Disclaimer: I don't own Sesshomaru. I wish I could adopt him though.
Summary: [AU After Kagome loses her cat Buyo, she searches for a new pet to replace him. She soon finds and adopts a free dog in the Adopt A Dog services, not realizing the trouble he will cause. Now a full story series!
Adopt A Sesshomaru – Chapter 2
By Imperfectly-Yours
It was at least forty minutes until the gleaming haired so called 'dog' walked back into the house. Kagome, who was in still shock (not to mention there was a furry piece of brown hair hanging by his mouth) tried to pretend nothing was happening and everything was normal – the way it was supposed to be. This plan worked – until he began interacting with her, at which point she began screaming hysterically at every word he said. Eventually she calmed down, only when he started to complain and flexed his claws once or twice.
"You know, you can leave any time you'd like." She said to him suddenly, eye-balling the arrange of weapons he carried with him.
"In fact, I WANT you to leave okay? So um, any time you like, find your way to the door, and uh open it, and go find some squirrels, 'kay?" She added quickly, trying to point at the door, when actually she was pointing at a wall.
"And what if I don't wish to leave?" He replied, raising an eyebrow.
"You know? I had a feeling that was coming. Actually, you can stay. Stay for ever and ever and see if I care!" At this point she began laughing hysterically, and Sesshomaru walked a few steps back from her. "Actually, I'll do what any good pet owner would do: I'll research you! There's got to be some information on your uh, 'breed.'" She replied, almost running to the computer, not realizing that any other person would think she was PMS'ing because she was acting so strange.
Murdering her screensaver by moving the mouse, she instantly clicked on the internet, and then went to her favorites (she put on there knowing she would need it again.) Clicking on the search bar, she encountered her first problem – how was his blasted name spelled?
"Lets see, S-e-s-h-o-u-" She backspaced those letters, rolling her eyes. What kind of name was this?
"Okay, I'll do what I did in first grade – sound it out."
"S-e-s-h-o-m-a-r-u." She typed, this time feeling pretty confident. But when she pressed enter, there it was, in big black letters, No search results found. She cursed.
And so, she began trying many silly variations of the name including "Seshoumaruu," or "Sesshohmaroo" and even "Sehshowmahrooh." Every time, there was no results, and she could feel her temper rising.
"OF COURSE his name had to have a strange spelling and seem like it came from an ancient–civilization. Heck, just by looking at the names, he and Zaboomafoom could be brothers." She said, heatedly. Finally, she decided to just type in something she knew she would get search results for- "strange man appearing on door step in box." Instantly, she got a whole page of results, but realized none of them were relevant to what she needed.
Web Results
1. Harry Leichter's Jewish Humor Page 30
Gently, the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man. "Just have a taste. ... The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 gold ...
2. ABC - From Inside the Box - Zap2it 'Lost':
The Illustrated Man. By Rick Porter. February 21, 08:53 PM. In so much as we now appear to have put a cap on the Alcatraz arc on Lost, ...
3. The Pickwick Papers - CHAPTER XXXV:
'No, not all of you,' said the strange man emphatically. 'I've taken two places. If they try to squeeze six people into an infernal box that only holds four ...
4. Plastephobia! How and Where to treat it!:
Afraid boxes will turn up on your doorstep, and a duck will just pop out? …millions suffer from it…put an end to it! … (not as serious as you think) …
As she saw number four, she read it aloud to herself, mocking an overly enthusiastic voice. Yet, she still clicked on the link, suddenly curious. She had never heard of it before, and maybe it could help her. For all she knew, it could be 'the fear of blood-thirsty Sesshomaru's lurking in your closet.'
The page soon appeared. Scrolling down, after mounds of text, she found the description –
Plastephobia, or commonly known as Duckwatchinguphobia, is the fear that at anytime, any where, a duck could be watching you.
Kagome could not help but let out a giggle. Yet, at the same time, she found herself peering behind her shoulder. She felt a small paranoia that a duck, at any time, could pop its head through her ventilation system and scream in a very obnoxious voice "AFLAC!" She shrugged it off, and rolled her eyes. What in the world did this junk have to do with Sesshomaru? She exited out of the window, and continued her search. After an hour, she gave up. All she could find was a bunch of random information, including that the plastic tips on the end of shoelaces are called 'aglets,' and that beaver poo is called 'smack.' Though she found this very enlightening and life-altering, she had to give up. She was wasting time, and getting no where.
She then realized what she needed to do – she had to ask Sesshomaru herself. He should, out of anyone, know himself best. It was also at this point that Kagome realized she had gotten the monkey, but hadn't got the bananas.
She minimized the window, figuring she'd probably use it later. She then got up, and looked for Sesshomaru. Walking through the kitchen, she forgot that Sesshomaru wasn't a dog, but a human, and decided to yell for him, almost expecting him to run to her, wagging his fluffy boa like a tail behind him and barking enthusiastically.
