Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

CHAPTER: 11

Alex slowly pulled up to Bobby's apartment building and parked the car; her hand still holding tightly onto Bobby's limp one. He was asleep and she took a moment to take in his tiresome figure. His features looked so troubled and she desperately wanted to reach for him, cradle him and never let go.

He looks so lost…but he's all mine.

Alex reluctantly let go of his hand and his eyes started to flutter at the loss of contact. Alex didn't notice his eyes briefly opening because, for one it was too dark, and she was too deep in thought.

Just like before, Alex repeated the same motions just like she did when Bobby came home from the hospital. She got out of the divers seat and made her around to the passenger's side where Bobby sat. She cautiously opened the door and reached to shake him softly when he turned his head towards her still half asleep.

She smiled at him. "Come on, Bobby. We're home."

"Hmm…home?" His lapsed memory temporarily failing him. "Oh…um, my apartment."

He slipped out of his seat with the help of Alex and shut his door. Once out, he turned towards Alex who was already reaching for the numerous bags of food in the back seat.

"I…Here, let me help—" He attempted and reached a hand out.

"Absolutely not, Bobby. You need to take it easy." She then darted her eyes towards the ground; anticipating a yell or at the very least some sort of protest from him.

It never came.

When she lifted her eyes towards his again a few seconds later, hers met his instantly. He knew what she had been expecting and it hurt him deep inside. Bobby didn't say anything though. There was no need to. He just sighed heavily and then turned in the direction of his destination.

Dammit.

Once inside his apartment, with Alex right behind him, Bobby headed directly into his bedroom. Alex was about to curse herself inside and out until she noticed that, this time, he didn't close his door.

Alex mentally smiled.

As quickly as she could, Alex put the groceries away. Once all the items were stored in the appropriate place, she turned to head into his bedroom when she stopped mid step. He was standing in the doorway, leaning up against it, watching her. He looked the same except for his jeans were long gone, replaced with sweatpants.

"Bobby?" She asked and walked towards him. She stopped a few feet in front of him.

"Um…yeah?"

"Are you ok?"

He cocked his head at her; partially from amusement.

"When have I ever been ok?"

She smiled at him. "Dumb question?" He nodded. "But…are you, you know, ok?" Her voice became serious again.

Bobby began to think about it for a few moments. Alex could tell he was in deep thought by the way he started to fidget, and for a second, she didn't think he was going to answer. She was about to repeat her question when he took one large step towards her. Before Alex had a chance to comprehend what was happening, she was in a tight bear hug with Bobby. At first, she was tense, not sure what to do, but then she softened and felt herself hugging him back. Her hands were inviting on the muscles of his lower back.

This was their first real hug. Actually, it was their first true contact besides the soothing touches Alex had allowed herself to make when he was in the hospital. There was the time when she had to put her arm around him to help him out of his bathroom and other occasions when they were undercover, but none of it compared to this. The difference here between all of the other times they had some sort of contact was that it was him that came to her. It was his choice.

The hug didn't last long. Bobby pulled away first, though he felt like he could stay like that forever. He didn't want to push his luck though for fear that he might be slapped again. Alex gave him a sort of peaceful feeling that no one had succeeded in doing. Ever.

He shuffled slight and then mumbled. "Thanks, um…Eames."

She nodded. "Anytime." She exclaimed and patted him on his forearm.

He looked deep into her eyes now and he knew she wasn't lying.

"So…um." He paused for a moment. "Do you…are you still hungry?"

She smiled. "Come on, Bobby." She motioned to the kitchen. "We both need to eat something."

After reheating up the spaghetti, both Alex and Bobby decided to eat on the couch. They sat in silence most of the time but truth be told, they both had so much to say. Midway through, Bobby could hardly keep his eyes open and Alex decided she had had enough of him struggling to stay awake. She stood up and grabbed Bobby's plate and took it into the kitchen. When she came back she had a glass of water in one hand and his medicine in the other.

"Here, Bobby." She hand him his pills and water. "Take these and…" And then she stopped.

Bobby was looking down at the floor but his head shot up towards her so fast that he thought for sure he'd have pain in his neck the next day. He knew why she'd stopped. She was "telling him" what to do again…and she was afraid of it. She was afraid of the yelling and screaming. She was afraid of being shut out again. She was afraid of so many things.

She's afraid of me. Bobby realized and started to cry.

"I'm…sorry." He whispered the last word.

Bobby popped the pills into his mouth as told and swallowed them with one gulp of water. He started to stand up when he felt two hands on either shoulder. He plopped back down onto the couch; too tired to resist.

"Don't be sorry, Bobby. I should be sorry." He looked up at her with a questioning look. "Look, Bobby, I know you didn't mean to yell. I know you're just…"

"Frustrated? Upset? Confused? Lost? Annoyed? Fucked up?" He finished for her. "Pick one."

She shook her head. "I know you're sorry, Bobby, but you're not fucked up." She wiped the tears away with her thumb. "I know you're sorry…" She continued again. "But so am I. So, are we even?"

He thought about it long and hard and looked deep into her eyes when he answered.

"No…we are…we're not even, Eames." He paused and licked his lips. Alex on the other hand was nervously biting hers. "I…We'll never be even because I…there's no way I…I could repay you for everything you've done for me."

She smiled and understood and felt relieved because of his words. Then she frowned.

"You don't owe me anything, Bobby. I'm not doing this to get a favor in return. I'm doing this because I care about you…and it's what friends do."

Friends? Not partners…but friends? He continued to muse.

"Thank you." He whispered and leaned towards a standing Alex and wrapped one large arm around her waist.

"Anytime." She murmured.

Alex took a chance and placed one hand on top of his head. She unconsciously played with his hair and heard him sigh in contentment. She noticed him yawning now and decided it was time for him to go to bed. It was already a quarter past 5AM.

