A Place to Rest My Head

Summary: Varric has never told Hawke his feelings and to see her being matched with noblemen who don't fit her at all is hard. One drunken night will change everything but will it be for better or worse? F!HawkexVarric

Rating: M+

Warnings: Sexual Situations

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Age II nor any of the characters.

I settled back into the estate I had never thought I would see again and it was comforting to have the woman so close to me again. Of course, as soon as she got back, she had to go visit Aveline to tell her of what was coming our way. She kissed me good-bye right outside of the estate and promised to have my things back here in the next few hours. "I have to go for a bit," she says as she jumps back onto the horse's back. "I'll be back."

"Lillian," I say before she can pull away. She halts and looks back at me with a questioning expression on her beautiful face. The sun was setting far on the other side of the town and it made her sharp cheekbones come out even more. Her eyes glimmered the faint orange that the sky had started to turn and I couldn't help but feel regret that she was leaving before I could properly welcome her back. "Hurry back."

Her cheeks glow a soft pink that makes the other two men chuckle softly. "Of course, love," she says before riding off towards the stables where she had borrowed the horses. I watch her ride off with the two men messing with her about our moment and I smirk at what those words promised for later.

I made my way back into the house and took in a long draw of the scent that hadn't left my memory even after the year of being away from it. I could practically hear Sandal yelling, "Enchantment?" at me from the entryway. I wasn't surprised to see it empty though. Hawke had let Olivia go with no small sum of money to get her on her feet and even helped her get a house in the Alienage. She taught her how to protect her money from thieves and then went on her way. I wondered if the elf was still in the Alienage for a few moments before I made my way up the stairs to the bedroom we had shared for the longest time.

It looked the same from when we had left it to rot. The bedspread was the same and even the furniture was the exact same. There was a fire burning in the hearth and her journal was on the desk at the other side of the room just as it had been a year ago. I crossed over to look at the page before she found me.

Dear Journal,

Aveline got some information about Varric. Her informant told us that he was in a town just south of here maybe six hours. Aveline said she would bring three of the Viscount's best horses for me to borrow so that I can make my way down there. I am excited but at the same time…afraid. I'm not sure how he will take my reappearance and a part of me thinks that he might just turn me away at the door. Part of me wants to think that he would just take me into his arms and everything will be like it was.

And yet, nothing is as it was. I am not the same person and I know he will be changed. I just have this horrid mental image of him with another (dwarven) woman with beautiful black hair and brown eyes. I don't know why that is the mental image that I see but I guess it's because I don't want her to look like Bianca. Maker, that woman is beautiful! So much lovelier than normal me! Anyways, I can see her sitting in his lap as I walk in; Maker, that's a terrible image and I hate it! I don't want to see some other woman placing her lips on his!

My feelings for him…they haven't grown smaller with the time and distance. Instead, they grow even more eager for his voice, his touch, and his love every second I am away from him. This feeling is hard to grow accustomed to and I can't imagine what I will do if I see him with another woman. It will rip my heart right out of my chest and I won't be able to control myself. Just thinking about it makes my body want to go into Berserker-mode.

Maker, if he does have a new woman…please, let her be away. I don't want to destroy something that he loves because…I love him. Oh my Maker, it hurts to think of what I'll do if he rejects me. All this year, has been for him. I have done everything for him! I have controlled myself; faced my deepest fears; and traversed my burning bridges for him. I wanted him to be able to hold his lover without fearing that she will lose control.

There is Aveline, I must go. I give one small prayer that he accepts me back. Please, I need him so badly it hurts. I love him, Maker, I love him.

Signed,
Lillian Hawke

I chuckle at the words that the woman had spilt onto this page and pick up her quill to write underneath her name. I love you, Lillian.That was it. That was all I needed to say so that she would know that I would never leave her again. I would never let her leave again, that was for sure.

I moved out of the room and decided that she was a while away so I would need to keep my mind off of what I was going to do to her when she got back. I went into the study where all of her books were still sitting around on the shelves. All of the books that Hawke had been given by her friends and I saw the shelves that had different books on them from the different people. She had one layer for Ander's Manifesto pages; another layer was for the books Fenris had suggested; the top shelves were for Isabella's smut; and the rest of the books were from me. The funny part is, I knew she read every single one of them at least once.

