Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

CHAPTER 6:

Several hours later, a few nurses entered Bobby's room along with the doctor; the same doctor that had been his primary throughout this whole mess. Alex was still holding onto Bobby's hand when they entered and only dropped his hand when the doctor told her that they needed to get some X-rays of Bobby's chest. Bobby was still asleep but had woken up when they wheeled the portable X-ray machine in so that he didn't have to be moved from his room.

Alex was asked to wait out in the hall while they took the X-rays and, though she wasn't surprised by it, she was leery of it. She knew she had to, but she was hesitant to do so. She didn't want to leave his side but she had no choice and didn't raise any argument. What could she honestly say in her defense? She was being over-protective of him and had every right to be.

She was exhausted and it showed as she made her way into the hallway and heavily leaned against the wall just outside his room. It was around noon, at least that's what she guessed, and she hadn't had a decent nights rest in a couple days now and it showed. She wasn't even sure what day it really was. She wasn't sure how long or how many days it had been since Bobby had been shot. Truth be told, she didn't want to know. She didn't want to think about it. She only wanted to look ahead, but she was well aware that the past would come back to haunt him. It already haunted her. It was the reason for her lack of sleep amongst other things.

As she waited in the hallway, she felt herself become anxious.

What would Bobby say to me after the doctors remove the ventilator? Would the doctor even give the 'ok' to remove it? Would Bobby shy away from me now? Push me away completely? Become angry?

Alex wasn't sure what the future would bring, she only hoped that it would be something good; a new beginning for him. This was unfamiliar territory to her and she hoped that she would never have to go through this again. It was mentally draining and she never wished this upon anyone to deal with. She felt the need to scream.

I just want to get him the hell out of here…or do I? Would I be able to take care of him, watch over him once he leaves?

Now she wasn't sure of anything and she was too fucking tired to figure it out.

About fifteen minutes later, Bobby's doctor came out of the room to speak with her briefly. It had been good news. Bobby's lung was fully inflated again and they could begin the extubation process. The doctor wanted to talk to Alex before he did anything. He explained the process and how some patients become dependent on the machine but he felt that this shouldn't be a problem in Bobby's case due to the fact that he wasn't on it very long. They had already lowered the oxygen intake in the ventilator when he had first woken up, so they didn't expect any problems. The doctor also went on to describe how some patients are afraid of the removal of the machine because they fear that they might not be able to breathe on their own. That's when he asked if she minded being in the room during this process; of course she had no objections.

I'll always be by Bobby's side.

After the doctor went over a few more details, step by step with Alex, they made their way back inside Bobby's room; Alex in the lead with the doctor only a few steps behind. When she entered the room, Bobby's eyes immediately went to her. He looked relieved to see her. She wasn't sure what to expect, but he obviously wasn't shying away from her. He looked calmer than when he had first woken up.

Definitely more relaxed. Thank god.

Alex wondered if it was the medication making him more content. She knew him better than that though. Don't be fooled. She wasn't sure if he was scared deep down inside or lonely, or both, but she knew he was anything but 'ok.' This wasn't the time to analyze her partner though she did wonder what they said to him while he was out of the room.

Before they started the extubation process, the doctor went to Bobby's bedside to explain a few things. The doctor assured Bobby that a nurse would be in every couple of hours to check his breathing, but Bobby seemed to stare right passed him. Bobby only looked at the doctor briefly when he first started talking, with an unreadable look, but then quickly shifted his glance back towards Alex.

"Mr. Goren, we're going to take your breathing tube out now. Do you understand?" No reply was given on Bobby's behalf so the doctor continued. "Mr. Goren, it would help if you could voluntarily cough somewhat. Nothing too large or too much; it's just while we pull the ventilator out." The doctor softly spoke.

The doctor waited for Bobby to start coughing or any hint that he even heard him, but Bobby did nothing. The doctor was hesitant at first, but then turned back around towards Alex, who glanced his way briefly before nodding her head in understanding; knowing what he wanted from her.

"Bobby…" She softly spoke as she made her way next to him. "We need you to lightly cough, ok? Do you understand? Come on Bobby, you can do it." She cooed.