(A/N: Ha ha. :P)
"Sesshy!" She called, whistling. "Here boy!"
She immediately heard a growl, and she then remembered he wasn't a dog – and his temper. But what really stood out in her mind was a description she had read earlier about him: "He will come when you call him, or come after you." She cringed.
Sesshomaru appeared from the hallway, glaring daggers at her.
"Heh, hi Sesshomaru, Master of all things Evilly Evilly Evil, Overlord of Pain, Founder of the Club I'm Going To Kill You." She said, attempting at flattery. Instead, he just looked at her as if she had a humongoid fly attacking her nose.
"Yeah, well anyways. Searching on the internet for things about you proved unsuccessful. Yet I did find out that beaver crap was called smack, which I hadn't known before…" She mumbled to herself.
"But, I need to know some things about you. So, tell me, uh, what exactly are you?" Kagome asked suddenly, looking at him with eagerness. He was, after all, a very odd looking man. He had long white hair, purple markings on his face, a strange cloth outfit that looked like something her Grandma would wear to bed, and a fluffy white boa which made her doubt his true identity of gender. All in all, he did look like a she, and luckily she remembered to bite her tongue and not to tell him.
"Well, maybe that was unfair of me. What I meant to ask was, you know, I guess just tell me about yourself." She corrected herself after Sesshomaru hadn't answered her in a many long seconds.
He gave her an odd look.
"As long as this doesn't turn into a 'therapy session.'" He gave her a suspicious look, and she let out a barely audible giggle.
"Well, just as you had mistaken me, so did these strange animal-obsessed people at a place called, I think, a 'kennel.' As soon as we arrived, for they had shoved me in the back of a truck, they realized I wasn't a dog. Yet, they decided to keep me, for whatever reason. Humans can be very strange, I've discovered. So, I stayed there. And the longer I stayed, so did my appetite. In fact, I have been relocated probably about a dozen times, only after one of the dogs has 'gone missing.'" Kagome could just picture it in her mind, the remains of poor Fluffy: his collar, and one paw…
"And your family?" She questioned, trying not to back away, realizing he was a 'dog murderer,' and humans were much larger in size, and, in some cases (thinking of her Uncle Satu) hairier.
"Probably suffering the same fate as I." He replied, and she thought she could see the small flicker of a smile.
"Oh, and what is that?" She asked, her words defensive.
"Stuck in a lowly apartment with a hysterical girl hell-bent on knowing 'what I am.'" He answered with a slight sneer on his face.
"Oh, really?" She asked, crossing her arms.
"Precisely."
"Well, you know, it's starting to get late, so this 'hysterical girl' is going to go take a shower, and then get a bite to eat. As I said, there's a bag of Kibbles N' Bits I know you've been eye balling, so help yourself." She said, walking away. She could feel his angry glare on the back of her neck, and she felt satisfaction that she had gotten him back.
About ten minutes later, Kagome was rinsing out her hair, and then turned off the water, at which point the shower knobs squeaked loudly as if screaming in agony.
In habit, she reached for the towel rack for a towel to dry herself off with. Instead of a nice, fluffy material, she felt air. Maybe she moved it over too far. She reached farther with her arm, but continued to grasp nothing but air. She stuck her head out of the curtains, knowing she did, for a fact hang up a towel and put a pair of clothes on the toilet for her to wear after she dried. But when she looked at the scene before her, she saw nothing. No towel. No clothes.
"Holy mackerel, I've been robbed of my under clothing!" She said suddenly, not completely sure what happened to them, or if she even remembered to bring them to the bathroom in the first place.
Then, she saw the door was opened a crack, when she knew for a fact she had closed it all the way.
"SESSHOMAROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She yelled loudly, rattling the glass door of her shower.
Miles away, people looked up to the sky, wondering who the heck Sesshomaru was.
The End
Bleh. I know, that was pretty bad. It lacked any sort of visible humor. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I dunno. I mean, a lot of it was inside jokes with my friend, which I realized probably isn't the best to include in a story that people who don't know the inside jokes are going to read. There was its funny moment's I'll admit, but not AS funny as the first one. Bleh. I'm rambling and ranting.
Just to let you know, for the search part when Kagome is on the internet, I actually did search that and paste the results, lol. But I made up the fourth result, which is an ACTUAL phobia. Though I couldn't find it on Google (I probably misspelled it) but I know for a fact that it is real. And I know, Sesshomaru stealing her clothes is very out of character, but heck, I've been twisting the facts of the show enough for comedy-sake, so just…deal with it : )
So, don't be discouraged! Chapter 3, 4, and 5 are going to be hilarious. I swear it. So alert it and I promise you'll be cracking up by the end of this week!