I took one of Isabella's books down from the top shelf, thankful that the shelves weren't too high up for me to reach the top. I pulled one down and went about reading it for the time that my lover was away.

Some time later, I heard the door open and close at the front of the house. "Varric?" I hear her voice say as she gets closer.

"In the study," I call out closing the book to stand up.

"Stay right there. I need to get out of my armor. I'll be there in a second," she calls out as I sit back down shrugging slightly. My back was to the door as I sat at her desk across the room from the fireplace. I had always loved this room because of how much time Hawke spent here when she got the time. Any time not spent in our bedroom, training, or out on missions was taken up here. She loved reading books and it was obvious to me that she had read all of these books. Even the one I held in my hand had dog-eared pages and notes written in the margins. This book, The Tale of a Knight and her King, was well worn with scrawling writing here and there to denote things she liked and things that made her cringe or things that she wanted to try. I was going to have to go through her books to see what I could find out about my lover's tastes.

"Varric," I heard her say softly.

"I thought you would never-" I stopped as I turned to see the woman standing not two feet away from me. She was leaning against the door frame in the sexiest little thing I had ever seen. It was a dark green and was a sort of dress that didn't cover much of anything. It had straps that went over her shoulders with a dipping v-neck down her cleavage showing off the scar that Meredith had given her some time ago. It went down barely enough to reach her mid-thighs and billowed about her frame, showing off the beautiful curves of her body. There was a strange design on the front that resembled elvish writing. "Oh Maker," I breathed as she pushed off of the frame her cheeks gently flushed as she stood tall staring down at herself.

"I got it…before the problems with Meredith became too much so…" she stopped but I knew what she was staring at. Her scar. It was obviously a very touchy thing for her to show off but I couldn't have been more aroused if she had been completely naked. Something about showing but hiding made me want to rip that silken thing right off of her and express just how much I had missed her.

I stood up and moved to wrap my arms around her waist. My face was at the perfect height so that I could kiss the tip of the scar tickling her collar bone. Her body instantly reacted to my touch and I could feel her pulse under my lips flutter. Her hands moved to release my hair from its confines and I felt her fingers brush through the golden strands lazily. I slowly trail my tongue up from the edge of her bodice to the tip of her scar. She shudders harshly gripping my hair tightly as I lean up to kiss her neck.

She practically falls into my arms as her legs cease to function properly. It never ceased to amaze me how sensitive she was at this spot of her body. I dipped down to pick her up off of the floor hearing her gasp as I walk her out of the room to our shared bedroom. Her lips work at my ear playfully driving me close to insanity as she whispered sweet and dirty things into my brain. It set my loins on fire, making me wish there weren't so many stairs.

Finally, I made it too the room and eagerly threw her onto the bed throwing my duster to the ground before climbing up onto the bed to touch the woman's foot gently. She jerked and I wondered how long she had gone without anyone touching her like this since we had parted ways. I hadn't touched another person since we left and I was feeling it in my blood and my body. I hadn't lusted over another person since I first saw this woman writhing under me with flushed cheeks and heaving breasts.

I made my way across the bed running my fingers across her legs that were so smooth and long. She had the most beautiful legs I had ever seen and I scoffed at the Dwarves who believed that humans had too much leg. Hawke's legs were like a work of art out of marble; they were strong and could kill a man with one harsh kick. It made me want to wrap them around my waist and plunge into her. I stopped at the middle of the bed to raise one of the woman's knees kissing the beautiful skin before pulling her closer to me. She yelps and I watch as the cute little gown starts to inch upwards nearly showing off everything.

My fingers trailed up her thighs and she threw her head back wantonly whispering my name. It was like a prayer, a beautiful prayer. I gently spread her legs with my hands finding that her skin was trembling as I slowly pushed the silk up to expose her most intimate parts. My insides curled when I saw that she wasn't wearing anything under that dress of hers. I felt my pants grow tighter and harder to deal with when I caught her heady scent soaking the air around me. It was intoxicating.