Bobby blinked and few times though never did his glance stray away from her eyes. He felt foolish to be honest. He had this fucking thing down his throat…god knows what the hell it's called. Oh wait! Ven-ti-la-tor. And he couldn't even speak. It felt like a large pacifier that enabled him to omit sound. He figured he looked ridiculous and helpless. He recognized that he looked like a child being tricked into doing something. It was one of those situations, but his eyes softened as he remembered who the person was that was doing the talking.

As long as I get this thing off…or out of me. Whatever the hell it is. I just want to go home. Get the hell out of here. Anywhere but here.

Bobby had a terrible headache and flashes of last night kept toying with his memory. Ever since he had woken, that's all his mind would allow him to see. A gun. Blood. Pain. A flash of relief, and then Alex crying.

Eames! He remembered as she continued to coach him; her voiced passing through his clouded thoughts.

He started to gently coughed, though he felt as though he were doing nothing to help. The doctor reached towards Bobby, along with a few other nurses right behind him and started to unhook the hose followed by the removal of the rest of the unit. Bobby coughed involuntarily this time, but showed no sign of resistance or fear.

Now, why do people fear this? He questioned the minds of millions now. You've got to be kidding me! With god knows how many doctors and nurses on staff. He felt himself become a bit of a smart ass, though he was never one to be such a person. But still, he was intrigued by the minds of so many people. There's not a safer place to be right now. Not that he was looking for a safe place to rest. And then his mind started again. It never seemed to want to stop.

Alex sighed in relief not entirely sure what sort of reaction to expect from him. Immediately after the ventilator was removed, a nurse stepped forward and put a nasal cannula on Bobby to ease him back to breathing on his own and for more comfort. Bobby's thoughts were long gone again as he blinked a few times, looking towards the nurse. The doctor checked his breathing one more time and then smiled.

"Good. You're doing well." He said as he put the stethoscope back around his neck. "How do you feel?" Bobby only nodded slightly. "If you have any problems breathing, you need to let us know right away. Do you understand?"

Bobby made no attempt to acknowledge him with words and the doctor wasn't really surprised. The doctor never expected him to start chatting away once the unit was removed. Bobby looked disturbed. Not so much physically, but mentally. He was battling some sort of demon and it didn't take a shrink to see it. The doctor wasn't blind. He could see the way Robert Goren acted and he knew better than to push him. There was no real need to. He didn't seem violent, but the doctor had still been cautious. Bobby was more of a gentle giant, but the doctor found himself asking if it was for his own sake or the patients. He knew that his friend, Alex, would be there to help him through whatever he was going through. It was not his right or place to judge.

He was never told of Bobby's profession or Alex's. He was never told the whole story and to this day, the doctor still doesn't know that the bullet that nicked Bobby's lung was due to a measly attempt at suicide. It explains the reason that no precautions were made as usual when dealing with a suicidal victim. No restraints, no close watch, though Alex was always there, no nothing.

Alex looked back over to Bobby and decided to speak for him after a minute of silence. "I will…I will let you know if he has any trouble breathing. I'll be here to watch him." She reassured the doctor.

Of course she'll be here.

The doctor spoke to Bobby once more, but Bobby didn't even look at the doctor this time. In fact, he'd only caught the tail end of the conversation. Something about food he thinks.

Oh great, probably on a strictly liquid based diet.

Alex was more focused on Bobby to hear what the whole conversation entitled. She was truly dumbstruck by Bobby's actions; or lack thereof. First off, she was surprised that Bobby had not said anything yet…but then again, she wasn't. It was complicated; Bobby was complicated and she didn't expect anything less of him.

He never seemed to deflect his eyes away from her for more than a few seconds and that in itself surprised her. She thought for sure he'd ignore her, but he only really did things that she asked him to do. The look in Bobby's eyes was something new to her. Something she's never had to deal with before. He looked like a lost, wounded puppy that desperately missed its owner. The only time she really recalled this look on him before was when he sat on the cold, dark floor of his apartment, bleeding and slowly dying; and right after he'd woken up. When the ventilator was removed, she expected some sort of reaction on Bobby's part; screaming, yelling, apologizing, something, but not this. It was unreadable. A blank stare.

