One shot for my dear RuxandraHohenheim! I love you! I hope that you like the one shot.. It is shorter that I originally planned... well.. It is nothing like what I have originally planned... *giggles nervously* In fact I kept on thinking how to write, and when I decided and started to write, it turned out completely not like I have planned... but I really tried my best! Hope you like it!
Disclaimer: D. Grey - Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino. I don't own any of its characters, nor I ever will. Though I do own the story.
Alma Karma… It took me long to understand, that if he wasn't there, I would have gone mad. He was keeping me sane. He became my friend without me noticing it. When I realized that, I didn't care about the Order or the battles anymore. Anger and resentment… I was ready to swallow it all down, as long as I'm with him… But when I found him, he was standing in a pool of blood… He said that he is happy to see me, but he tried to kill me, saying that we have no one left to protect… But, we all want to save the world, right? He probably only wanted to protect the person he loved. And hearing how he says that he… we have no one left to protect… that was not right.
He wanted to kill me… He really tried to kill me. I don't blame him. It was not his fault. The truth was too painful and it is hard to push the hatred aside. To forget it… He was not strong enough for that. But he was strong enough to keep me sane. I don't know what would've happened to me if I were alone… But… This memories I have… this feeling I feel… I want to feel them again. To find someone who can give me that. Though I doubt I can ever trust another person, yet call them a friend in my life. But there is one thing I know for sure.
I want to live… To love… Even if it meant killing, even if it meant destroying the one and only dear friend I had…
And I killed him…
I am so selfish…
It has been a week already, a week since I killed Alma. Today they said that I will be moved into the main branch of the Order. That they trust me now, that I helped them to get rid of Alma, that I will be an exorcist from now on and not a simple test subject. They even gave me last name. Kanda. I am glad to be considered as something more than a simple project, somehow I feel alive now. I will be able to get out of this cage. I will be able to see the world, I will be able to know the world, I will be able to feel freedom at some extent. I long for it more than anything in this world. I want to be free.
But being an exorcist means fighting… But what am I going to fight for?
Do I really want to save the world? What will I be really fighting for? I don't have anything to fight for and I am alone now. I hope to find someone to keep me sane in the main branch…
Black Order's main headquarters… The main headquarters of the organization that is created for the sole fighting against the evil and defeating it. Though not many know how tainted it is in the inside. Maybe more than the evil that it is fighting against. But I better keep my mouth shut. Don't want to be disposed of. Now I am an exorcist.
The building was… huge for the lack of a better word. There were so many rooms there, some of them not even used. During the first week I got lost more than once. That was funny in fact. But that time was somewhat different. I got lost yet again and stumbled into what turned out to be library. I wasn't surprised that there was a library, but I sure didn't expect it to be this big… I bet there was every book ever written in this world. Some maybe were the only one. But it was not what caught my attention the most in the library.
It was a girl. A little girl that was slightly younger than me. She had long dark green hair and violet eyes. If I was a poet I might say that her hair was like the green waves of the stormy sea and her eyes were precious amethysts… But alas I am not a poet. But still, I admit that she was really beautiful… and innocent. What a girl like that was doing in this fucked up Order I didn't know, but I was going to find it out for sure.
And I did. She was like me in some way. She told me that was taken away from her family when it was found out that she can synchronize with an Innocence called 'Dark Boots'. She tried to run away several times, and when she understood that it wasn't possible, she tried to commit a suicide. I couldn't believe it when she said. How much pain must have they caused her for her to even think about it. I was going to say what I think but she was still speaking… She said that it was then, and now, that her brother came, and as it turned out he was the supervisor of the main branch, she was let free, and considered the Order her home.
I couldn't help but be fascinated by her. I had to give credit to her brother too for managing to climb so high in the Order just to be with his sister, but her…. She was something else. If there are angels in the Earth, I could have sworn that she was one. So innocent, so pure, so caring and so forgiving… I wouldn't be surprised if she suddenly grew wings in front of me. I hugged her… Telling her that I will be her friend and protect her with everything that I have.
And she smiled.
God, I loved her smile. If I thought before that she was beautiful now I saw that she was… divine. She hugged me back, and thanked me… Kissing my cheek. God, I could have sworn that I was going to lose consciousness right then and there. But gratefully I didn't…. That would have been embarrassing.
At least I know now what I will be fighting for. I will be fighting for her. To protect her and everything that she loves. Even if it is this damned Order. I will protect her with my life, I will protect her home. I don't care about anything as long as I can see her smile.
And I fought… I fought for her.
Every time I was sent on a mission I would come back successfully completing the mission. Many were surprised as to how a ten year old can destroy so many Akuma and get out of the fight without any scratch. It was funny seeing their faces when I came back bringing new innocence with me.
But that was not what I was longing for. The only thing I longed for, was to her voice calling my name, to see her running towards me, for her to hug me and smile at me and say:
"Welcome home, Kanda."
