I detected movement out of the corner of my eye and glanced down the Yellow Brick Road to see a black, boxy 1930s automobile coming towards us. I kept my eye on it, expecting it to slow down and grew uneasy when it didn't. I figured it would have looked foolish to create a commotion if in the end the car just past us so I kept quiet. But it continued to drive, not slowing down – in fact it looked to be speeding up….headed directly towards the Witch it seemed.
"Um…" I stepped forwards to be noticed, still unsure of the driver's intentions but it was definitely not stopping – "Hey look out!" I cried at the last moment when I was sure. My mind suddenly flashed back to the earlier crash as the scene replayed in front of me. The Witch stood there like a deer in headlights, her eyes wide and her face rapidly paling as the car sped towards her. I felt like lunging forward to grab the Witch and pull her the hell away but somehow couldn't bring myself to be so bold.
"For Lurine's sake, get out of the way!" screamed Scarecrow who then to everyone's amazement grabbed the Witch around the waist and hauled her backwards just as the car sped past them, the wheels inches from the Witch's toes. We all watched in fearful, curios anticipation as the car stopped, the door opened and a man stepped out dressed in black, cotton pants and a dark demin jacket with the collar crooked. He turned around to face us and I felt my jaw drop in astonishment, my fear evaporating.
"Oh. My. God" I said, deadpan. "You know, you're even worse than those creepy face book guys."
"But how can you're face be a book?" asked Dorothy, looking up at me with her signature innocent, quizzical expression. I just pretended not to hear.
Frex said nothing in response and began marching forwards, his face like a dark cloud, unchanging and pissed as ever. But why is that? What did I do? I slipped my hands into my jeans pockets, trying to feel nonchalant as Frex came rapidly closer, his pale, icy eyes fixed on me…and the Witch.
"Hey uh…." I was trying to find a way to be civil when Frex came in front of me and the Witch. "Um Frex –"
"AHHHH!" screeched the Witch, throwing her hands up as Frex reached into his sleeve and suddenly a wooden 2 by 4 appeared in his clenched fist. It was all happening so quickly, I could hardly comprehend any of it until the moment I heard the swish – crack! Of wood hitting the Witch's raised arms, the shock, knocking her down.
"You bitch!" seethed Frex, towering over the Witch. "Did you really expect to escape from me? After all the crap I've had to put up with?" he gripped the end of the stick with both hands and raised them high above his head like a guy chopping wood. The Witch sat there seemingly stunned in into a stupor, looking up at the stick, blood dripping into her wide, brown eyes and her hands uselessly at her sides, clutching the ground.
I saw a blur of wood as Frex smacked the stick down on the Witch's blanked out head. She jerked at the impact then swayed like a drunkard before flopping sideways onto the dirty, yellow brick. Frex had gotten himself hyped up and now reminded me of a bull with his nostrils flared, the once cold, creepy expression in his eyes replaced by the look of a crazed, deprived maniac. This guy was going to kill her!
"Get up Witch!" he growled, his voice low and contorted with the effort to contain himself. I wasn't sure what to do in this situation. It was against my morals to simply stand by and watch a person get killed…..but then again, this 'person' happened to be a Witch – but still! And so I found myself striding – no. I was running towards the man, my arms outstretched as he raised the stick to strike the Witch again.
"Becky don't!" I heard Dorothy cry as to my horror, I flung myself at Frex, leaning forwards and tackling him around the waist like a foot ball player. We tumbled to forwards, almost landing on the Witch and I fell on top of him, my knees digging into his spleen. The man bucked like a horse, throwing me off.
Where is everyone? I thought frantically. Why aren't they helping?
I glanced around and saw Scarecrow leaning by the Witch, attempting to shake her awake for some reason. Honestly, this would be a lot less complicated if she'd just stay like that. I couldn't see Dorothy or Tinman and Lion was probably loitering around the trees, cowering. That son of a bitch.
I rolled onto my back to see Frex reaching for his stick. Without thinking, I instinctively defended myself, planting my foot into the side of his face, causing him to yelp and jerk backwards. I quickly got to my feet and looked around for my comrades who were finally –
"Lion wait a sec –"
WHACK!
Lion had swung the flat side of Tinman's axe into Frex's head, red spraying onto yellow brick. Frex was knocked out and I stood there, shocked at the Lion's sudden display of courage and horrified that there were now two dead looking bodies with head injuries lying in the middle of a well used national icon of a highway.
"Why the hell did you do that?" I roared in panic and Lion froze, clutching the axe like a child caught doing something they weren't suppose to.
"But I – I thought I was helping." he stuttered in an attempt to be defensive.
"There're two bleeding bodies lying in the middle of a national highway! What're we suppose to do about that?"
"Well why don't we put them in your automobile and drive them –
"NO!" screeched Dorothy, Scarecrow and myself. For a moment we were at a loss, trying to formulate a solution to our predicament. To my distaste, I found myself thinking like a criminal, running through examples of murders and the basic principles used in disposing bodies, how to hide them and such. But then again, one the best ways to get away with something is to be bold – do the unexpected or….or make it look like something else like a burglary or something.
"You know what, I'm going to make this look like a mugging." I declared.
They all looked at me with identical, stunned expressions that under any other circumstance would have been comical. I decided it would be best to ignore them and bent down by Frex who had fallen face down by the curb, blood pooling around his head. But he wasn't dead – I could see him breathing. I knelt down by his legs, refusing to be cowed and slipped my hand into his pants pocket, feeling for loose change or keys or something. I felt my fingers close around a hard, smooth, leathery thing that turned out to be a wallet. This is so classic.
