We were called down to the Wizard's throne room late in the evening at about nine o clock.
"Oh isn't this grand!" said Dorothy, her eyes all lit up. "I've never been out this late before – and in a city!"
"Interested in some night life are ya?" said Scarecrow with one of his rare, charming grins.
There actually weren't that many people out which surprised me considering it was only nine in the evening. They seemed rushed, as rushed as they were getting to work that morning. The only people milling about were hobos, a few drunkards, yelling in the street corner and couple of Gale forcers, boarding up a shop entrance. They were spray painting something onto the wood and I made a note to take a look when I passed. Scarecrow crossed the street when we neared them but I still caught sight of the word:
VERRÄTER
"Mean's traitor." said Scarecrow when he saw me staring.
"Oh. Who's the traitor then?"
Scarecrow shrugged. "Another Animal I suppose."
"Serves then right!" declared Tinman cheerfully, without any discretion for Lion stared at him angrily.
The guards at the Emerald Palace made a fuss when we got there, shouting orders, running to notify people of our arrival all while remembering to smile and nod friendlily at us. It was quite impressive.
"The Wizard will see you now." said a breathless guard, planting his seemingly pointless staff on the ground as a kind of salute before leading us to the entrance of the Wizard's Chambers. It reminded me of a green, shiny church entrance…or maybe more like a cathedral. It was a huge, green domed double door with a functioning, decorative handle laced in gold paint or perhaps actual gold? Anyway, it was a hell of a door.
Lion seemed hesitant as the doors opened to a wide, green domed tunnel with a barely visible exit at the other end. We stepped inside on the green floor; the texture of porcelain tiles except it was all one piece. I looked up at the impressive ceiling, the curved, green support beams, carved to become part of the décor with deep, swirly patterns all over them.
"Wait a minute fellas." said Lion.
"Did you forget something?" I asked but then noticed him wringing his tail and the darting look in his eyes. Oh this was unbelievable!
"I – I was just thinking." he continued. "I really don't want to see the Wizard this much. Um m – maybe I'd better wait outside." He began to turn away but Scarecrow held him back.
"What's the matter?" he said although he didn't sound sympathetic.
"Oh he's just scared again." said Tinman but his knees were shaking slightly.
"Don't you know the Wizard's going to give you some courage?" said Dorothy in a coddling voice.
Lion seemed to be shrinking inside and he said. "I – I'd be too scared to ask him for it."
"Lion we scheduled an appointment." I said. "It's kinda late to cancel." To my dismay and disbelief, Lion began to sob like a child on their way to a flu shot.
"I think I'll wait outside." he turned to leave but Dorothy grasped his arm.
"But why?" she asked.
"Because I'm still scared!"
"Lion, if you go through with this, I'll buy you a fucking lollipop or something." I suddenly realized, I was only half joking. Or maybe I'll buy him Bacardi.
The door at the end of the tunnel suddenly gave a creak – or not a creak, a loud groan, almost human. It suddenly flung open with a bang and a low voice called. "COME FORWARD!"
Scarecrow and I exchanged glances, our brows raised while everyone else recoiled in surprise and fear. This really seemed kind of much in my opinion. We ventured forward into the Wizard's throne room…..that was empty. It basically looked like one big, empty lobby with a high platform in the middle with torches surrounding the perimeter. I was about to call out for the Wizard when a projection came flickering into focus, hovering over the platform as…...a giant, bald green head. It was stunningly high resolution to the extent of being disconcerting. The projection was of a skull like face, as if the skin had been shrink-wrapped over the bone, creating sharp cheekbones and a deep, brooding brow that highlighted the colorless eyes, the pupils a making scarily bold contrast to the whites.
I never would have guessed we'd be meeting the Wizard's digital rep. This is going to be some teleconference!
"I AM OZ! THE GREAT AND POWERFUL!" boomed the projection, the voice echoing around the room, making everyone flinch.
"Can you lower the volume?" I shouted, not sure if the speakers could pick my voice.
"YOU DARE SHOUT AT THE WIZARD OF OZ?"
"What – no!" I lowered my voice to speak normally. "Sorry, I wasn't sure if the speakers would -"
"WHO ARE YOU?"
For a moment, I was thrown. Doesn't he know? "Uh, we're that crew…..well we had an appointment."
"SILENCE!"
