A/N: Thanks for the reviews! :)

5. A Disaster of Epic Proportions

The hospital bore a smell of medicines and sterility, a smell neither Dan nor Blair could stand. He had seen Jenny earlier, still in the same state. The doctors had said she was expected to awake without brain damage but the wait nonetheless felt endless. At the moment Rufus was in her room again and Dan knew he was still in the same position as thirty minutes ago: holding his daughter hand as he stared at her from his spot on the simple hospital stool.

Dan himself was in the waiting room, just gazing in front of him, in thought about Jenny until Blair shifted in her seat, yawning a little. He looked down at her, wanting to ask why she was here. When she felt his eyes on her she looked up in them confidently. She wanted to tell him she didn't know why she had wanted to be here with him but that it felt right to do so. However, neither of them spoke a word; she just leaned her head against his chest as he laid his arm around her shoulder.

Despite everything, he couldn't help but think about all that had happened lately with Blair. To say that he didn't feel anything for this girl resting against him would be a blatant lie. It wasn't merely lust or hate anymore either. He wanted her to be healthy, happy and… away from Chuck. He had seen them by her locker today and he may or may not have paid extra attention to Emma Patrick in the hope Blair would see. While he got the reaction he wanted (well, maybe he had not wanted it that extreme), he wondered if it came from the right place. Did she have feelings for him too? Or was she just being, like he had accused her of, a possessive bitch?

In the quietness of his thought, Dan absently began curling a lock of her dark-brown hair around his finger. She instinctively took his hand. What he did then, was the most courageous thing he had ever done. Instead of letting Blair pull her hand away like she was obviously intending to do, he folded his around it. She looked up at him; her deep-brown eyes scanned his face until he intertwined their fingers, then she fixed her stare on their hands. Touching. Connected in a way that frightened her a little.

Dan saw she was a bit taken aback. "It doesn't have to be defined," he reassured her.

She nodded softly, relieved and even when he kissed her hand lightly, she remained her newfound calmness. She was grateful for him being there for her these past weeks, though she had a hard time expressing it. By being here with him, with her arms wrapped around him, she hoped he'd understand she cared too. Because she did. She wanted everything to work out for him and she wanted him to not look at other girls like he did at Emma Patrick earlier this day. He had just told her this needn't be defined but if they were going to set up another rule, it'd be that he wasn't going to date other girls as long as their thing was still going on. Blair didn't share anything, and she wasn't going to share Dan either.

They stayed in the position they were in for quite a while, in a comfortable silence. Rufus, in the meanwhile, had come out of Jenny's room to ask if Dan was up for staying at her bedside some more. He frowned deeply when he saw his son with Serena's best friend. He found it already very surprising Blair Waldorf had happened to be with him when he got the news of Jenny but the way they were holding each other simply baffled him. She sat so close to him she might've well crawled on his lap, with her hands wrapped around his torso and her head resting against it.

Suddenly Blair straightened her body and announced she needed a new dose of caffeine. Dan reached in his pocket and gave her some change as she had forgotten her purse back in his flat. With two dollars I her hand, Blair walked away, to the coffee machine.

"Son?"

Dan looked up. "Yes?"

"Blair Waldorf," was all he said, making him look a bit dim.

"Please don't do this," he groaned.

"Are you two together?"

"Da-aaaaaad… Let's not talk about it, let's concentrate on Jenny."

"I'm just confused, Dan."

"You and me both."

"I called your mother," Rufus mentioned out of nowhere.

Dan gave him a blank expression. "Is she coming?"

"She'll be here in a couple of hours, I think."

He thought about his mother. Her pain. Her concern… It didn't affect him. Just not at all. What did is the way he was so estranged from his own mother. Soon she'd be but an acquaintance. Quite suddenly it hit him that he had only two people in his life who had never given him the feeling he was insignificant: Jenny and his father. The rest found either their new boyfriend, their new lover (with whom they cheated on their ex-husband on) or social status more important. He felt bruised and battered, as the Boss would say it. Just like that and out of nowhere (or better: out of Hudson, where his mother resided).

