Chapter 13- Locked Inside Your Heart-Shaped Box

John had left me beside the pond, telling me to think about his proposal.

'I do like you Yuki,' he had said before leaving, 'I'd like to make you happy.'

I didn't know how much of that I could believe. I had never noticed his interest in me. Maybe he thinks that I'll be like Mrs. Sakura; elegant, flirty, mischivous, good in bed. If so, he had another thing coming, I could never be like her. I walk through the length of the large body of water and without a second thought, enter the forest that surrounded the castle. Walking through the trees calmed my nerves and, for the moment, I stopped thinking about John. I often come here to think, I had explored this place enough to know where everything was since I wasn't allowed outside the castle. I walk through the path that led to the stream. I stumble, but catch myself in time so as to not get my clothes dirty. I hear the chirping of the birds and the rays of sunlight that fight to get through the expanse of trees. I follow the sound of trickling water until I get to the stream, I walk to the bridge and sit down in the middle, my legs dangling my arms laid across the rail. I lay my chin on my arm and stare at the scenery. This was the only place where I could forget everything about myself. It was like I didn't matter, that if I just closed my eyes and fell limp, life would lead me where I was supposed to be. I hear a twig snap and my head turns to the sound, my heart jumping. It was Ren. I don't move, though my legs stop swinging. I stare at him, making him to be an apparition. I remember what had happened when we had met this morning. I was rude to him when he had asked me if I was alright. A guilty feeling filled me and I swallowed the knot that had formed in my throat. He stares at me for a second then takes a step forward, when I don't move, he takes another, then another. He comes and sits down beside me, I stare at him as he looks at the stream, his eyes downcast.

'What's wrong?' I ask, not because I wanted to know why he was here, but because he looked so sad and lonely.

He shakes his head and turns away. I look back to the stream. There's a comfortable silence in the air. A strange emotion grows inside me and I start to feel giddy and light. I felt for a second that I could trust this familiar starnger sitting beside me with my life.

'I can't remember anything from what happened in my life prior to a year. I've lived with Mrs. Sakura since I came, Mr. Takumi saved me. He told me when I woke up that he found me in the forest, bleeding to death. He took care of me. I owe my life to him,' I clench and unclench my hands. I look to him, he's looking towards the stream, his eyes are staring straight and they're hard, he's furrowing his eyebrows. I keep talking, 'He doesn't stay home much but when he does he's always nice to me, I do miss him sometimes, but other times I'm glad he's gone.'

The last part came out in a whisper and Ren turns to me, his eyebrows still furrowed yet his gaze softens as he looks at me.

'Why?'

I shrug non-chalantly, 'I'm scared of him.'

I had never told anybody that, not even Mary. Everybody respected and looked up to him, I felt if I didn't at least put up on a façade, that everybody would hate me and turn me out of the house. So I would smile and welcome Mr. Takumi whenever he came back. He knew I was scared of him, so he didn't come to me unless he needed blood. He had never touched me as he did Mrs. Sakura, though he had been close to a number of times.

As if reading my mind, he asks, 'Why are you telling me this?'

I stare into his eyes, they were so deep and beautiful. I saw red creep up from his neck and his ears. I smile, thinking I could make someone as beautiful as him blush. I reprimend myself, it was because he was cold.

'I trust you,' I answer truthfully.

He stares at me, not averting his eyes. At that moment I felt that there was only him and me in this world, that no one else mattered. I didn't care how selfish that sounded because I wanted to be with him. But why? Why did I want him? The emotions I felt of my heart clenching and my breath becoming ragged were similar to those in my vision and dreams. They were so strong and real, and they were for one boy, a boy named Zero. These thoughts and feelings were so frustrating and delicate that tears were brought to my eyes, his eyes turned panicked and he raised his hands and placed his palm against my cheek.

'What's wrong Yuki?'

I close my eyes and sighed, the pain diminishing completely, though the bitter-sweet ache in my heart stayed. My cheeks against his palm were warm and tingled. When he had said my name, I felt a surge go though my body. What was happening to me?

'Nothing. I'm sorry for making you listen to me complain,' I say softly, smiling at him and getting up on my feet. His hands fall limp on his lap. 'I'd better go before they think I've run away.'

I turn and walk back to the castle, not looking back.

That evening at dinner I sat on my usual spot at the end of the table. As the food was served, Mrs. Sakura stared to talk to Mr. Hugh and I sneaked a look at Ren. He was picking at his food without eating.

'Don't you like fish Ren?'

He looks up at me, a little shocked. I almost roll my eyes at him. I wasn't a mute, he didn't have to look so surprised if I was talking to him. I see him grip the fork in his hand harder.

'I do like it.'

'Then are you sick? Your not eating.'

He shakes his head. 'I just have a lot on my mind,' he says, his eyes intense against mine. I blush and nod understandingly. My eyes locked to his. I can't seem to look away, they were so beautiful. I only realized what I had been doing when John clears his throat. I realize I'd been holding my breath. I feel my face heat up and I look back down at my plate.