"Christ, make up your mind." I knew in the back of my mind, that was a dumb thing to say but…some things just need to be said.
"I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ!" said the Great and Powerful Oz's digital rep. "I KNOW WHY YOU HAVE COME! STEP FORWARD TINMAN!"
Tinman crept forward timidly, looking like he was having a seizure, his steps visible shaking and his joints clattering noisily. He was looking up at the Wizard in fearful awe. "Yes your Wizardness?"
"YOU DARE TO COME TO ME FOR A HEART DO YOU? YOU CLINKY, CLANKERING, CLATTERING COLLECTION OF CALIGINOUS JUNK?" flames bust from the torches and I could feel a flash warmth against my face, making me flinch.
"Y – Yes your honour." he stuttered. "See…..a while back we were driving down the yellow brick road and –"
"QUIET!"
Tinman gave a yelp and practically ran back in line, shaking more than ever. I suddenly remembered Scarecrow's words The Wizard is a bloody tyrant!" He seemed so convicted when he said it, a sudden, shocking passion. I looked over at him. He was standing there casually, his hands in his blazer pockets, his knees locked and the brim of his hat ducked slightly but not enough to hide his deadpan face, unchanging and the eyes unfocused and far away. As for Lion…I should have gotten him piss drunk before this. What's the legal drinking age in Oz? I could use a drink.
"AND YOU SCARECROW!" Scarecrow walked forward, not looking up. "YOU HAVE THE AFFRONTORY TO ASK FOR A BRAIN YOU BILLOWING BALE OF BULL WEED BOTHER!"
Scarecrow glared at the Wizard the way a school boy would glare at a bully. "I ask for memories." he seethed, his hands clenched in his pockets. "For personal records and documents of my life -"
"ENOUGH!"
"Motherfucker." muttered Scarecrow, marching back to us. I stared at him questioningly but he didn't look up.
"AND THE LION?" The Lion as if Lion was a thing. Lion whimpered and instead of bolting out of there actually shuffled forwards. "WELL?"
Then oh shit! The bastard fainted, dropped backwards as if the life had been sucked out of him…..what if it was a heart attack? It seemed unlikely for he was a young guy but stranger things have happened, the whole of Oz was just one weird ass collection of weirder ass people and places. I peered down at Lion. He just fainted.
"How could you?" shouted Dorothy, shocking everyone. "Frightening him when he came to you for help!"
"SILENCE WHIPPERSNAPPER!" Dorothy recoiled as fire burst from torches. It was starting to smell like gasoline. "THE BENEFICENT OZ HAS EVERY DESIRE TO GRANT YOUR WISHES!"
"Then what the fuck was all of that?" I stood up furiously. "I wouldn't be surprised if you turned out to be a tyrant –"
"QUIET INCOMPETENT GIRL! IF YOU WANT TO GET HOME –"
"Actually I have one more request." Everyone stared at me curiously, even Lion who woke up. "I wish for five hundred thousand dollars." I wish for five hundred thousand dollars. I sound like a kid in a fairytale.
The projection paused for a moment. "AN EXTORTIONIST!" he bellowed and I shrugged. "BUT FIRST YOU MUST PROVE YOURSELVES WORTHY BY PERFORMING A VERY SMALL TASK."
"Like community service?" I asked and was ignored. Again.
"BRING ME THE BROOMSTICK OF THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST!"
I stared at him in shock, speechless in disbelief then sudden impending anger. He's just like Glinda! Why hell would he want to send us? Two kids, a failed, hypervigilant Lion, and two talking statues that were as good as citizens. And the rat dog.
Tinman seemed as shocked as I was and began to stutter. "B - b - but we'll have to kill her to get it!"
"And why do need a Witch's broom?" I shouted.
The projection hesitated for a split second. "THAT IS NONE OF YOUR CONCERN!"
"It's every concern to us if we're the ones getting it! And why would you send us? Don't you have a military or something?"
"LEAVE!"
"And if we'll fail, it'll be your loss and you'll be left to explain how 'the great saviours' died –"
"THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ SAID LEAVE!"
"You didn't even bother to show up yourself and left us with your digital rep –"
I felt a sudden impact as if someone punched me in the chest and we were all literally flung out the door, landing on our backs. Thank god I'm sixteen. I groaned and sat up, ignoring the tightness in my chest.
I wonder if the Witch keeps extra brooms.