Disclaimer: I don't own Sesshomaru. I wish I could adopt him though.
Summary: [AU After Kagome loses her cat Buyo, she searches for a new pet to replace him. She soon finds and adopts a free dog in the Adopt A Dog services, not realizing the trouble he will cause. Now a full story series!
Adopt A Sesshomaru – Chapter 5
By Imperfectly-Yours
As soon as the sun cast a paranoid eye over the land, Kagome woke.
Actually, it was more like two o'clock in the afternoon (she had overslept, again), but it was a pretty good description, eh?
She laid in bed for a while, eyeballing a small dot on the ceiling, trying to figure out what the heck it was. But, after stretching, and yawning, and stretching, and yawning some more, she decided it would be best to get up now, while the day (and she) was still young.
Stretching her arms, Kagome walked to the bathroom, a million cracks and pops could be heard from her ankles and knees. She remembered when she was little and woke up really early to watch T.V. and her knees would crack loudly as she stalked to the living room, making her frustrated because her mother had the ears of an old paranoid agoraphobic lady, and would get up and tell her to go back to bed. Just thinking about it made Kagome flush with anger. She truly hated her bone joints.
Reaching the bathroom and closing the door behind her, she took a few steps forward when she felt something very slippery and wet under her foot. Grabbing the towel rack to avoid falling, she managed to barely save herself, looking ridiculously like an ice skater that was frozen doing a triple axle. Pulling her self up with much effort, she observed the scene before her with narrow eyes.
There were many large puddles of water scattered near the doorway, sink, and toilet. There she saw that both the seat cover and seat had been pulled open. Kagome rolled her eyes, realizing her bathroom had fallen victim to nasty male habits, one of which is they don't put down the toilet seat after going to the bathroom. But if that was the case, what was all this water from? And how come she saw small white hairs in the water, as if Sesshomaru had actually put his face in the puddles?
It was also at this point Kagome realized that the water she had almost fallen face first into was from the toilet. She let out a loud shriek and began to jump around frantically, as if it wasn't water on her she was trying to wipe off, but a million tiny evil spiders with evil fangs biting and crawling on her body…evilly. She had a thing about germs, and if someone wanted to find the breeding ground for tons of germs, the inside of a toilet bowl was germ heaven and probably, in germ world, an underage unsupervised party.
Eventually, she calmed down, and grabbing a towel from the rack threw it on the floor to dry it. Walking over to the toilet, she used a delicate finger and shut it, shivering as if doused with a large batch of cooties. Then, washing her hands off at least a hundred times, she finally exited the bathroom, this time watching for dangerous invisible pools of water she might slip across on the floor.
The house was silent.
Almost too silent.
"Don't think that, Kagome. Whenever someone says that in horror movies, they usually are the ones who end up dying a horrible, tragic death." She reprimanded herself, walking around the various rooms in her apartment. But one thing did stick in her mind.
Sesshomaru was no where in sight.
Kagome frowned. She hated not knowing where he was, especially when she had just woken up and was already a little jumpy. Walking silently, she peered into dark corners and spaces she figured he was probably lurking in, muttering quietly to himself plans of ultimate world domination. Soon, after she had looked about the house in a paranoid way, she reached her couch and plopped down on it. He simply, was not here.
It still worried her that he could pop out at any moment, any where. She much felt like she had Plastephobia, except, in this case, would it be UnknownlocationofSesshomaruphobia? She shivered. And yet, the thought that Sesshomaru, at any time, could pop out of her ventilation system instead of a duck and scream "AFLAC!" was enough to put a smile on her face.
And that's when she heard it.
It was almost too low to hear, like the whispers of a confidential conversation in an upstairs room she was eavesdropping. But, it could be heard, and it seemed to be coming from her room.
Cautiously, she stepped into her doorway, hearing it louder than before. It seemed nothing more than an innocent growl, much like a puppy would make if he picked a fight with a kitten. Well, then it wouldn't be an innocent growl, because that was one mean puppy.
She shook her head, swatting away the conflict inside it. She had to figure out where the growl was coming from. Silently, she crept to the middle of her room, failing to notice that her underwear and sock drawer was completely askew, and many of its contents were on the ground, or barely hanging like fabric people holding on for their life. It was at this moment she heard another soft growl, and she turned around suddenly. It was coming from the closet.
She walked cautiously over to the door, surprised at her good stealth and coordination. She decided she wanted to be a spy. Then she crossed that out and wanted to be a super hero. If she was thinking the impossible, it was okay to dream.
