Hey guys, thanks for all the positive remarks! I haven't answered any of your questions, but I think they'll pretty much all be answered in this chapter here. Just try to keep an open mind, yeah? Thanks :D
This is unbeta-ed, just BTW. Every mistake goes to me, not NixiexGrey.
If you're bored, check out my original novel on inkpop(dot)com! Yes, it's back up, but it's undergone a makeover. Its new title is obscurity, and a few things have changed. Hopefully you can find it, read it, like it and comment/pick! Thanks :D
Okay, blahblahblah, shut up. I'm done now. :] Enjoy.
P.S.: The lines that are italicized and in brackets are song lyrics. Kudos if you can name all the songs they're from. ;]
The clock had just flipped to 11:07 PM when a knock sounded on her door. She heaved a deep breath and called, "Who is it?", too tired to get out of bed and turn on a light.
When awkward silence met her question, she knew.
[I see it all now that you're gone]
"I really don't want to talk to you. Like, at all. Go away before I find my seraph blades."
There was another short silence, then an abrupt jiggling sound followed by a click. Soft yellow light from the hall spilled onto her carpet, silhouetting the one person she really, really, really didn't want to see.
"Just a note," he drawled, "if you want to keep people out, use a Mark." He flipped his stele around lazily and jammed it back into his pocket.
She sat up quickly and hugged the blankets to her shoulders. "I live with people who respect my privacy," she responded shortly.
Jace flicked on the room light and was reclining comfortably in her desk chair by the time her eyes had adjusted. She honestly had no idea how to respond, so she just watched him fiddle with a loose string on his sleeve. The silence stretched on and on until he finally looked up, the thread dropping from his hand.
"I found him," he told her, voice low. His eyes suddenly burned with intensity, and she was struck again by how much he resembled an avenging angel. "I found Jonathan. I'd said he had survived, and he had. I found him."
Her brother. She turned away, again unsure of how to respond. He kept talking though, seemingly unable to stop.
"I found him in Russia, hiding under an alibi and fake looks in the local Institute. I thought I could flush him out, but I was too rash - he saw me and ran before I could move in. I had to track him again, and I got all the way to Venezuela with a forged passport. He was in a tiny hut in the middle of the rainforest. He ran again, tipped off by one of his spies. But I got him in Indonesia, Clary, I got him. I managed to corner him after weeks and weeks, and I - I got him for Max. I got him for Hodge, I got him for Mom and Father and Alec and Isabelle and - Angel, I just..." He broke off there, meeting Clary's gaze again. "I killed him. I plunged a blade straight through his heart. He's gone, Clary, forever."
His intense stare brought her own eyes back to his face, and she watched the conflicting emotions dance across his features as the electrically charged silence played out between them. She heard his words, registered them, even filed them away for later examination. But in this one moment, they were sliding off her like raindrops off a car's windshield. They weren't sinking in.
"I don't care," she told him evenly. And she didn't. She didn't care that it had taken him across the globe. She didn't care that Jonathan was gone, and with him the last threat to her and her loved ones. She didn't care that Jace was back, because to be honest, too many things had changed. She didn't care about anything but one last, unresolved issue.
[Six feet under, screaming, but no one seems to hear a thing]
"You don't care?" Jace looked surprised."How can you not care that lives were repaid, and that you can sleep safely now? How can you not care that Jonathan is gone, taking Valentine's last claim to the earth with him?" His voice was steadily rising now. "How can you not care that those sick, twisted experiments that Valentine conducted are gone? How can you not care - "
"Because you threw me away!" she shouted back at him, exploding. "Because you decided that you were good enough to wing it on your own, leaving me behind for four years - four years - while you hunted down my brother, whom I had every right to hunt with you! You decided that you weren't going to listen to me, and that you just wanted to become the glorified hero again, alone and tragically unwanted like every other damn history textbook hero there is, and that there was no freaking way that you would even consider me coming along." Clary took a deep breath, hating the shuddering quality it had to it. "You decided to kill my brother by yourself without even consulting me, and you ran away after a year and a half of settling down. But the worst part is that I could feel that you weren't satisfied, and that you weren't happy with what you had, and that you wanted something else. You weren't happy with New York City and your family - you wanted to go hunt down my brother instead. We were both eighteen, both legally adults, but just because we're adults doesn't mean we can do whatever we want. Just because I'm an adult doesn't mean it didn't hurt."
[Because when a heart breaks, no it don't break even]
Jace was just sitting there looking shell-shocked, looking as if the whole world had decided to turn against him once again, and she hated him for it. He wasn't the only one hurt in this situation - he probably had it the best in the whole crowd. She hated him for his attitude, his laissez-faire thinking, his masochistic, self-burdening, unreliable, promise-breaking, untrustworthy, horrible personality. She hated him, and she was going to let him know it.
"I wake up that morning and find the whole Institute panicking, Izzy shaking my shoulders to get me awake and Alec tearing through the whole building looking for signs that you really didn't leave. Robert had a slip of paper in his hands that he kept reading and re-reading as Maryse cried on Max's bed, talking about how she'd lost one child to Jonathan already and that she couldn't lose another one. As soon as I woke up Izzy disappeared, muttering something about Simon's house and Magnus's tracking skills. And your note!" Clary considered smacking him across the face a few times, but contented herself with just getting up to pace about the room.
