disclaimer - I do not own any of the publicly recognised characters or plot however everything else, including the laptop it was written on is mine. no copyright infringement intended.

i do not have a BETA so i apologise now for ay slight mistakes, please don't point them out, i am in fact aware there will be some there.

so here's chapter 1, hope you like it.

Chapter 1 –

The day I found out Angela Weber had died was possibly one of the most depressing days that I had ever experienced, and I mean I go to high school so most days are depressing. This day though, Principle Tanner called an assembly instead of first period, lucky us you might think, but if you heard his painfully monotone voice you wouldn't. The assembly was a lot of things, but boring was not one of them.

"Students, staff, I'm aware that this is cutting into valuable learning time however I have some news that will affect the whole school," he started and at which time the ears of the full student body perked up "Angela Weber, a good student and dear friend to many committed suicide this weekend"

The full hall gasped, a few strangled cries sounded and I heard even a squeal.

But the most shocking part was, she committed suicide on Friday night and yet not a single student at the school knew. Trust me if you knew this school like I did, all it would take was for one person to find out and within hours so would the rest of it. Small town remember?

Surely one of her friends would have been to her house, or rang her mobile to find out if she was hanging out this weekend? Her parents must have said she was out of town.

The rest of the day was full of whispers, rumours and questions. Why would Angela Weber commit suicide? I bet it was her parents fault, they were strict, I bet it was that guys fault, you know the senior she hung out with last year. Everyone had their own theories but nobody knew the truth.

Neither did I. Well, 2 weeks later when I got home from school that is.

I drove home that night in my Volvo, like normal. I drove up my drive at a sensible speed so my parents wouldn't freak, like normal. I pated Delilah's roof as I got out, like normal and I walked up my porch steps, like normal. Today however I did not walk through the door straight away like normal, I stopped to pick up the large brown paper wrapped box addressed to me.

Edward Cullen
Carlton House
Forks
Washington State

Being that it was my birthday last week it made sense to imagine that it was a late gift from my great aunt or something and so I ran into my room and opened before you could have even said 'Happy Birthday Edward'. Inside I found a bunch of cassette tapes, the ones where you had to manually wind them to the beginning. Thank god for technology I say, they are a pain in the ass.

To say I was disappointed was an understatement.

However I suppose thinking back now, anything would have been and improvement on what they actually were.

Being that my mother was a complete pack rat, I managed to find an old cassette player in the garage, again looking back now I would give anything to have not found one. However I'm a teenage boy and the prospect of a gift, no matter how lame, ensured that I searched high and god damn low for that cassette player.

Maybe they have found some old school music that I don't yet own in my vast collection or maybe its old family recordings. Apparently not.

I found that cassette 1, side A was already at the end. How irritating. So when I had eventually rewound the whole thing I pressed play and sat back on my bed ready to be surprised.

Well Angela I suppose you didn't disappoint in that respect. See this is where I got thoroughly confused. Angela Weber was dead, everyone knew that. Obviously, because I'm quite intellectual and initially thought that this package had come to the wrong address however she soon told me this was not the case.

"Hello listeners, it's Angela Weber here, well you probably know that already considering if you're listening to this at some point in your life you have spoken to me, or at least heard my voice and therefore you recognised it... or maybe not, in that case, yes this is Angela, you know, the dead girl, the one who committed suicide, blah blah."

Angela Weber, the dead girl? So she knew she was going to kill herself before she made these? What the fuck?

I pressed play again, feeling slightly more nauseous.

"You're probably confused right now, so let me clear it up for you. Yes, I am dead, yes, I committed suicide, and yes I recorded these tapes prior to said suicide to let certain people know just why I did it, and their part to play in it."

Fuck.

"I imagine you're asking yourself if you were a reason now right? Well if you are listening to these tapes then indeed you are. Woah woah, before you turn them off and throw them into the trash you should hear something first. This is NOT the only copy of these tapes, I've trusted one other person with a copy and a list of who to keep an eye on. So if they believe you are not listening and passing them on to the next person on the tapes they WILL release them to the public: school, my parents, the press, everyone. Do you want your dirty secrets out? I didn't think so."

This had to be some kind of joke right? I mean she didn't actually do a suicide note, in tapes? She would not be that cruel. I was totally being punked right? I do not have to live with this for the rest of my life?

Holy shit, I feel sick .

I never remembered Angela to be a cruel person, she always smiled in the hallway, got good grades? Apparently not.

And for the love of god what had I ever done to her? I have spoken to her maybe three times in my entire life and even those were non-substantial small talk to fill in the hours of food tech. Apparently not. Apparently I'm the kind of guy who does things to make people commit suicide.

Fuck, I'm a murdered.

No, this is bullshit, I mean sure I had never gone out of my way to talk to her but its high school, everyone has their own clicks and Angela just wasn't in mine, I was never cruel to her.

I do not deserve this.

When I eventually calmed down enough to even think about pressing play I told myself that I would listen to what she has to say, even though the thought made me feel ill, I would listen to find out what happened. And of course to make sure the world didn't find out I had a part to play in the suicide of Angela Weber. Fuck.

"So I know the majority of you are thinking, 'like hell I deserve to be here' but have you ever heard of the snowball effect? One thing happens, which leads to another, then another and eventually it's like a pile of snow the same size as a human and the width of a baby whale. Well that's exactly what happened to me, little shitty things happened and eventually I was being hit in the face with a snowball that completely engulfed me."

Why did nobody see this happening?

"I suppose I should start at the beginning, by that I mean the very beginning in which had the rest of my high school years been so epically shitty would not even hold the remotest bit of significance in my life but it did and this person was the creator of our snowball, that handful of snow straight in my gut."