"I'm going back to Jenny's room," Rufus announced.

"I'll be there soon," he promised.

"Are you OK?"

Dan turned around, gazing at Blair with squinted, hostile eyes. "What do you care?" His voice sounded aggressive and disdainful.

Blair's facial expression flowed from shock over in disbelief. She took a step back from him with a body language that implied neutrality. However, her stoic air couldn't hide the sadness on her face.

Cursing himself, Dan shook his head just once and reached for her hand but she pulled away. "Blair…" he called her name following her. "I'm sorry, I'm just… I…" he sighed. "Blair!"

It was almost December now and the air they breathed was visible in the cold as they stepped outside. "No," Blair simply said when he asked her to stop.

"Don't be such a baby!"

"If I throw a stick, will you leave?

"Look," he began. "I shouldn't have been so blunt, but can you give me a break, yeah? My sister is about to wake up from …a cocaine coma and I just realized my mother is becoming a stranger." He paused. "Can't you-"

"Can't I? Can't I what? Can't I say I care?" she yelled.

"What?"

"Aren't you trying to drag something like that out of me?"

He frowned confused. "No." He raised his eyes to the sky and heaved he sigh. "I… am not Chuck."

She bowed her head seemingly calm. "So you don't want to know if I care."

"No." He scanned her face suspiciously. "Well…Do you?'"

"A-ha!" she let out. "I knew-"

"You don't know anything," he cut her off dominantly. "The time we've spent together, these past weeks have been the most selfless ones of my life-"

"Well," she began in her typical disdaining manner. "I'm sor-"

"Be quiet!" he now growled, rattling her and her haughty composure. "I care about you, Blair." He paced back and forth a couple of times, making her feel uneasy. "I was, I was… Thinking why I want you to like me, why I didn't call Emma-"

She narrowed her eyes to splits at the mention of that name. "-"

"QUIET," he ordered loudly. "This is not about you. I haven't paid interest to myself in weeks now. But now, with all that has happened to me this past half year, I'm starting to realize how fragile life is and its relationships, and my relationships with the people in my life. From now on, I only want to point my attention to people who I care about and who care about me. I'm not interested in spilling time on emotional bloodsuckers anymore. I'm not interested in being abused anymore. I'm not interested in being demeaned anymore." He briefly breathed in. "I want to look for people who appreciate me."

"So what? You're tired of me? I'm weakening you?"

"Yes, you-"

She pointed her finger at him furiously. "SELFISH."

His jaw dropped. "Is that all you got from this!??" He chuckled coldly. "You are very self-absorbed."

"Yes, I am," she replied.

He moved closer. "Just remember, Blair, that every time you push someone away the more likely it is that you'll end up alone. And your fantasies… They will be all you'll have left."

She stared at him shaken to the core, but covered her uneasiness up with a severe attitude. Dan smiled at her mockingly and with a shrug, turned his back on her, stepping back to the hospital. Blair's blood began to boil at his sudden casualness. How dared he say all these things to her and then walk away? "I'll never care about you!" she screamed. "It doesn't matter how much you provoke me!"

"Great," he responded heated, shortly looking over his shoulder. "Then fuck off," he further mumbled to himself.

He went to sit back on his spot in the hall. As he sat there, it began to hit him what he had just said to Blair and what he had done. He was already socially dead but now his life would become a living hell no doubt. He broke their deal by having feelings for her and basically said she'd die old and alone. He had to be prepared for her revenge, he knew.

"You coming Dan?" sounded a voice. "I could use some company and I think you could too."

He locked eyes with his father and nodded before joining him.

"Where's Blair?" he asked after a minute or five.

"Gone."

"-"

"We weren't together."

"-"

"It's complicated."

