from this world. He did not wish to be rescued but she wouldn't allow it. He was damaged goods but he was all hers. She rested her head on his right shoulder and listened to his heart beat. It was comforting to her.
God, Bobby, please…please just wake up. I'd do anything to see those big brown eyes of yours again. Just open your eyes…
Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral!?
Alex held Bobby for a little over an hour until her body began to protest at the awkward position. Uneasily, she steadied herself and laggardly moved off the bed and out of his embrace; though he obviously wasn't holding her, she needed to hold him. She didn't want to let him go. She feared it, which she knew was ridiculous because he was no more than a few feet away from her. But still…
Painstakingly, after planting both feet on the ground, Alex bent down and reached into the drawer that was beside his bed. Slowly, she pulled out his bag of belongings that he came in with. Even though it was covered in blood, she yanked the dark blue button up shirt that he was wearing when he was shot, out of the bag. His black shirt that he wore underneath his button-up shirt was long gone; cut off by the surgeons. His jeans were also long gone. The only salvages were his shoes, wallet, watch and his large button-up shirt that was stained with his own being…his own blood. She was rather surprised that it was not tossed away with his other clothes, but it was the least of her concerns either way.
Just like she had done when she was in the evidence room, holding her husbands shirt, she did the same with, Bobby's. She inhaled deeply, taking in the familiar scent of him and ignoring the others. God she loved the smell of him. To his expensive cologne to his hypnotizing after shave, they all had the same effect on her. It brought a faint smile to her face as she continued to hold it tightly in the palms of her hands, in front of her face. She ignored the red, now dried liquid that covered a third of the shirt along with the tiny hole.
Alex closed her eyes tightly and she remembered; all that she knew and all that she didn't. Images flashed before her of him sitting on his apartment floor. She shook as she recalled trying to desperately get to him. All the blood. So much of it. And then, the thing that hurt her most of all…he had told her to just leave him.
I don't care how much bloodshed there is, Bobby, but I will never leave you. I can't. It's too late to turn away now…
And she lost it. Completely lost it. She was mourning over Bobby and he wasn't even gone…not entirely. She was miserable as a whimper of grievance was sent throughout Bobby's quiet hospital room.
I know some things that you don't
I've done things that you won't
There's nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home
While Alex had her face buried in Bobby's shirt, sobbing uncontrollably and shaking, Bobby started to wake up. He heard her cries that managed to seep through his darkness that was previously engulfing him. It was oddly eerie and to this day, he still can't explain it, but Bobby instinctively woke up when he heard her cries of sorrow. He knew it was her. Bobby always felt like her guardian, her protector and whenever she was hurt, he hurt in return. It affected him in more ways than he could ever say. She was the reason for his wakening, though it would never be proven medically.
Slowly and painfully through the gloomy fog, Bobby opened his eyes. His eyes still held the misery inside of them, but he had other troubles to worry about. His dark eyes desperately searched for the sounds that disturbed him and then he saw her. His eyes planted steadily on Alex, who was sitting not more than two feet away from him. At first he thought he was dreaming, perhaps dead and now looking at her a deceased man. Then, he started to quiver. He felt nothing but pain. He was definitely alive.
I was waiting for my hearse
What came next was so much worse
It took a funeral to make me feel alive
He started to tremble, shocked by what he was witnessing. Bobby's eyes were fixed on her trembling form; watching her as she cried and grasped onto his bloody shirt.
Oh god…My shirt! Bobby was confused. Why would she care about me?
He knew it was his. He recognized it and fear, panic, pain, sadness, guilt, along with the medications he was currently on, all swept through him at once. He immediately became disoriented.
Oh, god! I'm the one that's making her cry!? He was scared, but not sure of what.
Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral!?
Fear plagued his eyes as he began to gasp for air. The ventilator kept him from speaking, which only raised his level of panic. He then recognized the machine, knowing he was hooked to a ventilator and mentally stopped for a moment.
And then it him like a tone of bricks. Like the world had fallen on top of him. He remembered. Everything. Him being shot in his apartment, to the pain that shot out of Alex's voice as she tried to fight her way into his apartment. The blood. The feeling he had. The slap she planted on his left cheek, to the look in her eyes. He thought for sure he would be dead…that he was going to die. Bobby thought he was dead when he had first woken up…until now. He remembered panicking the last time he looked into her eyes. He didn't mean to hurt her…and look what he was doing to her now. Bobby began to thrashed and flail his arms as much as his body would allow.
Goddammit, what the fuck did I do? Alex!!
His thoughts were spiraling out of control and the medicine wasn't helping any.
Alive...
Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral!?
Alex quickly shifted her head the moment she heard movement. Her eyes immediately spotted the source of the disturbance
Bobby!?
And momentarily she was frozen, unable to move as she watched him thrash in the bed. She witnessed the sheer panic in his actions; especially in his eyes. Then she blinked once and sprang into action as she pulled herself back to reality.
Oh my god, he's awake! She jumped up, leaving the shirt where it now lay on the ground.
Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral!?
A/N: So, the song is called, "Life is Beautiful" by Sixx: A.M.
Well, how did you like it?
So, I did a bunch of research and have been reading numerous medical books and websites for the past several hours (yeah, my brain hurts) so, in order to follow "somewhat" behind the medical field, I decided to make this hospital visit a bit more realistic. I'll try my best anyways.
-Snyder-