A Place to Rest My Head
Summary: Varric has never told Hawke his feelings and to see her being matched with noblemen who don't fit her at all is hard. One drunken night will change everything but will it be for better or worse? F!HawkexVarric
Rating: M+
Warnings: Sex, cursing, violence.
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Age II nor any of the characters.
A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed and read my story thus far. So for this one I added in some lyrics from the Avenged Sevenfold song Victim, which I thought fit this chapter perfectly. Also, the song Sleep by Eric Whitacre is a good song that I wrote this by.
Also, I love the DAII game but the character is just too...strong for my taste! XD I say that because after all that the character goes through he/she doesn't breakdown until their mother dies. I think there needs to be more realistic emotional trauma in the game. So that's why this version is a little darker than the actual game. This is honestly how I think a real person would react! So enjoy!
And I've lost my power to feel tonight,
We're all just victims of a crime.
When all's gone and can't be regained,
We can't seem to shelter the pain inside.
We're all just victims of a crime.
~ Avenged Sevenfold "Victim"
"What if Saemus won't come?" the woman asks her eyes speaking everything of what she felt of this request. Seamus gone missing? No, he had just gone to the Qunari where Hawke knew he would go eventually. She had said this many times that he liked the Qun more than he did the Chantry and now it seemed that Hawke's prediction was coming true to the sorrow of the boy's father.
"They will use him against me," the Viscount tried to reason with the Berserker. "It is all for political gain!"
Hawke quirked an eyebrow and I could tell she didn't believe it. "I will go talk to him but I will not promise anything. If he truly has converted then he will stay with them. I will not drag him back, kicking and screaming. I owe him that much and so do you." She turned on her heel and we walked from the chamber towards the compound where the Qunari reside. I could tell she was very tense about this meeting with the Arishok even if she felt completely calm.
Come to find out, sex was the best way for Hawke to release her pent up emotions. She felt like a new person today but I had a feeling, just as she did, that this was going to end badly. Actually, she looked pretty calm about the whole thing but I knew the truth. I could read her emotions through her eyes, which were still a Berserker's eyes. She couldn't hold back anything from showing in her eyes and I think she was afraid this would be seen by the Arishok.
We walked into the compound without any problem, just as always. The Arishok would always see Hawke no matter what time of day or night it was. She was a welcomed guest in his company and it had always made her feel flattered if not a little intimidated that he would show up for her so readily.
She walked up to the bottom of the stairs with the rest of us behind her. Her shoulders were shifted back and she waited for the Arishok to be told she was there waiting for him. Her head perked up when he walked in from the side his unnerving black and gold eyes were like nothing I had ever seen. It didn't seem to phase the woman standing there though with her equally as terrifying eyes.
"Shenedan," he states in his deep voice that reverberated through my chest.
"Shenedan, Arishok," she replies with a small tilt of her head to show respect. "I have come about Saemus."
The Arishok stares at her for a long time before he sits down in his chair tilting his head at her with an spitefully amused look on his face. "Are you?" He stops and lowers his head in thought for a few minutes before looking back at the woman. "In four years, I have made no threat, and fanatics have lined up to hate us simply because we exist. But despite lies and fear, bas still beg me to let them come to the Qun. They hunger for purpose. The son has made a choice. You will not deny him that."
Hawke stopped for a few minutes trying to keep herself from getting frustrated. "The Viscount sent me to ask his son if he had truly converted or if this was a..." She halted in her speaking because even she knew how ridiculous this sounded. "May I speak with the Viscount's son?"
The Arishok watched her expressions before speaking. "He is no longer the Viscount's son. Viddathari give up their lives for the certainty only the Qunari know."
"Of course you would not take advantage of his connection," Hawke whispers with a small smile on her face. She knew the Arishok was not a man who took an advantage like that. When someone submitted to the Qun he let them be.
"The Qun may demand that advantage, but I do not. It was his choice to be educated. He is not my prisoner," he states with purpose staring at the woman with his strange eyes. "He is not even here. He went to his father. Ask the Viscount why he would send you and a letter both."
"That seems strange," she whispers to herself with a thoughtful look.
"They're meeting at the Chantry. A last, pointless appear, I assume," he states with a slight shrug.
"The Viscount would involve the Chantry?" Anders questions softly behind us.
Hawke's face turned from confused to fearful as it clicks in her mind. "No, but we know who would! Mother Petrice," she states already looking quite frightened by the prospect.
"A suspect in many things," the Arishok confirms. "If she has threatened someone under my command again, there is only one response."
I can see the anger in the woman's eyes and I can tell that the Arishok did as well and it surprised him. "I've had about enough of Petrice. Several times over," she grits out between her teeth the fear turning to rage.