Bobby was confused and so was she as she found her thoughts drifting even further. The more I look at him, the more he does look scared. God, does he not remember anything that has happened? Is that why he looks confused? Maybe that's it…he's wondering why he's in the hospital. And then it hit her. She felt sick again. Oh god, those are the only memories he recalls right now.

After all that has happened…I'm still…alive? God, why?

He was brought out of his thoughts as he saw the doctor check his vitals one last time to make sure he was fully breathing on his own. He marked something on the clip board at the end of his bed and then went back over to Bobby's bedside. The doctor gave Bobby a shot of morphine to help with the pain and to sleep along with a few other antibiotics that were necessary.

"He needs his rest." The doctor said without looking at Alex. "Sleep is the best thing right now." And with that, Alex nodded one last time and the doctor left.

Alex shifted nervously in her chair. Finally, Alex and Bobby were alone. He could speak now, but she felt nervous about it. He had yet to say anything to her and it made her wonder about his thoughts and mental state. She had to break the silence.

"Bobby? It's ok…" She said, trying to comfort him. She didn't know what else to say. She had never had to deal with this before. Not when it was this close to home.

"No!" He tried to scream, talking for the first time since the ventilator had been removed. The last time he wanted to scream, he was unable to because of the ventilator and had just passed out instead. He decided to save his words for later and, now that he was free from the machine, his voice had failed him miserably. His words came out slightly above a whisper and he frowned because of it. "No it's not!" He tried again.

Oh yeah, he definitely remembers.

Bobby's eyes began to water and he closed them tightly; as if his eyelids were the dam that kept the tears from falling. That's when he felt a hand grasp around his. He knew it was Alex. Who else would be here with me? Her hand was so small. So soft and reassuring, but reassuring him of what? Although hesitant at first, the feeling that began to overcome him had the same effect as the last time she had held his hand; when he had first woken up. He didn't pull his hand away from hers. He didn't dare break contact. It felt too damn good. It reassured him that someone was there with him.

I truly am fucked up.

"It'll be ok now, Bobby. I promise." She attempted once more. She paused for a few moments and then finally mustered up the courage to ask him. She couldn't hold it in any longer. "Why, Bobby? What…why?" She jumbled up the words, but Bobby knew what she was trying to ask.

"I—I don't…I just…" His throat was sore and it hurt to talk but that was not what kept him from explaining it to her. He just couldn't, he couldn't say it. Not again. He vaguely remembered telling her to just leave him, let him die, but he wasn't going to state his true feelings to her again. He verbalized it once to her face but he wasn't about to lay there and tell her that he did not wish to live. Not again. "I am…I'm so tired…" He muttered with his eyes now closed.

Morphine…damn.

"Go to sleep, Bobby. You know I'll be here."

I always will be.

Alex saw him fighting the medicine and stood up, though she never knew what possessed her to do this, and placed a hand on his chest. She could feel his heart beat and it reassured her. She gazed down upon him though she wasn't sure what she was supposed to feel.

His eyes shot open at the contact and he tiled his head down as much as his body would allow him to look at her hand that was placed above his heart. He wondered why she was here, with him, comforting him. He wondered why she was touching him but he wasn't going to protest. It was warm and inviting and he felt some relief at the warm sensation that filled his body.

Am I analyzing this too much? Her hand is over my heart… But his thoughts became more disorganized as the seconds passed. Fucking morphine and god knows what else.

He was nearing darkness. His eyelids were becoming heavier by the second but he needed to get something out first.

"Eames, I—I'm sorry. I didn't…I never meant for…for you to—" He paused trying to gather the correct words to use, but his mind was no help. His words seemed to be slurred. "Never meant for you…you to be there…and see me. No one was…was supposed to be there. I'm—"

"It's ok." She cut him off as her hand rubbed a small, comforting pattern against his chest. She saw it in his eyes; she heard it in his voice. He was struggling to speak and produce the words he wanted. "I'm just glad I was there." She closed her eyes briefly and reopened them. "Just rest." She reassured him, moving her hand off his chest to stroke his mostly gray hair around his temple. "We'll talk later, ok?"

This time, the touch felt natural to her and she didn't hesitate. It felt, to her, like she had done it time and time again. Truth was, she couldn't ever remember touching Bobby like this; caressing his face though she dared to call it that.

