A Place to Rest My Head

Summary: Varric has never told Hawke his feelings and to see her being matched with noblemen who don't fit her at all is hard. One drunken night will change everything but will it be for better or worse? F!HawkexVarric

Rating: M+

Warnings: Sexual content, cursing, death, gore, torture.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Age II nor any of the characters.

I ran a cloth over Bianca as I watched my friend out of the corner of my eye as she threw her sword around. It was two days after our tryist and I felt kind of numb about the whole thing. She hadn't come out of her house all day yesterday because of her hang over and today all she wanted to do was get lost in Sundermount where no one would find us. She had come to me like usual when she wanted to come up here; she had been attacked by stray dragonlings one time when she came by herself so she brought me with her instead. Sometimes she would train with Fenris but not in this spot.

This was our spot.

It was situated a few miles away from the Dalish camp and it was just a small clearing with a ring of trees surrounding it. On one side was a small trail that the Dalish had cut out to get here for the clean drinking water. Hawke had already asked the Dalish for permission to use the clearing periodically as a place for meditation and even though they were against the idea at first they slowly warmed up to it when she promised never to bring Merril. Plus, she brought them gifts to appease them whenever she could. She was an honored guest to them and she could probably ask them anything and they would say yes.

I jumped when I saw the woman fall to the ground. That was unusual but when I saw her get up with a growl and try the move again I understood. She had stumbled across a move at one point during a battle in the Bone Pit and had been working on it for weeks. She had needed to turn quickly to get to a dragonling behind her and in her hurry she had swung her sword around to gain momentum. The weight of the sword combined with the perfect balance had taken out more than just the creature behind her and she had made a perfect circle completely clearing out the enemies around her. She had taken that move and run with it in training. Hawke was intelligent not to use it until she knew that she could do it perfectly every time. One fall on the field and we couldn't promise that we would be able to save her from an attack.

She threw herself into training again and I went back to polishing Bianca. I was shocked when she had asked me to come out here with her but as we settled in it was obvious that the constant encounters with the Arishok were getting to her. Aveline and the Viscount were on her ass about talking to the Arishok and she knew as well as the rest of us that nothing was going to come out of their talks except for more arguing about what they believed in. The Arishok exhausted her but sometimes I thought she might find his way of dealing with controversy encouraging. She agreed with a lot of the things he said, I knew she did, but there were other things that made her so angry about him. They were both stubborn and had hard heads.

"I'll have to fight him one day," she had told me at one point while we were sitting in the clearing some weeks ago. "I'm actually kind of looking forward to the challenge."

The Challenge. That's what she had said. She was excited about the challenge. I shook my head to think about it; I could see the two staring at each other. The Arishok would have his harsh eyes set on the woman's face in definite scorn but Hawke would have the look of someone about to kill an endangered animal. She saw him as a worthy opponent but when they fought for the last time...it would be the last time. One of them wasn't making it out alive. It made my heart ache to think of Hawke finally falling in battle for the final time. She was our only hope in this town; she was the only hope for a lot of things...my sanity, included.

I knew the truth though. She wasn't going to fail. I had never been so optimistic before I met her but when I watched her train...I saw such hope that I couldn't help but believe in her, completely. Her body was working in overtime to lug the sword around and the sun glistened across her forehead and shoulders and down into her cleavage. She wasn't wearing much and if her mother knew that she looked like this...well, her mother would have a hissy fit. She had on a tight fitting leather vest that clung to every curve of her front. It tied in the front with a string and I couldn't help but smirk at how much of her breasts she was showing and don't even get me started on the pants that she had cut off at the mid-thighs so that they wouldn't be constricting. Like I said, her mother would kill her if she saw her daughter.

I had to wonder where she got that vest but the leather reminded me of something Fenris would wear so I didn't ask questions. Instead, I watched her try the move again. She made it but ended a little too shakily so she tried it again and this time she landed a bit better. I had seen her get better at this move for the past few weeks and soon enough she would be throwing her weight around without a problem. That's how her other attacks had come to be; she trained diligently for hours in this clearing every week. If she wasn't fighting in missions with her team then she was here with sword in hand. She worked too hard for her own good.

She grunted and fell down again landing harder than before. "Fuck it!" she snaps to no one as she throws her sword to the side. "I quit!" She glares at the weapon and moves to sit down next to me with her back against one of the trees. I watched her lean her head against the bark trying to catch her breath.

