A/N: Thanks for the reviews on the first chapter guys; I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Contrary to the show, I'm going to get more into Blair's bulimia because though her character is one of the most layered and developed, I feel they haven't given that side enough attention. After all, an eating disorder is something you struggle your whole life with, and especially when you experience the things Blair goes through.

Anyway, enjoy (and leave a review, pretty please)!

2. Teenage Dirtbag

A bunch of make-up brushes surrounded the antique mirror in Blair's room as the brunette was in the middle of her daily routine. Putting her eye pencil down, she gazed at herself and sighed at the bags under her eyes. However, her sigh wasn't only directed towards the tiredness dripping off her face but also towards yesterday's events and Dan's words, which kept echoing through her head.

"Yes, and you're one HELL of a person. Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get."

She shouldn't care, right? Humphrey wasn't a friend; he didn't know how fiercely loyal she was inside. How far away she stood from her outer human monster image. He had no idea. Plus, even if some people didn't like her, she still did. She liked herself, she did! She had learned to, despite her mother.

But then why… She wondered…Then why what he had said had gotten to her. Why what he had said was actually… true?

Serena was the only one who had ever been able to deal with her tantrums, her mood swings, her bitchiness and her depressions. Yes, Serena was her best friend. The best she could get. But a friend who had snuck behind her back to screw her boyfriend; and lied about it for over a year.

Maybe she was what Dan thought of her. Maybe. Her mind was telling her he had been speaking the truth but she had to resist giving in to the voice. It's what had made her ill, what had made her vomit. Thinking she was a monster, someone with no social skills or heart.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at herself. Monster. Inside and out. Nothing like Serena. She wasn't a gorgeous blond Amazon with an air of kindness around her or warmth but an average-looking brunette built out of coldness and awkwardness.

She put her elbows on her make-up table and leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands. She wasn't happy. Simple as that. Despite being in love. Despite telling herself to suppress these kinds of thoughts.

Truth be told, she had never been truly happy in her life, not once. There had always been something missing. Or more than something. It made her consider the possibility that maybe she wasn't meant for that, happiness. Some people are doomed, destined to go through life searching for a completeness they'd never get. Maybe she was one of them.

She again fixated herself on the image before her, which seemed to get worse with each second. After about five minutes she was convinced: she was indeed one of them.

x

During lunch, Blair approached Chuck, asking if they could talk. He obliged and they decided to go take a walk in the park nearby. It was a beautiful autumn day and the landscape was drowned in red, yellow and green. However, she couldn't enjoy it. All that happened in the past weeks had begun to way heavy on her and it seemed that yesterday had been the final drop. She couldn't believe it, but Humphrey, with words that would normally never crack her but in these circumstances, had caused her breaking down right now.

"So…What did you wanted to talk to me about?" Chuck asked when they had walked fifteen minutes without having an actual conversation.

"What do you see in me, Chuck?" she asked bluntly.

"What do you mean?"

"It's a simple question?"

"I… don't get it."

"What do you see in me?"

"-"

"You?"

"Well… Yes," he answered. "I feel connected to you."

"You see me in you?"

"I told you 'yes'."

"And how do you see yourself?"

He clenched his jaw and looked away from her at once. Blair and Chuck both knew what he thought of himself. He though of himself as unworthy, evil and not deserved to be loved. "Come on, Blair, that's not fair. To me or you."

"I'm sick of having to ask my questions multiple times, Chuck," she said sternly. "I'm not a parrot." He didn't answer so she tried to word her question differently. "Do you think I'm a good person?"

He furrowed his brows confused. "Blair… I don't get where all this is coming from. Being saints, trying to do good or be charitable… That's not who we are; and I never thought that was what either of us strived to be," he said. "We're cunning. We scheme and plot and will use people if they can be to our advantage. Our redeeming quality is that we're no hypocrites about it, we own up to it."

He was right. But was it so naïve of her to assume people thought she was good, deep inside? "Simply said… I'm a bad person and would be a hypocrite if I claimed I wasn't?" she asked as her eyes turned glazy yet again. "Then why would you want me? Why not look for someone better?"

