Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

CHAPTER: 13

Alex slowly walked back into Bobby's bedroom, ice pack in hand, and stopped dead in her tracks. "Bobby! What's wrong?" She practically gasped as she ran towards his bedside.

Bobby looked up dumbfounded and for a few moments, the words would not come.

"Y—You…I thought you…" He staggered, unable to finish. He didn't need to though.

"Bobby," She sighed. "I told you I wasn't going to leave you. Shh. Shh. Calm down. I'm right here." She informed him as she took a chance and sat on the edge of the bed next to him. "I just went to get an ice pack for your head…see?" She asserted as she cautiously placed the ice pack over his forehead. "Bobby?" She bit her lip. "I'm confused. You want me to leave one minute and then the next you want me to stay…"

"No!" He briefly rose out of bed only to feel sick and fall right back down. "I—I thought you'd leave me but…I don't want you to. I just didn't…don't want you to be by…be around this…around me." He turned his head away in shame. "Please. Please stay with me. I don't want to be alone. I'm always alone and I fear that if I'm left alone again—" And then he stopped himself. He'd already said too much.

"What, Bobby? If you're left alone, what will happen?"

"I don't know." He closed up, still struggling to keep his eyes open. "I'm just scared to be alone…I'm always alone...and I don't know how much more of it I can take."

Here it goes.

"Bobby…are you going to try and…and hurt...attempt suicide again?" She painful asked. It was the hardest question she'd ever had to ask anyone. She had to though…it was time.

Bobby's eyes closed briefly. He sure in the hell wasn't expecting her to ask him that, but at the same time, he knew she had to.

And I opened the door for her.

"How do you know I tried to? Maybe it was an accid—" He tried to quickly explain with pseudo facts.

"Bobby!" She exclaimed with full emotion while interrupting him. She withdrew from him briefly, sitting up straight to look down upon him. "Don't treat me like I'm some kind of fucking naive idiot. I'm your partner, remember? I read the signs…I saw your badge…I know you don't want to…live." She whispered the last word. "You've stated so yourself." Her voice was shaking by this time.

He closed his eyes and didn't want to open them. "I don't know…" He wasn't sure what to say. "I know you're not an idiot, Eames, I...I'm just sick of everything. I didn't want you to see that. You deserve better from me." He licked his lips. "I…I didn't even shoot myself. I shot my…my badge and…I…it ricocheted off and hit me." He confirmed her suspicions. "I was so angry that I didn't think. I was so miserable that all I felt was pain."

And I forgot…Jesus, I forgot about Alex.

A quiet sobbed escaped past her lips and it didn't go unnoticed by Bobby.

"Bobby?" She grasped onto his hand and he turned his head towards her. "Were you going to shoot yourself if…if the bullet didn't hit you?" She asked. She had to know, not for her own curiosity but for the sake of his well-being; at least that's what she kept telling herself.

Bobby looked up at her with those big brown eyes that now seemed to display anything but color. He tightly closed his eyes and spoke.

"At the time…Yes."

"Why, Bobby? Why?"

Alex only held onto his hand tighter.

"Life…it's just too much. I know it sounds pathetic. I know…I know everyone's life is hard…that it's just part of life, but…I…I just can't…couldn't take it any…anymore." He sobbed and covered his face with his freehand. "Do you know what I said to my brother! I told him that I'm done with him. That he couldn't contact me anymore, ever again. I told him that, if I heard that he was on a bridge, ready to jump, I…I…I'd listen for the splash." Bobby cried out and this time he successful sat up and firmly grasped onto Alex.

He needed support both physically and mentally.

Alex was stunned by his wording but even more stunned by the sudden contact. Her head was spinning with the newly found information and it scared her once again to think that Bobby might not be here with her right now.

Oh god, what would I do without him?

Robert Goren was a very strong man physically, but he was shattered mentally. She didn't shy away from him though as he continued to hold onto her.

"Shh. Shh. It's ok, Bobby."

"No! No it's not." His protests were coming on strong now, but neither Bobby nor Alex shied away from each other. "He's my own brother and I told him that." He wailed and lowered his head and placed it in the crock of her neck; his arms easily wrapped around her tiny frame. He was so weak that he could hardly hold himself up, so Alex wasn't surprised when she felt most of the weight on her body. She didn't care though.

I've got you, Bobby. Always.

"Why did you tell him that, Bobby?"

"I saw…He's using again. I saw it…some…on his desk when I talked…went to confront him about, Donny."

"He's no good in your life, Bobby. You deserve so much more." She stroked the back of his head. "See what he does to you? He just brings you down. He's not worth it. You're too good of a man to have to deal with that."

She felt him shaking his head.

"Yes, Bobby, you are." She reinforced her previous statement. "Whether you choose to believe it or not."

"You…You didn't see me, Eames. It wasn't me. It was someone else talking to him. He was afraid of me…I was enraged and…I…I'm not someone you want to be around." He silently warned her.

"Bobby, you've been through so much. And we all get angry….I'd be angry if I were in your shoes too. I'm not afraid to be around you. I know you'd never hurt me…" She paused briefly and then added, "I also know that you'd kill anyone that tried to hurt me." She softened as she rubbed his back.

"I couldn't protect you, Eames." He only held onto her tighter. "Please don't leave me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry….sorry for everything that has happened to…to you."

"Bobby, what are you talking about?"

Bobby swallowed hard and began to shake. "Jo Gage…when you were kidnapped, I panicked. I couldn't protect you then. I felt you slowly slipping away…God…I—I tried, Eames, I swear to god I tried, I tried to find you but…but I couldn't. You have to believe me that I did…"

"Bobby, you're still worried about that?" She pulled away from him slightly, surprised. He nodded his head and then rested it back on her shoulder. "None of that was your fault."

Alex knew he was worried about her when she was in the hospital. He did look like hell when he'd first walked into her hospital room. She'd never forget the look, that look on his face. She also knew that he thought it was his fault, even though it wasn't. When she fell asleep in the hospital bed that night, he was sitting next to her, holding her hand. When she woke up late into the night from a nightmare, he was still in the same chair, asleep with his arms crossed on the bed; head resting down on them. Over time, though, she figured he had gotten over it; just like she was attempting to do ever so slowly.

How wrong was I?

"Yes, yes it was! God, Eames, when I saw the body in the car…your car and thought…I thought it was you…I…I nearly…I almost lost it right then and there. I almost collapsed. I was terrified…I couldn't…I can't lose you." He paused briefly. "And then…" He shook.

"What, Bobby? Please talk to me. You know I'm here for you…I'll always be here...with you."

He sighed. Here it goes.

"When I…when I found out that you requested a new partner…when you read the letter up on the stand—" He winced as he said it.

Oh god, why did I have to bring that up? Way to go, Goren. Now you've done it, she's definitely going to run away from you now.

"Bobby, I didn't know you back then." She was becoming more upset now as she knew he was as well.

Damn, he would have to bring that up. She mused. But what am I complaining about? He's finally opening up to me about this.

"You should've left me." He mumbled.

A/N: I hope you like this so far.

-Snyder-