"You? Give up? I don't believe that for a second!" I laugh softly looking over to see her flop over onto the ground. Her tanned skin was sparkling with her sweat in the soft sunlight and I had to look away as a picture of her lying under me trembling popped into my head unwanted. "You're getting better at it, Hawke. You just need a little more practice."

She growls playfully and smacks my arm before stretching out on the grass her leather vest creeping up to reveal her toned stomach. I kept my eyes focused on Bianca so that I wouldn't be distracted. "Thanks but I just feel like I'm getting worse and worse!" she chuckles darkly.

I looked down at her and thought about how she would react if I just kissed her right there. Ever since that day two nights ago I had thought of nothing but this woman since then. I had gone to her house he morning after to make sure she was feeling okay but she had still been in the bed nursing a terrible hang over. I had walked over to her bed holding a glass of water for her. "How are you feeling?" I asked as she groaned and reached for the glass. She sat up with a hand holding the blankets over her naked form.

"Like I was run over by a herd of Dragons," she muttered softly and drank from the water. "No more of Fenris' wine for a long time. Though..." She stops and leans back staring up at me with those silver eyes that sparkled in the flickering fire light. "My head hurts but my body is oddly relaxed. Alcohol does wonders for the body but not for the mind. And I woke up naked. Strange." I tried to keep the smirk off of my face. It hadn't been the alcohol that made her body feel so satisfied; no, that had been the two orgasms I had sent her into that morning. It made me feel a lot of pride but at the same time she didn't remember what had happened so my elation was short lived.

She leaned up slightly and reached out so suddenly it made my skin jump as her fingers touched the skin of my collar bone gently. "Did you get hurt yesterday?" she asks and in response to my confused look she turned to reach for her bedside table. She had to stretch to reach it and in the process revealed some of the nude flesh of her hip from under her blanket. My mouth dried and I had to swallow as she came back with a mirror that I took. I held it up and saw the red mark on my collarbone but I held back a wince when I realized what it was. That was a love-mark.

"Probably during the fight last night," I say with a shrug glad that I was such a good liar and the light was so low in the room. Otherwise, she might guess that something was up.

"You feeling okay?" I ask her as she curls on her side obviously enjoying the grass against her skin. She hums and looks up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers; they were half-lidded with exhaustion but with the sweat covered skin I was reminded of the other night.

"Just tense," she whispers stretching again. This time I hear all sorts of creaks and pops that make me wince.

"Come here, let me help," I say without thinking. She quirks an eyebrow but sits up to put her back to me. Hawke knew what I had in mind and she had never rejected the idea of a massage. Maker knew she deserved a thousand massages for what she did for this town. I raised my hands to start and found they were shaking from anticipation. Shaking my head, I started to massage her neck using small circles to work out all of the knots. Maker, she was pretty much one big knot sitting there and as I continued to work her shoulders she relaxed into my grasp.

"Maker, Varric," she groans in a way that was too sexual for my own good. "You're good at this." I felt my insides clench with heat and I wanted to remind her just how good I was. Maker, to take my massage to the next level and run my lips across the nape of her neck.

"Yeah, I know," I say instead with a soft chuckle.

She is silent for a long while. "By the way," she whispers breathlessly reaching into her pocket. "You left this in my room the other night." I jerk when she hands me my hair tie making my heart race. Did she know what this meant? Impossible. She couldn't even remember her own name hardly the other morning I went to see her.

She didn't say anything else as I thanked her and put it into the pocket of my duster and moved my hands lower on her frame enjoying the feel of her leaning back into my hands. I was tempted to run my lips across her sensitive neck knowing she would be like jelly in my hands. Oh, if only I could just touch her like that whenever I wanted to. I wanted to worship her body and I wanted to hear those noises that she couldn't hold back when I touched her.

"Where did you get the love-mark, Varric?" she asked suddenly and it made me pause. Where had that come from? "In low light it looked like a bruise but..." She trailed off and I could have sworn I heard some kind of hesitation in her voice as if she were afraid of the answer. "You been frequenting the Blooming Rose?"

I laugh at her tone and shake my head. "Nothing like that!" I chuckle loosening a particularly tight knot in her lower back. She sighed happily but was obviously waiting for an answer. "It came from...a good friend who needed comfort the other night and I obliged." It wasn't a complete lie but I wasn't naming the 'friend'. I would tell her some day when I had had a bit of liquid courage. We needed each other at the moment though. With everything that was happening in Kirkwall we would need each other for the upcoming battles.

