A/N: Co-written with hk47fan of TMW! :D He took odds, I got evens.

Commander Shepard has yet another interesting question for her crew; this time, something extremely random and out there. How will the unique and dynamic people of the Normandy react?

Is the glass half full... or half empty?

Joker: Uh, seriously, Commander? You couldn't, like oh, I don't know... ask another question about [mockingly] 'love' again, couldn't you? 'Cos I really need that in my day-to-day.

Joker...

Fine, fine. Yeah, great. I get it. Don't mock the boss. Sorry, I mock Alliance Command so much that it kind of slips out.

[sigh] Is the glass half-full or half-empty, Joker?

Well what's in the glass?

What would you like to be in the glass?

A good hard beer would do me just fine.

[another sigh] Is the glass half-empty or half-full of beer?

Well, if it's beer it ain't filled up enough. Sorry! Don't hit me, I'm fragile!

Kaidan: Uh,I'm not sure it really matters, Commander. I don't think I've ever understood why there is a difference between the two, because it's basically the same thing. I don't think that what you put it as changes how you look at life or what your views are.

So, what is it for you?

[sigh] Fine, half-full.

Ashley: I'm a realist, Commander. I don't really believe in the entire glass half-full/half-empty things. The way I see it, you try to be the best person you can be. You run around, save everybody you can, be nice and moral, hand candy to kids so that they can be the positive outliers in the group. But if the situation calls for it, you have to be down in the dumps sometimes if that's the only way to notice the things going on.

It's a military mindset, I know. And a lot of people say I'm a pessimist. But really, I'm not. I just analyze a situation quicker than most and respond in kind.

That's a pretty unique view.

Growing up, moving around so much, that kind of taught me not to hope too much as a kid, because it only hurts more when the hopes are dashed. So I make it a point to enjoy what I can, but I don't tolerate false hope. I won't make promises I can't keep, either.

Thanks for the words, Chief.

Any time, ma'am.

Garrus: Okay, Commander, I don't mean to offend you, but is this what humans really discuss in their spare time? Each culture is unique, and to each their own, but I don't think I've ever heard any turians, or any other species, talk about strange topics like these. I'm not sure I understand the question.

Let's say there's a glass of water, and someone drank half of it. Is it half-empty, or half-full?

I still don't understand, but I'm pretty sure you want an answer.

Yes, yes I do.

Well, uhh, I'd say half-empty. If someone drank half of it, that means it was full in the beginning. Now it isn't, and half of it has been taken away. So, well... half empty.

Wrex: Is this another question like the marshmallows?

Not related at all.

[sigh] Okay. Then explain to me why the hell this is relevant to catching Saren.

Oh, it's not. I'm just curious as to what your answer would be.

Shepard, the only reason I will even bother answering this is because you've proved yourself to be a capable leader. The glass is empty.

Why is it empty?

Because while you were sitting around somebody drank it. The end. Shepard.

Wrex...

Tali: Shepard, I must say, you find more ways to talk to your crew than anyone in the flotilla ever has. I don't know if you just want to entertain us or yourselves, but your questions are random, yet fascinating in their own way. Back to this particular one, though, I would have to say half-full.

Why?

In so many places, people do not have enough water to freely spread around; I've experienced this personally my entire life. Everyone needs water, but we do not need a glass filled to the brim. A glass filled half-way would do fine for any quarian... well, if we actually drank with our mouths. We use tubes for obvious reasons, but the theory remains the same.

Liara: Ah... I'm not sure I understand why you're asking me this, Shepard. What glass are you talking about? I'm sorry if I appear dense.

Just a metaphorical glass.

Well... I guess the glass would be half-full. If it was empty to start with, by adding water you're filling it to the half-way point. That is the correct answer, I think.

Yes, finally, a normal answer!

I'm sorry?

Nothing. Thank you for your time, Liara.

Jacob: Uhh, Shepard, is this what you did to your old crew? Not that it's any of my business, but these questions are pretty far out there.

Yes, yes, I actually did. Now, back to the question...

I've heard of the saying, but don't think I ever really paid attention. Got bigger things on my mind, but I think it can be both. I'm not good at the physological stuff, but this is really simple; it can be different depending on the situation and what's really going on.

Miranda: The glass is irrelevant to our mission.

Please, Miranda?

I'm sorry, Commander, I'm just really busy here at the moment. The glass is half-full and both half-empty.

That takes the fun out of it.

Shepard, at Cerberus we use different, more proven methods of physological testing and evaluation than simple mind games like that. It may have worked on a kindergartener, but not me. If you're looking to determine the mental stability of the crew, I'd suggest asking some different questions.

Like what?