'Mrs. Sakura, I have asked for Yuki's hand in marriage.'

I feel myself stiffen in shock. The table suddenly grows eerily silent. The clatter of plates has stopped and so has the laughing and the talking. What did he just say?

'I would like to ask yours and Mr. Takemura's permission before that. I hope you will consider my proposal.'

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. I can't believe this is happening. I wouldn't care if it was only Mrs. Sakura and the two foreigners in the room along with the maids but all my anxiety came because of boy sitting in front of me. My face heated up and my head hurt, my insides felt heavy. I wanted to barf. I had told him that I would think about it and that I would talk to them myself, what is so hard for his miniature brain to understand. I finally look up, Ren's eyes are on mine, his eyebrows drawn together and a strange emotion fills his eyes. I can't explain it. He's hurt. I know that much, but why? Confused, I stare at him until his features change turn blank so quick that I almost believed I imagined his face contorted in pain. His jaw is clenched, his hands are made in fists and his hair convers his eyes. I look to Mrs. Sakura to see her smiling at John.

'Oh my, such good news. I give you two all of my blessings. Yuki will be very happy with you.'

Everything was happening in slow-motion, it took a few seconds to register what she had said. 'But I havn't given an answer yet,' I blurt out. I see Ren lift his face to look at me from the corner of my eye. Relief washes through me, though I can't be sure why. John, on the other hand, grits his teeth and turns to me, his eyes hard. Mrs. Sakura raises her eyebrows at me.

'I, uh, wanted to know what Mr. Takemura would say,' I said, in a hopeless attempt for an excuse. Mrs. Sakura smiles a sickening smile at me.

'I'll take care of that Yuki, you don't have to worry. We want the best for you after all.'

Liar. Her eyes dart to Ren. He's looking down, leaning back against his chair, his shoulders slumped, his features blank.

'Why don't you two consumate the engagement,' she says, her eyes are hard and mischievous, the smile plastered on her face.

'What do you mean?' asks John. She shrugs and leans back on her chair.

'Kiss her.'

I stiffen and see Ren whip his head to Mrs. Sakura, glaring at her so darkly I felt the room dim in the lighting. Her eyes widen and she gulps audibly, but suddenly pulls herself togetehr. I shake my head at her.

'I have not yet agreed to the engagement,' I say, my voice cracking. She was doing this on purpose because Ren was there. She had noticed how I acted when he was here. I was afraid I was going to have a heart attack. She smiles and winks at me.

'But I have given you my consent.'

I grit my teeth together, 'That doesn't matter.'

John turns to me and smiles. I gape at him, he can't be serious. He takes my for-arm and pulls me to him, I pull myself back and am about to get up when he pulls me to him again. I slap him across the face. The dining hall quietens again. I'm too angry to care, I get up, scraping my chair back and stand in front of John who has a shocked look on his face, his cheeks pink with the effects of my slap.

'I decline your offer. If you can't respect me I don't think I can ever love someone as dimwitted as you. '

I turn and leave the room. I hear someone call my name but it only makes me walk away faster.

I pace back and forth across my room, anger leaking to every limb of my body. I wanted to scream and rip someones head off especially that sorry-excuse-for-a-man John who I was kinda warming up to, and he had to screw it up by acting like an arrogant wart-hog. I hated the way he had acted, the way he had inconsiderately ignored my words and just asked Mrs. Sakura the way he did. It made me feel like a child who's decision had to be made for them. I land with a huff on my bed and reach for my pillow. I bring it to my face and scream into it for a good minute. That made me feel better though it left me with a sore throat. There's a knock on my door, I sigh out loud. I knew this was coming. As if I could ignore the inevitable. I suddenly regret making a scene the way I did in the dining hall.

'Yuki, may I come in?'

I groan. Speak of the devil. I get up and open the door enough so that there's not enough space for John to come in. He takes an awkward step forward thinking I would let him in, I stand my ground.

'Can I talk to you'

I stare at him, urging him on. Not saying anything, he should be grateful I didn't close the door on his face. He moves from his left foot to the right looking into my room.

'Talk,' I say, folding my arms over my chest. I was still angry at him and this innocent expression he showed me pissed me off even more.

'I was hoping I could come in.'

I wait for a few seconds, debating if it's a good idea inside my head. Finally, I sigh and let him in.

'Thank you,' he says, ducking inside. I leave the door slightly ajar and he goes and stands by the window. I sit down at the edge of my bed.

'I'm sorry for the way I acted.'

I nod my head, my anger dissipating a little, atleast he knew he was wrong and felt bad about it.

'It's alright.'

He looks at me. 'Will you still consider?'

I don't look at him, I'm too confused about my feelings right now. He would provide for me and I would live comfortably. But I didn't love him. What was love anyway? Why do I need it? An image of Ren comes to mind and I almost slap myself. What was that? I didn't love Ren did I? It was just my heart overreacting to a man. A man who was unlike any of the other men I had ever seen. So kind and mysterious and beautiful. I shake my head.

'Are you rejecting me?'

