Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

CHAPTER: 22

Bobby and Alex continued to look into each others eyes until Alex couldn't take it any longer. She propped herself up on her elbow and gazed deep into his eyes, which were the door to his soul. Everything he ever felt was shown in those brown pools of his and throughout the years of their partnership, she has seen so much through them, and in them. She never took her eyes off of him as she started to mumble. It was more of a musing, more to herself than to him…until she realized she had said it out loud…

"I swore to myself that I'd never be with another cop again." She paused; amazed that she had spoken those words out loud. Alex took a deep breath and then decided to continue, taking it a bit further. "I swore to myself that I'd never fall in love with another cop."

Bobby looked at Alex, really looked at her with her last statement she had rendered, and Alex could swear she saw his eyes glisten with tears. He glimpsed at her in confusion and something else she wasn't quite sure of. His face scrunched slightly, head titled to the left, as he continued to look into her eyes for any sign of joking or regret on Alex's part.

He never saw it.

And then, the next thing he knew, Alex was leaning in closer towards him as she slowly reached out with her right hand to softly stroke his cheek. Bobby didn't panic. He couldn't panic, nor could he do anything but watch her as she continued to inch closer and closer to him. By this point, he thought he was dreaming. One of those rare dreams he sometimes had. Only Alex and him…until he woke up, in which those times, he was always alone. He watched her and closed his eyes when he felt her lips softly brush his own.

Oh my god, oh my god, Oh. My. God!

And then their lips where touching each others, full on, but softly. Almost as if testing the waters. That's when Bobby sighed deeply and relished in the warmth of her soft, luscious lips on his own. He lifted his left hand and placed it softly on her right cheek.

The kiss didn't last too long, and when Alex broke the kiss and pulled back, she looked to him for some kind of an answer. He just started at her in confusion yet again before he could gather his thoughts.

Say something, you idiot!

"A…Alex? Wha…what? I mean…why?" He was so confused and his voice was terribly faulting him. "I've caused you…after all that has happened…pain, unhappiness…nothing but suffering these past…hell these past few years…I've treated you so horrible" His words were horribly jumbled, but she knew what he was trying to say. She knew Bobby all too well.

Alex, who was now in a sitting position, reached for his face and delicately trapped his face in the warmth of both her tiny hands.

"Why did I kiss you?" She asked, surprised that her voice was so steady. She was more positive and confident than she could ever remember her being.

Goren nodded, swallowed hard and tried to speak, but Alex removed her left hand and put two fingers to his lips before he could say anything.

"I love you, Robert Goren." That was when his eyes grew wide and this was when she became afraid. She was afraid he'd bolt from the room as quick as possible, but somehow, she held it together. "I've loved you for so long…I honestly can't say when my feelings began. It was…so gradual at first." She smiled softly, but then it quickly faded. "After…after you went to...into Tates, I was so worried. I prayed that you'd be ok. I prayed that I would be able to tell you how I felt, once and for all…and I promised myself that if…when I saw you again, that I'd tell you how I felt. But…" She hung her head down now. "After I knew that you'd be ok…I just…I couldn't. I pushed it aside. And then…after you tried to…" And she paused and dared a glance back up at him. Not once had he taken his eyes off her. "After I found you in your apartment…I…I didn't know whether you would…would live or not. And it scared me…you have no idea how much. My life was crumbling apart, spiraling out of control…and I hated myself the whole time as I watched you in the hospital, lying there hooked up to a ventilator. I kept remembering how I never got to tell you that I loved you…" And this was when Bobby started to get antsy. He wanted to tell her not to worry about him, not to hate herself and that he was sorry, so sorry for everything, but she spoke up. "Please, Bobby, let me finish. I need to get this out." She removed her two fingers from his lips and he slowly nodded. "After…after I found out that you would be ok…I…I knew I had to tell you. It was time. Somehow, I had to find the courage to let you know how much you mean to me. I should've told you a long time ago, Bobby, but I…I just couldn't. After all that has…has happened…hell, this past day…" And then she stopped as she felt Bobby's large Paws take hold of her own small hands. He couldn't take it anymore.

