MA: Yayz! I writeded! *dances around randomly*
Raven: ... Are you ok?
MA: YESH! *Twitchtwitchtwitch*
Raven: ... Someone gave you sugar. Didn't they.
MA: YESH! Archer gave me choc-o-late! ... OOO Raven! You should strip down and molest Archer!
Raven: ARCHER!! *summons sword*
Archer: Oops... *runs away*
MA: Where'd everyone go?
Storm: Sweety, just get to the story.
MA: Storm! I was wondering where you've been! *glomphuggle*
Storm: *sigh* She doesn't own anything, thank god, otherwise the world would be a much different place. Also, her mind is permanently embedded in the sewers, so her stories will follow suit. If you don't like, please go away and take your prudish, close-mindedness with you.
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So, despite the chaos of my family, we managed to get ready in a decent amount of time. Sora and I finished dressing, Cloud and Leon sterilized the dining room to mom's standards, Demyx and mom finished making dessert and Kiari and Namine kept Rikku and Yuffie from blowing up our house (a feat much harder then it sounds). Dad called at some point and said he and Tidus (my youngest brother) would meet us at Sephiroth's. So mom packed dessert up and hustled all of us out the door.
"Are Cid and Vincent meeting you girls at the barbeque?" Mom asked Rikku and Yuffie as we made the short trip to next door.
"Yeah." The both replied. The two girls looked at each other before breaking into a fit of giggles. Rikku managed to stop first and inform us.
"Pops wanted to finish one more job." Cid Highwind, Rikku's father, owned a vehicle repair shop, as well as the Island's small airport.
"Yeah, and you know dad won't leave without him." Yuffie stated. Rikku elbowed her playfully.
"You mean he won't come without Pops dragging his ass over." They broke into giggles again. Vincent Valentine, Yuffie's father, was well known for his lack of a social life, having to be forced or blackmailed into anything even remotely resembling a party. Since the man was antisocial as hell, quiet, and reminded a lot of people of a vampire, it was often wondered how Yuffie could possibly be related to him in any way, but they both swear it's true. Or at least, Yuffie swears it's true and Vincent doesn't deny it.
We reach Sephiroth's front door without mishap. Mom rang the door bell and we heard a shout that sounded like Riku's voice from somewhere in the house.
"I got it!" Followed by the pounding of feet, a loud crash and then. "Holy fuck! Can't you guys do that somewhere else!? Or better yet not at all!! We have company for fucks sake!!" There was mumbling, followed by more crashing. I looked at Sora, he shrugged.
"Something tells me Riku's relatives aren't as normal as he hoped." I mumbled to my twin. He nodded in agreement. The door was finally opened by a very red, disheveled Riku.
Yuffie managed, somehow, to vault over Cloud's head, slide between Demyx's legs and worm by my mother, all in less then half a second to land directly in front of Riku, shouting.
"Hey Riku!"
Riku jumped backwards, tripped over the edge of the entryway rug and crash landed on his ass. I burst out laughing, as did my sisters, older brothers and the other Rikku. I swear I even heard a chuckle from Leon, but glancing over at him I saw he remained expressionless. Mom had her hand over her mouth, hiding the smile she no doubt had.
"Geez Yuffie, what the heck was that for!?" Riku moaned from the floor, rubbing his ass.
"I just wanted to say hi." Yuffie said, grinning ear to ear, "What was all that crashing earlier?"
Riku winced, I honestly don't think it was from the pain his butt was probably in either.
"Oh, that… umm…" He never got to finish as a large hand reached down and picked him up off the floor to set him back on his feet.
A large, muscular man was standing behind Riku. From his funky, spiked silver hair and blue-green eyes, I assumed he was one of Riku's uncles. Riku was looking rather embarrassed.
"Thanks Loz." The man grunted, nodding. He looked at all of us crowded on the porch. "Oh, Uncle Loz, this is that family from next door dad was talking about… well, mostly… Those two are Cid and Vincent's kids." Riku stated, motioning toward Yuffie and Rikku. Mom stepped forward offering a hand and introducing herself.