"There's no one better for me."

She gave him a long stare, her face deformed in disgust. "No… There's no one better. You're settling with me because you don't think anyone better would be able to put up with you."

He wanted to say it wasn't true and a part of him did believe that, but another couldn't deny there was at least some truth to her words. Blair read that part in an instant and gave him a small nod, which indicated she was done here. Even the one guy she loved, the one guy who loved her thought she was a bad apple. It was a slap in the face to say the least. Without saying another word, she turned around and ran over the cobble-stone path, out of the park.

x

Back in school, Blair remembered she still had to pick up her history book and walked to her locker, bumping into Serena on the way. Immediately she looked down and further turned her head to the side. She couldn't believe this was happening again but she couldn't help it: her world was tumbling down on her, packed with raging insecurities and she wanted to pull her hair out at her urge to go pig out and then puke her guts out, hoping that'd relief some of her pain. She didn't want to let her disease take over her life again, but her weakness was gripping her around the neck, choking her little by little.

"Blair, what's wrong?" Serena immediately asked.

"N-Nothing."

"Come on, I can s-"

"I said there's nothing going on, Serena! Did three years of snorting coke rupture not only your nostrils, but your eardrums too?"

"Blair!"

"There's nothing you can do for me."

"I can-"

"There's nothing you can do for me."

"God, not this again," Serena mumbled.

"NOT THIS AGAIN?" Blair shrieked before breathing deeply. "I feel this big" she held her index finger and thumb hardly an inch apart "around you. I feel less. I feel insecure. I feel like I'm never good enough!" Serena stuck out her hand but Blair stumbled back aggressively. "And you say 'not this again'?!?" she shouted.

"I didn't mean it like that… It's just not easy for me-"

"It's never easy for you, is it?"

"Blair… Did something happen?" Serena tried again, trying not to get too frustrated. She loved Blair as much as she loved her brother and she'd go through fire for her, but she couldn't if she didn't let her. And Blair didn't want it. "Because you can talk to me."

"I can't. Not when…" so many of my issues derive from you, she would've finished her sentence. "I just can't talk to you; I need you to leave me alone for a bit. Not for long, just a couple of days. Please do that for me." I need to get myself together, she thought.

"OK," Serena replied sadly.

Blair then turned around without thinking of taking her history book out of her locker. "B, I love you," she heard but she acted like she didn't and just continued walking. She knew Serena loved her and it hurt Blair to know that the only person who did that in a pretty much unconditional way was the one person who could make her hate herself in the worst way.

x

She never made it back to class. Instead of listening to Mr. Harolds talk about the Persian wars, she had emptied the candy vending machine and was surrounded by chocolate bars, chips and peanuts in one of the girls' toilets. For at least twenty minutes, she just stared at all the food, getting slightly sweaty in the process. She didn't want to fall back but life was so damn hard at the moment. Chuck rather played games than actually be with her, Serena was Serena, Yale didn't want her, her mother never had time for her, her father was in France, and the list just went on and on. The only one who was always there for her was Dorota, and she was in Michigan at the moment for a week to visit her sick uncle so right now … She was alone. Completely and utterly alone.

With that thought planted in her head, she reached for a Snickers. She unwrapped the wrapping slowly, looked at the chocolate for a single second and then stuffed the candy bar in her mouth in less than ten seconds. But it wasn't enough. She needed more, and she had more. Ten minutes later she was surrounded with empty wrappings and felt like her body was in the right place to throw everything up.

She leaned over the toilet seat, stuck her finger as deep in her throat as she could, and then did what was a routine for her years ago: puke until there was nothing left to puke out. Her eyes turned glazy and she knew her throat would be sore later but it didn't matter because right now, it helped in some twisted way.

What she didn't know was that Dan Humphrey had asked to be excused about ten minutes ago, to go to the bathroom but instead of ending up in the men's room he now stood in the ladies' one. It wasn't what he normally did but he had heard the sound of someone throwing up pretty badly and thought he should ask if she needed help.

He knocked the door from which the sound came. "Hello?" he asked a tad clueless. "Are you OK in there? Should I get Mrs. Hamilton?"

