Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit to be gained!

CHAPTER: 26

Alex pulled away from Bobby and smiled at him. She stroked the side of his face softly; Bobby mirrored her actions.

"How are you doing, Eames?"

Alex rolled her eyes. "Bobby, are you ever going to call me, Alex?"

"Wh—What?" He stammered, caught off guard by her question. "I mean…I've called you Alex before, but I…I just…I'm used to calling you Eames. I…I'm sorry, does it bother you?" He stumbled over his words.

"No, Bobby. I just…I don't know, I was just curious as to why you always call me Eames."

"Respect." Bobby stated simply, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. Respect and it was the only way to distance myself from you.

Alex blinked.

"But I call you Bobby. Am I…" She mused briefly. "Do I…is that disrespecting you?"

"What? No!" He shook his head.

"Look, if you want me to call you Alex, I can, I just need to get used to it."

She smiled. Typical Bobby. The littlest of things can throw this large man off track so easily.

"Its fine, Bobby, I've just always wondered." She let her hands slowly drop from his face. "I call you 'Bobby' from time to time and you…well, I can count the number of times you've called me 'Alex' on one hand." She finished and rested her head on his left shoulder. She was about to add more, something about the exception of this past week, about how he has called her 'Alex' more, when Bobby started to speak.

"It was…it wasn't just out of respect, Alex." He whispered. Bobby's voice was so delicate, so gentle that it caused Alex to lift her head off his shoulder to look at him. "It was one of the ways I could distance myself from you." He shamefully admitted.

And finally, Alex somewhat understood. Bobby would do anything to distance himself from other people. People had run from him so many times, had retreated from his life leaving him in the dust to wonder what the hell had happened, that she couldn't blame him. She just wished he'd trust her more.

But now…maybe now he realizes, maybe he does realize now that I'm not going anywhere. Maybe that's why he's telling me all this now.

"And now?" She asked, surprised her voice was so steady. If she were trying to convince someone that it was for her curiosity only, she'd fail, because she needed to know this. She needed to know his answer.

"I…I don't want to be away…I don't want to be…" He took a deep breath to try and steady his voice. His body trembled instead. "I don't want to be away from you, Alex. I don't want to distance myself from you. Not anymore. I only did it for you."

"Good." She spoke without thinking, and then smiled and slowly, quietly let out a breath. "Because, Bobby? I don't want to be away from you either." She spoke in a serious voice.

Bobby nodded.

New subject. I need time to think—

"So, what do you want to do today?" Alex broke through Bobby's thoughts. She was thinking the same thing.

"Um…didn't really have any plans…I…I just…" And then he blurted out, remembering a phone call from earlier in the morning, "Ross called earlier this morning to check on things."

"He did?" Alex asked surprised and somewhat amused.

"Well, yeah. He wanted to talk to you…he didn't…didn't seem to trust me…but I told him you were sleeping. He seemed…leery, but I told him I'd have you call him when you woke up. He seemed to…accept that answer."

Alex smiled. "Ok, I'll go and call him. We don't want him to have a cow." She smiled as she stood up from the couch and went into the kitchen to grab the phone. She missed Bobby's smile at her comment.

Alex talked to Captain Ross in the kitchen for about a half hour. Alex updated him on the progress they, Alex and Bobby, were making and even told him bits and pieces of the rough nights Bobby had had, but she said he was doing a lot better than before; especially when it came to his mental stability. She, of course, left out the part about her and Bobby becoming closer; she wanted to save that for another conversation where they were in person and Bobby and her could both see the look on his face. She feared it though.

What would it do to our careers? Would this even work out or was it some little fling until he got back to his old self, 100 percent, and back to work full-time? She shook her head. No, no. I know, Bobby. I saw the look in his eyes. He wants this. I want this. No one will get in the way of that…of us. Not even Ross!

When Alex walked back into the living room, she came in to see Bobby sprawled out on the couch, fast asleep with the History Channel on.She decided to leave him alone while she made some breakfast.

He has to eat…we both do.

Twenty minutes later, Alex walked back to where Bobby was still fast asleep and smirked.

"Bobby." Alex gently touched his shoulder. "Wakey, wakey, Bobby." She cooed and smiled when his head buried further into the couch. He looked like an innocent little child. It was damn cute. "Come on, Bobby, I made us breakfast. You need to eat."

"You didn't have to, Eames." He suddenly whispered and she was shocked that his voice was so delicate. It had nothing to do with his voice being muffled by the couch or by his tiresome state.

"Bobby? Are you ok? Look at me?" Bobby turned onto his back, slowly and stiffly, to look at her. He cringed briefly and immediately tried to cover it up, but Alex had caught it. "Are you in pain?"

"I don't care." He mumbled and tried to get comfortable on the couch. "I don't want any pain meds." He announced as he winced once more before he finally settled. Once again, the pain that was etched on to Bobby's face didn't get past Alex.

"Bobby, are you ok?" She asked and looked concerned. She softly sat down next to him on the couch and placed her right hand on his knee.

Bobby looked at her hand and then back up to her face. It was full of concern…and love.

"I'm fine…just a little…sore still." He admitted.

"It's ok, Bobby. I'm not surprised. You…You've been through a lot."

He nodded. He couldn't disagree with her on that.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, all of a sudden not in the mood for the breakfast he could smell coming from the other room.

"Bobby, stop apologizing for everything. We've already talked about all of this. It's ok. Let's just put everything past us, ok?"