I look up at him, he looked angry and I realized I had answered no to his question.

'N-no not really.'

'What do you mean "not really",' he lets out a frustrated sigh.

I look down and start fiddling my fingers. I knew I would be able to leave this place and be able to find out more about myself but John was someone I couldn't picture myself with. I didn't love him I knew that and for some reason, the thought depressed me. I couldn't marry him. I didn't want to. I look up at him, straight to his eyes and tell him the truth.

'I'm declining your offer. I'm sorry John.'

It takes him a second to fully grasp what I had said and then his face contorts in anger.

'And why not?'

'I don't love you.'

He lets out a humourless laugh. 'Love? Stupid girl, I'm offering you more then that but you and your childish emotions have made you insensible.'

'I'm sorry,' I say quietly, letting him take out all his anger on me. I probably deserved it, but I couldn't deny that there was an entire weight lifted from my shoulders. And I was itching to breath a sigh of relief.

He strides to me, I look up at him and he kneels before me, taking both my hands in his.

'Please Yuki, I'll make you happy.'

I shake my head and pull my hands away, getting up. My instincts were telling me to leave him alone, to not be near him right now when he was emotionally unstable. 'I'm sorry John, I have given you my answer. You can leave now.'

'I'm not leaving until you agree to marry me.'

'John,' I say loudly, with as much authority as I could muster. 'I'm sorry, but I've given you my answer and I'm asking you to leave.'

Slowly, he gets up and I walk to the door and open it for him. He comes and stops in front of me. I don't look at him. He brings his hands up and grabs my hair from the back of my head. I gasp as he pulls it so my face is looking at his. He brings his mouth to mine and before I know what's happening, he's pulled from me. I let out a grunt as my hair is pulled half-way along with him. Ren's standing there with his hand on Johns which grips a handful of my hair. His eyes are on me as he prys Johns hands from my hair. I stare at him.

'Hey, What are you doing?'

I look to John who is about to fall over, but Ren has his hands on his arms, as soon as he lets go, John lands with a thud outside my room.

'Sorry, my hand acted on its own.'

'I'm going to-'

Ren pulls me to my room and locks the door behind him. I'm breathing hard and the events that just happened can't seem to arrange themselves in my head. What would have happened if Ren hadn't come, what if John had had his way with me. It's suddenly hard to catch my breath and I have a feeling I'm about to hyperventilate when I feel Ren take my face between his hands. I look at him, his face is in level with mine, inches away from my own. His eyes are intense in mine and I feel my heart skip a beat and it becomes harder to take a breath. Well he wasn't helping.

'Yuki, breath.'

I stare at him and try to follow what he says. I calm down a few minutes later. His eyes never leaving mine. I look down from his gaze and his hands hover awkwardly on my face then fall to his side. My face falls so as to hide my blush.

'I'm sorry you had to see that,' I say, my words coming out as a whisper.

'Why are you apologizing,' he asks, his fists clench on his sides, 'It was his fault. He's lucky I left him as I did.'

'What do you mean?'

He stares at me. He doesn't speak for so long that I thought he hadn't heard me.

'You should go to sleep?'

With that, he turns. A familiar emotion fills me and without thinking, my hand reaches out and grabs his sleeves. He stops and turns to me, surprised. My face heats and I let go of his sleeve.

'Uh, sorry. My mistake.'

I look down, trying to hide my blush. I had reached for his hands instinctively, as if it was the most natural thing to be alone with a man who was a stranger not a few days ago when you feel lonely. This was embarrassing. I see him reach for my hand. I look up to him, the blush still on my face, my heart accelerating to a new level. He holds it so delicately, that I begin to feel fragile, my insides feel light. He brings my hand to his face and kisses my knuckles. It takes everything I have to physically stop my knees from buckling. He stares at me, taking in my reaction. My heart beats so loud, I'm certain he hears it. Heat travels through my body, the place where he touches me are on fire. What's with this reaction? I've never felt anything like this before. I wanted more, I wanted him to kiss me, to hold me. I have to remind myself to breath. He moves my hand away from my face and then smiles. It took me a few seconds to realize that I was still alive and breathing, it felt like time had stopped. I felt light-headed and giddy. What's happening? Why am I feeling like this with just a smile? And towards Ren? I pull my hands away. He smile lowers and his eyes turn sad, pain fills me and I want his smile back.

'Don't be sorry,' he says in a small voice.

I swallow the knot that had formed in my throat. It didn't feel like this was happening to me, it felt like I was living in someone elses body. I look down and nod at him to tell him I understood, I couldn't bear to look at him right now. I hear his footsteps and the opening of my door.

'Goodnight Ren,' I say, so low I thought he hadn't heard me.

But after a second I hear him. 'Goodnight Yuki.'

(A/N) Okay is it just me or is this story kinda dragging? well ill finish it real quick, thats why im making the chapters longer :) lolies. Okay so I just decided to dedicate my entire story to "amethystblossoms's number1 fan" I swear I did a double-take when i read your name. THANKS SOOOO MUCH, i swear you made me sooo happy.