She was silent for a while before she spoke up. "Do you love her?" she whispers as if she didn't want to know the answer. Was there a hint of apprehension in her voice or was I imagining it?

I smile softly glad she can't see me. "In a sense," I admit leaning closer to hear her voice better.

There is a slight pause before she speaks. "Was she good?"

My eyes widened at her interest. She had never been very interested in the sex lives of her friends and to know that she was actually asking out loud and without alcohol was flattering. I smirked. "The best," I whisper my breath caressing her neck and I see the shiver along with the red that started to creep up towards her ears. Did she know? I would swear she was trying to hint at something and just wasn't admitting it but I wasn't sure.

She leans back into my chest pulling my arms around her body. I tense up for a few seconds when she places her head against my shoulder but slowly start to relax as she closes her eyes. This wasn't the first time she had sought physical comfort but it was still a bit off to feel her body against mine like this. Usually, it was just holding a hand or wrapping her arms around my neck for a quick hug. This was a type of contact that I wasn't sure I could handle for too long without revealing my affections.

Her hands kept hold of my arms and her breathing became steady as if she were falling asleep. "You're a good friend, Varric," she whispers nuzzling my neck. I shiver at the feeling enjoying how close she was. Could we just stay like this forever? No, it was never that easy. "But we need to talk."

I tense up and feel her hand playing with the sleeve of my tunic idly. She was stalling and I smiled softly. "Anything," I soothe waiting for the bomb to drop. This was it. She was going to end the friendship right here and now.

"I-"

"Messere!" a feminine voice shouts scaring the both of us to jump apart. Olivia, the Tevinter slave Hake had given a home and job, was panting heavily as she came through the line of trees.

"Olivia?" Hawke asks picking up her over-shirt. "What's wrong?"

"It's your uncle!" she states through her heavy breathing. "He came looking for your mother but we haven't seen her all day." The little elf was obviously a step from panicking but Hawke just smiled. I knew how she felt about her uncle and the man was a tad bit too flaky for my comfort honestly. I was glad she had been able to pull away from him. She would have killed him otherwise.

"Alright then, let's go talk to Gamlen," she smiles standing up and grabbing her sword to place it in its sheath. She swung it over her shoulder. "I doubt it's anything but could you round up Fenris and Anders just in case?" She was looking at me and I stood up to brush myself off.

"Sure, no problem," I state glad for the intermission in our conversation. I would be ready for it whenever she remembered to talk about it again.

"Oh," she perks before she walked off. "We will finish this later tonight." She smiles in that unnerving way before following Olivia through the trees leaving me there with probably the most idiotic face possible.

"Yeah," I mutter before going to Darktown to find Anders. It wasn't hard to find him, honestly. He was always in his clinic and it didn't surprise me to see him working on that damned Manifesto again. He was going to go blind writing that damned thing. "Hey Blondie, you got time?" I ask as I walk into the clinic.

He looks up at me with those honey colored eyes and smiles brightly. He was always ready to help our lady leader and I knew it was because he looked up to her...in more than one way, apparently. I knew his feelings for her had started out as common admiration and respect from her ability to fight but then when she started to take the side of the mages...that had been it. He had fallen head over heels for her.

"Where have you been?" he asks as he pulls on the rest of his robes. He buttons himself in and pauses when he glances my way. Damn it, I was going to have to cover that damned mark or everyone would be asking questions. I was just waiting for Daisy to comment on it though hers would be less witty and I would probably have to explain just where marks like that came from. "And where did you get that mark?" His amber eyes search mine but I'm not giving him anything that will deny or confirm any of his suspicions. "Hawke?"

My insides jerk but I just laugh sarcastically. "Whatever you want to think, Blondie," I say dryly as we walk out to Hightown to find the elf. "Come on , elf," I say when we walk into the mansion to find the elf polishing his weapon. I swear, warriors polished their swords more than I polished Bianca and that was saying something! He looks up and sets it aside to pull on his armor lazily. "Hawke needs us." It wasn't needed but I said it anyways just to make sure either of them weren't sure what we were doing.

"Very well," he states completely ignoring the mage who was content with doing the same thing. "I see the other night was profitable for you." I am temporarily caught off guard before I throw my hands up in frustration. Anders perks up and looks at the elf with a curious expression.

"What does that mean?"

