AN. I am really, really Sorry with a capital S, and no, I do not have an excuse for being so late to update, apart from I am extremely lazy and am a massive prick! You happy now? . . . You're not, are you? . . . Would it help if I said i loved you? Do you want a hug? . . . *hands out hugs*
Chapter 3 – Of Freaky Tall Mutant-Beings.
-ZAP-
-ZAP-
"GIVE ME THE FUCKING GUN!"
"IT'S NOT A GUN, IT'S A SHRINK-RAY, COLONEL-SCREW-UP!"
"I DON'T FUCKING CARE!"
"AAHH! YOU BASTARD!"" Edward shrieked as he was shrunk to half of his original height.
Roy threw back his head and laughed. "I hadn't thought it possible until now that the shrimp could grow any smaller . . . I guess you learn something new everyday," Roy smirked, but it quickly dissipated as Ed managed to wrench the laser/gun thingy ("IT'S A SHRINK-RAY, YOU BASTARD!") out of Roy's hands - using his Insane Midget Strength ( heh heh! My sister came up with that) - and shot it directly at his chest.
"WHO YOU CALLING SMALL NOW, COLONEL-BASTARD-SHRIMP!" Ed screamed as Mustang shrank down to Ed's height.
Ed readied the shrink-ray to shoot again. . .
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Mustang lept forward and pushed the gun thingy ( "DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT AGAIN!") up so it pointed up to the ceiling.
-ZAP-
An unfortunate light was caught up in the fight, and turned considerably smaller.
Riza rushed down the hall, quickening her pace as the building shook slightly.
"GIVE ME THE GUN, FULLMETAL!"
"FUCK YOU!"
"FULLMETALL!"
"I HATE YOU, BASTARD!"
Riza sighed. She knew that they both found it hard to . . . get along ( -insert serious understatement here- ) ,but she hadn't thought that it'd come down to this. . . that they'd actually try to kill each other . . .
"IT'S MINE, I FOUND IT!"
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT YOURS!"
"YES! YES IT DOES!"
Ed was pushed into a table leg during the struggle for dominance of the Shrink-ray, and a lamp was sent crashing to the floor. Ed grabbed the lamp ( without having to kneel down ) with one hand and started to bash Mustang repeatedly- and painfully- on the head, yelling "GET OFF, GET OFF GET OFF!"
"AAHH!" Mustang tried to grab the lamp before it crashed down onto his head once more. "STOP! FULLMETAL - THAT FUCKING HURTS!" 'Are we really trying to kill each other?' he wondered briefly, before returning back to the fight and screaming at Ed again. "YOU ARE SO NOT GETTING A BIRTHDAY PRESENT!"
Ed gasped, hurt. "You . . . you BASTARD!"
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!"
Both Midget-man and Midget-boy looked up, startled to see a very, very, freakishly, and inhumanly tall giant-being-thing towering over them . . . and looking very, very, VERY pissed-off.
'. . .Oh, shit . . .' Ed grimanced. 'We're in trouble . . .' Mustang just squeakued in fear.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" Riza shouted, ( more like screeched ) not quite sure if she was meant to be confused or angry, but she chose the latter.
Both , who she had identified as Mustang and Edward ( at about 2 feet tall ) head's shot up, startled. Edward's hand stopped short of bashing his superior on the head. Again.
They were gripping tightly to a weird looking laser/gun, ( "DAMN IT! DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT AGAIN!" ) neither one of them eager to let go. The gun ( "AHHH!" ) appeared to be . . . taller than them . . .
They were staring at her, eyes terrified, like rabbits caught in the headlights. Honestly. She sighed. She wasn't that scary . . .
Riza gaze scanned over them slowly, and calmly, and then said in a practised official tone, "I'm not going to get involved in this . . . And, I also really dont think I want to know what all of this is about . . . "
Both sighed in relief. They weren't going to die today.
"Oh, Colonel Mustang . . . " Riza's eyes zeroed in on Roy, and the sense of hope that he had clung on to briefly shattered into nothingness at her next words.
" . . . Have you finished your paperwork?" She asked, eyes narrowing. The only answer that she would be happy with, Roy couldn't give.