"-"

"I'll survive, dad." He smiled at his father.

Rufus send a smile back. "Of course. You always do. But it's just something I need to be sure of anyway," he told him. "I'm sorry for having neglected you these past weeks; you must've been lonely."

"I had Blair."

Rufus nodded before leaning back in the plastic hospital chair. "I had kind of guessed that already."

"Yeah. Just another disappointment in a string of many."

His father blinked clueless.

"Jen?" Dan then suddenly let out, seeing his sister's eyes flutter open.

The petite blonde looked around the room a couple of seconds, letting it seep through she was in a hospital. She almost instantly remembered what had happened. She had snorted too much, and shortly before everything had gone black in front of her eyes her nose had started to bleed uncontrollably. She touched one of her nostrils and when she then turned to her father and brother, who were leaning above her bed, she started to tear. "Oh, my God."

"It's OK, Jen," Rufus said as he embraced her. Dan in the meanwhile tugged her hand, also touched by his baby sister finally having pulled through.

Their bliss lasted about thirty minutes. Then the nurse announced visiting hours were over. Rufus immediately insisted he should stay, despite Jenny's assurance she wouldn't be running anywhere anytime soon.

"I'll visit you in the morning," Dan said.

"Oh, yes," Rufus let out, looking over his shoulder at his son. "I'm sorry-"

"You should be here," he reassured his father. He walked to the door. "Don't worry; we think you're a good father. The best we could have."

He briefly locked eyes with Jenny, who timidly nodded. "We do."

Rufus nodded gratefully at Dan and then again embraced his daughter. As Dan reached the door, he briefly turned around. "I love you both."

Jenny and Rufus looked up and smiled. "I love you too," they said simultaneously.

Dan left the hospital feeling lighter inside now that his sister was alright. He knew his life would go back to normal now. The situation with Blair did hurt him because he hadn't lied; he had fallen in love with her but… They had never really been a couple or anything like that, and there hadn't been anything from her side. He had successfully put a stop to something that would otherwise have escalated and hurt him horribly.

He couldn't stop thinking about her the whole subway ride and walk back home. Turning around the corner of his street, he breathed in and out deeply, deciding this would be the last time she'd ever occupy his mind again. It still baffled him what kind of effect she had had on him but being able to deal with it on his own now, without her around felt like a relief.

However, concern washed over his face when he reached his doorstep and saw a shivering Blair sitting down on it. She must've been sitting here for hours. "Waldorf…" he said. "What…" He grabbed her hands and was startled by how cold they were. "You're freezing."

"Dan, I-" she sniffled.

"Let's get you inside."

Ten minutes later he handed her a warm cup of tea. She didn't have any interest for the tea or getting warm; she wanted to know where they stood. That's why she had waited there on his doorstep in the cold. "Dan, I want-"

"You can sleep in Jenny's bed," Dan said practically. He had picked up she wanted to talk but as far as he was concerned, there was nothing left to say. "She won't be home until tomorrow."

She just nodded, hurt by his robotic attitude.

"I'm going to bed now. Goodnight," he said politely.

"Goodnight."

x

Unable to fall asleep, Blair tossed and turned in her bed before swiftly rolling to her left to see what time it was. She sighed exasperated when she saw it was three in the morning and straightened her body to put her feet on the floor. A blank look was spread across her face. She knew what was causing her insomnia; it was probably peacefully sleeping in the room next to her.

She stood up and walked through the hall, to Dan. The door of his room was open. Slowly, she walked inside and saw him standing by his window, looking outside.

"It's snowing," he said when he heard her footsteps.

She stepped further until she was standing directly behind him. "What changed between the time that we hadn't had to be defined and the point that it had?" she cut to the case.

"I was being selfish," he replied honestly.

She went to stand beside him and watched the snow flakes whirling down. "I want to sleep with you," she softly said. "In your bed I mean."