"I'm Aeris Fair, my husband, Zack, is coming later with my youngest son, Tidus." She then went and introduced all of us, ending with Cloud and Leon.
Loz just looked at her hand throughout the introduction, remaining quiet the entire time. Then a slim pale hand snaked between Loz and Riku to grasp mom's and shook it smoothly.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," This hand belong to a man, though I only say man because Riku only mentioned uncles, not aunts. Anyway, The hand belong to a rather effeminate looking man, slightly shorter then Loz, slender, with straight, shoulder length silver hair, large blue-green eyes and a very smooth, quiet voice.
"Don't mind Loz, he doesn't speak much, I'm Yazoo. We're Riku's uncles and two of Sephiroth's brothers." He pulled his brother and nephew off to the side of the doorway. "Please come in, Sephiroth and our other brother, Kadaj, are in the backyard with the others."
"Why thank you very much, it's a pleasure to meet you two." Mom smiled charmingly. "Do you happen to know where Sephiroth wants me to put dessert?" She asked motioning to the covered platter Demyx was holding.
"Not really no, but I'm sure it'll be out back with the rest of the food." Yazoo smiled, shaking his head. We enter the house, Riku leading the way trough the house to the backyard. I glance back to see Loz closing the door only to have Yazoo shove him against said door, practically attacking the other man's mouth with his own. It was then that I noticed neither of them had shirts on and Yazoo's pants were dangerously close to falling off, due to the fact they were unbuttoned. I also noticed he wasn't wearing underwear. I stopped in shock and Cloud crashed into me cursing.
"Shit Roxas! What's wrong with… you…" He trailed off as his eyes followed were I was now staring. "Umm… wow. Talk about brotherly love." We had been standing there a while, watching the frightening scene of incest, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I jumped, grabbing Cloud's arm, ready to throw him the way of anything that may want to eat or… more likely in this house… molest me. It startled Cloud out of his stunned trance, he turned so I could see my attacker.
We were facing a rather serious looking guy, his periwinkle hair covering half of his face. He was shorter then Cloud and didn't look much older then me. He was slender, looked like he never had fun in his life… hmmm… reminds me of someone –coughLeoncough- and was taking the whole incest in the hallway thing rather calmly. We stared at the strange guy with wide eyes, both of us waiting for an invitation to an orgy or something equally disturbing.
"They are not going to be stopping anytime soon. I recommend leaving them alone and heading for the backyard, your family is already there." He spoke calmly, motioning toward the open back door. Cloud and I edged sideways toward the door, before Cloud pushed away from me and ran for safety.
"Hey! Wait for me!" I hollered before racing after him.
My siblings, Leon, Riku, and the terrible two were standing on the large back porch near Sephiroth's hot tub. Mom was at the other end of the yard, by a fancy, red brick built-in barbeque, with Sephiroth, a tall black dude in sunglasses, another silver haired man (Kadaj I wagered), Vincent, Cid and another figure hidden by the others.
When we reach safety, Cloud immediately dove for Leon, hugging him around the neck for dear life. Leon's eyebrows were basically in his hair as he hesitantly hugged him back. I latched on to Sora, seeing he's probably the safest one here to be around. Riku would never let anyone touch Sora's ass before him. Sora looked at me oddly.
"Don't ask." He shrugged.
"I apologize for that. Yazoo usually has more control then that." I turn to see the Leon wannabe guy has followed us outside. His arms crossed, eyes scanning, appraising all of us before him. His expression never changed.
"Woah. It's like there are two of them!" Rikku whispers rather loudly to Yuffie. The two of them looking from Leon, standing beside them, over to the newcomer. There's a long silence before Riku- the other, male, one- cleared his throat.