I felt the woman's skin quaking under my fingers as I slowly inched my fingers down her thighs. I wanted this so badly but I wasn't going to take this too quickly. I needed her to know how much I had missed her. She groaned and tensed when my fingers graced up her lips until I finally placed one hand on her stomach and pushed a finger deep inside of her. She arched her back with a strained gasp that had me moaning in lust. Her noises still hadn't changed since I had last had her in this position.

Pushing my finger in as far as it will go I start to thrust into her knowing she wasn't going to last long. She is incoherent already with her body trembling under my hand. I lean down slowly while she is distracted and take her clit between my lips to draw long and hard on it. She screams out in shock and nearly comes off the bed. I keep my hand on her stomach as I crook my finger to eagerly edge her towards her first orgasm in what was obviously a year.

She freezes for a mere second before gritting out my name in a very powerful orgasm that has her nearly seizing on the bed under me. While I insert another finger into her depths I work my pants down away from my body. I wasn't going to last long like this. She was obviously very ready for what we both wanted. I stretched her with my two fingers as best I could but by that time she was begging incoherently for something I knew she wanted.

I finally was free and tugged her closer to press my head against her entrance. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I took her by the hip and drove myself into her warmth. Her scream was a mixture of pleasure and pain but she just arched her back drawing me deeper with her legs. I had never felt so shocked by her beautiful and as I leaned forward I tugged the little dress off of her body so that I could see every inch of every scar that covered her body. She seemed a bit hesitant but finally relaxed and stretched out for me on the bed.

Maker, she was beautiful. Even with that huge scar going down her stomach-no, that made her even more beautiful in my eyes. I thrust into her without holding back and enjoyed the feel of her skin against mine. I pulled her close so that I could draw her nipple into my mouth and suckle gently. My name sounded better than anything I had ever heard some out of anyone's mouth and I knew that there was no way I wasn't going to last very long at this rate.

"More, Varric!" she screams gripping my hair desperately as I draw deeply on her nipple. Her moan spurs on my thrusts and I move faster but keep pushing as deep as I can go into her. She clings to me and I can feel myself coming closer to the edge as she tenses up. I feel myself cum when her insides clench around my shaft and she screams my name in total ecstasy.

I ride out the orgasm for a few more thrusts before I settle beside her on the bed feeling her body cuddle up against mine. She smiles contently as she pants softly against my neck. I wrap my arm around her back and pull her up against my side kissing her forehead. She chuckles wrapping her arm around my chest. "I love you, Varric," she whispers hoarsely.

"I love you too, Lillian," I whisper as I slowly feel myself slipping into unconsciousness. Just the feel of her up against me after so long of sleeping alone was enough to send me into a very content trance.

"Hey Varric?" I hear her whisper softly against my ear.

"Yes?"

She stays silent for a second and I think that she might have fallen asleep until she sits up on her arm staring down at me. "Never leave, okay?" she states easily kissing my lips.

"Where did that come from?" I laugh softly as I strip off my shirt so that I can get comfortable with her.

She shrugs slightly and leans back against me. "I don't know. I just don't want you to leave!" she laughs brightly licking my neck playfully.

I smile and pull her up to lay across my chest. Her full breasts were pressed against me in a way that had my insides curling and I could feel her legs bend to straddle my waist. "If you ever try to walk away from me again, Lillian Hawke, I will tie you up and lock you in this room," I promise running my fingers down her back slowly. She shivers when my fingers touch the small of her back and I smirk.

"Mm, tying me up?" she asks in a seductive voice. "Sounds like fun…promise?"

"Oh yes," I whisper as I open my mouth to taste her neck. She tenses up and jumps as her body heats up overtop of mine. "I won't let you leave again."

"Promise?" she asks in a voice that has deeper meaning than I know she shows on her face. I smile and I lean up to kiss her lips soundly.

"I promise," I whisper and flip her over to press her into the bedspread. If this night was going to go anything like I planned than she wouldn't be leaving this mattress for a long, long time. Then, we would stay about lazy all day in bed and when we felt like it we'd get up and make some food. But until then, we would do what we wanted to do and no one was going to sidetrack me. Now that she was back where she belonged and I had her where I wanted her…I wasn't going to let go.