"I…I'm so sorry for all of this." He spoke so softly that she barely heard him. "You should never have had to deal with this…with me. You deserve so much more of me. I…I didn't mean to…to cause you anymore stress or to…or for you to worry about me more than I know you already do. It was to…to take away peoples…to take away my pain." She began to speak but that's when he raised a hand to cover her lips. "I know now that it was the wrong thing to…to try and I promise you, with all my heart, that I will never try it again. I…I could never leave you, Alex. I'm so sorry that I tried. I'm just so fucked up. I was fucked up before but…but Tates screwed with my head so much that…I'm lost…and it hurts. I question my sanity now more than ever…more than a person should and…I just…that I just wanted to end it all because of…after Tates. I…I still don't know what's true and fiction anymore. I'm just so alone…and then you came…you came to the…came to save me. You did save me. I know it sounds…stupid, but I…I love you for it." He said and reached for both of her hands while he looked deep into her eyes. He held onto them tight. "I love you, Alex. I've love you for so long, but I would not allow myself to act on it. You can do better. You deserve better. I'm so messed up right now that I don't know what is going to happen to me. It's one of the reasons I never told you…and…I didn't think..."

"You didn't think I felt the same way…" She softly finished for him.

She read his mind. Only Alex knew him so well.

"Y—Yes." He said.

"Do you know how many times I asked myself…or told myself the same thing?" She whispered.

"Why…I mean…you're beautiful, an amazing woman. You could...you can have anyone you want. I'm marred, old, fucked up and crazy to name a few things—"

"There's only one man I want." She interrupted him. "There's only one man I could ever see myself with anymore, and he's lying right here next to me." She lovingly touched him. "You're not fucked up, Bobby. Do you need help? Yes. But you're not fucked up and definitely not crazy by any means. You're insanely intelligent to the point of being infuriating at times." She smiled at him. "And Bobby…we're both old." And that was when Bobby smiled back.

And for a moment, Bobby could not speak. He opened his mouth, but immediately closed it. He repeated this a few times until he finally managed to gather the right words.

"I…you realized that I…I'm so…I'm a mess. My thoughts are so jumbled that I can't think straight anymore… and I can't stop thinking which makes it even worse. My whole life is a wreck…in shambles right now…"

"And I love you for it." She finished for him. "I miss you, Bobby, and I want you back. All of you. The cheerful, spunky, nerdy, enthusiastic, insanely clever Bobby that can never hold still long enough to save his life, that I used to know. I want all of you…the good and the bad."

He sighed and then gave in. "God help me, but I need you, Alex. I do. I don't know what I'd do without you…I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry." Bobby confessed and sat up to grasp onto her frame. "During some of the worst nights, I wanted to call you so badly, but I resisted the urge…I had to." He whispered as he rested his head in the crook of her neck. "I didn't need to bring you down with me…it wouldn't have been right of me…"

"Bobby…I need you just as much." She confessed and wrapped her arms around him. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I needed you some nights so badly that I wanted to call you?"

He pulled back from her in shock. "Why…Why didn't you, Eames? You know I would've talked to you…came over if you needed me."

"Because I…I knew you were dealing with a lot of things at the time…and I didn't need to trouble you or to worry you with one more thing…"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I could not be there for you." He regretfully admitted and set his head back on her shoulder.

"Bobby, stop apologizing...and you still can be, Bobby." She soothed him.

"I don't know how many times I've pushed you away and you…you've stayed every time." He shook. "Why?"

"Because I love you."

"I love you too, Eam—Alex." And Alex shivered at the way those words slipped off his tongue so delicately. "God help me, but I do."

And then he started to softly cry.

I'm not alone.

A/N: Do you guys like where this is going? Hope so. I might come back to this chapter and work on it a bit more later...not sure about it, but here it is as of now LOL. Also, I went back and deleted a few of the songs in this story as well as the authors notes. Found some more errors in the chapters I re-read, etc. Thanks!

-Snyder-