Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

CHAPTER: 18

It was Alex's turn to break down. She had held it together as best as she could throughout this whole charade, but not any longer. Reality, once again, slammed into her. She couldn't lose him. Not Robert Goren…not the Robert "Bobby" Goren. She was too close to him in so many ways…and yet, so far away. She doesn't even think he really truly knows how close she is to him.

She had felt so much in the past several days; so many things had happened. She couldn't imagine being alive right now without him. She doesn't want to imagine it. If something ever happened to him, she feared that she would not be able to go on. She knows it and yet, those thoughts continue to cross her mind in the most horrid and vivid ways possible.

"Eames, please don't cry." Bobby uttered as he soothed her back. Both were still in each others arms and neither one of them seemed to want to pull away.

"Bobby…Bobby, promise me you won't try and hurt…" She swallowed hard. "Won't try and attempt suicide again. Please, Bobby, promise me. I can't deal with it…with this again…I won't be able to."

"I—I can't promise that." He regretfully confessed.

"Robert Owen Goren!" She yelled. "You promise me right now! Promise me that you won't ever take your life." She fired back and pulled away slightly to look into his watering eyes.

Bobby temporarily froze at the use of his full name. He couldn't recall her ever using his full name before. Bobby sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with his large hand. He knew that as long as he had Alex in his life, things…life might work.

"I—I promise." He whispered and tilted his head down.

"And, Goren? I…I promise you that if you ever do take you're life…" And this was when she paused and he lifted his head back up to look into her eyes. "I promise that I will take mine following suit." She said and she meant it, though it scared her to say it. To this day, she never knew what possessed her to say it.

Bobby immediately pulled away from her as if she was on fire, and the look in her eyes that he had received was something that terrified him. He'd never seen that look before and right then and there, he knew she was telling the truth. There was no need to question it.

He physically shivered and started to cry, though he refused to let the tears fall.

"Don't say that, Alex!" He spoke using her first name. "Don't you ever say anything like that! I'm not worth taking your life over."

She wiped the tears away from her face and sobbed.

"Well, then, I…I guess you will…you'll just have to keep your promise because, Bobby? I can't go through this again. I can't go through all that again. I can't be the grieving widow like before, with Joe, where everyone felt sorry for me. Only this time, it would be the grieving partner...a grieving partner whose best friend had committed suicide! I might get a few pats on the back and a 'sorry' here and there…and those looks that people give you after you've lost someone…but nothing would help." She paused and then looked at him, deep into his eyes. "Nothing could help."

"Alex, I promise you that I will not take my life. I promise." He said as he pulled her closer to him.

"And Bobby?" Alex said as she relaxed against his embrace. "You are worth it. You're everything to me…and nothing less."

Bobby froze momentarily. What was he going to say to that? What could he say to that? No one had ever said these things to him that Alex was saying…and they weren't even lovers.

"A…Alex? Are…Are you going to stay with me?"

Alex's face distorted with confusion, but then she understood the question; coming from a man that had been abandoned and alone all of his life, she understood him. She reached for Bobby's backup piece that she had set on the bed next to her and put it back in his drawer. Afterwards, she looked back up into his eyes and both of them equally understood; understood the trust and the meaning behind the gesture.

Turning her full attention back to Bobby, she spoke softly to him. "Bobby…I'm here, aren't I? I'm not leaving anytime soon." She said and then smiled at him, but she knew, by the way he started to fidget, that he had more to say.

"I mean…you aren't going to leave me, are you? I don't just mean here, tonight or tomorrow, but…all of…" And then he paused. He mentally cursed himself for the stutter that never seemed to want to go away. "You…you're not going to…to disappear out of my life in a year or…or something, are you?"

"Bobby…" Alex attempted in a sympathetic tone.

"Eam—Alex…" He whispered slightly embarrassed as he tried to find the right words. "I…I just don't want to be blind sided. Alex, I…I can't live without you." And then he whispered, "I need you."

"Bobby, you're afraid that after you get better and come back to work and get back to your old self, that I'll leave you?"

Alex waited for a response but it never came. She knew by his silence and the fact that he started shaking, that that's what he thought all along. It was one of his biggest fears.

"Bobby…" She said as she stroked the side of his left cheek. "I have no intention of leaving you tonight, tomorrow, or any other day." She said as she watched his head shoot up to look at her. His eyes were now shedding those salty tears that he so forcefully tried to hold back earlier. The look in his eyes was something that made her heart melt. "Face it, Goren, you're stuck with me." She finished and smiled at him.

And with those words, Bobby relaxed. She could physically feel his muscles unclenching, though his shaking didn't completely cease. He let out a deep breath that he wasn't even aware that he was holding though, because he realized something just then. He had Alex. He knew it now. Things would be better.

For several years now into their partnership, Bobby wanted to ask her that simple, yet at the same time, complex loaded question. He wanted to be prepared for the day that she did leave him. In the beginning of the first few years of their partnership at Major Case, he found that there was no need to ask it. It was unspoken. After the first year in, he knew she wasn't about to pick up and leave…he knew it every since he was able to complete trust her 100 percent. Until, that is, when Alex read that letter up on the witness stand. He felt safe and reassured of their partnership, until that one day when everything seemed to crash down on top of him. Every since then, he'd had those words stuck in his head. All of them.

Was she going to leave him? But his thoughts would always come back to…It's only a matter of time, Goren.

Alex started to yawn, pulling Bobby out of his musings, and that was when, without a second thought, Bobby pulled Alex completely onto his lap and held her so that she was right up against his solid frame. He held onto her so tight that he was afraid he'd crush her.

"Bobby, I'm not going anywhere." She murmured again his chest.

And with those words, Bobby loosened his grip somewhat and lied back down onto the bed. Alex was somewhat surprised by the movement, but then as she thought about it more later on, not so much. Bobby had lied back down in bed…and had taken her with him; so Alex was practically lying on top of him. It was the safest any of them had felt in years and they welcomed it with open arms.

It was silent for several minutes until Alex yawned and then a sigh of contentment passed her lips.

"Go to sleep, Alex." Bobby spoke up with such softness in his tone. "You're tired, so tired. Rest…it's your turn to sleep." He said as he pushed back a few strands of hair that had fallen in front of her face.

A/N: Sorry it took so long again. I know it's not very long, but I'll have more up soon!

So, the past 2 weeks I've been editing the previous chapters, which is why it's taken me a bit longer to update. I re-did them once again to get rid of any errors and also added a few things (Smiles). Nothing major, so no worries there. I also took out the long authors notes and one of the lyrics. I'm thinking about deleting all of the lyrics though...

Anyways, hope all is well.

-Snyder-