Fenris glares at the mage but would never miss the chance to embarrass me so he puts their differences to the side for the moment. "Hawke was escorted home by our story teller here two nights ago. She was inhibited and it seems that it ended well for both of them," he explains with a wicked grin that made me glare harshly. Damn the elf for being so evil. Then again, he was constantly getting his ass kicked by me at Wicked Grace and he would never win in a duel against the woman he was speaking of. This was his revenge for never getting the upper hand on us.

Anders gasps loudly and gives the same smirk as he crosses his arms over his chest. "Hawke and the dwarf, who would have thought you'd have the guts to come on to our precious leader!" he states making me growl. What did they know? Nothing and he was about to tear their smirks right off of their faces.

"She came onto me, I'll have you know!" I state stare at the back of my hand idly. They both freeze in their current positions and stare at me in shock. I felt a deep sense of pride well inside my chest to think of how loudly she moaned under my hands. I could still see the desperate need in her silver eyes when she pulled me against her body for those mind blowing kisses. Where had she learnt to kiss like that? It was a question to ponder on later. "Yes and she-" I stopped before I could reveal anymore. This wasn't a story I should be telling but oh I wanted to brag so badly!

"What?" Anders asks expectantly leaning closer.

"Yes, you can't just stop in the middle of a story like that," Fenris agrees. I'm pretty sure that was the first and only time I was ever going to hear them agree on anything in their entire lives.

I feel egged on by them and grow a knowing smirk. "Oh, it's nothing really," I start crossing my arms over my chest. I pause for effect. "Just that she woke her mother up with her screaming." Yeah sure, a little bit of an exaggeration but it was really close to the truth.

They stare at me with their mouths wide open in shock. "She...screams?" Anders finally asks his cheeks a bit flushed with the news.

"And commands."

Silence.

"You're lying," Fenris states crossing his arms over his chest.

I roll my eyes. For once in my life, I was not lying. "I swear on all the Paragons!" I laugh slightly at their disbelief. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it either! Hawke was usually so quiet, calm and collected so to know that she was the complete opposite while in the throws of passion was...arousing, to say the least. "She even told me to fuck her!" Oh why did I add that in there? Oh yeah, because I could still hear the way she had said it to me, that's why!

"Woah! I never would have guessed!" Anders admits laughing. "I'd love to see that."

"If you don't stop gossiping and get your asses moving you won't see so much as the next morning let alone my bed habits," a familiar voice states from the door. We all freeze and I can feel my heart stop for a few seconds as I turn to see Hawke standing there. Her silver eyes were looking at Anders but within a second I was staring into the eyes of a pissed off warrior. Why did I add that at the end? Maker I was so stupid! "Come on, we have to find my mother," she states evenly as Fenris and Anders move past her.

I move forward slowly staring at her apprehensively. "Hawke, I-"

"We'll talk later, Varric," she says before turning to walk out the door.

I messed up, but that was soon forgotten when we found out who had taken Leandra. A mad man we had tracked for a while before we went into the Deep Roads. We had lost the trail until a few weeks ago but then we had run cold again. Now, we had to rush to catch the man in time. I was just as worried as the rest of the group but Hawke seemed perfectly calm and collected like always. Her silver eyes were stoic as she surged forward with new fervor. She was a woman on a mission and the run-in earlier was completely forgotten for the time being.

Hawke was an excellent tracker and she soon found her uncle who was trying to find out where she had been taken. Of course, the little kid didn't tell us anything we already didn't know until he pointed at a blood trail. A cloud of tension seemed to settle over the group and we set off at break-kneck pace that set my mind on edge. She was getting desperate and I had never seen her eyes so feral and wild. We ripped through the shades and corpses that littered our path. She didn't even stop to check for items; no, she was too busy rushing through to even notice the notes and papers that I found. I hid them away from her so that she would never see them. They were disturbing and even I didn't want to read them.

We went through the tunnels until it finally broke when we got to a room with a bed and other furnishings. It was the picture of the woman that killed Hawke. "She...looks like mother," she whispers before turning away to rush onward almost leaving us behind. How could a woman weighed down by so much armor run so fast?

Then came the mad man.

A chair with someone sitting in it was next to the man but what caught my attention was the metal slab just to the right of the man. I felt my eyes seek out Hawke who was too observant not to notice that the tarp was covering what looked like a headless body. Cold dread slipped through my skin and I completely tuned out what the man was saying. I watched Hawke whose face slowly started to contort with fear until the body in the chair stood up shakily. I heard Hawke scream.

