It's been ages, and life is kicking my ass. I'm sorry guys, I really am. I hope this UD makes up for it. It's short, but I think you'll have a lot to chew over at the end.
The only warning that they had was the cat. Church burst into the library first, finding Clary and Isabelle comfortably reading. He meowed insistently at them, flicking his tail imperiously when they started to follow. Leading them to the elevator, Isabelle saw them first.
"Mom, Dad!" She rushed to their side, giving them huge hugs before taking their bags. Maryse and Robert gave her slightly pained smiles, eyes taking in the familiar scene of the Institute. Seeing Clary standing in the corner, Maryse reached out for her in a silent show of support. Clary hugged the older woman tightly, closing her eyes.
Death and loss had softened the sharp edges of Maryse and Robert Lightwood, making them seem more human and less Shadowhunter than before. They were still quite formidable, but Clary felt better somehow, more welcome in their presence. However, it had taken a horrible price to bring about the results, and that price was apparent every day.
Stepping back, Maryse looked toward the hall. "Where are they?" she asked quietly, Robert placing a hand on her shoulder for comfort. Izzy shifted from one foot to the other, feeling awkward with no answer to offer and memories flooding from every side. They were spared from further silence when Alec strode down the hall, Church at his side. Greetings were exchanged, hugs given, and the old feeling of completeness returned to Clary.
"And of course, no one cares about the plus one," a dry voice said from behind them. Everyone turned to look at Jace, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. His expression was guarded.
"Jace..." Robert's voice was half-shock, half-wonder. "So you are back."
He spread his arms wide, standing straighter. "In the flesh."
"Jace." Izzy scowled at him.
Jace opened his mouth. "I don't - "
"Young man," Maryse started, her old edge making a comeback, "if you think that the four years you've added onto your age gives you the right to mouth off to me, you'd better run before I decide to set you straight. Got it?"
There was no response to that. Jace looked rather shocked, not to mention abashed.
Oh, family reunions. There was something to be said about them.
Clary felt bad about leaving the night that Maryse and Robert had arrived, but they'd shooed her out of the Institute. With things to unpack, items to organize, memories to recall and lives to settle back into, the couple had enough on their hands to not notice an absence. So when the clock struck eight, Clary was gently pushed to the elevator and out the door, the chill of the winter wind searing through her jacket and raising goosebumps. She sighed, smiled a little, then set off down the street, making her way over to a small cafe a few blocks over. When she opened the door, she was met with welcome warmth and the sight of Ryan sitting in a booth with a mug of hot coffee in front of him.
"Hi," she said breathlessly, dropping into her seat.
"Hello," he responded, giving her a brilliant smile. "I've already ordered your hot chocolate for you; it should be out shortly."
"Thanks," she said, returning the smile. "Sorry I'm late, Izzy's parents came back from Europe."
"Ah, finally back, are they?" Ryan asked rhetorically, brows furrowing. "How long has it been?"
"A few years. They checked in every few months, though."
"Personally?"
"Through letters."
"That's... rather impersonal."
"That's the way their family works. Don't worry," she added quickly, seeing his expression. "They love each other very much. They just don't feel the need to be all touchy-feely."
"Well... all right. Alec is an adult, and was when they left, so I suppose it was all right."
"It was," Clary said, mild exasperation entering her tone. As a waiter appeared and set her hot chocolate down in front of her, she realized yet again that Ryan had an overprotective side that came out through words, not actions.
Better than punching everyone that touches you, whispered a small voice. Like Jace did when -
"Uh, so..." Clary spoke up hastily, blocking out that troublesome voice. "How are classes at the university going?"
"Brilliantly. My Economics class is really taking off, and the Business Management sector gets more exciting every day..." Ryan's goal was to work his way to the Chief Financial Officer position of the company he was currently working for, and seeing as he was only a step above internship, he had a ways to go. Clary had faith in him though. She knew what a steady, dependable kind of person he was. If he wanted something, he'd get it. If not soon, then eventually.
As opposed to being so impatient he dies in line at Starbucks? the snide little voice asked her. Because when we look at Jace -
"Wow, that's interesting," Clary blurted out, doing the best she could at distracting herself. Ryan gave her a funny look.
"Are you all right, Rissi? I think you're kind of out of it."
"What? Me? No, why?"
"Because I was talking about the coffee machine getting stuck at the campus cafe. That's not interesting; in fact, it's rather annoying."
Clary took a sip of her drink, cheeks flushing. "Oops. Sorry."
"No, it's fine. I'm just worried. Are you tired?"
"Not really. I'm fine, really. I was just spacing."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Ryan." She rolled her eyes and giggled.