"Bobby?"

"Hmm." He said, loving the feeling of her playing with his hair. He didn't want her to stop.

"Do you…are you tired?"

"Do I look tired?" He half joked though he didn't loosen his hold around her waist.

"Yes."

"I should probably try and…and sleep some. This medicine seems to be already taking effect…what the hell is all the shit I just took anyways?"

He finally pulled away somewhat.

"Um…some Ambien CR for sleeping, Xanax to relax you, pain medication for, well the pain, and a few anti-biotics. What you're probably feeling is the Xanax. It works in about 10 minutes." She paused. "It's to calm you down...for anxiety." She explained though she knew he already knew what it was.

"Perfect." He mumbled. "I already have Xanax...I got it a while ago, but don't really take it." He explained and she nodded. "What is the doctor trying to do with all of this crap anyway? Kill me?" He half joke. He missed Alex's reaction to the word, 'kill.' He continued. "Would you…do you want to take my…my, um…bed tonight?"

"No, Bobby. We already went over this...You need your rest. Your couch actually isn't that bad."

He snorted. "Yeah, right."

He released his grip around her waist and she stood back to let him up. He started to walk towards his bedroom door when Alex spoke up behind him.

"Bobby?" He turned to look at her. "Let me take your temperature once before you fall asleep, ok?"

He looked at her quizzically. "Why?"

"Because the doctor told me to every hour or so."

He groaned in response. "In case of an infection, right?"

She nodded. "So…changed into…whatever you sleep in and holler when you're in…bed, ok?" She stumbled over using the phrase, 'when you're in bed.'

"Ok."

Ten minutes later, Alex heard her name and cautiously walked into his bedroom. He was already curled up underneath the covers and she could tell her wasn't wearing a shirt. His bare arms and part of his chest were shown to her and she was rather surprised, but said nothing.

"Where's your thermometer?"

"In the medicine cabinet." He said as he tried to get comfortable.

Alex walked into the bathroom and came out a moment later with a thermometer in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Three minutes later the thermometer beeped and Alex grabbed it from his mouth to look at it just as he reached for it.

"What, you don't trust me?"

"No, I don't." She confessed and he frowned and turned onto his side in return.

Fuck.

It had come out quicker than she had wanted it to. She didn't want to tell him that but she didn't think before she spoke. Alex felt guilty for it but, ultimately, it was true. She couldn't trust him, not right now anyways. So much had happened the past few days that she was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on. She had to be cautious around him and it was making her feel uneasy in the process.

"Bobby, I'm sorry. I—"

"It's fine." He whispered. "I wouldn't trust me either. Goodnight, Eames….and thanks…for everything."

Son-of-a-bitch. Fix things now, Alex. Fix things now before you don't get that chance anymore.

Her voice failed her though and the only thing that came out was, "Goodnight, Bobby. I set a glass of water on your dresser…" She trailed off. "If you need anything…just let me know, ok? Don't try and get up and walk around. All this medication you just took is pretty strong and the doctor warned me…" She drifted off.

Bobby nodded ever so slowly and pulled the covers over his shoulders and held onto them tightly.

"You don't have to stay anymore…" He mumbled but Alex hadn't heard him.

When she left the room, Bobby say upright in bed, leaning his head against the wall like he'd done time and time again. He had a blank stare and was looking at nothing in particular. He blinked a few times and the silent tears started to stream down his face. This was one of those times…one of those times where he sat and cried with a blank express in which no one could read. No thoughts running through his head. He wasn't even sure why he was crying, but he felt alone again.

Then he remembered and a sobbed escaped his mouth at the thought.

Eames doesn't trust me? I've lost the respect of her and now, she doesn't even trust me?"

"Why couldn't I have just died?" He whispered to himself as he shifted his glace back toward the drawer where he knew his gun to be. He licked his lips, tasting the salty tears that were pilling up.

Her trust in him was everything to Bobby and he knew he'd lost it. What little progress they'd made seemed to be thrown out the door now.

Alex walked out of the room with the thermometer in hand. It read 99.4 which was a little high but nothing to be overly concerned about. When she sat back down on the couch, she recalled the hurt that Bobby had shown. It had struck him hard. She knew by the stunned look in his eyes that it hurt him that she did not trust him; and then for him to turn away from her.

He said he trusts me and I can't even return the gesture. She felt like shit. She wanted to go back into his room and explain, but she figured he'd be sleeping already.

When Alex said that she didn't trust him, she didn't mean at all. She trusts, Bobby Goren more than any other person. She just didn't trust him completely when it came to caring about himself and his wellbeing; perhaps his mind set at the time. She couldn't leave him alone because she wasn't sure if he would attempt suicide again and at some point she knew she would have to confront him about it.

She leaned back further into the couch and pulled the blanket that rested across it, over her body. She began to recall the look of him when he lay there, on the bathroom floor, covered in alcohol and blood. So many things went through her mind. She couldn't believe the look he had on his face. He almost looked like he'd given up; a lost boy in search of something that he failed to find. He was full of so much despair and he knew it as she recalled him looking up at her for the first time; hell filling his orbs as he looked up to see her standing over him.

And then the reason he did it. The explanation he gave her.

Because of me? He wants to feel pain because of me? Because he yelled at me previously? She kept going back over his words. She couldn't get it out of her mind. She had questioned those words so many times already and it never failed to surprise her.

He obviously didn't expect her to find him. It's almost as if he's given up on everyone; possibly because everyone seemed to have given up on him.

I can't believe he thinks that I would leave him. I won't...I can't, but something must be done. She mused as she felt herself drifting off to sleep.

Something.

A/N: Hey guys, so how did you like it? Still reading? (Taps screen)

-Snyder-