A Note From the Author: Hello and good day. I welcome you to the fourth instalment of my story; I hope you find it enjoyable =)

Please excuse any crappy medical knowledge and some OOC-ness, but there is a lot of grief in this fic, so OOC is to be expected.

Disclaimer: I own a very large nothing

POV: Giles

As we were waiting for the ambulance to arrive, Buffy stopped breathing. It took everything I had not to yell and throw things and just give up. Instead Willow and I began CPR while Tara stood out the front, waiting for the ambulance. It seemed pointless, but somehow, we found the strength to continue, and when the ambulance officers arrived, they told us that we'd been doing a good job. I didn't really hear any of it. I was pretty numb the whole time. I went with Buffy to the hospital; I sat in the front of the ambulance with the driver. The whole time I could hear them. I could hear them deliver a shock when she went into cardiac arrest. I could hear when they were delivering artificial breaths. Thankfully I could hear when they brought her back.

I knew that, had she been anyone else, she would have died in the back of that ambulance. She would have given up. She wouldn't have been strong enough to continue. But she didn't give up and she was strong.

Willow had stayed at the house with Tara to clean up their potions. I think it was also a little bit so that Willow wouldn't have to deal with it right away. Buffy was her best friend after all. I'm pretty sure they went to pick up Dawn from her camping trip, because when I finally walked into the waiting room, they were all sitting there. Willow, Tara, Dawn, Xander must have been called too, because he was there with Anya. I was still numb. I couldn't hear anything anymore. It was all just dull, white noise. It took me a while to notice Willow whispering my name.

"Giles?" her voice full of fear.

I briefly registered my name and I turned to face her.

"What…what did they say?" she asked hesitantly.

"Um…she…she had a brain aneurism…and…she's…she's in a coma at the moment," I whispered.

I heard a choked sob and looked over to Dawn. Tears were streaming down her face and her eyes were red and puffy.

"Do they know…if…if…" she began. I knew where she was going with it.

"They…um…they said…there's a 30 percent chance she'll wake up," I murmured, "But…being the Slayer…that probably gives her…at least…a 50 percent chance."

The words sounded flimsy to me, and I was the one trying to convince Dawn that her sister would wake up.

"I…" Dawn began.

"Dawn - " Willow began, but was cut off.

"No! I can't! I can't…can't do this!" she yelled, then added in a whisper, "I…I can't. I've lost her too many times. I won't lose her again! I won't!"

"Dawn - " Willow tried again.

But Dawn just shook her head and ran off down the corridor. The numbness was starting to leave now. I looked at Dawn's retreating figure and stood up from my seat. I took one glance at the rest of the group and ran after Dawn.

"Dawn!" I called, as I reached the front doors.

I saw her turn a corner, so I followed her down the road until I caught up to her. I caught her shoulder and tried to spin her around but she just shrieked and threw my hand off.

"Don't!" she screamed.

"Dawn - "

"No! I don't want to hear it! You have no idea what it's like to…to have to go through this…to lose a sister twice! No one should have to do that once!"

"But I know what it's like to lose Buffy, Dawn. I've lost her three times. And each time it hurts more, because I never know what to expect. This…this hurts the worst. And you know why? Because it's my fault. Because I could have damn well done something! Because Iam so stupid! So don't you tell me what I have no idea about, because I bloody well do!"

Dawn said nothing, she just kicked me in the shin and ran. Goddamit! I didn't mean to be so harsh on her, it was just…I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. I had seen all of the signs, but I didn't even think. I failed my Slayer. I failed my Buffy. As tears streamed down my face, I knew I would never find Dawn, so I walked slowly back to the hospital.

When I walked back in without Dawn, Willow opened her mouth to ask, but I shook my head.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The doctor walked out into the hall, his expression unreadable.

"Mr Giles?"

I lifted my head, not really seeing him. He motioned for me to follow him and we walked to a vacant room.

"Miss Summers is really a strong person. She had a pretty extensive bleed on the brain that would normally have killed a person, but somehow she held on. We performed the surgery to reduce - "

"Will she live?"

"Um…she…she is doing well at the - "

"Please, just…will she live?"

"Well…I can't tell you a definite, but her chances are looking relatively good. There is about an 80 percent chance that she will live. But…I can't guarantee that she will…be…the same person."

I nodded, "If she had been brought in earlier…would she…would her chances be…"

"If she had been brought in earlier, then, yes, she probably would have had a better chance, but it's a difficult thing to pick, it can just come out of the blue sometimes. But, anyway, she has pretty good chances as it is."

I barely heard the last part; I stopped listening after he said that she would have had a better chance.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

We had all arranged ourselves around her bed when we were allowed in to see her. I had situated myself near the back because my guilt was threatening to swallow me whole. After just sitting there in silence for half an hour, I got up, saying that I was going to the toilet.

I walked out of the room and leaned back against the wall. I sunk to the floor and put my head in my hands. Impending tears lingered, not quite falling, but not going away and I decided to go for a walk around the hospital. It seemed like such a silly thing, but I just couldn't stay near that room. The room where she lay…because of me. My feet carried me to the other end of the hospital, to the Emergency Room. I probably shouldn't have been there, but no one seemed to notice me. I sat in a chair because the room didn't seem to be getting too many patients. A boy fell out of a tree. Another young boy stuck his finger in a power socket. A woman fell down a flight of stairs. A teenage girl with a suicide attempt. As I watched this last girl go in, I couldn't help but notice her long, brown hair. The same colour as Dawn's. I stood up to leave, when I suddenly got a good look at her face. Dawn.

She had jumped off the bridge that ran across the top of a main highway.

"Shit, Dawn," I murmured to myself as I watched them wheel her into surgery. I turned to a nurse, "Excuse me, I know her. Can…can I…where is she…going?"

It took everything I had not to just break down right there and cry until I could not cry anymore.

"She's going into surgery, sir," she said softly, "Are you…her father?"

"I'm…a close family friend. Her…her parents…they're dead…her sister is…here," I whispered.

The nurse looked at me sadly and put her hand on my shoulder. Her eyes. They were just like Buffy's…and Dawn's. I couldn't keep looking at her. I walked off in the direction that they wheeled Dawn, not really paying attention to anything. I was numb again. I could barely feel my feet. I knew I was in shock, but it didn't occur to me to do anything about it. I found a nurse and asked her about Dawn. She showed me to a seat and I sat, waiting. I didn't know quite what I was waiting for, but I waited.

Soon a doctor walked out of the room and saw me in the chair.

"You…knew her?" he asked softly.

I dipped my head slightly.

"I'm very sorry," he whispered.

He put one hand on my shoulder, perhaps to steady me, because suddenly I collapsed back into the chair.

"But…" I began.

"The damage was…too extensive, there was…" he sat in the chair next to me.

"Did she…suffer?" I found myself asking.

"No," he said, but I knew it wasn't true. The look in his eyes told me everything.

I remained silent after that. I stood and started to walk, not knowing where I was going. Soon I quickened my pace and found myself searching. I came across a bathroom and practically ran inside. I threw myself over a toilet bowl and retched loudly. I retched until there was nothing left and I was just dry heaving. I had destroyed two lives now. I was a monster. I stood up and looked into the mirror. I despised what I saw.

A Note From the Author: OMG! I killed Dawn! Yes, I did! I'm a bit shocked at myself really, I didn't expect me to do it. Now my massive challenge is to write reactions…*sigh* don't blame me if they are terrible.

A cyber-hug for all reviewers --- ('.')

Oval and Out

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