A/N: Hiya people! Oh my lord i had another bout with writer's block but hey it's gone again! Yay! Anyway thanx for the reviews! I nearly cried during this chap although i don't think it's written well...it sounded so goo din my mind too...oh well hope you like it!

Roxas' POV

He was finally asleep.

No more pain for the night. He had been really mad tonight. Just another sign that I'm not worth his attention. I'm lucky he gives it to me.

Tonight I don't even know why he took me so harshly.

I shivered. The thought of him in me after so long…

I looked at her picture again. I knew she was beautiful. But I couldn't see how so many people said I looked like her. Not that many knew her.

She was so happy in this picture. Her blonde hair swept aside. Her smile as blinding as the sun behind her. She didn't deserve to die so young. She didn't deserve to die at all.

Especially not giving birth to me.

Normal POV

Flashback 18 years ago

The man was tall, dark, and the doctors around him had already figured out he was violent. He wouldn't leave the girl.

They went back to their work. Why this man had brought this poor girl, barely sixteen, in was apparent. She was giving birth. And soon.

What wasn't apparent was why he knew about her at all. He had said she was his niece. No one believed him.

They had tried to make him leave the room. He had none of it, refusing to move. Mr. Ukahara was a big man. A big man with money, connections. You didn't mess with him.

"Mr. Ukahara? I assume you are aware of your…niece's pneumonia?" The doctor in charge of the situation had discovered the girl's sickness the moment she was wheeled in.

The birth was going to be rough, and she was already almost wasted away to nothing.

She wasn't going to make it.

"Can you save the child?" The doctor sighed in his mind. The man didn't care about his so called 'niece'. Probably didn't really care about the child either.

"We…we don't know. The child is early. It might be too small." With that, the doctor walked back to the table.

During that entire conversation, people had been yelling, calling for various medicines. Help.

Fifteen minutes later, the child was being cleaned. It hadn't cried. Not once.

The nurse looked down at the pitiful thing in her arms, even as she watched the heart monitor hooked up to the girl on the table. The beeping was slowing.

The babe in her arms was pale, a light down of blonde hair capping his head.

She tried once again to start his heart.

A shuddering breath and a tiny cry was all she needed to burst out crying. The child would live.

"May I see him?" The nurse jumped, almost waking the boy. She nodded numbly, her mind screaming at her not to give the angel in her arms to the man.

She had no choice.

"Mr. Ukahara? I'm sorry but…your niece…she's dead." Two nurses were in the corner crying. It wasn't often they couldn't save a mother to be.

"I can see that." The doctor stumbled. He had nearly forgotten who he was dealing with.

The man bent his mouth to the sleeping babe's ears.

"You killed her. And I'll never let you forget it, little Roxas. Never." The babe woke then. And wailed. With his lungs so weak though, it was nothing compared to what it should have been.

The nurses bowed their heads. They hadn't heard what Ukahara had said to his 'nephew', But what they did know was far more important. A babe's first cry should be for its mother. Not for fear.

Not that the boy, as he grew up ever knew. Oh no. When Ukahara promises something, he never backs down. The boy was told that his mother had committed suicide after giving birth to him. He even had a letter to prove it. The boy grew up, knowing, just knowing, he had killed his mother. A girl of sixteen.

Axel's POV

Saturday…

I was dead. Morning had become something of dread for me in the past couple days. Roxas had stopped talking to us. He would go off with Seifer the minute the lunch bell rang.

And dear lord help me, it took all three of my friends to hold me down.

They didn't know about this morning. They hadn't heard Roxas' muffled screams or the whimpers I would hear later on. Through the damn wall.

Before I could get awake enough this morning though (Reno was gone thank the lord), someone was at my door.

I looked through the eyepiece (what do you call those things). I didn't want to deal with my friends right now.

No such luck as just shaking them off.

It was Cloud again. I sighed. If he was over here again…

"What Cloud?" I was trying to be civil. I really was. It just wasn't working…

"You hear them don't you?" That made me blush…I'm assuming almost as red as my hair. That's what Reno or Larxene would probably say anyway. Its not one of the most comfortable things talking about your neighbors like that.

"Uh…yeah…what about it?" Calm and reserved…calm and reserved…calm and reser…screw it! I wasn't and I knew it.

"Could you give this to Roxas?" He shoved a black bound book at me and started to walk off.

