A Place to Rest My Head
Summary: Varric has never told Hawke his feelings and to see her being matched with noblemen who don't fit her at all is hard. One drunken night will change everything but will it be for better or worse? F!HawkexVarric
Rating: M+
Warnings: Sex, cursing.
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Age II nor any of the characters.
I watched her hack through a throng of Dragonlings pretty much by herself and shook my head. She was even more powerful now then she had been before and that thought made her a tad bit more intimidating. Her pupils were barely the diameter of a pin-prick and she was rushing through a large crowd of the little monsters to hack through their throats. Even Fenris, who was out there with her was shocked as hell to see her being so merciless. She usually had such control but now that she had become a Berserker there appeared to be no control at all.
He was wrong though.
The point of being a Berserker, as I had learned over the past week, was to loose control while keeping control. It was a hard concept to grasp for me but Hawke had taken to it like a pro and in the past week that she had been training with her new teacher. He was a rough dwarf that had come from Ferelden not but a few weeks ago and he owed me a favor so I had called it in so that he would teach her how to control the rush of emotions. I never would have expected her to be a Berserker in the first place but after talking to her teacher it became aware that Hawke was the perfect person for being a Berserker.
I had always thought it was angry people that made the perfect Berserkers but I was wrong. Her teacher, Oghren, had stated that people who held back emotions and kept them inside until they built up were the people who became Berserkers. It made sense. I had always thought Hawke was just a calm person but now I saw how wrong I was. Everything she felt, she kept pent up inside of her body. All of the betrayals, all of the anger and hatred for people who harmed others, and all of the missions where people were killed; they were all just waiting to be released in that one moment of vulnerability, which happened to be her mother's murder.
Oghren said that the emotions now had an escape but that they were hard to keep back once they had a direct line out of the body. Basically, Hawke was now a ticking time bomb who would explode randomly if she didn't go Berserk at least once every other day or sooner than that if there were too many emotions. This was the case with Hawke who needed to go Berserk at least twice a day to keep from even snapping at me if I said something she didn't enjoy hearing. I didn't mind but she felt horrible after she did it; it wasn't like she could control this. She was still getting over her mother's murder; she needed time for those intense emotions to ease.
It didn't help that the Viscount was being demanding of her right after her mother's untimely death. He kept demanding that she talk to the Arishok and Hawke kept telling him that she wanted them to cool off for the moment. There was a lot of unrest at the moment and Hawke wasn't any closer to being able to keep the emotions in line for long periods of time. Honestly, I think she was afraid that the Arishok would say something to set her off and she wouldn't be able to control herself long enough to get out of the compound before trying to hack him up. She didn't want unnecessary violence.
We finished in the Bone Pit after killing the dragon that was waiting for us at the top and as we walked to Kirkwall I could tell that this trip had really helped the woman who was smiling slightly. She looked so relieved and relaxed that I knew she was feeling better. Oghren said that these intense moments of anger and hate would end but that we would have to wait until she came to terms with the murder of her mother. In the mean time, she would need to have a constant guard.
I had been happy to accept that responsibility so I let her stay in my room until she was finally ready to go back to her own estate, which was clean as a whistle for her return. Olivia, Bodhan and Sandal were all there waiting to greet her and I know she was happy to see them. They had been her support system in the house when her mother had been there and now they were even more so. She seemed happy to see them as she stepped into the house but I still wasn't going to let her out of my sight. I have since then, been living with her.
We have yet to have so much as given into heavy petting though. I don't mind but Hawke is terrified that the pleasure will send her into one of her destructive rages. She had kept her distance from me for that reason and I was supportive but I missed touching her. We still kissed but whenever she got into the kiss it turned rough and there had been times when she had drawn blood. I didn't mind! I actually thought it was rather sexy but she would always pull away and lock herself away from me until she could control herself. The fact that she didn't trust herself made me want to comfort her but she never let me.
We told Hubert that his Bone Pit was completely cleared out and Hawke even took up the deal to split up the mining efforts with him. It was a good way for her to get steady income even if she barely bought anything with her already copious amounts of wealth. It was only potions that would help her survive and other essential things. The armor she now wore was the best she could find as of right now; it wasn't for lack of searching either.
Departing from the rest of the group, Hawke and I walked towards her estate. I jumped when her hand slipped around mine; she smiled down at me and I realized just how the mission had helped. She was exhausted. Her emotions had been completely spent and now she was content. It was like she wasn't a Berserker at all! I gave an inward sigh of relief and gripped her hand even though people were staring at us oddly. Hawke had never cared what people thought of her and she wasn't going to start now; I...they could go suck the stone for all cared.
We got to her house and she opened the door to walk into the livingroom where the fireplace was roaring. Olivia was stoking it and stood when she saw her master had returned. "Welcome back, Serah Hawke!" she smiles brightly as Hawke gave the girl a loose hug. Olivia had settled in quite nicely with Hawke and I was glad to know that the woman had a cook so that she didn't need to worry about one other thing.
