Chapter 12- Listen to What I Don't Say

I woke up late the next morning feeling stiff and groggy. I hadn't slept well last night. I'd been too scared to sleep. I kept thinking about what had happened with the ghostly figure. Now, with the light in the room, everything felt normal, and last night felt like a dream. For some reason, when I really think about it, he wasn't frightening, I had only thought him to be. I admit, he had acted like a rapist, but his movements and his actions were gentle, especially when he had touched me, almost as if I were glass. I felt the longing in his voice when he uttered those words.

'You don't remember me do you?'

What did he mean? did he know me from before? Or was he just a pycho? What if I had just imagined it? Or even dreamed it? I grunted, Ugh, this was so confusing. Then the thought that had been on my mind all night evaded my thoughts. Was it Ren? There were three men in the castle as well as a number of butlers. But I had a feeling it was him because I knew neither Mr. Hugh or Mr. Thornton would ever have been as gentle as he was. The actions seemed so familiar, yet I knew I had never experianced anything like that from what I could remember. I might just ask him. My stomach filled with butterflies with the thought. Why was I so nervous when it was him? Was it because I thought I knew him, that he may know something about me, or because he was so beautiful? No, Mr. Hugh was beautiful, as well as Mr. Takemura and Mr. Thornton. With Ren it wasn't just a fleeting attraction, there was a feeling of something deeper. What the hell? didn't I just meet the guy. I buried my face into my pillow, just then I remember that if I was late for breakfast, I'd be at the mercy of Mrs. Sakura. I jump out of bed and make my way to the door, rushing down the hallways, up the stairs, through the large corridors. I let out a relieved breath to discover the corridor outside my room was vacant. A door suddenly appears in my vision, I'm about to slam into it and instead land against someone. I look up, apologizing at whoever I had bumped into. Amethyst eyes gaze intently into mine, his arms are raised as if to catch me. My heart rate quickens but I ignore it and smile at him.

'Good morning Ren.'

His eyes smoulder and turn sad, I almost wrap my arms around him. He drops his arms against the side of his body, 'Morning,' he murmers.

'Are you going for breakfast?' I ask, to keep up the conversation, it was the first time after he had told me his name that I was alone with him, unless he was with me last night. He nods to me, his eyes softening into something else I couldn't decipher. His hair fell over his eyes, hiding his features. Without thinking, I lift my hands to his face and carefully move his hair away to the side.

'That's better,' I say, smiling. Pulling my hands away. I had a sudden sense of deja vu. I realized what I've done and blush at my frankness. I look down when suddenly he pulls my hand and holds my body against his, hugging my body to his, his face buried in my neck, breathing down hot sighs. I gasp.

'Sorry, could you just stay like this for a second?' he asks, his voice is strained, as if he has a cold, but his forehead didn't feel hot when I moved his hair away. I feel my heart speed up. The corridor is eerily silent and I don't move. My heart feels weary and my mind blanks, I close my eyes and lean against him, breathing in his scent. He sighs, almost in relief. I know this feeling, it feel as if your flying, but at the same time falling, your on top of the world and standing in between time, you don't want this moment to end. There is a bright and blurred image in my mind, like a water painting, I can't make anything out. But there's brown and white... it's a stable... I think. And the white thing has a tail… a cow… no it's bigger… a horse. There is someone in front of me. The figure takes my hand and place it over it's heart, it beats with life, I look up at the figure again, I can't see his face, like when you look at the sun, you can't look directly at it.

'I love you too, Yuki.'

'Zero.'

He stiffens his arms around me, he pushes himself away, his eyes wide and confused, yet they shine.

'What did you say?'

I'm breathing hard, that had never happened to me before. Who was Zero? I pull away from him, my palms sweating and my forehead perspiring. His grip tightens. I let out a small cry, his eyes glaze and he lets me go. I run around him, into my room, I slam the door and lean against it, falling to the ground in a heap. I then start crying. Not because I was scared for what I had remembered, or because I was confused, it was because the happiness I had felt with just that memory made my heart break and tears come to my eyes, and all because of that boy, the boy who has said he loved me. I cried until there were no tears left. What happened to me? I thought to myself. I didn't know who that boy was, but what I did know without a doubt is that my entire being belonged to him.