"Guys, this is my cousin… Zexion. He's ah… actually he's moving in with me and dad so he can go to Destiny U." Destiny University isn't really large enough to really be considered an official University, but because of the Shinra power plant on the other side of the island and easy access for marine studies, it's actually a decent place to go-.
"Oh really? What major?" Demyx asked cheerfully. "I'm going into Marine Bio!"
Zexion looked over at him, and I swear I saw his mouth twitch! It did I tell you! Or it may have been a shadow. He opened his mouth to answer and promptly got interrupted.
"Wait! Cousin?!" Sora shouted, "but I thought… ? How…? Huh?" Yes, very eloquently put Sora.
"Sora kind of has a point, you know… even with incest, guys normally don't reproduce." Cloud commented, now holding Leon's hand, head resting on his shoulder.
"Incest? What?" Sora looks at me, I stare intently at the ground.
"I told you not to ask." Sora blinked, looking confused for a moment before it seemed to click, his mouth forming an "O". Standing next to him, Riku had a hand over his face. Probably cursing his freaky family to the edges of hell and beyond- not that I'm one to talk.
We looked over at Zexion, who just stared at us expressionless. Leon may have a run for his money on who does a better impression of a rock. Finally he shrugged.
"I was adopted. Yazoo wanted a kid. Loz does whatever Yazoo wants. Kadaj lets them do whatever they want as long as it doesn't bother him. Kadaj didn't want to deal with an infant, so they adopted me when I was six." He was saved from saying anything else by the sound of a crash and shouting coming from inside the house.
"Holy Shit!! Come on guys! You almost made me drop the booze! If you're gonna do that shit, do it on the couch! Don't clutter up the hallway!"
Oh. Crap. I recognized that voice.
I dove behind Sora and Riku as a familiar red head came tromping out the back door. He was much taller then I remembered, granted I was sprawled on the ground the only time I saw him. His jeans and tee-shirt hugging his lanky frame, a thirty case of beer on one shoulder and a bag full of bottles in the opposite hand, his red helmet slung from the wrist by it's strap. He stopped, noticing the crowd that had congregated on the porch. He grinned.
"Heya! I'm Axel, got it memorized?" I smacked myself in the face. Of course he has a cheesy catchphrase. I hear the girls giggle and Riku groan.
"Yo! Axel! get your ass over here and light this fucking fire so we can eat yo!" I looked over to the voice and saw another red head. His hair was tamer then Axel's, pulled back into a long ponytail and I noticed he, too, had tattoos under his blue eyes. He was standing near the tall black dude, hands on his hips, glaring at Axel, but grinning at the same time.
"Ey! You're the one who wanted to get trashed! Not my fault you sent me out to get your drinks." Axel hollered back. The other red head sauntered to the porch, the tall black guy in tow. He grabbed the beer from Axel. Laughing, he smacked Axel upside the head.
"Dipshit."
"Asshole."
"Fag."
"Takes one to know one."
"Shut the hell up and light the damn fire, pyro." Axel grinned and took the rest of the alcohol to where my mom, Sephiroth and the others were standing, watching with some interest. The red head turned back to all of us.
"Sorry bout my lil' bro, he's a little crude sometimes." The guy behind him snorted, his face unreadable and eyes hidden by his dark glasses. The red head glared over his shoulder at the guy.
"I'm Reno, by the way, kiddy's I haven't met yet. This is my partner Rude yo." He said motioning to the guy behind him. "We just moved in on the other side of dear ole' Sephy."
Cid and Vincent came up to our little group at that point. Yuffie and Rikku launched themselves at their fathers.
"Dad!"
"Pops!" Yuffie, trying to hug everyone at once, managed to knock Vincent and Rikku over. Cid managed to brace himself and wrapping his arms around Vincent's waist kept him from crashing off the porch. Rikku, however wasn't so lucky.
"Yuuuufffiiieee!" She whined loudly from the grass. Vincent growled as we all laughed at them, until Cid whispered something in his ear. He seemed to cheer up a little after that.