"Go away," Blair cried.

"W…Waldorf?" he stuttered. "Are you sick?"

"I swear to God, Humphrey, if you don't go away right now, I will turn your life into a living HELL."

"OK…" He stepped to the door, opened it and closed it again, making it seem like he had left. Not being her usual, sharp self, it didn't even cross Blair's mind that maybe he wasn't really gone. Her mind was set on one thing right now: getting rid of the evidence, which included throwing away the wrappings and rinsing her mouth.

She stood up, opened her door and stepped out of the cabin. When she saw Dan, she quickly wanted to get in there again but he was quicker than her and pulled the door with a strength that didn't even begin to compare with hers. She stumbled back against the wall and put her hands in front of her face in shame. She hated him but she couldn't deny he was clever, not that he needed to be to put two and two together.

His face was plastered with shock as he gazed down at the floor, filled with candy wrappings. "You ate all this?" he asked stunned. Blair didn't answer but just cry. Then she bowed over the sink and rinsed her mouth quickly. She wanted to get out of there, but not with the taste of vomit in her mouth.

However, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't suppress the tears she so desperately wanted to hide in public. Dan gazed at her still like a deer in headlights, not immediately comprehending that Blair Waldorf, Upper East Side princess, had bulimia.

Blair looked up at herself in the mirror and saw her mascara was smudged and her face was pale from the make-up she had cried off. It only made her angrier and sadder. "Why does everything have to be so FUCKED UP?" she yelled.

"I don't know," Dan whispered as he came closer.

"What are you doing?" she asked panicky.

"Something I had never seen myself doing. Ever."

"Stand back," she ordered, looking in his eyes through the reflection of the mirror. When he didn't listen, she turned around. "I mean it, Humphrey."

But Dan didn't listen and opened his arms.

Blair shook her head as fresh tears sprung in her eyes. "No…" She tried to push herself even closer to the sink but in vain. He simply enveloped her in his arms tightly. Blair didn't want to stay there, pressed to his body but she craved comfort, and couldn't deny it, even if it was Dan's. And so she tugged his sleeve and cried in his shirt. And he didn't mind. "I…I…" she tried to speak but the words choked in her mouth.

"I won't tell anyone, I promise. You don't have to worry," he reassured her. They fell in a short silence. "Blair…" he then spoke. "Should I call Serena?"

A year ago, she would've said 'yes' but fair to Serena or not, Blair realized more than ever she would only worsen her situation now. She was as much a factor of her problem as her cold mother or her absent father. "No…No." When she had calmed down only a bit, she realized she was actually seeking comfort in Dan Humphrey and pulled loose. "I'm going home."

"Oh… OK."

"I first have to clean this mess," she sighed as she fell down to her knees, getting all the wrappings together and throwing them in the trash can.

As she walked towards the door, Dan asked: "Is your mother home?"

"No, but she'll be tomorrow."

"And your maid?"

Blair remained silent for a minute. "In Michigan."

"So you're alone?"

"Dan, let's get one thing clear," she began sharply. "I don't need you to be my guardian angel. Not you of all people. I want you to forget this ever happened."

"I don't want to be your guardian angel. But if Serena isn't going to and Chuck is out doing God-knows-what because he can't commit to a normal relationship with you, who is?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It does. And I can't forget this happened. I'm taking you home."

"Like hell you are."

"This is not up for discussion."

"Exactly."

"Then I'll follow you all the way home, yelling 'but I thought we we're going to go to the lesbian concert down in Brooklyn tonight?!?'."

"You wouldn't!" Blair gasped.

"I know it sounds like a ridiculous bluff, but trust me, it isn't."

"Fine. But we're not taking any subway!"

x

About forty minutes later, Blair was safely home. "I guess I'm going to head off then," Dan said as he stared into the big empty space. He didn't know what else he had to say or do and he didn't want to come across too pitiful.

Also Blair was looking around her, feeling numb. It was how she forced herself to feel as it was that or hurt. "Bye."

"Or I can stay?" Dan suggested. "I mean, I've always wanted to be able to make myself home in a place that costs more than my entire family's houses combined." Upon that, he plumped down in her couch. "Comfy."