He knew she was looking for eye contact but he relentlessly gazed at the streets, covered by a white blanket that was growing thicker by the minute. "Why?" he wanted to know.

"Because I need you." She bowed her head and insecurely played with her fingers.

"Not good enough." He paused. "But you can stay. One last night then."

He went back to lay in his bed, upon which Blair joined him. She was cold again and he pressed her close, like he always did when he felt she was cold.

"I don't want it to be the last," she softly admitted as she cupped his cheek. This situation made her fall for him even more. It was so similar to last year, when she crawled back to Chuck. However, this time she wasn't humiliated or compared to an Arabian horse; Dan let her stay.

"You're cold," he ignored her. As he pulled her even closer, she grabbed his head between both hands and pressed her lips against his. "Blair…" he protested.

She pulled back, her eyes glazed over. "Why do you care?"

"I-"

"You think I'm a witch."

"True."

He faintly smiled and she gave him a soft push. "Seriously, Dan..."

"You must've cast a spell on me."

She turned around. When his arm wrapped around her waist she grinned. "No," she complained. "We're in emotional crises and you're joking around."

"It's better than lamenting it," he said as he kissed her shoulder. "Besides, why do you want to know?"

"You were trying to put me down because I'd never say I do."

"I never did anything of the sort."

"You did."

"You're avoiding the question."

"I never said I cared," she rubbed some salt in his wound.

"But you said you needed me."

"I take it back."

A painful silence veiled them at once. "Then you can go sleep in Jenny's bed again," Dan broke it with a sudden seriousness before turning his back at her. "You can sleep there, but I want you to be gone first thing tomorrow."

She stared at his back and felt herself tear up again. "You're as bad as Chuck," she accused him.

"What?" he growled in such an aggressive manner she stopped crying at once. Without looking at her, he rolled out of bed and left the room.

"Where are you going?" she asked in a dramatic voice. "I won't take it back!" She jumped off the bed and followed him through the hall. "Stop being so spineless!" she cried. "At least Chuck didn't always RUN when we were fighting."

"YOU AND CHUCK NEVER FOUGHT," he yelled back. "I don't get this need to play games!!! I'm not like that and I refuse to become like that!"

Suddenly he heard a shrill shriek behind him. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Blair had tripped and fallen. Concerned, he walked back and kneeled down with her. Just as he was about to open his mouth, she slapped him hard. Her eyes were almost black and full of viciousness. When he looked up her face hardened even more. She raised her hand with the intention of hurting him even worse but he leaned back. Without problem, she went to sit on her knees and attacked him, gripping him by the upper arms and shaking him back and forth.

He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her down. "Have you gone crazy?" he hissed in her ear. He rolled them over and pinned her down with his body. "I don't deserve this. I let you in my life, I took care of you and I fell in love with you. If you think the latter is my only mistake, you're wrong. I should've let you lay there that day in the toilets. It would've been easier for the both of us."

Her bottom lip trembled as she suppressed more tears. He was being meaner to her than she had ever imagined. She wondered if she really did bring out the worst in people. "That it would've. You made your life unnecessarily difficult."

He closed his eyes and sighed. He didn't want to hurt her but he couldn't stand being made a fool of either. In inner struggle, he felt Blair's arms wrap around his neck and pull him down. His eyes shot open as she captured his lips. She was so sneaky. Breaking away, she pushed him off her and took off her blue shirt before continuing her quest for total control.

He pulled away and stood up. Blair looked up into his eyes and was confused by what she saw in them. He wasn't being vicious or vengeful, they looked warm and kind. She rose from the floor and furrowed her brows at him. Before she could ask anything, he wrapped his arms firmly around her and lifted her so that she was resting in them like a bride in a groom's. "Put me down," she demanded.

Dan didn't listen but merely bowed his head and brushed his lips over hers.

"Did I win?" she asked with hopeful eyes. "I don't have to say anything? We'll continue like we were?"