Roy squeauked once more in pure terror, and stepped back ( letting go of the Shrink-ray ), trying in vain to calculate if he could reach the window at the other end of the room, fling it open, and jump to his relatively painless death before Riza shot him. . . Not likely . . .
'I'm too young to die! . . . '
" . . . Have you finished your paperwork?"
Luckily, all of Lt. Hawkeyes attention was focussed intensely on Mustang. Ed even managed to feel some pity for the Bastard . . . Although it wasn't enough to keep him from shooting him again, however . . .
Ed laughed in delight as Mustang shrunk yet again, but stopped abruptly when Riza's death glare focused upon him.
Her eyes held his, and Ed stood stock still, not able to move or look away.
'Maybe if I stand still for long enough she'll forget about me and go back to beating Mustang to a pulp . . . just maybe . . .'
But it turned out that his brilliantly thought-out plan didn't work out so well . . .
"Edward. Give me the gun," ( " . . .not . . .gun . . . shrink. . .ray. . ." ) Riza commanded, in an eerily quiet voice.
"N-n-no," Ed stuttered, gripping tightly to the shrink-ray, eyes wide and scared. He hadn't felt this terrified since he had met the Truth. . .
Riza stepped forward slowly, and drew 'The Dreaded Weapon Of Dreadedness' aka Riza's Gun, from her holster, without even taking her steely eyes off of Ed, which were saying, "Give me the weapon, and maybe you'll survive till your next birthday. . ."
(Not that it would be worth it if Mustang wasn't getting him a present, anyway, Ed sniffed). Ed stepped back quickly. "S-s-stay back, foul demon!"
Seeing Riza's eyes flash with anger, Ed grimanced, thinking, just maybe that wasn't the best thing to say.
"U-uh-um . . . What I meant to say is . . . u-uh . . . M-my God, Riza! You're looking lovely today - as usual of course you always look lovely Riza but i bet you get told that everyday cause you always look lovely don't you mmm you smell lovely as always i should tell you that more often because its true and . . . and. . . "
Ed flinched as Riza flicked the safety-clip off of 'The Dreaded Weapon of Dreadedness'.
Ed mouth dropped open. She wouldn't really kill him . . . Would she? 'Oh my God, I'm gonna die at the hands of a crazy freakishly-tall-mutant psycho woman who is corrupted by her greed for world domination ' . . . okay, maybe the last part wasn't true, but who could blame him for a bit of exageration at a time like this?
"Y-y-you can't k-kill me!"
Riza didn't look like she agreed, raising the gun slightly.
"W-w-wait! Wait! Ahh . . . Think of Al! Yes, Al!" Ed shouted desperately. "You wouldn't kill me! You can't! What about my poor little brother? What would he do without me! Think of his big, round eyes . . . uh . . . I mean his hurt glowing red eyes as you tell him that you killed his big brother that he doted on and the one that looked after him for so many years! ( Actually the other way round! ) And who would return him to his real body? Think of the children! Think of Al! Come on, Riza, you have a heart in there somewhere . . . Don't you?" Ed wondered if that was even possible, until Riza spoke.
Riza didn't even blink through the whole speech. "I'm sure he would understand, Edward."
Ed backed off even further, shrink-ray along with him, and looked frantically around the room for a final resort. His eyes fell onto Mustung, who was cowering under a table, looking pale, but alive.
Ed turned back to Riza and shouted, almost feeling guilty about it, "W-wait! Mustung hasn't done his paperwork yet! Shouldn't you kill him instead?"
Roy froze as Riza's eyes snapped from Fullmetal to him, eyes widening in horror.
"You TRAITOR!" Roy shot at Ed.
"I swore no alliance to you!"
"Yes, YES YOU DID!"
"Oh yeah. The whole state alchemist/dog of the military thing. . . forgot about that . . ." Ed pondered, deep in thought.
Ed's head snapped up at Riza's next words. "Don't think I'm letting you off, Edward. Give me the gun. NOW!"
Sorry for cliffhanger, and sorry if you want more action (I've possibly got a midget mission planned to fit in! )
Review please, and tell me if theres anything that you don't like. Thanks.