"Clary - "
"Shut. Up."
[I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do?]
"Your note - Angel, all it said was some crap about chasing Jonathan, and a sarcastic bit about not expecting you for dinner. Sarcasm. Really, Jace, what was so funny about the situation? Because we sure as hell didn't find anything even remotely funny about the idiotic scheme you had decided on. And not only that, but you didn't even have the integrity to tell us to our faces, then leave after we said goodbye! Goddammit, Jace, you know Izzy, Alec, Simon, Magnus and I would have insisted on going with you! You could have taken at least one of us along! We were sick with worry - Maryse literally came down with the flu, and Isabelle just couldn't stop crying! What was going through your mind?"
"Enough." Jace had stood up as well by that time, and his knuckles were white as he clutched the back of her chair. "I did what I had to do, and I wasn't going to take anyone along and endanger their lives."
"But it's okay if you endanger yours?" She threw her hands out in exasperation. "I don't understand how you are okay with hurting the rest of us by basically committing suicide, but aren't okay with the fact that we'd willingly go on a death mission with you to help and ensure that all of us came back alive!"
"Ensure?" he echoed. "Oh, of course, since every time Shadowhunters go out, they all come back."
"You know what I mean!" The anger was breaking out after four years being held back in a dam, making her voice go higher and crack with her frustration. She slammed a fist down on her bureau in an effort to release some of it. "You just ran off without telling us! How could we know if you'd survive, much less come back any time! We didn't know if you'd even return! You can't run off and shed every responsibility you had - "
"What, like walking the dog?"
"Like us, Jace!" Her tears were hot and surprising as they fell. "I was hurt, and I was scared. Jace, you left us. You made us feel like we weren't important enough to be consulted, to be told, to be taken along. I was so, so scared."
"No, Clary - I did it because - you understand why I did it, don't you?"
[Just gonna stand there and watch me burn]
"I understand what you're telling me, but I don't understand how you could come to that conclusion! You're not the only one who's been in dangerous situations, and you're certainly not the only one who's qualified enough to take on Jonathan! I can't believe you thought that doing this would be okay! How did you think we'd react?"
"Definitely not like this!" he shot back. "I did this because I love you all."
She knew how hard it must have been for him to say those words, but she felt no sympathy for him. "You love us?" She gave a short, wholly unamused laugh. "Doesn't feel like it."
Silence.
"Clary..."
"God, Jace..." She felt her voice get thicker and shift into the now-familiar crying tone. "You just don't understand."
"No, I don't." He took a deep, audible breath and let it out, locking his fingers behind his head. "You know I love you. You know I loved you back then too."
She fought back the urge to laugh again. "I knew back then. But now..." She shrugged. "Now, I don't love you back. I physically, emotionally, mentally, just can't."
[You were always hard to hold]
"What else did you expect?" Alec was standing at the opposite end of the room, arms crossed and leaning against the doorframe. Jace could practically feel the animosity running off his form like water gushing down a cliffside. It hurt unexpectedly, especially since they could both feel that their close parabati bond was gone.
"I don't know... just not this. I thought you guys would understand."
"Don't get us wrong, it's a good mission. You know we would've agreed with you. But you didn't give us a chance to do anything. You just... left."
"I know, and I'm sorry - I wasn't thinking correctly. But I don't get why Clary is so mad." Jace felt like throwing something out the window. Maybe the clock that was ticking annoyingly in the background.
"Jace. Stop." Alec's eyes cut deep into his own. "Don't brush over this. Do you honestly know why you should be sorry - why we're angry with you?"
"I..."
"Put yourself in our shoes for a second, please." Alec was calm, soothing, even with everything at hand. "Imagine that, God forbid, Clary had just run off like that with nothing but a note in her place. How would you feel?"
Jace didn't want to do this, didn't want to undergo this touchy-feely therapist routine with Alec, didn't want to get emotional before understanding the dilemma in front of him. But Alec's gaze urged him gently, told him to wait a little and think. So he did.
"I'd be... angry." How could Clary dare to leave without asking him to come. "And unwanted." Would she leave him because she didn't want to travel with him, spend time with him? His brow furrowed as he threw himself into his imagination's grasp. "And hurt. And... scared."
"Scared for what?" Alec's voice was understanding, soft. There was no bitterness hidden away.
"Scared that she'd get hurt. Scared that she wouldn't come back. Scared for me, and the future."
Alec nodded. "I think you've found your answer."
"Are you sure that's him?"
"Positive, sir."
"You realize we have no room for mistakes."
"Yes, sir."
"If you're wrong, both our heads are going to roll."
"Yes, sir. I swear he is the one, sir."
"... Very well then. Have a team on standby."
"Yes, sir. Good night, sir."
"Yes, yes... good night, Stricklander."
One mystery down, a few more to go.
Review?
P.S.: Yeah, my formspring account is back up. Same as always. Forget the URL? Check out my fanfiction author page: the link is right there.