Her mind raced, her heart thudded like an iron fist in her chest. Blood filled her hands as she reached for the handle of her closet, not sure if she was going face to face with Sesshomaru or something of equal evil caliber.
Closing her eyes for a moment, she opened the closet door quickly.
She almost screamed. She almost fainted. She almost peed on the carpet. She almost did a lot of things, but that did not change the scene that was before her.
THE END. CLIFFHANGER!!!!
(Just kidding, just kidding. Jeez, step away with the meat hacker, please!)
Oh, she had found Sesshomaru, alright.
But found him, sitting on her closet floor, with a mess of scraps and the remainders of what seemed to be underwear, scattered around him. And, in his mouth, was Kagome's favorite pair of pink underwear. Yes folks, in his mouth. He barred his teeth as he growled once more, shaking his head violently, and tearing her poor underwear to shreds.
Kagome attempted to say something, but could not. In any other situation she would be furious about her underwear being ruined, but not this time. She was too shocked to even do anything but stand there, digging her toe into the carpet uncomfortably.
Finally, Sesshomaru looked up at her, letting the remainder of the underwear drop to the ground. It was as if he had finally noticed she was there, but instead of standing up, apologizing for his insanity, and leaving promptly, he said nothing. And then he did something else that almost made Kagome recoil in fear for her own life: he began to crawl out of the closet on all fours. Kagome watched him much as she watched armadillos mating on the Animal Planet: disgusted, revolted, and somewhat fascinated.
As she saw him exiting her room, on all fours (or threes in this case) she noticed he had tied his boa around his waist, so that the long piece fell down, much like a makeshift tail.
Well, you have a dog now. She thought, numbness prying into her mind. A dog that eat's your panties.
When he disappeared, she closed the closet door as if it was a coffin top, probably never to open it again. She numbly moved to her bed, her eyes still bulging as if she had just seen her parents…never mind. She breathed deeply, almost gasping, like a fish out of water. She could feel a part of her shatter and break inside her. Her innocence. It was as if she had seen something so shocking, that it had completely disrupted her inside, sending her over the edge of despair and agony, never to feel a single emotion again…
She realized she was being a little too dramatic, and snapped out of it. She was going to walk out and demand explanation from Sesshomaru. After all, those were her favorite pair of panties, destroyed by his mouth of death, and now lay in little pieces on her closet floor. It was as if she had a corpse now on her hands, but did not feel like going to the pantry and grabbing the vacuum to confiscate the body.
Instead, she began to walk out of her room, looking high and low (mostly low, now that he was reduced to crawling) as she made her way down the hallway.
Soon, she was at the door way of the bathroom. Peeking around her head around the corner, she could only gasp as she watched him, hands in front, dip his head into the toilet and take large gulps of water from the toilet repeatedly.
Kagome removed her head from the doorway, sinking to her knees. That is what the water on the floor was from, the water she had almost tripped on? Kagome sat, silent, relapsing into her shocked state as before. Soon, the sounds of splashing water stopped, and she watched Sesshomaru with a careful eye, crawl out of the bathroom.
Long after he was gone, Kagome continued to sit there. It was almost too much to bear. First the underwear, and now this? Kagome shuddered. She decided: there was only one thing left to do. Move out of the country, change her name, never talk to her family again, and most importantly, buy a new pair of shoes. Why that was so important; she did not know.
Orrr she could just forget about it and take another nap. His actions definitely addled her brain.
-5 hours later-
Kagome stretched. She had gone through with the nap plan, taking a nice long nap on the couch. But, she didn't know why she had been awakened. Perhaps it was because Sesshomaru was making a ton of noise prancing around the living room with a blue rubber ball in his mouth. Kagome looked at him for a long moment, then turned her back to him, and tried not to think about what she had seen.
So there she was, laying there, completely unable to do anything. She soon eyeballed the remote on the coffee table. Reaching it pathetically, she managed to grasp it between her pinky and her thumb, which probably made everything much more difficult than it should.
She turned on the T.V., a deep voice ringing out.
"We must find the ultimate weapon." It said, pausing for a moment, before continuing. "D.U.C.K." It, a man, finished.
"D.U.C.K.? What does that spell?" Another man asked, his face utterly perplexed.
"Duck." The other man said, obviously not paying attention to his stupidity.
"And what does it stand for?" He asked, now looking serious. The acting of this movie was terrible. Which didn't come as much of a surprise, as it had Keanu Reeves in it.
"D for death, U for ultimate destruction, C for chaos, and K for Koala, because they are cute and furry and I like 'em." The man with the deep voice replied, his face remaining serious as he listed the meanings. Instantly, Kagome burst out laughing.