Have I ever touched him like this? Caressed him like this?

She tried to think of an occasion that they shared before, but ended up with nothing.

Bobby momentarily tensed at the feeling and then nodded as she continued to caress his face. It didn't take him long to relax and she even felt him lean his head into her touch.

It had been so many years since anyone had touched him like that, that it made him teary-eyed. He didn't know why she was touching him in these sorts of ways but he didn't want her to stop. He was afraid of it….afraid that he would never feel this sort of connection to another human being again; especially her. Even if it was pity, he'd take it for the time being. He just needed to feel again. To feel something, anything but pain and guilt.

With the touch of your hand… Bobby got this weird, unfamiliar feeling in the pit of his stomach as a song came to his mind. He had no idea where the hell it had come from…he couldn't even recall the beat, only the words. Oh god. Yup, he remembered. He felt what the men were feeling in the song and what they were singing about and then he felt awkward because he recalled that it was sung by a band of all gay men that were singing about other men. God, I must be high. And then he his body completely relaxed. Yup, no fighting the medicine any longer. He couldn't fight it. Jesus! What and how much did the doctor give me? Bobby weakly smiled at the random thought, missing the questioning look Alex had on her face, and with a content sigh that followed, Bobby let the darkness overcome him as Alex's hand continued to caress his graying stubble.

Please don't let me forget what it feels like to be touched by Alex… And that was his last thought before he fell into a deep sleep.

Alex wondered what he had been thinking about. She didn't know and figured she probably never would know. She summed the small smile up to him being on medication; strong medication.

Once she was sure he was asleep, she sat back down in her chair to think.

He didn't seem to mind me touching him…but who knows Bobby. He's going to be ok though, physically anyways. It's going to be a long haul, but I WILL help him through this. And those were her last thoughts as she silently fell asleep in a chair next to Bobby's side.

Alex awoke a few hours later. When she slowly opened her eyes, she was greeted by Bobby's piercing ones. His hand was on his cheek where her hand had been hours earlier; she didn't make the connection though.

He had remembered.

When Alex tried to look deep into his eyes and smile, he turned his head to the other side; not wanting to make eye contact with her. It hurt, but he could still feel her hand on his unshaven face.

Instinctively, Alex stood up and closed the small gap between her and the bed.

"Bobby?"

He was so unstable that she was afraid to say the wrong thing.

"Eames, I—" He began as he licked his bottom lip. "I don't know what to say." His voice sounded stronger than before though his head was still turned away from her.

Bobby began to softly sob as he let his hand slip off his face and back onto the bed. Never again. So many things were running through his mind. He wasn't happy anymore. He knew something was wrong with him…it was the medicine making him loopy and out of character hours ago. This was the Bobby he knew himself to be. Depressed.

He wasn't sure what was true or fiction, but he honestly didn't believe that he would make it out of there; out of his apartment. He thought for sure he was going to die and it didn't scare him. Now, to wake up in the hospital and find his partner sitting next to him, taking care of him…what was he supposed to do? What was he suppose to think? And how was he supposed to feel?

I guess they're right about you, Goren…you are a fuck up. God, please tell me what to do.

He was a lapsed Catholic, but he still believed in the ultimate being. He was honestly surprised that he wasn't in restraints in some mental hospital.

"Bobby, shh. You don't have to say anything." She gripped his hand once more.

She was worried about him. As tough and large as Bobby Goren was, he sure was sensitive. He was a very emotion man and typically wasn't afraid to show it. He had a kindred spirit about him that people weren't afraid to step all over. She wasn't sure what else to say to him so she just continued to hold onto his hand. She held onto it until he fell into a light slumber from shear exhaustion.

A light sigh of contentment was the last thing she heard come out of him as he fell back asleep.

A/N: So, what did you think?
About the song Bobby was thinking of…I swear I didn't plan on that part until I started writing down the line, "with the touch of your hand." Then, I thought it would add a bit of humor to a stoned Bobby if he thought about that song. There, not all angst (Chuckles). The song is actually called, "A Touch of Your Hand" by The Nylons. Yes, they're gay. Good song though. Look it up…It makes it even funnier that Bobby was thinking about it.

-Snyder-