"A threat against viddathari can have only one answer. I will suffer only one outcome," he warns harshly but I know that if Hawke had her way the Qunari wouldn't get to the woman alive. "I will be watching, Hawke. The demand of the Qun is clear."
We made it to the Chantry in record time and Hawke slammed the doors open and rushed up the side stairs to where Saemus was sitting on his knees as if in prayer. "Saemus?" she whispers as she reaches forward to touch his shoulder. The man tips and falls to the side, dead. "Saemus?" She falls to her knees to hold his body checking for even the slightest pulse but even I could tell that he was dead.
"Serah Hawke, look at what you've done," a familiar voice states from the front of the Chantry. "To pounce upon the viscount's son, a repentant convert, in the Chantry itself? A crime with no excuse." She was standing in the front with a couple of warriors and looked so pleased with herself. "Your Qunari masters will finally answer."
She kept talking but I was too busy watching the woman standing beside me. I became aware of the way her shoulders were trembling and the way she was still staring at the body in her arms. She pulled him closer and I moved forward just enough to see that she was crying into Saemus' chest. I backed away and pushed the two men behind me back as well knowing what was coming next. Slowly, gently, she put the corpse of her once good friend down and looked out at the Sister that had been a thorn in her side from the beginning.
And nothing lasts forever,
For all good things it's true.
I'd rather trade it all,
For somehow saving you.
And must have been the season,
That threw us out of line.
Once I stood so tall,
Now I'm searching for a sign.
~ Avenged Sevenfold "Victim"
"How could you?" she whispers catching the still-chattering woman's attention. "How could you!" She was screaming now and the tears were washed away by hatred and anger.
"He deliberately denied the Maker! How many would follow if he went unpunished?" she asks with a passion that visibly made Hawke sick to her stomach. "And yet, even this sympathizer will inspire vengeance when his brutal murder is exposed."
"You idiot! This will only bring more slaughter on both sides!" Hawke states throwing her arms out in completely and total frustration.
"To die untested would be the real crime. People need the opportunity to defend faith. Starting with you," she states completely unaware of what she had tapped into with this anger Hawke was feeling. "Earn your reward in this life and the next! These heretics must die!" she gestured to the mob that stood behind her.
They advanced on the woman who still had tears pouring down her cheeks. She jumped the rail in front of her and landed right in front of the charging mob. She looked at the blood on her hands from Saemus and jerked out to grab the first man that got to her. He was a Reaver but he choked when the hand grabbed him around the throat and threw him back into the rest of his group. She only reached for her weapon then just as the three of us came up behind her to defend her in her Berserker rage that was sure to make her more vulnerable. It didn't. She chopped through the men and woman easily with the help of us and soon the Chantry floor was littered with dead bodies.
"Seamus," she whispers as tears make treks through the blood on her face. "May you rest with the Maker."
"Do you see Grand Cleric?" the Mother states as she comes back probably not even a little surprised to see that all of her followers were dead. "Traitors attacking the very core of the Chantry! They defile with every step!"
"There is death in every corner, young mother. It is as you predicted. All too well," the Grand Cleric states looking around at the death that was covering her Chantry.
I could see Hawke jerk to charge the woman but at the last moment stopped herself and instead grabbed my hand. I let her take comfort in my touch before she spoke up in a voice that was trembling with a deadly mixture of rage and depression. "Forgive me, Your Grace. But you must know the truth about what happened here." She was so calm when she spoke that even I was shocked.
"Don't spout your Qunari filth. This is a hand of the Divine!" the Mother spits as she tries to explain, in vain, to lie to the Grand Cleric.
I would bet my beautiful Bianca that the way Hawke spoke had gotten her more than anything else. Hawke, the strong, compassionate hero was speaking honestly and plus, how could you look at her pathetic face and think that she had killed this man she now spoke for. Would the Grand Cleric still listen to Hawke, someone who blatantly denied the teachings of the Chantry, if she had spoken in anger or attacked the Mother? I couldn't be certain but I did know that she believed what the female said more than her own Mother. "I have ears," she states firmly before looking at the woman standing before her. "The Maker would have me use them. Serah Hawke, is it?"
"The viscount's son-Saemus,is dead...killed in your name," Hawke states obviously itching to kill the Mother that hid behind her Cleric.
"I'm sure my name wouldn't like that," the Grand Cleric jokes dryly before looking at the Mother. "Petrice?"
Under the scrutinizing gaze of the Grand Cleric the woman relents. "Saemus Dumar was a Qunari convert! He came here to repent and was murdered!" she lies aptly.
"Lured by you!" Hawke jabs harshly though with a calm face. "Killed to set the people against the Qunari."
"This is no longer a matter of heathens squatting at the docks! People are leaving us to join them!" Petrice tries to reason with the Cleric but I could tell that she wasn't having it.