"Do think we should take his ID off him?" I asked, not sure what their reactions would be.
"Um….." said Dorothy to my great surprise. "I…..I guess."
Feeling like a criminal…which I kind of was by now, I opened his wallet, pocketed some paper money and found his driver's licences and health card. I peered at his licence, suddenly curious at the identity of the man who just tried to kill us. His name was Frexpar T. Thropp, Age: 62. I was surprised to find, his driver's license had no magnetic strip on the back. It was just a card with a swirly hologram. Maybe strips were not invented yet.
"Uh Becky." said Scarecrow behind me. "You'd want to look up now."
"What – oh hell." It was Glinda, descending to the ground her pink bubble. Before I could react further, she materialized, dressed in the same outrageous bright pink gown, carrying her wand in her gloved hand.
"Is he here? Am I too late?" she shrieked before catching sight of me. "What the hell is this?" she practically screamed and I cringed.
"Uhhhh…..hi." I said. I tried to imagine what I must have looked like to Glinda, kneeling next to an unconscious, bleeding man and leafing through a wallet.
"Oh my god!" Glinda exclaimed in stunned disbelief. "You're a teenage mugger?"
"No I –"
"And what are they doing?" she motioned to the rest of the crew, standing by at a loss. "And what did you do to the Witch?"
"She like fell out of a tree and got hit in the head twice."
"How did you do that?"
"Not me – it was Frex over here." I motioned towards the man on I was kneeling by and Glinda's eyes went wide as saucers.
"Frexpar Thropp?"
"Err…yeah…" How does everyone knows each other? I wondered when I heard a woman groan behind me. I turned around, wondering if the Witch would be thankful at the sight of her attacker taken out or if she'd go into another one of her unpredictable rages like when we first met in Munchkinland. The Witch had rolled over onto her back, cringing in discomfort and Glinda rushed over to her the best she could under the weight of that ridiculous gown, her face stricken with concern as she knelt down, looking like a giant mass of pink…..fluff. Scarecrow seemed hesitant at first but then walked over and joined Glinda on the ground, his handsome, cloth face set in a sort of quizzical expression.
The Witch opened her eyes halfway and squinted up at Scarecrow.
"Fiyero?" she whispered.
"I don't think so." muttered Scarecrow, exchanging glances with Glinda who peered at him. He quickly looked away, staring down at the Witch so the brim of his hat concealed his face.
As Scarecrow and Glinda helped the Witch into a sitting position, I turned my attention to Frex who still hadn't moved. It was beginning to worry me. I walked over to him and forced myself to inspect the gash on his head. The general outline of the wound was obscured by blood and I really couldn't tell how bad it was. But then again, he was hit in the head by a freaking Lion who swung the flat side an axe into him. I mean people can die from that can't they? I bent over despite my squeamishness. At least Frex was breathing…I think.
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"screeched the Witch and I nearly pissed myself. I must look so bad right now.
I decided to try diplomacy. "I can totally -"
"You again?" the Witch cried like she was sick of me.
"N – Not me." I stuttered, waving my palms in front of me in a pardoning gesture. "It actually wasn't me! It was the Lion."
"I didn't mean to." whimpered the Lion, emerging from behind a tree, wringing his tail.
"Of course you didn't –" began Dorothy when I cut her off.
"You didn't mean to?" I exclaimed in disbelief. "What d' you mean, you didn't mean to? You swung an axe into his head!"
"What are you doing with his wallet?" demanded the Witch, managing to sound accusing even while being helped up by Glinda and Scarecrow.
"I – I thought I was going to make this look like a mugging or something." I replied and quickly stood up, dropping the wallet while the Witch staggered over with uncharacteristic worry on her face. She came beside me, uncomfortably close and peered at Frex, lightly nudging him with her foot. She was wearing black sneakers with laces.
"Shit, how is he not waking up?" the Witch cried. "My brother…."
"Wait, you have a brother –"
"Were you born to plague my life? The Witch shrieked, suddenly whirling around and I recoiled fearfully, shuffling backwards. "You kill my sister, steal my shoes, shoot my eye out then fucking RUN ME OVER and give a godamned half a million dollar debt -"
"WHAT?"squealed Glinda, her voice rising higher than ever.
"This is none of your concern, Glinda." The Witch growled but Glinda pressed on.
"None of my – do you even know how much money that is?"
"Of course I do!"
"Do you? Did you know five years ago, the Quadling Association of E Coli Research managed to raise a hundred thousand dollars in a year? And that was considered an event!" To my amazement, the Witch was stumped, her retaliative demur morphing into shock as the reality of her predicament finally began to dawn on her. She was screwed because of my carelessness in driving.
I awkwardly raised my hand to say, "I'm paying for some of it."
"And we can ask the Wizard!" exclaimed Dorothy.
The situation seemed to have humbled the great Wicked Witch, evoking somewhat honest, unwilling emotions and forcing me to become associated with her in a more mutual manner. I found myself more sympathetic than fearful and more sheepish than sympathetic at the Witch's crisis. Her claim of me plaguing her life was true, I realized. My house landed on her sister – there's no denying that, I'm stuck with her shoes, I carelessly ran her over and gave her the hugest medical bill in history! And I think Frex had lapsed into a coma although I have yet to find out what his relation with the Witch is. Disasters really do bring people close, I decided.
The Witch stood by the body of Frex, hanging her head at a loss. And Scarecrow put a steadying hand on her shoulder.
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