Blair looked down, not knowing what to say. She knew damn well he was installing himself there because he was still worried, but she was happy he was disguising his good intentions under bad yet transparent ones. It made all of this easier. "You're so annoying," Blair groaned. And she did. She hated his guts… But she needed some company. She was in such a state that she would've taken a dirty dog from the streets to hold tonight.

Dan switched on the television. "Ooh, Dr. Phil," he exclaimed. "I love that dude, he's so honest, don't you think?"

"I'm taking a shower," Blair sighed. Standing at the foot of the stairs she asked: "Do you think you'll still be here infesting my couch when I come back down?"

Dan looked down biting his lip. He felt sorry for her but knew that if he wanted to make sure she wouldn't do herself any harm anymore today, he had to play along and make his pity too obvious. "Well, it's House after this; and I've missed a couple episodes already. That Cameron is such a babe."

"Ugh," she sighed and climbed up.

As she was up, Dan leaned back going over all that happened today. He had no idea Blair had these kind of issues and was taken aback to say the least. He didn't know what to do about what he had witnessed but he didn't want to leave her alone tonight in these circumstances. He took his cell phone and dialed his home's number.

"Hey, dad?"

"Hi, son, where are you?" Rufus asked. "You should've been home by now."

"I'm with Blair's, and I think I'm staying the night."

"Excuse me? No-"

"Not like that. She's going through a rough time."

"It's not your job to take care of her; you don't even like her, Dan."

"She has no one."

"-"

"No. She literally has no one."

Rufus sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"

"It's only this one time, I promise."

"OK," he gave in reluctantly, knowing his son wouldn't just stay with a girl he despised for kicks. Just as Dan was about to hang up, Rufus asked: "Is it very serious?"

"Quite, but it's not my place to tell; that I know for sure."

"Dan… I trust you."

"I know, and I'd never take advantage of that."

"I hope so."

With that, the conversation was over.

"What are you watching now?" sounded a seemingly irritated voice.

He looked at the digital TV Guide and chose an incredibly long film. "Spartacus."

"That film lasts, like, three hours."

"It's a classic," Dan shrugged. "You know the fight scene, with the army? Well I guess you don't since you seem more like the Disney movie type but it is still the most expensive one ever made. And it is, really spectacular. A feast for the eye."

Suppressing a smile as she tried to look as full with contempt as possible, Blair went to sit next to him. "You're hopeless, Humphrey; I don't get what Serena ever saw in you."

"We were in looooooove," Dan chuckled.

"Ew, don't say it like that!" Blair ordered in disgust.

"Sometimes, when we walked in the park, I'd pluck flowers for her."

"Puke."

"And then she'd put one in her hair."

"Making me SICK."

"And then we'd go to the ice salon and feed each other and kiss the whipped cream off each other's lips."

"SHUT UP."

x

"I'm going to bed," Blair said drowsily. Together with Dan, she had not only seen Ben Hur, but also Smalville and Supernatural. It wasn't her cup of tea but the guys were kind of hot so it hadn't been that much of a hassle. "What are you going to do?" she asked.

"It's late."

"It is," she confirmed. "I cannot believe I'm suggesting this but you could sleep in the spare room."

"That'd be nice."

She nodded. "Come with me."

He turned off the television and followed her upstairs. She showed him his room and then disappeared in the bathroom to get ready to sleep. When she had left it, Dan entered and noticed the little kit she had left behind for him which consisted of a little toothbrush and toothpaste. It was a hotel kit from the Four Seasons. Then he looked to his side, where he saw a men's pajamas, which he assumed was her dad Harold's. It was red-with-black stripes and simply foul. He put it on anyways and went to the room Blair had told he should sleep in.

When he passed Blair's room, he heard her calling his name. He walked in and went to sit on the rim of her bed. "Is there something?" He looked down at her, wondering where her insecurities derived from. Her looks? But she was absolutely gorgeous; even know as she lay in her bed after a rough day. He wanted to tell her but wasn't sure it'd come across right.

"What you saw today…" she began.