"Yeah, you won."

He walked back in his room and laid her down on the bed. She looked up at him, not quite knowing what to make of this suddenly odd situation. Her eyes never left him as he undressed himself and lowered his body to hers again. His lips pressed hot kisses to neck, her breasts, her legs. She smiled anticipating when he took off her skirt and underwear, before taking off his remaining clothes too. Her pupils were the size of saucers. His lips curled into a faint smile before he bowed over and brushed them over her face, over her cheeks, over her nose.

Blair's breath staggered in her throat feeling this delicate touch. She hadn't won anything at all; he was making love to her! She was too surprised to speak when she realized this, the only thing she did was look at him like a sheep at a train. He pulled back and looked down at her in such a manner she wouldn't ever, ever, wonder again why Serena fell for him.

He brushed her chocolate-brown hair out of her face. "I like it when you're blushing."

Startled, she touched her cheeks and felt she was indeed burning up.

Before long, they were moving together, but differently than the other times they had been together. Slower, more tender. He rested his forehead against hers and looked in her eyes. She looked back with the strangest feeling and then out of nowhere, a tear streamed down her cheek. She closed her eyes and sighed.

This was love. He knew it. She knew it.

They also were well aware that this was the most complicated relationship they had ever been in. Getting in Chuck's head had been so easy for Blair, natural. Trying to master Dan's train of thought, on the other hand, was like running through a maze like a chicken without a head. She didn't know where to go, she didn't know if he'd suddenly not want her anymore and she was so scared to he might decide that after Serena, she was a huge letdown.

"Blair…" he mumbled. While peeling through all her various layers, by crashing her walls on by one, he had gotten stuck and now, he didn't want to leave anymore. She made him want to tear his hair out, scream, hit a mirror or something else breakable but never, ever would he actually abandon her, despite what he had claimed earlier. Softly he kissed down the trail the tear had left behind until he reached her lips. She parted hers for him and he fitted them together.

Soon they picked up their pace, being drowned in pleasure in the process. Blair's hand curled around his hair as he dove into her deeper and faster while continuing to place kisses in her neck. Suddenly she gasped loudly, her petite body clutching around him as she flew over the edge. He followed her only seconds after and collapsed on top of her. Both were completely breathless and still soaked in bliss.

"I love you," she then impulsively let out, still coming down from her high.

It took a second for it to seep through with him but then suddenly he straightened his body and tilted his head to the side, watching her. "What?"

"What?" she repeated, having no clue what was going on.

"You said you loved me."

Her eyes moved from left to right a couple of times before they popped in realization. "I did…" She stared to the ceiling. "This is a disaster of epic proportions."

He just stared down and smiled. "Well?" he quickly heard. Blair's voice was demanding and impatient.

"Well what?"

"Say it back."

"What back?" he teased her.

"You're an unbelievable asshole!" she complained. "And this is so awful. I… I… Since Nate… And Chuck… Oh, my God, Chuck. He can't know about this… And Serena… I don't know but-"

Her words were cut off as his lips slanted over hers. He rolled back on top of her, caught a quick breath and then kissed her even deeper. She moaned as she run her fingers through his hair softly. A complaining sound left her mouth when he suddenly pulled back.

"I love you too."

She stared at him sheepishly for a second and then shook her head incredulously. "This is so weird."

"Like Tom nailing Jerry?"

"Humphrey!" she began in a tone that suggested she didn't like this comparison. However, considering it, she nodded. "Actually, yeah."

"It's sick," he admitted.

"And wrong."

"Twisted."

"Unnatural."

"That makes it kind of hot…" He smiled playfully.

"Dan…" she sighed. "We're not going to stop having, you know, rough sex?"

He bowed over and kissed her neck. "My very own nymf." He smiled widely against her skin when he felt her slap his shoulder.