I skip breakfast and lunch, only emergeing from my room after taking a shower and calming myself down. I decided to not ignore the vision, rather not let it make me lose my mind. If I was abandoned or left somewhere with nothing with me except the clothes on my back and the neclace, atleast I know that I was once loved so much that the memory of it had me crying. I would wait for Mr. Takemura to come back and ask him my questions. If I started thinking about it now, the only thing I would accomplish would be getting a migraine. I headed straight for the kitchen. None of the cooks paid much attention to me, they were preparing tea for everyone. I grabbed an apple and went to the library so I could be alone. I didn't want to see Ren. I was scared for my feelings. I was scared of the way my heart reacted when I was with him. It was painful, more like an ache. But I didn't hate it. It felt real and it made me happy. Was I turning into a sadist? I shook my head to rid myself of the thought, blushing a little. I open the door and made my way to the usual shelf.

After emersing myself in my usual spot behind all the shelves for about an hour, I heard the door creak open slightly. I got up and made my way to see who it was. The thought of it being Ren made my heart thump like a drum. I got to the entrance to find Mr. Thornton there. There was something antique about the library that made it look ancient and dirty. Mr. Thornton contrasted with the library like a sore-thumb. While he was dressed rich and poshly, the library was dry and old and dusty. All these things made me love it even more since it's the last place Mrs. Sakura would enter.

'Good afternoon Yuki,' he says kindly yet awkwardly. He too felt uncomfortable in a place that did not show his material worth.

I smile at him, as a way to calm him down. 'Good afternoon Mr. Thornton. Is there something you need?'

'Um, no. Actually, yes. Um,' I see a dull hue rising from his neck and from his ears. Why is he blushing?

'Are you feeling alright?' I asked, concerned. He shook his head.

'Yes yes, I'm quite alright. I needed to talk to you.'

Yesterdays conversation comes to my mind. I had completely forgotten about that. I blush at my mistake.

'I'm sorry I forgot about what you said yesterday. I had alot of things on my mind.'

He nods. Then he turns quiet for a second, I wait for him to speak since he seemed to be struggling. Mrs. Sakura had been right when she had said he was good-looking. If he wouldn't be so self-centered and arrogant all the time, I would have noticed this befopre.

'Can we go for a walk?'

I stare at him blankly. It's the first time someone had asked me that. Usually Mrs. Sakura's guest didn't want to rid themselves of her, like lovesick puppies. I lick my lips in contemplation and nod my head.

'Let me just get my things.'

He nods, 'I'll meet you at the door.'

I make my way to my room. Since the weather is cool and the sun shines brightly I only take a large white hat with me. I'm wearing a pink cap-sleeved summer dress and white ballet flats. I find Mr. Thornton at the door and we go outside. He's quiet as we walk and I don't break it. It's midday so the sun's glare isn't that repundant. We walk through the path to the back of the house. There is a big pond at the back that extends from the manor and around the land in a large rectangle. We follow the footpath that leads us away from the castle and we walk beside the water, our forms hidden under the weeping willow trees. The birds chirping and the sway of the water calms me and I have an urge to lie on the grass and sleep.

'Have you ever thought about marriage Yuki?'

I had almost forgotten he was here. I turn to him, speculating his features to see if he was making fun of me. He wasn't.

'I have just begun living my life again. It's been a year since Mr. Takemura took me in. I didn't have time to think of marriage much Mr. Thornton.'

'Please, call me John.'

'John,' I nod at him to tell him I would.

We were quiet a distance away from the castle. Though it looked like an abandoned one, it was beautiful with tall towers and an elaborate victorian style. I heard the sound of a goose-cry.

'I was wondering if you would do me the honour?'

I turn to him, he had stopped walking and I turn to look at him. He stares into my eyes and I blush at his intense gaze.

'W- what do you mean?'

'I know you don't have much and that you cannot do without the Takemura name on your back but I want you to consider my offer of marriage.'

I suck in my breath in surprise.

'B-but you don't even like me.'

He shrugs his shoulders, a bored look on his face. I wanted to slap him. 'I could, in time.'

I start taking deep breaths in and out, to calm myself. He wanted to marry me. Ren suddenly comes to my mind and my stomach dips, my heart clenches.

'Uh.' I clench my eyes shut.

'Are you alright,' he asks, concerned.

'I'm fine. And I need to ask Mr. Takemura and Mrs. Sakura.'

Since they own me, I think to myself but don't say it outloud.

He nods. I stare at him, what would my life be with someone like him. Though I didn't love him, I would be able to leave this place. Leave everything behind. I would be able to travel the world. I might be able to find out what had happened to me.

'Give me time to think about it.'

He looks at me, hopeful. He smiles and begin to think that I really would consider it. Another reason given for the migraine in my head to increase.

(A/N) oooooooooohhhhhh, wonder how Zero's gonna react. I BET I KNOW. MUAHAHAHAHAHA *is shot

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