Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!
CHAPTER 5:
"Bobby!" Alex shrieked as she rushed to Bobby's bedside. "Bobby, calm down. You're going to hurt yourself. Calm down." She continued as she hit the call button for the nurse.
She was at a loss and not sure what to do or why he was panicking. Thinking back to this moment later on, she felt rather stupid for telling a man who had supposedly wanted nothing more than to die, to calm down or he'd hurt himself.
Bobby did no such thing, however. In fact, he'd hardly even heard the words that had come out of her mouth. He was literally panicking and couldn't stop whaling around as horrid images flashed before him. They were already haunting him like so many other things in his dreadful life.
Not again. Please, god, not anymore.
Before Alex could say anymore, the nurses had come in, along with the doctor not far behind. "Mr. Goren." The doctor pushed passed the nurses as he spoke. "Can you hear me? You need to relax."
Bobby continued to thrash about like a fish out of water. He was acting as if he hadn't even heard the doctor's words.
The doctor turned towards Alex as Bobby continued to frail. "If he doesn't relax than we will be forced to sedate him and put restraints on him for his own safety as well as the staff here."
Alex's eyes were on Bobby when the doctor told her this. The doctor's statement was meant for her ears only, she could tell by the way the doctor had lowered his voice, but by the wide-eyed look Bobby now had etched on his features, she knew he had heard the doctor. Loud and clear. The two words: sedative and restraints had been like a trigger that went off somewhere inside of him.
More panic. From both of them this time.
He immediately started thrashing with more forced and attempted to sit up to try and runaway from it all, but he only gasped in pain. Both Alex and the doctor had reached for him when he went to sit up, but he didn't get far. He collapsed back down onto the bed.
"No!" Alex gasped in horror as her voice finally kicked in. "You can't." She pleaded as she witnessed Bobby sinking back into the bed.
Bobby was thankful that she defended his plea that he held in his eyes, but was unable to verbally omit due to the ventilator.
She gets it.
Bobby did not wish to be strapped down and sedated. Not again. He had too much of that while he was at Tates. He remembered back at the hospital, after Alex and Ross had managed to get him out of there, when they sedated them. He hated it but at least they didn't strap him down. He briefly remembered Alex telling them not to. She didn't leave his side. It was almost like déjà vu all over again now…especially when he heard Alex scream in his defense once more.
"If he doesn't stop than he is going to rip out his stitches and I am unable to properly evaluate him." The doctor tried to explain once more.
Does it look like I fucking care about myself you ignorant jackass!? Bobby thought in disgust.
He didn't care if they doctor evaluated him or not, just as long as he wasn't strapped down again. As the seconds passed, Bobby's movements started to become less effective. He was already worn out and in more pain than when he had first woken up. The medication he was on didn't help matters any.
Alex and the doctor both took note of this. She recognized that he was struggling to keep up with his thrashing movements. She was trying to settle him down by soothing him, but she didn't want to touch him. Not yet. She wasn't sure what he would do and she was afraid to pull his IV out or god knows what.
"Come on, Bobby, let us help you. Please." She tried once more to calm his movements down so that they ceased completely.
She begged him now and leaned over his bed, closer to him than before. She was asking him, pleading with him now and he recognized the plea. There was tenderness deep in the depths of her eyes and he feared that he was the cause of it. He knew he was. His movements slowed and continued to slow until they finally halted all together just as the doctor reached to inject a sedative into his IV drip.
A deep groan briefly came from Bobby as he lied utterly still for the first time since his wakening. It was the only sound in the room until Alex spoke up once more.
"That's it, Bobby. Calm down. Keep looking into my eyes." She continued to softly hush him.
The doctor put the sedative back in the drawer and looked between Alex and Bobby.
Tears continued to fall, but they were now tears of joy...mostly. She was scared for him though she would never admit it. She had so many mixed feelings running through her at the moment, but she knew she had time to sort them out later. She didn't know what was going to happen to him, but she did know that he was alive; his big brown eyes staring directly into hers. His facial expression, however, was unreadable. Alex had the sensation to scream at him and then hold onto him for dear life. She wasn't sure which one would ultimately come first.
Bobby kept his eyes glued to hers as the doctor came around the other side. He was afraid to break eye contact for fear that if he turned away, she'd be gone. He wouldn't blame her though.
"You didn't give him a sedative, did you?" Alex asked, breaking the silence. She was too caught up in Bobby to even notice whether he had or had not given him any.
"No, but if he becomes disordered again, I will be forced to. It is also required to put restraints on ventilator victims if they become a threat to themselves. They could pull out their ventilator tube or the IV."
Alex nodded and the doctor turned towards Bobby once more.
"Mr. Goren, I need to check your breathing. Is that ok?" He asked cautiously.