Well, the man's persistent. Just like Jace when he's faced with something he wants -
God, it was never going to go away.
"Rissi? Come on, attention back here. Are you sure you don't want to sleep or anything?"
"I really doubt sleep can solve this problem," she grumbled.
"Sorry?"
"Oh, nothing," she said quickly, looking back up into Ryan's confused face. Confusion suited him well, she decided. He was incredibly cute.
"Rissi, if you want to go back home to rest, it's fine with me. I have some classwork I have to catch up on anyway, so..."
"I - no, Ryan..."
"Clarissa."
Clary sighed, knowing the determined tone of voice that he used right then. It meant he was going to hold his ground until she dropped the subject. "Well, I have been feeling a little under the weather," she said slowly. His face looked slightly relieved at that, as if glad that their relationship wasn't splintering apart. No, it was just the flu.
"Okay, let's get you back to your flat. Can you go back yourself, or do I get to see the infamous, mysterious living quarters of Clarissa Fray?"
She winced. Although in jest, that question really hit the nail on the head. "I think I'm fine," she said, hating every moment of the lie. "I'll get there, don't worry about it."
"Rissi, you know I worry."
"Yes, it's your favorite habit." Both of them stood up, Clary standing on her tippy-toes to smooth out the worry lines etched on his forehead. He leaned a little further down and placed a soft kiss on her lips, withdrawing fairly soon. Her cheeks flushed anyway.
"We'll talk tomorrow, if you're well enough to give me a ring." Ryan gave her a small wink.
"I'll keep my cell phone close and call you first thing tomorrow," she promised. "Good night, Ryan."
"Good night, Rissi."
They parted ways, Clary's mind filled with one question and one question only.
Since when did she start comparing Jace and Ryan?
Robert was rediscovering the library, Alec was out with Magnus, Jace was God-knows-where, Isabelle had just finished talking with Maryse and was now cooking, and Clary was sitting in the greenhouse when Maryse found her. Sitting down next to the younger woman, she was silent and completely calm. Clary started the discussion with a simple, "I went out with Ryan tonight."
Maryse nodded. "Did you have fun?"
"I don't know."
"Why not?"
"Because I thought about Jace most of the time." Maryse Lightwood was one of those people who could call bullshit from miles away, so Clary had learned a long time ago that there was no point in lying or obscuring the truth.
Maryse nodded again. "That's to be expected. He just came back."
"But... I don't want him here," Clary said, voice frustrated. "I just got used to everything, especially him being gone. He can't just walk back into our lives like nothing happened, not after everything that did happen."
The older woman stayed silent, absorbing her words. This was probably why Clary liked their talks so much - Maryse didn't spout out false comfort or talk over her with hopeless advice. She stopped to think about what Clary was saying, and genuinely tried to help. Clary was glad they'd gotten past the awkward stage of their acquaintance.
"I think you're still hurt about what happened after," Maryse said finally, getting straight to the point. "It's understandable, of course, but you must be careful not to hold a grudge."
Clary immediately caught onto what she was trying to say. "I have every right to be hurt!" she cried. "He should have been there for me, for us, and he wasn't because he went on some wild chase without offering to take all of us along!"
"And what if he had?" Maryse countered, voice still soothing. "Do you think you could have survived the ordeal in a foreign country, without me or Jocelyn to help you? What about Luke and Robert?"
"Luke and Mom would still be alive though," Clary argued, needing some piece of thought, some evidence to hold onto.
"Clary, there are so many 'what-if's and possibilities that it'd be impossible to factor them all in."
"But - "
"Don't try to lead away from the subject." Maryse's tone sharpened slightly. "You need to be careful about this grudge."
"I can't," Clary admitted. "I just can't let it all go like that."
Maryse's gaze relaxed a little. "I'm not asking you to let it all go. That'd be too hard, too much. I'm just asking you to see past that and move forward with your life, whether it be with Ryan or Jace. They're both good men, you know, although one is more broken than the other."
"I'm so confused," Clary said quietly, burying her face in her arms. "I'm so confused."
"I know. But things have a way of working out. In the meanwhile, you have to learn how to cope. To breathe, to take a step in the right direction. Am I making sense?"
Clary nodded, and a dense silence encompassed them.
"He didn't even get to see him," Clary said suddenly, voice as bitter and soft as the sea. "He doesn't even know he existed."
"There's nothing he could have done," Maryse said softly, rubbing the younger woman's back.
Clary looked up, the weight of a broken world reflected in her eyes. "But still," she whispered. "He was our child. I loved him so much it hurt, ever since I found out about him. And then he died."
Ryan will be making more appearances. I need to incorporate him more. And hmm, what about Drew?
Review?