"And we must pray for them like any other."
Petrice looked disgusted. "They deny the Maker!" she retorts harshly.
"And you diminish Him, even as you claim His side," the Grand Cleric interrupts making even Anders look shocked. "Andraste did not volunteer for the flame." She turns back to Hawke who is looking more and more exhausted by the second. "Serah Hawke, you act on the behalf of the viscount?" Hawke nodded her head deeply almost in a bow. "The young Mother has erred in her judgement. A court will decide her fate. The Chantry respects the law, and so much she."
"Grand Cleric?" the Mother asks shocked watching the woman walk off. "Grand Cleric!"
"The law?" I hear Hawke whisper as her hands clench in fists at her side. My hand reaches out to touch hers and she grabs at it fiercely to calm herself. She wanted to rip the Mother's head off right there but she knew that it would not help a thing if she did that.
Hawke turns to leave but stops and pushes her team back when she hears the sound of an arrow being shot. We watch it whiz by straight into the chest of the Mother who gasps then falls to the floor. Even my lover is completely shocked by this turn of events and looks to the source of the arrow. Another arrow whizzes and gets the Mother straight between the eyes. A Qunari Ashaad stands there in his paint and helm as he puts away his bow. "We protect those of the Qun. We do not abandon our own," he states and Hawke nods at him as he disappears.
"Let's go tell the viscount," Hawke whispers softly as we head towards the Keep.
After everything was said and done I could tell Hawke was about to kill something so I suggested that we take an hour's break so that we could rest up before going to see the Arishok. She hesitated for a mere moment before she nodded her head. "Meet us back at my estate in an hour," she tells the others and we walk into the estate we had both been sharing since her mother's death.
The second we enter the estate my back is being shoved into the wall and there is a rather emotional Berserker stealing my breath away. I still wanted to know how she did that every time she kissed me! I returned the gesture as her tongue invaded my mouth and her hands started to tug on my duster. We were going to do this right here? Sure, it was a nice thought but what if Olivia walked in or Sandal? Oh dear they would be so traumatized!
"What are you doing here?" we both hear the voice of Aveline snap from the livingroom.
"Fuck!" Hawke whispers harshly pressing her forehead against the wall above me. She was so frustrated and I could feel every bit of it in the parts of her body I had my hands currently pressed against. She pulls away after placing a chaste kiss on my lips before walking into the main area of her house.
"This is important. Don't interrupt with your selfish prattle," Aveline said just as we both walked through the door to see Aveline and Isabella standing there.
"Get off your high horse. I have problems too!" Isabella retorts gesturing rudely with her hands.
Aveline scoffs harshly. "What drink should I order? or Whose the father?" Aveline states harshly.
"Oh you little..." Isabella grits as she walks forward to backhand the woman.
"What is it now, you two?" Hawke roars making both of them jump at seeing the woman so pissed off. They turned to look at Hawke who was obviously already in a very pissed off mood and having two bickering children in her house didn't help the matter at all. I was kind of pissed as well. How was Hawke supposed to be ready for her meeting with the Arishok when she couldn't get two seconds rest...and by rest I mean sex.
Aveline steps forward first determined to be the winner. "Hawke, the Arishok is sheltering two fugitives who have 'converted' to the Qun. He must be convinced to release them," she explains and I take Hawke's hand to still her anger.
"It's always the Arishok, isn't it?" she mutters under her breath so that only I can hear her.
"He's already feared because of Petrice," she goes on not even worrying about what Hawke said. "If people start to think that he can ignore the law...I need your help so this doesn't get out of hand."
"I'm going to die!" Isabella cuts in dramatically. "There. Got your attention. Real problem."
"Woah, stop!" Hawke snaps harshly holding her hands out. "Isabella, what's this about?"
Isabella looks like she's relieved that Hawke wanted to hear her story. "You remember the relic? The one Castillion is going to kill me over? A man named Wall-Eyed Sam has it! If you help me get it then Castillion won't kill me. Please."
Aveline scoffs again and turns on Isabella. "I'm trying to keep the entire city from rioting against the Qunari!" she snaps harshly.
"Well," Isabella drawls turning away from us. "Maybe it's connected."
"What?" both Aveline and Hawke ask at the same time. I could tell they were like sisters by how they acted sometimes.
"I'm just saying it maybe it'll help. It's important to someone, right?" Isabella tries to cover it up with her words. Hawke was getting more and more frustrated by the minute and I could tell she was just about to say fuck it and attack me right there in front of the two women. Isabella wouldn't mind but Aveline might get a bit pissed.
"Now you start being responsible. Shit," Aveline shakes her head.