No, not scream, roar.

It shook the walls and chilled my blood when her pupils dilated to the size of pin-pricks and she charged the man with her teeth bared in anger. I had seen this before in Orzammar. She had just become a Berserker. And she was cutting through the skeletons and shades to get to the mage. She was so far gone and I was shocked to know that the woman who had always been so calm and tranquil had the ability to turn into such a violent fighter. Usually, she was laughing and joking during a fight but this time...I saw nothing but blood lust. She wanted this man's head and there wasn't a thing that was going to stop her.

Fenris got a bit too close at one point and was almost taken out by the swing of Hawke's blade. He seemed shocked and pulled away in just enough time calling out to her. She was oblivious that he had even spoken her name. "Stay clear of Hawke! She's berserking right now. She doesn't see anything right now," I shout over the sound of battle. Needless to say, Fenris gave her some room. She could take out hoards of enemies with one sweep. He did not want to be in the path of that distruction.

She finally got to the mage who had evoked a shield to protect himself with. I figured she would just attack blindly but instead, she stopped and stared at him through the shield patiently waiting for him to tire. I figured she had finally came out of her berserker mode but when I shifted a bit to take out a demon coming behind her I saw that her eyes were still the same. She was controlling it. It took people years to master even an inkling of that talent and here she was holding it back on her first time!

Fenris.

When she had almost taken him out it must have triggered her calm mind. Hawke truly was amazing and I did not feel for the mage as his shield started to die away. I was taking out the archers attacking her but she just stood there as if they didn't exist. Through the hail of arrows she just set her unnerving silver eyes on the man who was starting to sweat with the exertion.

That must be what it's like to gaze upon Death's face.

The shield fell away and Hawke advanced with a defensive spell cast around her, compliments of Anders. She ignored the spells that he cast her way and raised her sword to slice the man's knees. I winced at the scream that ripped from his throat as he fell back to the ground in a crumpled mess. He begged for mercy. She gave him absolutely none. Where she might have given it to anyone else; this man had messed with what remained of her family. There wasn't enough mercy in the world to make her change her mind. Instead, she took her sword and stabbed him through the stomach pinning him to the ground.

He wailed but she spoke over him. "I have heard that stomach wounds are the most painful," she states in a voice that is so calm and level it makes my skin crawl. Her eyes were still that of a Berserker and I felt my insides clenching with fear. This was the first time she had ever truly scared me and I didn't like it, not one bit. "How long did my mother beg?" Her words were like knives as she gently started to twist the sword clockwise. She was going to give him the slowest death possible and slowly her pupils regained their normal appearance. She was no longer a Berserker but the way she was treating him said otherwise. "How long did she claw at your arms to stop you?" she asks as her hand grabs his hair to smash his head into the ground. He was crying by that point but he could have been laughing for all she cared. "You shall find no mercy with me or the Maker." She shoves him back and takes out a dagger to slowly draw it across his throat.

All of the other creatures were dead and we were all just staring at the woman as she ignored the man's gurgling gasps for air and finally cuts a line so deep it nearly saws his head right off of his shoulders. He died with a last pained breath escaping his lungs and I found myself disgusted as the woman stood up her face splattered in the blood that had squirted from his cut jugular.

We all turned when we heard the sounds of shuffling and spotted the corpse that moved towards the bloodied woman. "Mother!" the girl yelps moving to hold her mother as she fell forward. Then the flood came and the emotions rushed through her. Tears flowed down her face and she was choking on the words she was trying to bite out. "I couldn't protect you, mother!"

"There's nothing I can do. His magic was keeping her alive," Anders whispers sadly.

I listened vaguely to the words they exchanged but I busied myself with telling Fenris to go get a Mother from the Chantry to collect the body. I then turn to Anders and tell him to go to Hawke's estate to bring the news and for him to clear out the house. Hawke would need to have some peace and quiet for the next couple of days. I wouldn't let her stay alone but I wasn't going to deny her the quiet she would need.

Her mother was gone by the time all of that was put into motion and Hawke was clinging to the mutilated corpse sobbing hopelessly. Moving closer, I place a hand to her shoulder trying to comfort the desperation that was killing me. She slowly sets her mother down to the ground before turning to me. "Hawke," I sooth just as she latches onto my neck wailing into my chest. I was the sound of someone dying on the inside and I held her the whole time stroking her hair to try and relax her. I knew it was a lost cause but I did it anyways. "Come on," I whisper into her ear after she stops sobbing. "Let's go home."