Please, please don't be me, I'm not ready for this yet.

"Have any of you ever had a friend, a friend you were so close to that you practically called them family, maybe not the guys but for us girls, we call them soul sisters. I had a soul sister, actually you all know her. Bella Swan, or 'Smella' as she was once to me, you're up sweetie."

I had never in four years at high school seen Bella swan and Angela Weber exchange anymore that phatic talk so hearing her name was certainly a surprise. Even more so if you knew Bella Swan, a 5ft6 brunette, huge doe eyes, and an innocence that put toddlers to shame. She was a cheerleader, student body president and all around good person. Not one of these blonde bimbo's you expect in a cheer uniform just a beautiful chilled girl with enough patience for the entire school. I had biology with her, we also ran in similar circles of friends and so I seen her at parties and such, admittedly I didn't know her like a 'soul sister' would but I know her well enough to know she would not hurt a fly.

"So Bella I guess you don't know why you are on here right? Let me help you. We were best friends – for all of you who didn't go through middle school with us – spent every waking moment in each other's pockets. Her dad is the chief of police and mine the towns priest so obviously they had mutual respect for each other. They use to fish together years ago and so me and Bella were pushed together at the age of 7, much to our delight. And so started our childhood friendship. Role playing, tea parties, scraped knees and first kiss's we experienced them all while with each other.

I bet the rest of you are wondering what happened right? Why on earth would two people who were such good friends never been seen together throughout high school? Well so am I."

Does this mean Bella has already had the tapes? Did she get them the day Angela died? I tried to remember back over the past couple of weeks to see if I could recall any changes in Bella. She cried the day Angela died, but so did the rest of the student body so that can't have been too much of a giveaway. There was the time in biology last week when someone mention Angela's name and she stiffened, I swear I ever saw tears in her eyes but again that was to be expected, a death in a small town like ours has a long lasting effect. The only other difference is, would be the tiredness in her eyes, quite often over the past fornight people have commented that she looked overly tired however as a cheerleader, student body president, straight A student and with recent events she couldn't get much sleep.

Maybe though it was these tapes, if her name comes up first then surely she received them first, surely Bella has been keeping this secret for two weeks without telling a soul, not even me when she knew soon I'd be receiving them too.

Well that stung.

Instead of dwelling on Bella Swans actions, or there lack off I pressed play again to find out their story.

"What did happen Bella? Because the last time I remember any significant conversation with you was the morning we started at forks high when we talked about the things we would do, how we were going to try out for all the teams, how we would be in the same tutor hour, how we would finally meet boys who were worth even a little bit of our time and how we would be best friends forever. Alright for you Bella, you had the cheerleading squad, boy after boy dying to date you and too many friends to count, to many to remember me that's for sure. I remember when it started of course, the distancing I mean, you got a different lunch hour to me which of course sucked for us but it was easily worked around, we had the same English hour! Wanna know the day that really sticks out as when things were never the same? I bet you know already, I bet you thought about it as soon as your name came up didn't you? It was in the second week at forks high, you had already gotten on the cheerleading team, sure you were in the back but you still got in, whereas I hadn't even applied because without you by my side I was too scared. This day I had come to one of forks high Spartans football games, more to see you cheer than to watch the game, you know how much I hate football. You were amazing Bella, full of spirit and I knew that you were changing, you were becoming 'miss Suzie high school' without me."

I remember the first time I ever saw Bella cheer, she was in fact the most amazing creature to watch in the world.

"I was still hopeful though, you would still be my friend, no way would my soul sister Bella abandon me. But you did, didn't you? After the game I came running up to you in the crowd and you smiled at me through all the surrounding admirers started to walk over before you were snatched buy a boy and taken off to the after party, in which I was not invited. Why wasn't I invited Bella? I know you asked them if I could come, I heard you, but the girl who's house it was at, Lauren, said 'oh Bella, don't be silly, this party is exclusive, for cool people only' and you know what, you didn't even argue. After that day Bella things got worse and worse. We stopped hanging out after school, you stopped calling, Bella you never ever came to watch a single of my recitals, I'm a grade 8 piano player now you know, my parents were so proud. So there you have it Bella, that's your snowball, how does it feel to know you made your best friend seem completely expendable and in turn cause a chain of effects that completely destroyed what was meant to be the best four years of my life? Like I said before, if this was a single event it would not even be significant, but it isn't, and therefore it's not. You can turn over the tape now listener, get ready to hear a story about harassment in the work place"

I couldn't believe it, poor Angela, and actually poor Bella. She was 14 and trying to make her way through a wilderness much scarier than anything with lions, tigers and bears. High school was lethal and it sounded like Bella was doing everything to survive.

It was understandable, Angela's bitterness I mean, if my best friend had completely fucked me off like that I would be upset too. When your 14 everything seems much scarier and without a support system sometimes you can be overtaken by all the pressure.

Just like Angela.

That night I couldn't sleep for shit, I had chickened out of listening to the next side of the tape just in case it was me and I wanted just to live one more day without the knowledge of how I ruined someone's life.

Of course the next morning I kept a vigilant eye on Bella, trying to notice anything different in the way she was acting. But nothing, just the same old tired eyes that had been around since Angela's death.

In biology later that day I asked her how she was doing, to which I could the reply "same old, same old Edward".

Surely this tiredness meant she had gotten the tapes already, they were obviously going in order of who comes up on the tapes.

And so I spent the last 2 hours of school fidgeting, dying to get home and find out just who else had played a part in the suicide of Angela Weber.

love, hate? let me know, thankyou for taking to time to read it.