There was a long pause. Alex regretted her last line. How could he? Alex bit her lip wondering if he would actually answer her. And then, she heard him, though barely and then noticed him crying again.

"How can I?"

Shit.

"How can you what, Bobby?" She said and removed her hand from his leg to wipe away the tears that started to fall.

"How can I just…forget what happened when I…when it's all I see when I close my eyes?"

Oh god, is this another Tates thing? Or about his life before? She wondered. Cleary there was a lot more he needed to talk about. There were so many things that had happened to this man, more than she knew, and more than she figured he'd talk about.

She was lost in thought when she felt him tremble next to her.

"Bobby, talk to me. Please, please talk to me." She murmured.

"I…I can't. You don't want to…you don't need to hear about my problems, Eames. It's…don't worry about it. I'll deal with it—"

"Bobby! Your problems are my problems. Don't forget that. Trust me, Bobby." And then she paused and questioned him. "Do you trust me, Bobby?"

"Of course I trust you, Eames!" He shot straight up from the couch, briefly tangling his legs into Alex's side. "But…but you don't…"

"Bobby…" She sighed and was about to plead with him one last time when he sprang towards her and wrapped his arms around her. He buried himself as much as possible in her side and didn't intend on letting go anytime soon.

"Eames, I'm so…I can't…I don't know what's going to happen to me. Tates, I don't know what to do. Eames, I thought I'd lost it in there. I…I think I…I did, really did. I thought I was dead. At times, I hoped I was." He felt Alex tighten her grip around him at his last statement. "I wasn't…I didn't know what was going on. I was in so much pain…and then so numb at other times. I was so lost. I felt insane. I tried to tell myself that I was just playing the part, but after a while, that faded. It didn't work anymore. I kept, I kept thinking…wishing that you were…that you'd find me. I was…I was falling apart. I was supposed to be strong…but I couldn't be. I broke down…I was treated…I hated what I felt like in there. Lying on the steel table…after hours and hours…up to 18 hours…I had lost it. I tried to, tried to keep it together, but I couldn't, I just…I couldn't. I kept…I remember how I kept telling myself that I had…that I had failed you. I'm sorry. I kept telling myself that I was sorry…sorry, Eames, so sorry that I wouldn't make it out of there. Sorry that I would never get to…never get to see you again. That I'd be lost in there and forgotten forever. That I'd die in there. I thought…I just knew somehow that I was going to die in there like, like Jay Lowry. I kept picturing him on the autopsy table…I kept replaying back what Doc Rodgers said…about severe dehydration…at least four days without water, bruises on the wrist, ankles and pelvis…from restraints…and then I opened my eyes to find myself restrained. It was…intimidating, it was hell. It was the worst feeling in the world. I felt so helpless…and somehow felt like…that I was going to end up on a slab like him…but I didn't want to accept it because…I never got to say goodbye to you. I never got to tell you thank you…thank you for everything. And that I never got to tell you that I loved you. It was so…I was frightened. I was terrified of what was going to happen next in there and I kept thinking how much of a coward I was for feeling like that. I, Detective Robert Goren, wasn't supposed to…I wasn't supposed to feel…to break down and wimp out like that." And then Bobby terribly cried out. His cries struck Alex to the core as they coursed through her veins and echoed throughout his apartment.

Alex started to cry after the first sentence. She was holding back, carefully listening to his words, but god, did they hurt her. She felt as if he heart had been ripped out.

"Bobby. Oh, Bobby, I've got you. I'll never let you go." She squeezed him tightly and then made fists on his back. She couldn't get close enough to him at that point. "Bobby, you're not a coward. You're one of the bravest men I know. What you did…"

"Almost got me killed." He finished for her. "And, that wasn't even the…the part that…that scared me. It was just…not being able to see you…Alex, not being able to see you again. I hated myself for that; for leaving 1PP the way I did…and not being able to…" He shivered. "I'm sorry. I just can't get it out of my head. Those images haunt me…every night. I keep seeing your eyes…looking down at me while I'm on the table. I scream your name, but you disappear every time. I try not to let it bother me…but I can't help…I can't…I just can't. I'm living on 'what ifs,' and it's tearing me apart. I can't do anything right. I'm so, so fucked up Alex. Please, please help me. Please take these images away from me…out of my head. I just want some peace in my life, for once, and I can't. I…"

"You had another nightmare, didn't you?" She asked as she soothed him.

He nodded. "Even if I fall asleep for only ten minutes, I get nightmares." He shook. "That's why I'm afraid to...to sometimes fall asleep. It's hard for me to fall asleep. Usually, they're quiet and I just wake up…but sometimes…sometimes I wake up on the floor in my bedroom…or tangled in my sheets…"

"Jesus, Bobby. No wonder…" And then she stopped abruptly before she could finish the rest of her sentence. She hated herself at that very moment.

"No wonder what?" He asked and looked up at her when she didn't answer him. "No wonder what, Alex?"

She shook when she answered him. "No wonder you wanted to…to kill yourself." She whispered again his chest. It was now him that was holding her.

God, we're both such a mess.

"I…I just wanted it to…to all go away."

"And now?" She dared to ask him.

"I just… I still want it to all go away…but I want you more…more than anything. I want you to…to stay with me. Always. Please. Please, Alex. I'll lose it if you leave me." He sobbed and managed to choke out, "You are the only one that can help me."

She knew that was a huge burden on her, but she'd accept it.

Only for him.

A/N: (Smiles...I deleted the long one).

-Snyder-