"Is not something you're obliged to tell me, unless you want."

She sighed inaudibly; relieved she knew he wasn't going to push. This was something she knew she had to handle, and she would but not now. It had been a long day and all she wanted to do was sleep.

"And you know," he continued. "What I said to you the other day… Forget about it. I was stupid and I didn't know any better. I take full blame for everything."

"You don't have t-"

"Yes I do."

They locked eyes until she batted hers down.

After a couple of seconds, Dan stood up and walked away from her bed. "By the way, those pajamas look so fly on you, Humphrey," Blair giggled, breaking the heavy atmosphere.

"And that nightgown looks so freaking hot on you," he told her cheek-in-tongue as he was opening the door. "And you know, Waldorf, I might look like a dork, but I get urges at night. Sexual urges."

She threw her blanket off her and rolled out of bed at once. "Out!" she ordered and pushed him in the hall. "I'll be locking my door, pervert."

"Relax; you wouldn't be able to handle me anyways."

"I had Chuck."

"I had Serena."

At this, she didn't know immediately what to say. Serena was indeed probably as experienced as Chuck. "Well, I wouldn't want to handle you anyways," she then retorted and with that, she closed her door.

Though she wouldn't admit it, she was happy he was here. It was nice to have someone close who cared, even if that didn't necessarily mean that person liked her. "Sleep tight, Waldorf," she heard through her door and couldn't help but smile.

"Sleep tight, Humphrey."

x

The next morning she woke up to the smell of coffee and pancakes. "Dorota?" she asked suspiciously. "I thought you were still in Mich- Humphrey?" she said his name in total confusion. "You can cook?"

"Why wouldn't I be able to?"

"You're seventeen."

"And?"

"I can't even boil water."

"Well, us poor kids have to learn to handle a pan at young age," he said in a Southern accent. "Unlike y'all rich folks."

She rose her eyes to the ceiling. "Is this were we're going to get judgmental again? Because if so, you should know I'll be ignoring you."

"I wouldn't dare." He looked over his shoulder and smiled at her goofily. To be honest, he didn't know if making her breakfast was such a good idea; he didn't know how to handle someone with bulimia but he figured that no matter what, they had to eat too. However, he'd definitely stay with her to see if she wouldn't go overboard.

"Pancakes for the…" He didn't finish his sentence. He didn't want to be mean to Blair right now but saying she's a lady would be taking it one step too far.

She gave him a dirty look and snatched the plate out of his hands. "LADY."

"If you say so."

Semi-offended, she scrunched her nose at him and began to eat her pancakes. She made sure she took normal bites and Dan made sure it wasn't too obvious he was paying attention to her eating habits. "This is kind of good," Blair admitted.

Dan acted like he was in a state of shock. "Did… Did Blair Waldorf just give me a compliment?"

"Hardly," she deadpanned.

He shook his head. "This is a historical moment."

"Oh, shut your mouth."

"I-" he intended to keep teasing her but she rose from her seat, dangerously swirling her fork at him.

"I still hate you, you know."

"Really? Because-"

She put her fork on the table and shook him by the shoulders. "I said I still h-"

"Wait, wait…"

"What?"

"Stop trying to kiss me, Blair."

She yelled frustrated and plumped herself down on her chair again. "And we still don't know each other in school either."

"Of course not."

Then locked eyes only briefly and smile faintly.

Then, for about ten minutes, there was an absolute silence. Neither of them wanted to admit, but there had something taken place between them in the past twelve hours. They were not just Dan and Blair, arch enemies who avoided each other like the plague anymore, although they'd act like they still were. For their own sake and –to be honest- mental health. Admitting to themselves they could be friends would be wrong on so many levels.

After breakfast, Dan cleaned the table and they both got ready for school. Just as they were about to leave, Blair decided she wanted to change her shoes for the thousandth time. She ran back upstairs but suddenly stopped halfway the stairs and gathered her courage, playing with her hands nervously. "Humphrey?"

Dan looked up at her. "Yes?"

"Thank you," she said, and then continued her run even faster.

He smiled faintly. "You're welcome, Waldorf."

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