TOW the stewardess
nope don't own anything
Scene: airport, Ross & Rachel are there
Ross: so . . .
Rachel: yea . . . .
(both sigh)
Ross: we should talk
Rachel: ugh you are such a girl with your constant need for talking
Ross: well if it wasn't for that then I'd still be in the dark and thinking we're getting married
Rachel: we are in a public place right now so can we save this conversation until we're home
Ross: you mean the home we share as a couple because I think that ship has sailed
Rachel: I never once said I didn't want to be your girlfriend or live with you
Ross: but!
Rachel: Ross so help me I will kill you, you infuriate me!
Ross: oh well at least I can still instill some emotions in you, they're not positive emotions but whatever
Rachel: alright I tried to be nice but screw that, for months I tried to tell you my feelings and you didn't listen, Ross if I lit a bomb under you while screaming out that I didn't want to get married you wouldn't have listened!
Lady sitting next to Rachel: bomb? . . . these people have a bomb, someone call the police, they have a bomb!
(police come and drag Ross & Rachel away)
opening credits
Scene: jail cell, Ross & Rachel are there & everyone else enters
Rachel: how did you know we're in here?
Chandler: it wasn't difficult when we could hear Ross crying like a baby
Phoebe: and seeing him being dragged away kicking and screaming was kind of self explanatory
Rachel: it doesn't matter, you're going to bail us out and this nightmare will be over
Monica: apparently we can't do that, you have to be interrogated first
Chandler: you sure they didn't say water boarded? (Rachel tries to attack Chandler through the bars of the cell) hey this is fun, um Ross I think I can now tell you I really feel about paleontology
Joey: dude stop the man is broken
Ross: thanks Joey
Joey: oh and Rachel, when you're in there talking to the police just give them a peak at your ladies and you'll be fine . . . maybe actually just take your top off to be sure
Ross: what about me!
Phoebe: don't worry, I think officer Miguel there is gay so flirt your little apparent heterosexual ass off
Ross: how'd you know that?
Phoebe: I offered him a night of Phoebe love in return for you two and he turned me down!
Monica: oh and guess what, we have great news the hurricane warning's been removed
Rachel: so we can fly home
Monica: no (pointing at her, Chandler, Joey & Phoebe) we can fly home, you have to sort out this mess and then they'll put you on the next available flight home
Ross: so you're just going to leave us here!
Monica: guys this isn't easy for us
Phoebe: until they upgraded us to first class, then it was pretty easy
Rachel: Ross turns out we do have something in common, a shared hatred for these so-called friends
Phoebe: alright so we'll be off and good luck you two
Joey: hey guys remember what I told you (they all begin to leave) and Ross FYI that face you're making right now needs to be twice as sexy (Ross grimaces) better
Scene: plane, Monica & Chandler are sitting next to each other, as is Joey & Phoebe
Monica: sweetie can we talk?
Chandler: hold on one second, stewardess I need more champagne, god I love first class, how come you never bring me champagne at home
Monica: do we even own any champagne
Chandler: exactly, why don't we own any!
Monica: because you don't like it
Chandler: I like it when its free and being served to me by Michelle
Monica: you know the stewardess's name!
Chandler: hey you think we could get you one of those uniforms
Monica: would I have to serve you champagne in it?
Chandler: of course, my fantasies always have to be accurate
Monica: can we please talk now!
Chandler: peanuts
Monica: what!
Chandler: Michelle, can I have more peanuts please?
Joey: hey dude you're married
Monica: thank you Joey!
Joey: yea so back off, you're dating life is over, Michelle is mine
Phoebe: hey! She maybe interested in the charms of a lady
Stewardess: is everything alright for all of you
Chandler, Joey & Phoebe: (all staring at her) oh yes
Scene: jail cell, Rachel's there & Ross enters
Rachel: how'd it go?
Ross: turns out officer Miguel is actually gay, unfortunately my flirting was a bit too full on
Rachel: please you couldn't be full on with a dinosaur!
Ross: hey I was desperate, did you take your top off?
Rachel: hey I'm a lady!
Ross: please
Rachel: and I wasn't able to because of the handcuffs
Ross: well if you were willing to placate my sexual fantasies then you would have had a lot of practice with handcuffs
(policeman enters)
Officer: alright we have ascertained that you did not in fact have an incindiary device
Rachel: fantastic next flight to New York please good sir
Officer: unfortunately your release has to be sanctioned by my boss in Washington, it could be awhile
Ross: but we're innocent
Rachel: as in innocent till proven guilty
Officer: here we work by the mantra guilty till proven innocent
Ross: you just said we're innocent
Officer: oh you are . . . just not officially yet
Rachel: this isn't fair!
Officer Miguel: welcome to the United States sweet cheeks
Ross: do you know as to who's cheeks he was referring to? (Rachel stares at him angrily) what he could have been talking about mine!
Scene: Ross's apartment, Rachel & Ross enter
Rachel: so we're finally home
Ross: (sarcastic) yippee
Rachel: so I'm going to go to bed. . . . where should I sleep?
Ross: (sad) I don't know
Rachel: should I even stay here?
Ross: this is your home too
Rachel: is it?
Scene: Monica & Chandler's apartment, Rachel enters
Chandler: hey if it isn't my favorite felon
Monica: Rach honey you ok? Have you been crying?
Rachel: I think Ross and me are over, can I stay here? (Monica goes to hug her)
Closing credits
Scene: Monica & Chandler's bedroom, Monica enters dressed in an air stewardness uniform
Chandler: oh yea, this is going to be great
Monica: (seductive) well hello sir, my name is Monica I'll be helping you throughout this ride, careful there could be some turbulence
Chandler: oh I think I can handle the turbulence, may I have some champagne?
Monica: certainly (pours out a drink for him)
Chandler: that's not champagne!
Monica: I know its lemonade, looks similar though doesn't it (Chandler looks sad) what?
Chandler: well it kind of wrecks the whole fantasy, guess we'll just have to have regular sex now (sighs) my life is so crappy