Bobby didn't act nor show any signs of even hearing the doctor. His eyes were continuously fixed on Alex, though he had heard the doctor speak; he just didn't really care.
The doctor's glance shifted back over to Alex when Bobby didn't comply. She turned her head slightly towards the doctor, breaking eye contact with Bobby for a few moments and nodded her head in understanding, knowing what he wanted from her. The doctor's unspoken words said it all.
Looking back into Bobby's eyes, she continued to encourage him with soothing, comforting words.
"Bobby. Please let the doctor look at you. It's alright." She quietly exclaimed. "I'm right here."
Bobby looked deep into the depths of her eyes for a few moments and then he closed them. He knew that when he opened them, she would be there. He trusted her. He saw it in her eyes.
Alex took that as a sign of 'ok' and nodded to the doctor who went over towards Bobby. After taking out his stethoscope and listening to Bobby's breathing, he looked over towards the machines for a few moments, inspecting them, and then turned back to Alex.
"He'll be alright. His lung seems to be doing quite well. Later today, I'm going to need to get a few X-rays to be sure. It's a routine procedure just to get a better look. If it all goes well, then we can begin to wean him off the ventilator."
"Thank you."
The doctor nodded. "If you need anything or have any questions, please feel free to ask." He said as he made his way back over towards Bobby's IV drip.
"What are you doing?" Alex asked unsure. "I thought you weren't going to give him a sedative?" Her voice grew louder.
"I'm not." He quickly spoke up. "It's just morphine to relieve the pain and to help him sleep. He needs his rest. It's the best thing for him right now." He stopped just as he was about to insert it into the IV drip. "Is that ok?" He asked cautiously.
"Yes. Thank you." She sat down in the chair next to Bobby as she studied the doctor's actions.
The doctor didn't know the whole story behind it, but he had noticed the bruising around Bobby's wrists and ankles when they had first admitted him. He knew it wasn't from the gunshot incident because the marks had already started to heal somewhat. It looked like some sort of restraint marks, but he didn't know to what degree they were used. He wasn't going to ask either because it was irrelevant, but he pieced together that this was the reason she was being so protective of Bobby. He noted that she didn't want him in restraints and he could tell by Bobby's reaction that he did not wish to be in them either.
After the doctor left, Alex turned her attention back to a much need, Bobby Goren. He was lying on his back, of course, but his head was tilted to the other side of the room.
He was ignoring her now and she frowned in return.
"Bobby, look at me." She uttered. "God, please look at me."
Bobby slowly opened his eyes again and turned towards her. He was exhausted. So many things were perpetuating through his mind. He felt horrible. Physically he was in pain, but he didn't care about that. No, he could give a rat's ass about himself. He was still the same fucked up man before he had "shot" himself. If only he could change. All he cared about at this very moment, though, was the person standing next to him: but what could he do? Nothing…or at least that's how he felt. He felt ashamed for making her cry. He hated to be the cause of her distress. It only made him feel worse.
Worthless!
He wanted to tell her not to cry, but the ventilator kept him from saying anything and it was frustrating. He was already becoming anxious, which is a common reaction with patients who are hooked up to ventilators, but he felt the morphine start to work and his muscles began to relax. His whole body started to dip even further into the bed. He felt oddly relieved, but he knew when he woke up, there would be things he would need to deal with.
He tried to reach up with his right hand to wipe Alex's tears, he knew he'd caused, away or just to touch her and feel her beneath his hand, but he only made it half way before his arm gave out. He was weak. Tired from the painful journey and too sore to attempt it again. The morphine the doctor had just given him moments ago, combined with god know what other medications he assumed he was on, didn't help matters any. He turned away from her in total disgust.
Weak!
"Easy, Bobby." She reached for his hand and held onto it right as it fell back onto the bed. "It's ok." She murmured, sensing his lack of strength at the moment.
She decided at that moment, to cross those boundaries with him when he was awake to see and feel it and she did not regret it. She held onto his right hand tightly and to her surprise, Bobby weakly squeezed back.
He wanted to argue with her and scream his lungs out, but his eyelids became too heavy for him to protest. He would have to save that for another time.
"You'll be ok, Bobby. Just rest. We can talk later." She cooed. "I'll be here when you wake up." She promised.
Alex resisted the urge to touch him any further. She wanted to stroke the side of his face and hold onto him in a full embrace, but she knew she shouldn't. She couldn't. She, however, had no plans of loosening her grip around his hand and by the grip; though loose he had around her tiny hand, neither did he. His grip only loosened when he had finally fallen asleep.
A/N: So, in all, how did you guys like this chapter? I bet you can't wait until that damn ventilator is gone (Smiles). Just hang in there. In the next chapter, it'll be long gone!
-Snyder-