"Wait!" He stopped and looked over his shoulder at me.

"I was wondering…if you knew about him and Seifer why didn't you…you know?"

"Put a stop to it?" I nodded. "Because I couldn't save him, even if he would have let me." With that he walked away leaving me completely frozen.

Well then…I looked down at the book in my hands.

It turned out to be a journal. One of those older ones with the string wraparound.

There was a paper sticking out if it, which I pulled out and looked at. Impersonal that's me all the way.

It was a letter…to Roxas…I tried to tear my eyes away…it didn't work.

My dearest son,

I hope this will get to you long before that man has been able to tell you otherwise. If it isn't then maybe this can help right at least one of the wrongs he's done. I got sick right before you were born. And if you are reading this then I died of it, most likely during your birth. Make no mistake, I would never blame you, or anyone but that man for what has happened. He will tell you that you killed me. You didn't. You helped me live those last few months. Your…I can' t call him your father can I? No, Ukahara, brought me into his home when I was ten. I saw in him a father that I never had. When I turned fifteen, I saw through that even before he took me.

Dearest boy, know that no matter what you are my child, not his. Had I not been sick, I would have taken you away from him. Taken you away from that monster. You are mine, no matter who your father was. Never forget that.

There is one more thing. I don't know what Ukahara has named you, but know that the name I chose for you was Roxas. If he named you this then maybe he finally showed respect for a last wish. But know that that is your name, chosen by me.

I loved you the moment I knew I carried you. That love never wavered, no matter what he might have told you. I was young, but even so, had I lived know that I would never have turned you over. I would have kept you. Loved you. As I still do.

I don' t know how old you'll be by the time you read this, I just hope with all my heart it isn't too late.

I will love you forever,

Your Mother

I shook. I felt disgusted with myself. I had no right to read this. But the damage was done. I just had to make sure Roxas got it.

I knocked on the door. It was a good five minutes before the door opened a crack. I could see Roxas' dull blue eye peek out. It widened immediately and he started to close the door.

"Rox? Please?" I gently placed my hand on the door. It stopped…that shouldn't have happened. Even a little kid can stall the door and offer a little bit of resistance. No such thing here.

"What Axel?" His voice was dry. Weak.

"Cloud wanted me to give this to you, please come out." He looked over his shoulder. I thought he'd try to call Seifer…no no and no! Look at what that bastard did to him! No one in their right mind would call that person to help…then again…I could see from here Roxas wasn't exactly right in the head…

He came out, quietly closing the door behind him.

He was covered in bruises. Anywhere the scrap of a shirt he was wearing and the loose pajama bottoms didn't cover…he was a mess. And yet…only one bruise was on his face. That one I had seen the other day.

I looked down at his neck.

That rope burn, though a bit duller, was still there as well.

I gulped, trying to suppress the rage that was building up.

"I left it in my apartment. Come on." I wanted him to read that letter where I knew he'd be safe.

He shot another look at his door before nodding and following.

I let us in and sat down on the couch, motioning for him to sit as well. He did and looked at me.

"Cloud said there was a letter in there for you as well. I…I think it would be best if you read it here…" I handed him the journal. The paper slipped out onto his lap.

The journal dropped and I watched the emotions fly over his face as he read.

The last one, as his hands went numb and the letter dropped, tore my heart. Not in half. Not in thirds, not even in fourths. It shredded it.

I don't even know what you call it.

He didn't cry. No. It was way beyond crying. Even a dolt like me could tell that. I gathered him into my arms and carried him to my room.

I managed to get across my room to my bed, sitting down with him in my lap.

I never even heard the tears when they came.

From me and from him.

I guess there is nothing too far removed for tears...

Disclaimer: me own nothing, and frankyl that's perfectly fine with me! Knowing other people know these characters is freakin awesome since i get to mess around with their stories lives and personalities as long as i don't claim to own them! (yes that was me trying to find the good in not owning anything...it didn't really work...)

A/N: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME SEIFER HATERS!! I swear there will be seifer harm in the chapter after the next if not the next one! Please don't harm me! I've been wanting to write more about Roxy's mother for a while...just didn't know how to put it in there! I don' tthink i did any good at it but...heh it's there...anyway please review even if its death threats towards me for not putting in any seifer harm! Thanx!