And I smiled in return. Only for her… She became so close to me in such short period of time. I was doing anything to go with her whenever she was sent on a mission, it is not that I didn't trust her… I just didn't trust the world. I think I can be understood too… I learnt it the hard way that life isn't always what it seemed. But if she was happy in that lie, I would protect even that for her.
I really cared for her… There is only one feeling I can compare what I have been feeling for her… The longing, the happiness… everything… It was so much like the feelings I got in my dreams… When I saw that woman.
I lived to find her again, but now… Now I didn't think I wanted it. Now I had Lenalee by my side… This feeling were more real, and I hoped, that I can let go of the past completely. And live with the present day.
Yesterday is a history, and there is nothing we can change even if we wanted to. Living in the past will only bring us pain. Learning to let go of the past and have no regrets… That is what I learnt with Lenalee. Also that living in the future is wrong too, as tomorrow… It is mystery... We will find out about it only when the time comes, and while living in the future, we will forget today… The day that is ours… That is a gift we have. A present…
I decided to live in present… With her… In a place where I was happy. Not caring about my past, nor about the future. I will create the future with my hands, and will treasure every day that I was given.
But…
Did she feel the same for me?
Was I only a friend for her?
I hope not…
Even if I am just a little kid, though my mind tells me otherwise, I want her to love me like I love her…
I can't help on sighing when I am alone in my room and thinking about it. She is just a little girl… I doubt she even understands these feelings I have. It is so wrong, but at the same time it feels so right and so good that I can't stop it.
Maybe I should tell her… If she doesn't feel the same I can always tell that I meant it like a friends… And so I will not lose her…
Yes, I will tell her… But not now. She is on a mission and I need to go on a mission too. And she is too young. I will tell her when we both are older. I will tell her then.
The mission… It went wrong somehow… completely and utterly wrong. There were several level two akumas… I managed to kill them… The mission was completed, but it cost me a lot. I was taken to the nearby hospital… My wounds hurt… That level two Akuma must have done something to me. My wounds don't seem to heal as fast as they used to… They took me back to the Order, hoping that there they will be able to heal me. I don't remember anything after that. There was only one thought in my mind as I was losing my consciousness…
Lenalee…
I woke up today… It turns out that I was asleep for weeks… at least that is what I assumed from the date on the calendar that was hanging on the wall as I looked to the right… When I turned my head and looked to the left, my heart skipped a beat. She was sitting there. Sleeping with her head on my bed. My angel…
"Lenalee…"
I spoke her name gently… She stirred in her sleep and slowly raised her head. When her eyes met mine she smiled brightly and hugged me tight… I couldn't help but smile… And I hugged her back with the little strength that I had that time. I was so glad that was worried for me, though I hate the fact that I made her worry.
I was soon let out of the hospital… I was really glad for it. There was some talk with Komui and after that I was free..
The first thing I did was look for Lenalee… If there is something that this mission told me, was not to leave what I can do now for later. We are in the middle of the war and no one knows when we are going to die. It might be today or tomorrow. No one knows. And I don't want to die, regretting that I never told her about my feelings for her. I won't be able to rest peacefully if I did… Though I somehow doubt that I even have a soul… But it doesn't matter now. All I know is that I have this feelings and that they are real.. Nothing else matters to me. I will tell her everything today… as soon as I find her.
Finding her was not as hard as it may seem… she was in the library…
How interesting… The same place I met her the first time. I smiled to myself at the thought while heading to her. I called her name and she looked up. Seeing me she smiled brightly… God, did I tell that I love her smile? I sat beside her and we talked… She was really worried about me. She made me promise that I will never again make her worry like that…
And I promised… I promised that I will never make her worry, never make her cry as she was the most important person for me and because…
"…I love you Lenalee…"
Her eyes widened in shock as the words left my lips… God I was never so worried in my life… She understood what I meant perfectly by saying that. No matter what I say now, she knew what I exactly meant… I didn't mean to tell her like that, it just came out. It just came out… I am so stupid…
But then… then she hugged me close smiling. And when she said those words I could have died right there…
"I love you too, Yuu…"
She called me Yuu… I didn't mind it at all. If it is her. It felt so nice…
I didn't know what happened to me, but I kissed her right then and there. I, eleven year old brat was kissing a nine year old innocent girl. I felt so bad when I thought about it, but as she started kissing me back, I didn't give a damn anymore. All that mattered to me was her.
The Angel that I held in my arms…
The Angel that I was kissing right now…
The Angel that I swore to protect…
The Angel that gave me a reason to live…
The Angel that gave me hope…
The Angel that I love…
The Angel that is mine…
Well.. I really hope that you liked it... as well as everyone who bothered to read the story.. I am really grateful to you for reading! Reviews and PMs are welcomed! really... I am feeling really bad when I see that no one reviews *pouts* You can't imagine how much it hurts...
Anyway! Thank you for reading!
Love you all! Crystal Amethyst