"No," she whispers jerking her head up to look at me with the eyes of a wounded animal. I feel my insides clench in pain at seeing her so vulnerable. "I can't go back. N-Not tonight! I just-"

"Shh," I whisper as I haul her up to her feet with me. "You can stay with me tonight."

"You mean it?" she whispers obviously needing me at this very moment.

"Of course," I say stroking her cheek with my hand tenderly. We start for the Hanged Man taking all the shortcuts we had found along our journey. She never stopped touching me the entire time. At one point or another she was making contact with me. For the most part she constantly held my hand but at one point we had accidentally lost contact and she nearly had a panic attack and latched onto my shoulders. Her emotions were running rampant because of how she lost control during the fight; it was a normal side-effect of being a Berserker and I was more than happy to help her. She seemed so close to tears the whole way and when we finally came to the Hanged Man we rushed up to my room so that no one would ask about us. "Stay here," I whisper as I sit her down in the chair in front of the fireplace. She held my hand for a few seconds before I kissed her forehead. "I'll be right back, I promise."

She reluctantly let go of my hand and sat back into the chair watching me exit the suite. It was so unnerving to see her so unstable but I went down to the bar to get two very stiff drinks. I was back in the room in no time and found her still watching the door for my return. My feet carried me across the room where I sat the two drinks down in front of her. "Here," I say softly. "It'll help you sleep." Her lithe, trembling hand reached out and took the first mug, which she downed in a single go before doing the same to the other one. I watched her with careful eyes knowing that alcohol loosened her up more than most people.

Dull silver eyes stare down at the table in front of her and all the emotions she had never let play over her face before show like a canvas and she slowly dissolves into tears pressing her hands in her face to sob pitifully. "I should have gotten him sooner," she cries out her hands almost making the words incoherent.

"No," I say as I lean forward to take her hands away from her face. "You did the best you could." I wipe the tears from her face and I can see the alcohol starting to take effect as her eyes become hazy. A dry smile forms as she takes my hand and pulls me forward; she buries her face into my neck giving audible sobs that made my heart ache. I wanted to do something, anything! But there was no consoling the broken soul of a woman who had just lost the last bit of her family.

I run my fingers through her hair as she finishes crying and leans away staring into my face. "Varric," she whispers looking at me with her beautiful silver eyes that were rimmed in red. It had a surprising effect; it turned her eyes a pale blue. I was so mesmerized that I didn't stop her when she leaned forward to kiss me. Her lips are familiar and warm and I don't hesitate in returning the gesture as if the other night had been planned instead of spontaneous. She lets her hands grasp the back of my head by my hair and suddenly the kiss is rough, demanding and desperate sending chills down my spine. I was pretty sure my lips were bruised as our teeth gnashed together as she pulls me closer. It was like she couldn't get enough contact between us and I reached out to rest my hands on her sides.

The kiss ends when we can no longer breathe and she pulls away with a small gasp. That's about the time I realize what had just happened between us. She was sober...and I use the term loosely, and had just kissed me! "Hawke," I say a little shocked. "What-"

"I know what happened the other night," she finally explains with a small smile at my shocked expression. I try to say something but she cuts me off with a chaste kiss. "I didn't at first but as the day went on I started to recall bits and pieces until I could remember every touch, sensation." I searched her face for something and found only sultry want.

"I'm sorry," I say after a while watching her face contort in confusion. "I took advantage of you and was too afraid to say anything. I wasn't a good enough friend to just say no."

She blinked a couple of times before chuckling softly. "Varric," she smiles taking my face into her hands. "I did things that would make even the Arishok have a hard time rejecting. You didn't initiate anything!" Her words felt like a heavy weight was being lifted off of my shoulders and settled onto the ground at our feet. "Besides, I didn't have the courage to do that without alcohol."

It took a second for her words to sink in before I truly understood. "You've...wanted that..."

"For a very long time," she nods. "And...today has shown me just how short life is, especially, when you have jobs like ours. I can't go another day hiding how I feel!" She presses her forehead against mine and I suddenly realize the alcohol probably had more to do with her loose tongue than the events of today. I was going to have to get her drunk more often.

"Then tell me," I whisper tenderly.