A Note From the Author: Aiight, so I'm not exactly sure how this chapter is going to go down, but hopefully we get there, yes? Ok. I'm thinking this will be a short chapter, cos I don't know how good I am at writing reactions to something as dreadful as this. If you don't like it, please let me know and I will try it again, but if you do like it, then you are my new best friend!

Disclaimer: I own a very large nothing

POV: Giles

I could no longer stand in front of that mirror, scrutinizing every aspect of my face. It repulsed me. I left the room quickly.

I walked slowly back to the room where Dawn had been operated on. No one was in there. I suspected they were going to get a gurney to take her down to the morgue. I pushed the door and it swung open. I went in slowly and looked down at her lifeless face. There was blood everywhere. I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop myself; I reached out and brushed a piece of hair out of her face. I rested one hand on her arm and the other, her midsection. Suddenly, sound rushed my ears and I realised what I was doing. I couldn't see this, I really couldn't. As I turned to leave, I heard a voice.

"What are you doing here?" it seemed panicked.

I looked up and saw a man in blue scrubs.

"You shouldn't…shouldn't be in here," I could tell he wasn't sure whether or not to yell at me.

I knew that I shouldn't have gone in there and that I should have apologized for doing so, but I just pushed past him.

Not knowing how I had gotten to the ER in the first place, I did not really know how to get back to Buffy's room. And I couldn't ask someone, because I didn't take notice of the number on Buffy's door. So I wandered. I wandered down the many halls, occasionally looking into rooms. Sometimes the people didn't notice me, but sometimes they did. The people who noticed me usually gave me a sympathetic look, maybe they could tell that I had lost a lot today. Others gave me angry looks and promptly shut the door, perhaps they thought I was being nosy, I could understand that.

Glancing into one of the rooms, I saw someone familiar. But I couldn't match the face to a name. It started with A…or…X…? Or maybe it was both. Alan? Alf? Alex? Yes. Alexander. Xander. I knew him. I wandered into the room, not looking at anyone. How could I? I had ruined their lives. Taken two friends from them. Taken so much. So much.

"Giles?" I heard a soft voice.

I tried to lift my head and look, I really did, but it was too heavy, I just couldn't look at anyone.

"What…what happened?" the voice persisted.

Did I really look that bad? I glanced up and saw a mirror in the corner. My face was sheet white, there were still tears railing down my cheeks (How had I not noticed that?), my hands were shaking, much like the rest of me and there was…blood. On my hands. On my arms. On my shirt where my arms had rubbed.

"Giles?" came the voice, scarcely more than a whisper.

"Dawn," I breathed the word, feeling like I should not be allowed to say the word.

"What…what about her?" was it Willow? "Is…is that her blood?"

This made me look up. I saw that it was, in fact, Willow who had been speaking, and that everyone now had their eyes on me.

"Dawn," I said again, "She…she wouldn't listen to me. She just kicked me and ran away. I…I tried, dammit, I tried!"

"What are you saying?" asked Xander softly.

"She…jumped," I whispered, surprised that I had not yet broken down into a mess of tears.

I watched, in slow motion it seemed, as Xander's mouth dropped, Tara's eyes widened, Willow burst into tears and Anya looked politely puzzled.

"Jumped? Like…into the air?" she asked quietly.

I looked over at her with an angry look. I was about to yell at her for being so insensitive, when Xander's voice stopped me.

"Anya…Dawn…didn't jump…in the air. She…took her life," he said softly, then his bottom lip started to tremble, "She took her own goddam life! What happens when Buffy wakes up?! What do we tell her?!" his voice faltered and when he spoke again, I could hardly hear him, "What…could we possibly say?"

Xander's outburst shocked everyone a little. He dissolved into a fit of tears as soon as he stopped speaking. Anya, who now understood, held him gingerly as tears made their way down her face also. Willow was being comforted by a sobbing Tara. And I? I was standing by the door making a nuisance out of myself. I had brought this on them. I was the reason for all of this suffering.

And two words just kept echoing around my head: my fault.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

It had been three days now, and Buffy had shown signs of improvement, but had not woken up. I had barely left the room, but I never sat close to Buffy. I sat in a seat that backed against the wall. When she woke up, I didn't want the first thing she saw to be me, it would probably just make her cry.

If only I hadn't been so stupid! If I had've just noticed the signs which I knew so well. She wouldn't be in this mess. I berated myself all the time for it. I knew the signs, and yet, I did nothing. My father had had an aneurism when I was a teenager. I had noticed all the signs then too, but had known nothing about what they could mean. And even if I did, I probably would have been so wrapped up in my 'Ripper' persona, that I wouldn't have even done anything anyway. He survived, but every time I saw someone with bad headaches, I always thought of that.

So why hadn't I this time? What was different now?

It took me a while to admit the answer to myself. I was in love with Buffy. That distracted me so much when I was around her, that I barely had time to think about her. That doesn't make much sense, does it? Well right now, I suppose I don't make a whole lot of sense. Let me rephrase. I was so wrapped up in how I felt about her, that I didn't actually pay attention to her. Funny how that works. That I can be so invested in someone, but not even notice when something is wrong. Now I do nothing but pay attention to her. Everything I do, I do it for her. It will now stay that way forever.

I decided something right then. As soon as she woke up, I would tell her how I felt. If she accepted me, I would be so happy. But if she didn't, I would understand. She deserved to know though. I would comfort her to no end; I would hold her when she cried for Dawn, and every time after that. I would look out for her always.

I suddenly had the feeling of being watched. I looked around and saw no one at the door and no one at the window. I looked back at the bed and saw a pair of blue eyes staring back at me.

"Buffy?"

A Note From the Author: *sigh* Only one more chapter left! Well, I think so anyway. Hopefully this wasn't too crappy; I don't think I made him Giles-y enough…? Erm…no, that doesn't make sense. Uh…so, stick around if you wish, the last chapter will hopefully be a bit of a surprise for you.

Oval and Out

.x.x.x.