"Yeah, Rude and I"ll be working with Vinnie here actually yo." Reno stated. Vincent twitched at the name, but nodded.
"So you're the one's who bought Ansem's old place huh?" Cloud asked leaning forward a little.
Wait... Ansem's old place?... It finally sunk in.
Axel, that homicidal pervert, was going to be living just two houses down from me? Nooooo!
I squeaked. Not very loudly, but loud enough were I earned a strange look from Sora.
I was saved from further embarrassment by a loud explosion from the other side of the yard. We all turn and see a fireball heading up to the sky, a rather surprised Axel staring up at it. Mom and the others behind him, unharmed, but equally shocked.
"Shit!" Reno's eyes got big and he jumped off the porch running to the barbeque. "Jeez Axel! I said light the barbeque, not blow it up!"
Axel, shook out of his stupor to turn on Reno. "What the hell?! I didn't fucking mean to blow fucking anything up! How much fucking lighter fluid did you fucking use before I got here!?!"
"Whatever! Get your ass away from there and go back to the fucking porch!" After some more creative… or not… cursing, Axel came back to where we were, muttering under his breath and drinking the beer he managed to steal on the way over. Sighing, he leaned back on the railing. It was rather quiet, everyone still trying to figure out what had just happened… or in Leon and Zexion's cases, just being themselves.
Still in slight shock from the recent explosion, I had forgotten to hide again. Our eyes happened to meet, good gawd he has gorgeous eyes- I did NOT think that!
His face lit up and his grin returned.
"Roxie!" He shouted happily.
"Oh god." I thunked my head on Sora's shoulder.
Demyx snickered. "Roxie?"
"You know Roxas?" Sora asked, shoving my head off of his shoulder. Axel shrugged.
"Sort of." I glared at him.
"Yeah right! You ran me over, you psycho!" He at least had the decency to look slightly chagrined.
"Oh! You're the guy with the motorcycle!" Sora exclaimed. Riku and Cloud perked at that, both being into motorcycles and stuff like that.
"You have a bike?" Riku asked eagerly.
"Yeah, it's out front. Wanna see?" Axel asked, probably purposefully trying to avoid the subject of having tried to kill me.
"I don't recommend going through the house right now." A familiar tall, muscular man with lightly spiked black hair and blue eyes, wearing black jeans and shirt, came out the back door.
"Hi dad!" Kairi and Namine chimed together. He went over and hugged them both.
"Hey girls." He nodded to everyone else.
He was followed closely by a short blonde with the now very familiar, family trademark, spiky blonde hair and big blue eyes, wearing baggy black shorts and a yellow shirt. He was blushing a bright red and seemed to be in shock. Another tall man with long black hair pulled into a ponytail, random white streaks running through it, a patch over one eye was slapping him heartily on the back.
"Tidus!" Yuffie and Rikku squealed, glomping my poor bewildered brother, why they feel they must tackle everyone in greeting… who knows. "We haven't seen you in so looooong!"
"Umm. Yeah." He mumbled, not really seeming to notice the abuse, nor much else of his surroundings.
"Come on girls leave the poor kid alone, he's just had a traumatic experience." The other guy chuckled.
"But Xigbar!" Both of the girls pouted at him.
"What happened?" Riku asked curiously.
"Heh. Apparently someone decided the living room is just the perfect place for…" Xigbar then found his mouth covered by Tidus' hand. Tidus himself looking about ready to have a seizure.
"Please Xigbar. I really don't need to relive that experience. I don't know what's worse, walking in on Cloud and Leon, or complete strangers. I'm gonna need therapy til I dead… maybe even after!" Xigbar took the hand away and laughed.
"Whatever kid. By the way, what was with that fireball a little while ago?"
We all looked at Axel. Axel looked at his feet.
"Erm, that would have been my fault… sort of."
"Sweet."
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MA: YAYZ! CH 4 is fini!
Storm: Thanks for putting up with her randomness, please R and R.