Hawke walks up to her old friend and places a hand on her shoulder. "I have to help Isabella first," she tells the warrior gently knowing that this would get out of hand if she handled it like a Berserker. "But as soon as I'm done then I'll meet you at the compound, okay?" Aveline looks like she's about to say something but she stops and nods her head. I think even she can tell Hawke was almost to the breaking point. "Let's go get Ander then."
"You should take Fenris with you as well," I state as I start to walk back towards the bedroom.
"No, I want you to come with me," she says making me stop in my tracks.
I look at her with confusion. "You can't have two rogues in the same part. You'll be the only one attacking," I tell her and she chuckles.
"You and Anders are long range and Isabella can help me with the close-range combat," she smiles moving forward to kiss me gently. "Come with me."
I shake my head and smile sweetly at her love for me. "You have to take Fenris. I'll be right here when you get back," I tell her stroking her cheek tenderly. She hesitates for a few moments before nodding her head. She knew my logic was sound and I didn't want her to be the only person taking on the enemies. Besides, if Isabella got taken out then she would be taking on hoards of enemies by herself. I wouldn't be able to stand that. With Fenris, she would have someone to back her up. That made my life a lot less hectic to think about.
I walked into the bedroom and decided to clean up for a bit while I waited for her to return. My thoughts were that this was going to be an easy mission of seek and retrieval but for some reason my gut was telling me to be ready for anything. I sat down with a book after cleaning up our room but no matter what I did I couldn't focus on the book. I sighed as it became an hour since she had walked out. I was getting kind of worried until I heard the door open.
I threw down the book and stood up to walk out to the balcony that overlooked the main area of the house. "Hawke?" I ask as she slowly moves into the fireplace light her head lowered and her fists clenched at her sides. "Hawke?" I slowly slip down the stairs to come to stand in front of her. "What happened?"
"She's the reason the Qunari are still here," I hear the woman whisper in a hoarse voice that sends chills down my spine. She sounded odd...off, like she had been crying recently.
"I don't understand," I say trying to look at the woman's face. She turned away and rubbed her hands down her arms slowly.
"Isabella's relic, it's actually a very important piece of the Qunari's religion. She stole it and I let her trick me into getting it back," she mutters staring into the fire.
"Where is she?" I fearfully ask.
"Gone," she answers and I can hear the wavering in her voice. I couldn't quite tell if she was quaking because of sadness or because of rage but I saw her shoulders trembling. "She took the relic and ran with it. She...she betrayed me! I wouldn't have handed her over! I would have protected her!" Her hands clench her arms and I rush forward to catch her as she falls to her knees. "I would have protected her!" she wails and presses her face into my neck clinging to me.
I wrap my arms around her and rock back and forth to comfort her gently. "It's okay," I shush gently pressing my cheek to her forehead.
"Why is it always me?" she screams making the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. "Why me? First I loose my father and brother to the Blight; then my sister to the Circle; my mother to some mad man; Saemus to some man woman; and now I have to try and explain to the Arishok why my companion and friend was allowed to run off with their most prized religious text! What am I doing wrong? I do everything for the people I care about; for this Maker-forsaken city and all I get is pain!" Her words struck me so hard and all I could do was cling to her as she screamed into my chest.
"I'm sorry," was all I could think to say. "I'm sorry, love."
She slowly calms down in my arms and when she looks up at me I can see the pain, the hard reality, sitting right there. She had given up everything for this city and now it was turning its back on her. She would soon have to face up to the Arishok, a man she respected above all others, and would have to tell him that she failed in saving his text. Her hands gripped my duster's collar and she pulled me forward to kiss me. I pulled her close and enjoyed the taste of her desperation, her need, her sadness, and her rage.
I pulled her up and took her to the bedroom we shared. She laid back on the bed, letting me strip away the armor that was too heavy for her skin right then. We didn't have much time before we needed to meet Aveline so I wasn't able to take my time like I wanted to but I let her find comfort in my body. I found the same comfort in her and we spent that time forcing everything out of our minds. For those few precious moments nothing else mattered except for the two of us. She looked beautiful when she was completely speechless and flushed.
Afterwards, we laid together for a few moments in the bed just relaxing. We both knew there was somewhere we needed to be but for the moment all we wanted was to take comfort in each other. She needed these few moments and the Arishok and Aveline be damned if they were going to take this away from her. I would kill everyone that got in our way.
"Come on," she whispers after a few moments. "Let's go meet with Aveline."
I smiled as she got up and held out her hand to me. "Okay," I said reaching out to take the hand.
So don't need your salvation,
With promises and kind,
And all those speculation.
Save it for another time,
Cause we all need a reason,
A reason just to stay.
Some just can't be bothered,
To stick around another day.
~ Avenged Sevenfold "Victim"