"And where do we find this?" The smaller man said, obviously his accomplice.
"Well, I always like a little bit of adventure. So we'll be venturing to the vast empire of WalMart, where we'll buy it for a discount price." He replied, reloading his gun with a click.
She clutched her stomach and roared with laughter, before turning off the T.V. with the remote.
She desperately wanted to watch the rest of the stupid movie, because in the description it said there were Kung-Foo monkeys, bombing flying squirrels, and something about the PowerPuff Girls. But, it was already eight, and her stomach growled with hunger. She hadn't had dinner yet.
She walked to the kitchen, deciding to have some leftover sushi in the fridge. Grabbing it off of its shelf, she put it on the kitchen table, and didn't bother to get chop-sticks, instead greedily pushing it into her mouth with her fingers. "That's very unlady-like," she could almost hear her mother scold in her mind.
After eating a few rolls, she sat, content with the deliciousness of her meal. She realized she hadn't seen Sesshomaru in quite awhile, the last time being when he was prancing around the living room, having an enjoyable time with a rubber ball she was sure was under the couch since God-knows-when. She shook her head, almost annoyed. He really was acting like a dog. For heaven's sake, he was drinking out of the toilet! Perhaps he was just punishing her for being rude the other day. Or maybe he just finally snapped.
Kagome sighed and looked out her window. The moon was full and round like a porcelain face hovering in the sky. It was beautiful. And Kagome almost got up to get her camera to take a picture to put on MySpace. She decided against it, knowing it would ruin the moment, as MySpace does to many.
Using her fingers, she grabbed another roll and dipped it in her Soy Sauce, preparing to shove it in her mouth. But, midair, she heard a loud HOWL and she jumped nearly ten feet in the air, dropping her roll and watching it spin into an assortment of kitchen floor creatures under the table.
She stood up, and looked out her window, wondering where the heck the noise was coming from.
She heard it again, and realized it was a loud, long, howl, like a lone wolf would make, or a stray dog. Kagome opened her screen door to investigate. After the second howl, many dogs were beginning to join in, and many people were screaming "SHUT UP," or "YOU MANGY MUTT!" Kagome felt a pang of humiliation. She had a slight feeling she knew who had caused all this racket, after all, the howl was coming from her back lot…
She raced outside, not letting her eyes adjust to the darkness, consequently tripping on a few tree roots, her bicycle, and running into the shed she had no real use for. She was past humiliation. She was furious.
Kagome stormed about, wanting to find Sesshomaru. But the little trickster was clever, and instead of howling to reveal himself, remained quiet and still, completely unnoticed up in the tree by Kagome.
Burning with anger, Kagome let out a howl of her own, and returned to the house. Throwing away the rest of her dinner, no longer hungry, she went to her bed and tried to fall asleep, her body still pulsating with fury. But soon, she no longer felt angry, but tired. It had been an awful, shocking day, and she deserved a good rest (because sleep in till two and taking a four hour nap did nothing to solve her lethargy). Finally after many minutes of constant peeking out her window, trying to find the traitor, she decided to give it a rest, and gently drifted off to sleep…
It seemed only a minute later Kagome was woken up by another loud, deep howl. Half disoriented and the other half completely furious, she yelled his name with such hate even dust bunnies began to inch along her bedroom floor in fear. Kagome, who sat breathing deeply on her bed, got no other replies but the hateful cursing of her neighbors.
She lay back down, her breathing steadied. She was probably just dreaming.
Yet, as she laid there in the silence, she thought she could hear the soft snickering of someone outside her window…
The End
I think this is my favorite chapter, by far. I don't know what's funnier, the actions of Sesshomaru, or the movie on T.V. My friend and I made it up on the way to the movies today, and I HAD to put it in. I find it absolutely hilarious, because I have a thing about ducks and flying squirrels. Noticed yet?
Anyways, credit to the brilliant Lilith-Dono for suggesting the whole Sesshomaru-eats-panties thing. Without the amazingly hilarious idea, I would have had no clue what to do with this chapter. Thanks again! Oh, and sorry for the Keanu Reeves bashing I included. I personally think he is a terrible actor, even though I must give him credit for passing my skill in the field…I hope you don't find it too offending (crazy fans these days!).
Unfortunately I have a bit of bad news. I will be gone for two weeks on Monday for vacation. That means the chances of me adding chapter six are very slim. If I can, I promise I will. If not, I look forward to reading your reviews in two weeks, and I hope you have enjoyed the story so far!
Thanks for all the feedback! I hope you continue to make my day!