"I'm n-"

Before she couldn't finish her sentence, he flipped them over in a swift motion, making her straddle him. He ran his hands up and down her body before resting them on her hips. "Hit me with your best shot."

x

"So how do you know this girl?"

"Well…I found her one day, sitting down against a wall, crying…" Dan began. "And I asked her what was wrong and she said she was being bullied." He paused. "When she told me about what they did and what they said to her, I just had to think about myself, how I had been bullied."

They walked through the gate of the riding school. Blair batted her eyes down. "Did I…"

"Yeah," he replied. "Quite early on. But it's OK now."

"I don't remember-"

"I was five, and we were in kindergarten, and I came to sit next to you to color. And you looked at me the same way you always did before… You know. And then you announced to the whole class that I smelled which, by the way, wasn't the truth."

She looked down sadly. "What did Serena do?" she then asked harshly.

"Blair…"

"What did she do?" she repeated louder.

"She comforted me. She doesn't remember, but I do."

She stared at him evilly. "Name a quality I have that Serena doesn't have."

He stopped his tread and led her to stand against the stone wall. "Don't be jealous."

"Should I repeat my question? Are you having trouble hearing?" she asked in an icy tone.

He bit his tongue slightly annoyed. "Serena… Never forced me to be more than what I am." He looked in her eyes intensely. "You make me discover sides of myself I never knew I had."

She rolled her eyes at the perfection of his words. "Good answer," she admitted. "Now about the girl…"

"I brought her back to her parents, they thanked me and since then I've been driving her and picking her up from her horse-back riding class every Saturday. Otherwise she'd have to take the subway and two busses." He looked up to the right. "There she is already."

Blair looked as a girl, around twelve years old, walked up to them. "Hi," she greeted hesitantly. She moved a little closer to Dan. "Why is Blair Waldorf here? Didn't you…"

"For Christ sake," Blair sighed.

"We're kind of together now, Nic," he explained her. The girl's blue eyes popped. "It's a long story," Dan continued. "I'll tell you later."

"Like hell you will," Blair interfered. "Listen, little munchkin, if you ever tell anyone-"

"Blair!"

"Dan!"

"OK," he let out aggravated. "Nic, could you go check with your teacher when your lesson for next time is, please?"

"Sure."

When she disappeared, Dan turned to Blair. "If you don't want to be seen with me, you shouldn't have insisted to come along," he told her sternly.

"It's confusing, Dan," she responded through clenched teeth. "I've got a status to maintain, and I love that status. I don't want to lose it." She shyly looked away. "But I don't want to be… You know…"

"What?"

"Away from you!" she spoke angered. "I don't want to be away from you, Djeez."

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "You're so good at the emotional stuff," he sighed out sarcastically.

"Shut up."

In the meanwhile, Nicole had just learned the next lesson would be at four PM. As she walked back, she bumped into a couple of girls, looking at Dan and Blair from a distance.

"Who's that guy?" one asked. "I could swear."

"Oh, he's Dan," Nicole blurted out. "Dan Humphrey."

The girls' jaws dropped. "Cell phone, cell phone…"

"How do I zoom in with this thing?" the redhead asked. "We have time enough to film it; they seem to be wrapped up in each other." Her voice sounded mean and backhanded.

"Huh…I don't think-"

"Hush, little girl," the blonde snapped. 'Nobody is interested in what you think. However, if you ever say something about this to Blair Waldorf, we will know how and where to find you. Just warning." She pointed her attention back to the cell phone. "Like this, Val," she then showed her friend how to zoom in.

"Why do you guys need that for?"

However, the girls didn't listen and just recorded the more than surprising view before them. "Kiss, kiss, kiss…" the redhead urged. "Yes." She laughed. "This is awesome."

"Oh, my God, Serena and Chuck…" the blonde let out as if she just realized they had exes who had been and still were very important to them.

"I know!"

"Send it to Gossip Girl now?"

The redhead grinned viciously. "No…I've got a much better idea."

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