"Welcome home!" Bodhan said as he walked into the room after hearing Olivia say his master's name. "There's a letter for you on the desk. Just arrived this morning after you left."
"Thank you Bodhan," she smiles before walking over to pick the letter up. She stops when she sees the Viscount's seal on the note and I can see her shoulders slump forward with exhaustion. She opens up the letter with trembling hands and pulls the paper to read it. "He wants to meet with me tomorrow morning." I could see that she was happy to have some time to rest for today and I took the note from her to set it down.
"Come on," I whisper gently and lead her by the hand to her room where she starts to get dressed in her sleeping clothes. She was so exhausted and the sun was about to set; she needed a good night's sleep to help her stay calm for tomorrow's meeting with the Viscount. I get changed as well with my back turned towards the woman. I didn't want to be tempted by the sight of her tanned skin as she undressed.
I was pulling on my shirt when I felt hands stop me. My skin tingled as lips found my neck and they suckled gently on my pulsing vein and her hands slowly took off the shirt I had been trying to pull on. She let her hands wander over my shoulders and down my arms as she continued to gently nip my neck until she came to my ear. Her tongue ran along the shell of it and I let a shiver rack my body. She let out a small sigh of content tranquility that ran across my neck making me shudder again.
Turning around, I looked up at her and saw that her face was that old calm I had grown so unaccustomed to seeing since her mother was killed. She knew exactly what she wanted and she was confident that she could get it. I reached up to cup my hand behind her head and pulled her down for a searing kiss that had my blood boiling as our tongues danced. Her hands grabbed my shoulders and she slowly pulled me back until she sat down on the bed now on my level. I moved my kiss down her jaw to her neck. She tensed and let out a shuddering breath as I lathed the expanse of sensitive flesh that had her moaning in two seconds flat. She was so sensitive here that it was a shock she didn't just orgasm there.
She ran her hands down my chest feeling all of the dips and curves of my muscles that made me nearly purr with happiness. I pulled away for two moments and slowly pushed her back to the bed and climbed up to straddle her hips. She looked up at me with those silver eyes that made me shiver at the emotions playing across their depths. The best part about this whole Berserker ordeal was that I could see every emotions that flickered across her face. And...right now she was horny, very very horny. It made my skin tingle with anticipation. This was what I'd been waiting for ever since that night when she had been drunk.
Her hands jerked my face to meet hers and she ripped my hair tie out so that she could dig her hands into my blond tresses. I could taste the need in this kiss and it made my head spin as my hand slowly worked at the robe she was wearing. The tie came undone and I pulled away from the kiss to open the robes. My breath caught in my throat when I saw that she wasn't wearing anything underneath this thin layer of silk. Her body was like paradise. I could see every dip and curve and every old and new scar that she had ever received in our constant battles under the light of the fireplace.
She smirked at my admiration and slowly moved backwards to situate her head on the pillows of the bed pulling me with her until we were kissing again. My hands ran down her body feeling every flaw and perfection enjoying her throaty moan that came from the light graze of my fingers to her nipples. She arched her back into my hands as I cupped her breasts in my hands. I massaged the supple flesh letting my lips seek out her neck that I kissed and suckled upon gently throwing her into a loud yelp. Her body responded to my touches and I could already smell her scent in the air as the junction between her legs responded.
I pull away from her and turn her over onto her stomach so that I can rid her of the rest of the tunic staring at her back that I had yet to explore. Kissing her neck I slowly started to run my fingers down the strong muscles of her shoulders and back. She sighs softly at the comfortable touch until I come to the small of her back. She jerks and moans making my eyes widen. I hadn't know there could be pleasure zones on the back! I smirked and ran my lips down her spine feeling her grow progressively tenser until my lips dragged across that area. She jolted and buried her face in the pillow to moan. My tongue ran across the sensitive area and I could swear that she was going to jump out of her skin. That, or run off the other residents of the house with her perfectly pornographic noises.
Letting my hand wind under her hips I pulled up and sat her on her knees. She jerked her head to look back at me and I could see the slight fear in her eyes. I smiled gently running my hand over the small of her back gently. "Trust me," I whisper softly against the skin of her hip watching her turn back around and bury her face in the pillow. She was embarrassed. This was a very vulnerable position but I wanted to show her that I wasn't ever going to hurt her or demean her. Her warrior instincts told her not to be in this position but I knew she'd warm up to it eventually.
Besides, seeing her beautiful, toned rear in the air was like a gift. I ran my hands down her hips feeling her muscles under the beautiful skin before I run a hand down to slip inside of her wet crease. She gasps loudly and I feel her push back against my finger a bit before I press it in deeper. Her body is shivering with tremors and I can hear her panted breathing muffled by the pillow. A smirk crosses my lips; I knew she'd warm up to the position sooner or later. I crook my finger slightly and hear her yelp out her back arching in pleasure.