I'll forward a few pieces of helpful info to you. Perhaps it'll make the rest of your nosing around less apparent.

Mordin: Ah, yes, intriguing query, Shepard. Believe there is a deeper meaning to it than anyone realizes; optimism and pessimism irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but much bigger issue at hand with half-filled, or half-empty, glass.

Such as?

Fact that glass was only filled to half-capacity, or only decreased to half-capacity, calls for concern. It demonstrates a feeling of emptyness, yet some form of being fufilled, in the drinker's life; emotional and physical problems, perhaps. Maybe even not able to hold full glass, which calls for medical evaluation. Feeling like you are missing something in life, or need something more than you have. Common problems for every person out there.

[cough] Um, thank you, Mordin. That was... insightful.

Zaeed: You're not seriously... fine, I guess you are. The answer's half-empty. I'm not up for the gung-ho shit about staying positive. Either you face reality head-on or you're just dumb and waiting for a round in the face, and people who look around like the world's going to hand them gifts just for being all happy-faced about bullshit odds annoy the hell out of me. When we took over the Verrikan, those assholes were the first ones to die. Poor bastards.

The Verrikan was the suicide mission where only you survived, correct?

Yeah. Because the glass was half-empty. Prepare for the worst, Shepard. Don't let it surprise you.

Kasumi: Ahh, Shepard, I know all about this, and if you want to know whether I'm optimistic or not, I will tell you right now that the glass is half-full. I don't want to walk around looking like a fool, but you have to take most things in stride; living the life of a thief, I know this. Half-empty sounds so much more depressing, anyway, and half-full sounds like you're at the half-way point of something. A goal, perhaps. It is a lot more inspiring than the other option, which would tend to drag someone down.

Grunt: What glass? What are you talking about?

Well, if I was holding a glass right now and it was filled halfway with water, would the glass be half-full or half-empty?

You just said it was filled halfway.

...ah, crap.

Damn it, Shepard, stop playing mind games with me! I'm a krogan, not a dictionary. Go annoy the quarian with your questions, but leave me out of it unless it has something to do with killing.

Jack: Piss off with these damn questions, Shepard. If you want to talk to me, talk to me about something worth my time; there are plenty of people on this ship who'll waste time with that small talk.

Come on, Jack, just this question. We need it for the mission.

There is no damn glass, Shepard. Not half-full, not half-empty. If there was a glass in here right now that was full of half-crap, I'd just wonder who couldn't hold all their liquor.

So you admit it is half-full?

No. Hell no; I don't give a shit. I'll just take the glass and stomp it into the ground. So there is no glass, and you can go talk to Thane if you want a big discussion about something stupid and deep.

Thane: This was explained to me once, long ago. [eyes glaze] -The room is dark, the only light illuminating the table before me. My hands rest on it, clammy. I cannot breathe properly. A man sits in front of me. Human male, dark hair, the same as the picture I'd been shown. He sets a glass in front of my bound hands and asks me, "Is the glass half empty or half full?" His voice is a monotone to my ears. My chest hurts. I refuse to answer, but I say in my mind that it is half full. The man laughs at my silence. Mocks me. He reaches for the glass. His mistake. I strike as fast as I can, my own arms a blur, and break his neck with my chains. One target down. I grab his keys - -

Thane, it's okay. Snap out of it.

[blink slowly] I... am sorry, si'ha. After I escaped and collected my money, I looked up his referance on the extranet. I am proud to see the world in a positive light. The glass is always going to be half-full.

Samara: [chuckles] This is another question that I've heard many times. There are many different answers, as I'm sure you know. A glass can be half-full or half-empty, but both do not mean the same. A glass of water can not be full, and not be empty, but can still be enjoyable. It can still serve its purpose.

There are some people who are entirely empty, Shepard. Even some who are entirely full. However, most are half-empty and half-full. They are feeling like they have everything they need, but come to find out later, they don't. Or they want something more, but are refusing to recognize what they do have. Everyone in life is searching for something, and they will not be full until they find it. Some are trying to get rid of something, and they won't be empty until they get rid of it.

I was never full, never fufilled, until my daughter was not harming innocent people. I was never empty of that burden until she was gone. Just as your mission will not be full until the Reapers are gone; likewise, your responsibility and duty will never be empty until they are gone. Half-full and half-empty can be similar, Shepard, but they also can be two entirely different things. I don't think I can say if it is one or the other.

Legion: This unit would not know. Probability that this question is being asked as a pholosophical test to determine geth perception of events 100%. Shepard-Commander, we cannot give the answer you seek.

Why not? Can't you just choose one?

[beep] No.

Just choose one.

The class is half-full.

Thank you. [begins to leave]

Half-empty.