I watched her as I started a steady rhythm and felt that the vision before me was pure perfection. Delicate curve of the back that lead up into a head thrown back in pleasure; from the angle I was at I could see her flushed cheeks and the glazed over look in her eyes. Maker, how could anything be more beautiful than this? I didn't think there'd be anything more than this. This was what I had been waiting on for the past week while she had been fighting to control her emotions. Oh Maker had it been worth it!
I leaned forward a bit while still thrusting into her so that my mouth could press to the small of her back. I held my other hand around her legs so that when she jerked I could control where she went. Like I thought, she tried to press into me to get more friction but I kept her at a good distance so that I could take the lead. She let forth the sweetest words that I had ever heard in my life, "More, Varric!" Oh no other words could make me warmer.
"As you wish," I whisper against the small of her back before pressing another finger into her. She groans at the stretching but I can tell it is out of pleasure as I run my tongue across the sensitive patch of skin I had just found. Her hands that had been holding her top half up give out and she is whimpering into her pillows as I start to push into her faster and harder. My teeth graze her skin and she all but screams coming so close to her orgasm.
Smirking, I let my arm that is wrapped around her waist move. I search for that one spot that will help send her over the edge and I slip my hand downward to find it. When she throws her head back and lets out the most beautiful scream I know I've found it. I roll the woman's clit while my fingers crook in the rhythm and I can feel her body tensing to fall over the edge until she squeaks my name out. She falls forward in her orgasm and I ride out the orgasm for a few moments before letting her slide flat against the bed.
Her body was trembling as I moved to lie next to her with my head on the pillows watching her face. I run my hands through her hair until she turns and looks up at me with eyes that show satisfaction but at the same time showing she wasn't finished yet. Her lips slam against mine and I am shoved down so that she can ravage my lips while undoing my pants and shoving them off along with my underclothing. Our kiss heats up as she strokes a hand up from the bottom of my hard erection to the top before situating herself to hover right over it. She had to break the kiss but as I placed my hands on her hips I found myself in awe at how beautiful she was, yet again.
Then, I looked up into her eyes and felt my insides curl. Her pupils were dilated to pinpricks. Somewhere in the middle of everything she had gone Berserk but for some reason she was in completely control. Before I could think it over any further she impaled herself on me and I gasped out at how quickly she had taken me inside. I wasn't going to brag but I was pretty big around. Normal length but wider than normal, or so I was told. The fact that she had just...
My thoughts trailed off as I took up a melody of grunts that harmonized with her panting moans when she started to rock her hips against mine. Oh Maker that felt so much better than I had ever imagined! She was creating a steady rhythm that was accented by sharp, quick downward motions. Her insides were so warm and slick and I could feel her trembling from the inside out. My hands sought her hips and I controlled her motions a bit knowing I was already so close to finishing. I wanted to share this moment with her for as long as I could.
I heard her growl darkly and I soon found my hands pinned above my head by the woman. She had leaned forward and her breasts were dangling in front of my face tantalizing me with their every shake and shudder. I reached forward to lick at one of the nipples hearing her breath hitch on a choked moan. I tried to pull my hands away from her grasp but her fingers were iron so I dug my heels into the bed and started to thrust into her that way. She gasped and started to push back into my thrusts creating a perfect motion that we both were able to follow. It was like a perfect harmony and melody mixing with each other. Tune the notes just right and you got this beautiful music. Well, that was like this, except better!
My insides were curling as I started to climb to my own orgasm and I could tell by the sound of the woman's labored noises that she was close as well. I started to thrust harder finally able to jerk my hands away from the woman's grasp. I flipped us over and took her long legs up over my shoulders so that I could have more leverage. She growled dangerously for a second before a scream cut it off. I pressed my hand to her stomach to hold her down and started to thrust as quickly as I could into her. She threw her head back and dug her hands into the sheets as I slipped my other hand around to press against her clit harshly.
I felt myself grow to that peak and suddenly I felt the walls around my shaft clench as Hawke went into her own orgasm. She screamed my name and I let her name slip from my lips as we came together. I spilled my essence inside of her clenching insides and kept thrusting sharply until I had spent all I had in me. Hawke was gasping for air as I slipped out of her and fell down beside her.
We stayed there for a few moments before she looked at me with those silver eyes. She was back to normal and looked positively exhausted. "Why didn't we do that sooner?" she rasps, her throat hoarse from screaming.
I chuckle at her words and tug the blankets over our bodies letting her cuddle closer to my chest. "I don't know," I smile feeling her face pressed against my neck. "You went Berserk." She freezes at my words and slowly relaxes again. "You didn't realize it?"
"No," she whispers after a while. "I...I didn't feel myself go Berserk but I felt the power and surge of emotions. I thought I was just...I don't know." She clings to me and I know that she is utterly confused.
"You know how Oghren was talking about a release of pent up emotions?" I ask slowly and I can feel her nod without a word. "Maybe this is your type of release? Well, literally and figuratively speaking." She chuckles softly at my joke before sighing deeply. "Let's think about it tomorrow, okay?"
"M'kay," she mutters before falling straight to sleep. She would need her strength for tomorrow; Maker only knew what the Viscount wanted her to do this time.